Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Seeing red

While cooling my heels at my grandparents home in Kerala during a hartal/bandh, I decided to write a blog post. The blog post has nothing to do whatsoever with the bandh mind you! I was chumma time-passing, just like that. So here is the blog post, another FAQ just like this one, though not related.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The term “commie” used in this post refers to a fictitious group of people. Resemblance to any group, caste, race or political party or ideology is coincidental and unintentional.

Why did the commie cross the road?
Because his leader told him to duh!

What did he do there?
He waited for his next order duh!

What is the best way to prevent a strike call by the commies?
Buy up all the red colored fabric in the city.

What is the favorite color of the commie!
Bankroll Green!

Why did the commie get a Sony television!
Because he had raided a Sony Television shop duh!

What did the commie say when his employer gave him the pink slip!
Thozhilali Aikyam Zindabad!

Why did the commie come late for work?
He came to work? Really? Oh my gawd!!!

What happened when the commie got a really bad performance appraisal?
He was immediately promoted to Senior Comradeship!

How did the commie celebrate his birthday!
I have no idea! I wasn’t invited!

What was the commie’s favorite childhood bedtime story!
Red Riding Hood and the Imperialist Wolf!

Who was the commie’s childhood hero?
Comrade woodcutter who killed the Imperialist Wolf!

How do you make out a commie from a non-commie.
The non commie goes to work.

How many commies does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Changing light bulbs are for the bourgeoisie who work in air conditioned cubicles in Bangalore.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


Age 10: Beg, plead, cry, sulk, beg, plead, cry, sulk, and scream till your parents get you a point and shoot camera.

Click away happily taking some awesome pictures.

Age 18: Beg, plead, cry, sulk, beg, plead, sulk…. till your parents give in and get you a DSLR camera.

Click away happily and realize unhappily that you cannot click away happily till you've learned to set the camera.

Click away unhappily as you miserably fail to get the hang of the ISO, F stop and a trillion other settings.

Look wistfully at the nice-nice pictures you took with your old point and shoot camera.

Look wistfully and wince at the horrible deformities you took with the DSLR camera.

Discard the DSLR camera and go back to happily clicking awesome pictures with your point and shoot camera.

Age: 20: You are still trying to convince your parents that the awesome pictures you took after age 18 were with the expensive DSLR camera and not the point and shoot camera and that the lack of difference in the quality of the pictures was because of their err...amateurish eyes.

That was a blast from my past.

Of course now I am a DSLR pro. All the awesome pictures I have taken are not from Corbis. I swear on my DSLR!!

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Poverty whines

Salary days are well....salad days. But salary discussions are well...quite over the top specially when you take your payload home in a truck.

Very well paid exec in our office: If my salary is delayed by one day, there are four cheques that will bounce.

Another disgustingly heavily paid exec: If my salary is delayed by two days, there will be six cheque bounces and I would have got an eviction order (he has his own palatial flat bought in cash).

Another deplorably over paid exec
: If my salary comes on time, then all my cheques are paid and by day 11 I am looking for people to borrow heh heh.

Poor me who is disgustingly and deplorably and miserably underpaid : If my salary doesn't come on time, I have my savings *looks around smugly expecting to see the faces round me turning red in embarrassment*

Execs: Wow! Now we know who to borrow from midmonth.
Me :!!!!!!

Note to self: SHUT THE EFF UP!