Monday, January 21, 2008

Defence is the best form of defence

I was thinking today...well more of giving the 'ol grey cells an airing you know in case they stop working due to disuse. And I realized that I need to give them more of an airing than the annual airing they get till now. Right now my thought processes need a really good wheelchair. Anyways I was thinking, that if I were to leave the Earth suddenly, like in an accident I would have no legacy to leave behind for the world, except some empty Pulpy Orange bottles, a few empty shampoo bottles, a computer and some dogs!

God: And young lady, what legacies have you left behind on Earth besides that squishy thing on the road?
Me: Well…ummm…err…wel l l l …lemme think...
God: life just sucks some days!

I realized with a sinking feeling that I am zilch in the legacy department. And then when I was thinking, a thought struck me. I did have a legacy…err well it’s a shared legacy between my second elder bro and me actually. It is the Legacy of the Most Corny Excuses of 2007!! These excuses come in handy when we are doing really important chores like blog hopping/gaming/chatting etc that do not give us time to look into minor chores that is entrusted to us by our Mom, when the maid is not around. Not a very impressive legacy I must admit, but what the heck, however minor and insignificant I do have a legacy to give to the world. You are at liberty to use them, but then we are not responsible for the consequences. I am barely alive to tell this tale and that’s cos my mom is bad in trouble shooting...trouble as in me and my bro and shooting as in shooting with a gun.

So here is my humble contribution to the world. A nice set of excuses that you can use when you run out of excuses.

When the rice gets overcooked: It is not overcooked. It’s become soft.

When milk boils over: It boiled too fast. There is something wrong with it.

When milk boils over and the rest gets burnt: There is something definitely wrong with this milk.

When milk boils over and the rest gets burnt and there is zero visibility in the house due to the thick fumes: I am right here ma to you!

When the Electricity Meter reader walks off after ringing the bell for over half an hour: You didn’t give him enough bakshish for Christmas!

When the Garbage van doesn’t pick up the garbage because we forgot to keep it at the gate: I think he hates his job.

When something we had to watch over gets burnt: I didn’t get the smell of burning or I would have turned the gas off!!!

When she has to wait for me to open the door: Why don’t you knock on my bedroom window like Dad? hmmph!

When she explains that wearing ear phones and blasting music is not exactly conducive to the passage of sound into the ears: Why don’t you throw a pebble at me like Dad??? hmmph!

New rule in the house: Only one us can use ear phones/head phones at a time so that one pair of ear is available for audio purposes like for example if there is a cylinder blast, we will not get up zombie like and put on the fan in full speed due to sudden rise in heat in the house. We have compromised. When bro wears head phones, I play music full blast on the speakers and vice versa.

When the gas cylinder guy walks off after banging the gate amidst all the dogs barking and neighbors howling: I think he was looking for an excuse to sell the cylinder in black!

When the postman walks off with the registered letter because no one answered the door for a very long time: I think he hates us because we use E-mail.

When you forget to feed the dog: I thought I will give him a break from food today.

Coming late when you have been expressly told to come home because a certain highly avoidable aundy or ungle was visiting. - This is creepy. Every time they visit, we have such huge traffic jams! brrr

When you get back with worm infested veggies from the vegetable shop: These caterpillars are damn good in camouflage I say!!!

And now to survive 2008...I better start thinking right away!


Anonymous said...

Good post.. very funny.......

mmm Fist person to comment !!!

quills said...

Hahaha! HE will be pleased. :)

BTW, your doggies tolerate a lot. ;)

meenakshi said...

"my mom is bad in trouble shooting...trouble as in me and my bro and shooting as in shooting with a gun" LOL

mathew said...

there are more..
FOr the fish curry that turned to fish fry..

"For my beloved people this exclusive smoked fish cooked with love..I dont make one of these for anyone..only because you are special!!"

I assure wont have trouble making them eat that.. ;-P

"These caterpillars are damn good in camouflage I say!!!
"lol!..thats too much.. ;-P

Sriganesh Murthi said...

cool legacy you're leaving behind.... you know, for milk boiling pretty fast, you can blame the gas also :-)

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

That ACTUALLY happened with me!
I almost burnt down a friend's apartment while in college from reading a book when i was cooking for our annual food stall.
I read, and I slept. Someone saw black smoke from the window, and called this guy. :)

neermathalam said...

It is high time that homes are smart...this are chores should be done by the the hell can a human being like you can afford to waste...hher valuable time..switching off the gas stove...OMG...Your mom expects too much...
But you are indeed giving more than she can imagine......
Change the brand of milk...too good...had a hearty laugh..thnks...:)

Deepti said...

ROFL ...

Karthik said...

All this reminds me of a Jughead joke in the Archie series of comic books. The neighbour of Jughead comes to his house and asks his mom "Mrs. Jones i heard you have a new TV in your living room". Then that room is shown with Jughead, his dad and his dog snoring peacefully with the TV in full blast. His mom tells her neighbour "Yeah..And this TV seems to be the only living thing in the room". :-)

Anonymous said...

Have tried a couple when I was living with my folks

"I think somebody's cross connecting and using our phone-lines" - when the bill hit a whopping 5K p.m

"It was a wrong number; was just trying to help her guess the right one" - when asked why I was having a long converstaion

silverine said...

Kamal: Thank you :)

Quills: They do!! :)

fundoome: :p

mathew: Awesome! Thanks for the first contribution to my list of 2008 :p

sriganesh: Hey thats an idea!! Thanks :)

TW: lol!! Same to same happens to me ALL the time!

neer: You are right! I am showing this comment to my Mom!!

Deepti: :)

karthik: hehe that was a good one. I remember someone in the house saying that some people in the house grow roots where they sit :p

mallu: Good ones!! :p Thanks for dropping by and your comments on the other posts too! :)

jj said...

the excuse that we came up with coz we were lazy to study for the recent exams.
"it sucks man, the whole educational system needs to be revamped" and we ended up discussing great educational policies we're gonna implement instead of studying for the exams.

Tony Sebastian said...

Lol! loved the troubleshooting bit... do drop by when u are blog hopping :D

Tony Sebastian said...

i blog hop back!! i'm a little jumpy to say the least!! no comments?? :( pavam njaan

Hammy said...

Insignificant legacies are not that bad a deal, if you explore the matter properly enough.

Here's my line of thought

1. There has been approximately 4,235,678 conquerors/would be conquerors/world leaders/overambitious savants in the world since the dawn of time.

2. No matter how hard I try, I shall not measure up to these spoilsports.

Ergo, it makes no real difference in terms of potential legacies I can leave if I try REAL hard or if I try MODERATELY hard or if I try not-hard-at-all.

Ergo, I shouldn't waste time trying to make a SIGNIFICANT legacy.

I'd be quite comfortable leaving the legacy of 'That dude who uses the word 'ergo' waaay too much'.

Alameen said...

1 year ago i lived with 3 colleagues from north India. I was so passionate about cooking even though i didnt know how to cook..

Whenever i cook something, they come back with some negative feedback like 1)shahi paneer is supposed to be red
2)you shudn't add cheese to pumpkin masala..

Atlast i found a solution for this...

My later dishes
1) Egg masala kerala style :)
2) Gobi aloo masala kerala style..

Whatever you prepare, add 'kerala style'..
It worked....

skar said...

On behalf of the 50 odd people who failed to appreciate this post:
I was so busy thinking of excuses for you this year! :)

Anonymous said...

This brilliant idea is necessary just by the way