Sunday, February 03, 2008

Death by chocolate cake and achappams

In the good old days, food was the ultimate gift to one’s guests because food was scarce and offering food, especially the costly variety like sweets was considered the epitome of hospitality. Things have changed now. People do not wait for a special day to kill their best hen. All one has to do is walk to the shop next door and pick up one, cleaned and (un)dressed. Though times have changed, my relatives back in Kerala haven’t. They still think that feeding me till I have food coming out of my ears is showing their love and affection.

Aundy: Anjuuuuuuu how are you? *muah* *muah* *hug* *hug* See what all I made for you. Here eat some appam. *stuffs it into my mouth*
Me: Bang u!
Aundy: And here taste my achappam!
Me: dhat mas ghery tice
Aundy: Aiyyo you haven’t touched the cake!!! Here open your mouth!
Me: *gag* Bhi hink hi bad rehuff!!!
Aundy: When you were so little I used to feed you and you used to puke on my lap. So sweet you were. Here eat this murukku.
Me: *puke*
Aundy: Cho chweet!! Never mind mole. I will make you my naadan (traditional) mutton soup. Will cure your puking for good.
Me: !!!!!!!!!
Aundy: And while you are waiting for the soup I will pack you some snacks. You are going to Susans aunty's house next no? You will feel hungry on the way!

Susan aunty lives next door!

Me: (bolting for the door) : Aarrrggghhh!!!

That’s it!!! I have reached the end of the tether. Desperate times calls for desperate measures. As of today I suffer from Diabetes, High Cholesterol, Alzheimer,Cardiac Infarction and oh yes…. Angina Pectoris (hope that is a disease), that necessitates strict diet control. I know no one will marry me now, but then what the heck, you win some and you lose some.

It’s a win-win kinda situation I thunk! *GRIN*

37 comments:

mathew said...

ROTFL!!..u have truly blessed folks..

am sure u might have got reprimands for having bread jam breakfast bangalore culture..

hey but sure the love they show is irresistable!! ;-P

Ayoo..monu angu sheenichu poyallo..(nothwithstanding a exponential increase in weight)..but that is a dialogue which aunties would say to avoid suffocation..

jo said...

ROFWL...very very funny as usual..
Poor me..used to be victim of food poisoning everytime I visited my endless list of ungles and aundys and ammachis!
though I would die to get any of those edible stuff at the present situation I am in..(read starvation in ur alma mater's hostel)..

raj neettiyath said...

Haha :-)

shruti said...

He he ...its sad but thats the exact situation in my house ...infact my father learnt only 1 way to express love and thats an overdose of food ... a impossibly heavy breakfast capable of sustaining one for 2 dyas is followed by a served by dad with a lto of affection and butter/ghee etc within 1 hr and the concept of 3 meals a day is lost as he temporarily forgets his maths and multiplies 3 by 2 = 7 meals a day . Ofcourse the fact that his daughter can get fat over a period of time nevers seems like a possibility to him because he finds her equally good looking and beautiful even if she was 10 time overweight ..father's love makes him blind always ... phew ..its difficult when its ur own house ..

Jeseem said...

ohh Diabetes and High Cholesterol.. then you can't eat any sweets, only pavakya juice. ur aunts should give you that :P

Karthik said...

LOL..Food is something that I will be forced to take when i visit relatives, whatever be the time of the day. But anyway your post brought back memories of the traditional sweets in Kerala..While i also used to crib about it , 2 years of hostel life taught me that we never ought to push away these rare moments of tasting homely delicacies..:-)

Deepti said...

ROFL .. and you are right it is a "win-win situation" ;)

fundoome said...

i remember the time i went to my bengali friend's house. her mother followed the rule of doubling up the amount of food in my plate and double-triple helpings of everything. i was the last person to finish eating, almost on the verge of throwing up after finishing the so-called-so-much-delicious-ilish-maach.

Alexis said...

What a nice way to start the week. Excellent post...I thunk! *GRIN*

Dhanya said...

ROFL.. Poor you.. And do take your medicines on time :D

ap said...

Haha....

Its always like that...my mom is no exception when my cousins drop in!!!!

Btw I hope u find someone with same set of diseases as ur life partner !!!!!!! :)

Safari Al said...

By personal experience, loose motions are by far the best excuse.

When you are no longer a kid and there is the chance that your 'powers of retention' have not yet completely developed, people stop feeding you food left right and center.

Hammy said...

I hate to rain on your parade, but if you think being fat will save you from the inevitable hitching ceremony, you’re sadly mistaken.

I, for one, am veering on the edge of morbid obesity, often disrupting cable reception when I walk past a dish antenna…

Irupathi aaru kollathe sambaadhyam, my waistline, owes most of it’s bulk to the kind of palahaarangal you were talking about. Like most people, I, too, have relatives like that; who believe their primary purpose in life is to fill the Hammy tummy.

Trouble is… I never complained.

I have been revealed the sad truth, as should you be, that this won’t really culminate in the sort of win-win situation you are hopeful about...
hamishjoy.com

| Balu | said...

Dear Silverine,
I hope you have learnt your lesson.. never appreciate food when u visit house of relatives.. pokki thalayil vechal ingane irrikkum! =D

Loup said...

Hmmmm ... me and ze better half are often confused when we visit relatives, we have horrible thoughts of the 'fatted calf' :)

| Balu | said...

PS: Next time don't puke instead say u need to go to the loo.. come out of it and say u got digestion issues!

Mind Curry said...

i think the situation calls for a doctor! esp one who doesnt mind acchappam and murukku! even if that means angina pectoris and diabetes..

hehe..

very true that the situation is win-win! very smart!

maxdavinci said...

how is the stomach doin?

Dreamer said...

I truely understand thy feelings. what I learnt over the years is that you should make excuses like "I just had from the other aundy", "I just went out with my folks for a drink" etc :). drinks part works better at times :)

Jo said...

People do not wait for a special day to kill their best hen.

I can very much relate to that as I have seen something like that in my childhood for each palli perunnaal. :-)

silverine said...

Mathew: Bread and jam? tsk tsk please remember my moms a housewife, so BJ is sacrilege :) In my case I am a perpetual case of "sheenichu poyi" so you can imagine my agony :(

Jo: I know what you mean. You miss it when you don't have it :)

Raj: Nice to see you :)

Jeseem: I guess next it will be an overfeeding frenzy of pavakya juice :p

shruthi: Your Dad is just like my Grandmom when it comes to the concept of 3 meals:)) And you are
right, parents are the only people who think fat is fit :P

karthik: You are lucky...because you will enjoy all the fuss when you get it :)

deepti: *wink* *wink* :)

fundoom: Same to same happened to me on Sunday and hence this post :)

Alexis:lol!!

dhanya: Ugh don't remind me of that soup now :p

AP: After you comment I realsied that my cousins must be saying the same about my mom! :p

Safari al: Ah! In my family they have delicacies for people with bad stomachs too ...sigh.

Hammy: Well I wasn't trying to escape from becoming fat, but the food :) I have seen people with Diabetes get away with a "No".

balu: The key word here is "relation". They don't need pokkufying :(

loup: lol!! Yes. I know people who think of excuses before leaving to Kerala on vacations :)

MC: Thank you :)

maxdavinci: :)) It has survived!!!

dreamer: Nothing works for us, so now we have spaced out our visits to avoid a stomach burst :)

Jo: Exactly!! :)

zahid said...

Ayyo !!! Silverine....Hide all that under the table and send them to me.... You had me drooling over the food rather thatn symaphising your condition ....lolz !!!

SR said...

LOL,,had the same experience when I went to Kerala after 2 looong years

DD said...

Damn I am hungry now!
I actually though you were referring to the Death by Chocolate ice cream (which you get in some ice cream store chain in Bangalore whose name I dont recollect) when I saw the title of the post :)
"Feeding me till I have food coming out of my ears" : ROTFL!

Anand Chakrapani said...

Very funny and true.
First time I'm leaving a comment, but I have this predicament when I visit relatives even in the same town that I'm staying in. In fact, on Sundays and Holidays, my wife takes on the task of feeding me till "food comes out of the ears".

I've a classic remedy when I go visiting. I declare beforehand that I have severe loose motion. All my relatives know now that I've a perennial case of stomach infections caused due to the field job that I have and hence an extremely improper diet. More pertinently, my fav food is off the streets - Wada Pau, Bhajji, Samosa, etc. (I stay in Bombay and Mumbai)

Keep these posts coming.

silverine said...

Zahid: Aiyyo!! I forgot all about you poor hungry and starving people living in hostels. My bad! Will do so next time :p

DD: 'Death by Chocolate' from Corner House is what I was referring to among other things :))

SR: Must have been excruciating :p

anand chakrapani: lol! That was funny! You are so lucky!! You have a history to fall back on :)

Anand Chakrapani said...

silverine: I do have a history :-) In fact, my relatives quip that I'm the one who has spent the maximum time in all the toilets in their household. Nowadays, whenever I go visiting, they keep a strip of Lomotil ready, exclusively for my use. And just before meal time, I make a show of some grumblings in my stomach, rush to the toilet and come out with a look on anguish (and dejection since I will have to miss out on the glorious feast of sambars, rasams, avials, appams and payasams) and sheepishly ask for Lomotil.

The flip side, of course, is that the wife is never amused. And she thinks I go to great lengths to avoid meals cooked by her kin. Well, you can't win them all.

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

Tell me about it!!
(I'm on another one of those "a week with the family" vacations)
side-note: while in the jungle,after a long time I realised what it was like to be starved. After a whole day of work and no food we were paying the chayakkada guy in the little hamlet:

me: Ethrayayi chetta?
Chayakkada accounts manager: Ethra vadaya?
me: aa shelfil etharannam ondaarunnu?

well what can i say - starvation can be very fulfilling at times. LoL

Safari Al said...

Ah... so there...

I think you need to now look at selective memory erasing techniques.

I am sorry to say lady, that, you have no other options left. My sympathies.

A quick doubt: why wouldn't anyone who is reading this blog not want to marry you? He of course knows that you are simbly pretending.

Jiby said...

haha...i am reminded of the movie dialogue Innocent tells Sukumari, who keeps on stuffing him with delicacies..."ente annaamme... ineem engilum onne nirthe. nee enne parighoshippiche parighoshippiche oru vazhi aaki"!

Amey said...

Apparently the old generation thinks that "you are so thin" as a bad thing, even now :D

So, what did you have "for the road"?

totto said...

Hi, this is great miss silverine.Who are you..'mallu hudugi'.I so liked this stuff you wrote.Please do see my blog and do comment.raphsodypassion.blogspot.com. you sound like you work in advertising. I'm a copywriter on Mumbai.
Youre blog is great..did i say this before..

Mallu said...

My last visit home had the following conversation

Me:"Amme, ini thinnaal vayaru keerum"

Next day promptly Amma got me a ayurvedic kashayam which is apparently used for "deworming" and to increase apetite...A spew of medical tests also followed... I was then subjected to torture by food till I left home...

Needless to say I had to pay for excess baggage on my trip back !

random said...

ROFL - very nice, as usual

silverine said...

Anand: I guess this sort of repeat itself in most families especially when visiting one's spouses relations :)

Toothless wonder: LOL!! That must be height of starvation :))

Safari Al: I was taking a dig at the mallu penchant for checking the medical history of the prospective bride or groom :)

jiby: Sukumari and Innocent...the very names brings forth many a smiles :)

amey: One for the road was a huge bout of nausea :p

totto: Thank you for dropping by and your comments on the other posts too. Hudugi means girl in Kannada. :) Checked your blog, very good writing I must say!

mallu: Excess baggage...lol!!!

random: Thank you :)

Safari Al said...

They do that????

Now that is news to me. I think I will have start cutting down on the drinking and start hitting the gym and maybe in about six or seven hundred years I will be acceptable material.

Alameen said...

Everything said and done.. I started missing all my uncles and auntys and their famous hospitality..

Achappam, murukku... oh no.. i cant work till i come back from home next time.. :)