Monday, August 28, 2006

Beery important traditions

Sunday afternoon… and as is the custom passed down to my family by our achayan (Syrian Catholics) ancestors many many many centuries ago, my Dad was having his Sunday afternoon Beer. This tradition was first started by my great great great great great great great great great great great great grandpa Mathai Thommachan Phillipose Abraham Kuriachan Varghese Geevarghese K. (Some people say that this tradition was started even before the invention of Beer).

Since then no men in my Dad’s family have broken this tradition except that one day, two centuries ago when there was a big rain and my great great great great great great great great great great great great grandpa Thomman Isaac Patros Ouseph Chacko Bartholomew Alexander Anthony K could not find his umbrella to go to the kallu shaap ( liqor store).A total of 7568587 masses were offered in 7568587 churches to appease our male ancestors for that single transgression. There was another transgression when my great great great great great great great great grandpa Aloysius Basil Cyril Emmanuel George Ignatius John K contracted Small Pox and died on a Sunday without having a Beer. Then there was yet another instance three centuries ago when my great great great great great grandpa had a severe hangover and slept through the Sunday. By the time he woke up it was already Monday but he had the Beer anyway.

The family journal maintained by my Ammachi also mentions another trespass when another great great great great great great great great great great grandpa Lukos Michael Philip Raphael Stephen Tony Zachariah K was in jail and hence was not allowed to have a Beer even though it was a Sunday. He filed a case of ‘Unimaginable Cruelty’ and the case is still pending in a lower court. (We achayans take our Sunday Beer very seriously.)

Beer has had several notable effects on our men. For example, it has served to loosen the tongue of our men who are actually a reticent and decent lot (when they have not had their Sunday Beer)

Achayan to prospective Achayathi: Ahem…hmmm…err…
Achayathi: Aiyyo!!!! Speak up man or has your mother cats got your tongue?
Achayan: Ahem…hmmm…err…

Same scenario after a Beer:

Achayan: What I was trying to say pumpkin, before I had a Beer, was that if your father is willing to give me that Rubber Estate on the hill then we can be wed in Holy Matrimony!
Achayathi: *blush*
And they lived happily ever after. (See? The power of a single Beer!?)

Anyways to get back to the narrative, this Sunday we had only one big bottle of beer in the fridge and both the brothers were not at home to share a bottle with Dad. I never drink during daytime and my Dad will have only one glass of beer. Now my Dad like a true achayan didn’t want to waste spirit, ( a sacrilege among achayans punishable by one whole hour without alcohol of any kind, even the ones doctors use to wipe your hands before injecting you with distilled water) but the tradition had to be kept alive at any cost.

So moiself in the name of all that is holy and sacred to our ancestors, agreed to split the beer with Dad (for the sake of family honor wonly, mind you!!!!)

I poured the beer into two beer glasses, but there was some left over in the bottle. So I drank that. Then I realized that the beer glasses were full and we both like our beer topped with some Sprite. So I, like a dutiful daughter took a large swig from both glasses ( to make room for the Sprite of course). I then tasted the beer and Sprite mixture, it was too strong….there was too much beer in it. So I took another large swig from both the glasses, but by now there were four glasses in front of me. I then realized what I had overlooked when I poured the beer…that we have guests in the house. So I poured some beer from the beer glasses into the new glasses and spilt a whole lot of Beer onto the table. What can I do when the two new glasses were appearing and disappearing in front of my eyes?

I tasted the beer again. It was still too strong and we, i.e Dad and me like our Beer mild. So I had another generous swig from the glasses and this time I saw 8 glasses on the table. Now I am a peace loving, M&B reading kinda girl. But I hate uninvited guests. But then back in the good old days many gene pools ago, my ancestresses, a long line of hospitable achayathis were known for their generosity and sharing spirit. (and that was because they didn't drink beer and hence did not have to share it).

So I decided that I will share the Beer with the eight uninvited guests. I poured the Beer from the two glasses that I could grasp from the table and poured it into the eight glasses...

...and it was because of this reason, that the great great great great great great great great great grandson of my great great great great great great great great great grandfather i.e my dad, committed the shameful, dreadful, appalling, shocking, grave and unforgivable trespass of not having a Beer this Sunday. *hic*

86 comments:

Inder said...

hail family traditions! they are to be followed at any cost. u have committed a grave sin by disrupting it...

manuscrypts said...

the spirit of the custom is more important than the spirit custom itself ..and you did your best to keep it up.. cheers to that :)

iyer education said...

i am sure all your achayans had their names written in LANDSCAPE... for i dont know a single paper size that could fit all these names...

HOWLARIOUS

Binoy, The One and Only said...

I usually don't have beer.. unlessit is laced with whisky, of course!!!
But I hope you had a beery beery "enlightening" experiance :-) Come to think of it, wasn't it magical?

silverine said...

Inder: Yes I have sinned :(
:P

manuscrypts: Thank you, that did lift my spirits :)

iyer education: Just back from ROTFL from your blog :) Ah! We have special size paper for writing our names :))

binoy, the one and only: Magical? Yes definitely very magical ;)

Anonymous said...

Prospective post for new Mallu Syrian Catholic parents who are yet to name their new born boy.. They can try all possible Christian name combinations and also mix n match with their creativity to give the otherwise normal kid an obnoxious existance..

Anyway I am happy that U had a beery good time, but sad that U had denied ur Dad the only chance in a whole week to loosen his tongue and speak!!

Unnikrishnan G Nair.

Dhanush said...

Rule No 1: Never Mix Beer with anything. Beer is Beer because of its taste ;)
Rule No 2: Never Share Beer with uninvited guests :)

But nothing like a good KF strong on a Sunday afternoon. While we were in Pune, we would wake up a t around 11-12 and then go and get chicken and KF Strong bottles. Then we prepare chicken curry, and during this time we will start gulping and which will finish by the time the chickens are finished. Bottles of Beer!! Miss those days :(

Funnily wrote especially the great great great grandfather stuff. Some people say that this tradition was started even before the invention of Beer

Lol:)

alex said...

I respect your family a lot. And especially the tradition. :)

Mind Curry said...

i could hear my school-teachers words ringing in my ears.."history repeats itself.."

:)

even the ones doctors use to wipe your hands before injecting you with distilled water
that i loved!! :))

fantabulous and funny post..

G said...

What do you know! A beer blog! Those names were a hoot. Did you miss out any?

We used to have corby beer puns. I don't remember too many except what ale's you, luv and you need to look at the lager picture.

Damn, its a sad day when you can't remember any corny puns!

Fleiger said...

Hey, I thought that the length of names would increase as the generation number increases.

And you totally sold me on the power of a single beer to loosen the tongue. But was that a single glass or single bottle or single crate?

Beer power, go chug it...

starry nights said...

with the number of swigs you took, was there really 8uninvited guests or were you just seeing 8 glasses. loved this post.

quills said...

Now this is a beery beery funny post! :))

You know, I have to say that our great achayans gives the Irish and Germans a good run for their money...it is going to be really close at the next world beer chugging fest.

Mosilager said...

which beer was it?

kd said...

Being a sidey achayan myself.. ah, I love my sunday beer too..

But r'nt you a little too quickly disabled by alcohol.. ?

silverine said...

Unni:"sad that U had denied ur Dad the only chance in a whole week to loosen his tongue and speak!!"
Guess he would have proposed to my mom all over again :)) ( and this time she would probably have said 'No') :p

dhanush: I shall hereby take thy rule No 2 as my motto :))

Alexis: Thank you, some traditions are to die for ;)

mind curry: Thank you ! :)

G: hm did I miss any? brrr I hope not, don't want irate anscestors
haunting me :( A lil bird tells me that too much beer can make you forget corny puns :))

fleiger: er...it was a single glass I think. But knowing my anscestors I think it could just have been a crate too lol

starry night:Thank you dear, and it happened exactly as you guessed :)

quills: Thank you beery much :))
"it is going to be really close at the next world beer chugging
fest
"
LOL that is a distinct possibility especially since our achayans
believe in 'downing' beer ;)

mosilager:Definitely not Mosi Lager ;) It was Kingfisher!

Nithin: "sidey achayan" LOL that was a good one and and I am 'fraud achayathi' I guess, cos my capacity is 'smoll'.

Fleiger said...

Of course, we know that when doctor tells you to limit your alcohol consumption to a glass, you can always increase the glass size to accomodate your usual volume...

And what did you do to clear your dad from the trespass of not having a beer? You having the root beer... I mean, being the root cause should be the one to do all confessions and spraying beers on your forefathers' graves, right?

mathew said...

U never stop coming up with such hilarious moments..

Reminds me of a quote.. "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beer-holder" ;)

I think my Dad was given a fatwa for breaking the traditions..He is in exile!!! :)

silverine said...

fleiger: Ah..thanks for the insight on the size of the glass :)) And I guess I have to start the process of appeasing my anscestors ...we have a pipe running into their grave for such an eventuality rofl

mathew: Thank you. And *gasp* I think your Dad has ben a very bad achayan to have a fatwa on his head!!! grr
:))

Lost in trance... said...

beer and sprite? now THAT is sacrilege :-O how dare u pollute the holy water?

Alexis Leon said...

That was a very funny post. Especially the names of your ancestors.

So, you an unselfish soul who drank the major quantity of a drink you normally don't drink to save the family honor and your dad's reputation :-) Poor gal, what sacrifices one has to make these days :-)

So how is your dad? Is he being punished or is he getting double dose next Sunday? Mixing beer and sprite--that's a strange combination. Nice post. Was laughing all through.

Jiby said...

my dad is almost a teetotaller but he mocks me by saying, "atleast u will continue one family tradition". reading this wuz reminded of my first beer with my dad...its a long story...so wont detail it here...hehe.

god u shared a beer with 8 ppl...u were being a good xian but that went certainly against the achayan spirit...wonder how ur dad cud bear it! i used to dare my friends in college to dare take a swig from my bottle.

i certainly agree that family drinking sessions are the funniest...its nice to hear old stories once the uncles loosen their tongues!

perplexed kid said...

tell me how many fingers r these ...
btw u dint mention the name of the beer... good one lol

GhostOfTomJoad said...

A beery loving family, I must say :-)

aqua said...

That was too hilarious!! Being from an achayan family and also a 'chotta achayan' I too keep the achayan tradition from my plus two phase!! My gr8 8 8 8 8 grand father might be happy with this!! (Paramparyam kathu sookhikkal!!)

I have heard from my grand mother about the veteran sagas of my grand father.
'edi sossammo ithiri meencurry ingu edutho, nammude meleparampile thomachan vannittunde!!'

Asterix said...

Beer with sprite!! YUCK! You deserved to be deprived of beer on that Sunday.

Fleiger said...

Now that's what I call being ready for every eventuality... But make sure you don't overfill the glasses, or the pipes might start multiplying before your eyes.

And if they do, remember this is all just a "oversight", and the number oof your ancestors is unchanged.

Tha Dalda said...

its ok i guess. i had ur dad's share on sunday i guess. and i left home just to watch the race. shame on this planet.

p.s. i had to experience the world's worst bubblefont for word verification. *curses*

Kusum Rohra said...

LOL girl this is Hilarious. Wow, I seruiously like you family :D I wish there is a similar tradition (involving vodka)in the house I marry into, I mean what good is your life if it doesn't have such traditions.

Ahem, any good single men in you family ;) * smiles coyly *

Kusum Rohra said...

Aink I meant your** Jeez even writing the word Vodka is making my mind dull :D

Grafxgurl said...

what hilariously long names!!!how on earth did they USE all their names?!!

im naming my kids with ONE first name with the family name. thats it!!!

..you WANTED that beer!!! OWN UP!!! hehehe. i cant go more than one sip...i prefer vodka and juice!!

Mosilager said...

yeah kinda hard to get Mosi Lager outside Zambia, unfortunately but Kingfisher is pretty good too. I always thought that Johnny Walker or VAT 69 was the traditional one.

Anand K said...

Oho, tell us truth.... what happened next? Did the "Pink Elephant" carry you over the rainbow and onto the rings of Saturn? In a virtuoso dream sequence like Mohanlal and Mala Aravindan floated through the night sky where the stars were Scvotch Whiskees and Rhumm bottles in that
"Nee Arinjo,Melee Maanathu,
Aayiram shaappukal thurakkunnundu"

song from Kandu Kandarinju.
:D

Had a good ROFL reading about your Veerabhadraseva. I myself had vone and onlee vone Bacchanalian experience..... but;
"Yeh Math Poocho Chachi,
Tumhari Aansu Nikal Aayengne.
Yeh bahut dukh bhari kahani hei!
Is ishtory mein emotion hei, drama hei, tragedyy hei.."

Anand K said...

PS: Guess where the last "Yeh math poocho" uvaacha is from.

Winner gets a free trip and front row coir mattress at the Naxalite Compact Zone Conference in Dantewada! :P

Eclipsed Thoughts said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
That was too good.... but why did you disrupt the family tradition??

hope and love said...

cheers to the great achayan ( and a certain lovable achayathi spirit..!!
:))
this post deserves a spl hug.. loved it..

Anonymous said...

I'm a math guy you tempted with a math post. Then I stood ground. But now ....!

Mark my words girl; you are becoming a windbag. Your previous kickass writing has gone to Kasi... I've got a nickname for u after this transformation, which I won't tell you...

And fear death, like me ... Have a breathtaking day.

~-Thanatophobos.

silverine said...

Lost in trance: Apologies :(
:p

Alexis: Yes Alexis I was the epitome of unselfishness and almost saved the day for our ancestors :)) Dad says he feels haunted lol

jiby:It was a tug of war Jiby ,between my Xian 'Spirit 'and
the Achayathi 'Spirit' LOL

perplexed kid: Thank you, it was Kingfisher :)

ghostoftomjoad: Thank you beery much…it is...we love our traditions! ;)

acqua: Hello 'chotta achayan'..I guess you know how enormous are the responbilities of our community :))

asterix: I guess I have committed a grave sin from some of the
comments here, but my intentions were very honorable :(
:p

the dalda: The bubble font sucks but it's those reed thin fonts
bending in the wind that I hate!!

kusum: Thanks gurl. What to do we are like this wonlee.I suggest you avoid an achayan if you like Vodka, achayans prefer something
er...stronger :))

The only single man in my family likes Whisky :(
:)

grafxgurl: he he you got me there girl ;)

mosilager: Johnny Walker and Vat 69 during weekends :))

Ananad Ji: "Aaap aaye tho bahaar aaye" :p You know there
are so many of my friends and fellow bloggers who wait for your
comment here...so plis to reveal your Bacchanalian experience
some day :)
I have heard that really funny but cute song.And I have no clue about those lines!!!

eclipsed thoughts: Thank you dear from the bottom of my heart :) I
didn't disrupt it dear, those shtupid gueshts did grrrr *hic* :)

HnL: Cheers from one achayathi to another :)

Thanatophobos: ROFL this has been the most ‘wind baggiest’ comment I have got on my blog till date. Gosh you are full of it =))
Thanks for the laughs so early in the morning. And before you go
something for you to chew on besides some gas tablets…this post got 1500 webhits in two days ...go figure…
:p

Jagan said...

for every sin that u commit , u can always make up for it by doing some thing good . For eg: in this scenario , u can make up by treating four sweet,nice , innocent (all the good adjecttives )people at the most expensive n happening pub .. and of course , u got to make sure that jagan is in the list ;-)

fao san said...

heard this one?

Dough, the thing that buys me beer,
Ray, the guy that sells me beer.
Me, the girl that drinks the beer,
Far, the distance to my beer.
So, i'll ve another beer,
La, i'm drinking another beer
Tea, no thanks ll ve a beer..

so that brings us back to *burp! burp! burp! burp!*...

personally, i prefer sake..

Kusum Rohra said...

He prefers whisky !!! * waaaah*

sugar n spice said...

hehe then ur dad must've said, "welcome to the family tradition! u've made us all proud!" and u said, "hic hic" ;)

?bLeAk?!! said...

good thing my family never had a tradition of spirits. Or i would have started spilling cognac all over the coffee table in the sitting room...

and me finding blore agreeable already... even before i downloaded my bike..

Jithu said...

and here i was looking for a company to have some elixir :p. mabbe i cud b one of ur guests :p

Anonymous said...

Only 1500?? I expected more.

My comment still stands. You needed somebody sure of himself to give you an idea of reality. This blogless, nameless, hitless insignificance that I am, chosen by providence for the great job ...

silverine said...

Jagan: You are a genius!!!! :p

fao san: So Sake is your Sound of Music?! My poison is White Wine :)

Kusum: I know tis such a tragedy :( *sniffff*
:p

sugar n spice: lol

bleak: You will have fun and all the best on the new job :)

jithu: You looking for company? Sure if you are buying I am game :p

Anon: er...who are you and what are you talking about????

alex said...

silverine,
its alex not alexis.

Kautilya said...

beer only on sunday...

thats sad...

my tradition is...
Save Water... DRINK BEER!

Lalit Singh said...

Some people say that this tradition was started even before the invention of Beer
true silverine ishtyle

hilarious

Anand K said...

Hmmmpffffffffff..... those lines are from Veeru's suicide drama (the one at the water tank) from Sholay. Surprised noody answered.... methinks it's because of the first prize offered by moi! ;)

And my tragicomic bacchanalian experience? Parkalaam, parkalaam :)

Jiby said...

mr.anand k, shall i reveal how the fallout between u and bacchus happened??? hahaha...thats a story best out of ur mouth itself...i have resolved not to be a pain to u anymore!

Anonymous said...

oops, sorry, I am thanatophobus ....

silverine said...

Alex: I stand corrected :)

kautilya: That's a noble thing to do!!! :)

lalith: Thank you, nice to see you after a long time :)

anand k: Yes...I guess it was the prize which acted as a deterrent LOL We shall await the story :)

Anon: er.... why are you telling me your name????

Anonymous said...

Ah! ok ... :=) ...

Anand K said...

@ Jiby:
But you weren't there that day.... all you know is hearsay! Plus the ususal slew of malicious rumours about such a nice boy like moi!

:P

@ Silverine:
In the anticipation lies the sweetness.
Good things comes to those who wait....
;)

Anonymous said...

Achayati:-Bear with me"
Achayan ;-Beer with me?

Achayan:-Beer Mugs"
Achayathi:-Bear Hugs"

SECRET ADMIRAL

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

beer too strong weakened with sprite, and 8 beer mugs? i guess i'm drunk! =)

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

i think we need to include this point ( women drinking beer ) in t he women's liberation n equality bill !

LI said...

Achayans always have this strange traditions , :) .No wonder all great great great great great great great s***s like us are ware and sometimes do follow it . Have u seen this orkut group called Achayans@orkut :) . Go thru the discussions , realy funny :-D

silverine said...

Anon: Wot?

Anand: sabr ka fal meeta and all that jazz yeah? :p

Anon: You seem kinda desperate :p

toothless wonder: Guess you are :p

deepa: I drink to that gurl!!!! Cheers :)

emmanuel said...

nice stuff.....enjoyed it......continue the good work....

btw take a look at this link:
http://survivingmotherhood-mom26children.blogspot.com/

i am not sure whether the person is genuine.......read and find out

i post this link here because of the hope that more people may see it rather than when i post it in my blog..... :)

Ajith said...

Beer with sprite ?? beer is not supposed to be mixed with anything..
Which one did u have ? Haywards by anychance :) ?

Johnny said...

Jai Achayans
The spirit tradition should continue or else your spirit will be tormented in 7 hells.

Once again, I take my hat off, bend my knee to applaud a great writer.
You should try writing a book.

Fleiger said...

Aah, shifting the blog to Beta has just tossed my careful ordering of Google Reader straight out of window...

Anyways, hows your soul cleansing going?

silverine said...

Lijo: I don't do orkut :)

Emmanual: Sure I will check it out!

Ajith: It was Kingfisher :)

Johnny: Thanks buddy for that wonderful compliment :)

fleiger: Ah this weekend I have to figure out the cleansing lol Hope you have adjusted the Reader to Beta!

Fleiger said...

Nope, when we transfer our blog to Beta, the posts are put on RSS feed again (I think). So now I have all your posts on the top of my list, and in some random order :((

So, what form is the cleansing?

HoliDevil said...

Y in Christs name did u mix Beer wid sprite?

Is it a good combi?

TC

Hiren said...

I had a great,great,great,great,great and a few more greats time reading your post. Beer is my favorite too and life without beer would be difficult to bear.

Browser said...

The next time you hve this problem of left over beer - ship it to Chennai. And if it has to remain in the family you dad can adopt me.

silverine said...

holi devil: It is, try it :)

fleiger:Got my punishment in the form of a cold and cough :(

hiren: Thank you so much buddy :) Life without beer would be very unbeerable indeed :)

browser: It's a deal :p

Fleiger said...

That's what you get when you displease your ancestors and break traditions.

So, let your father and brothers have at least a sip from this time onwards.

jeseem said...

hmmm.. cruel girl:)
ur dad broke the golden rule. never let achayathees near there favourite drink

Anonymous said...

Happy Onam Silverine!

An admirer :-)

silverine said...

fleiger: Done!! :)

jeseem: As usual you hit the nail right on the head :p

Anon: Happy Onam to you too :)

mathew said...

moi in beerland now..achayans will love to come to germany rather than go to heaven i guess.. :)

Rhythm said...

Hey Good one... Keep up the Good work !!!

Nikhil Narayanan said...

happy onam da
loved this one too
i wish i were an achayan, what a life

Ganja Turtle said...

Reminds me of Douglas Adams in H2G2...
"The renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first down to check that it was all right... He sent a third drink down to see why the second hadn't yet reported on the condition of the first. He poured a drink down the other throat with the plan that it would head off the previous one at the pass, join forces with it, and together they would get the second to pull itself together. Then all three would go off in search of the first and give it a good talking to. He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had understood all that so he sent down a fifth to explain the plan more fully and a sixth for moral support. He grunted. There seemed to be a terrific party going on in his stomach." Enjoy maadi!

silverine said...

mathew: Have fun in Deutschland!! :)

rhythm: Thank you :)

Nikhil: Thank you..maybe next life? :)

Ganja: Uncanny, someone else told me the same thing!!! :)

Sandu said...

can always be sure about people yappin away to glory when the word beer is metioned.. it could be any other alcoholic beverage.. the result is the same.

Nice writing... however, i should mention to the 'ignoramus' crowd that beer + Sprite is a cocktail called 'Shandy' or 'Chandy'..

Now that educating the masses is accomplised, i have to comment on ur blog... Nice work.. its nice to read light comments while one is extremely bored. Its a nice redemption.

silverine said...

Sandu: At last someone who has heard about Shandy !!! Welcome to my blog and thanks for the appreciation :)

Anonymous said...

w0w!! a mallu girl who is allowed to drink??!! and that too infront of her DAD??!! whoa! when did u start? and how old u now?
nrk

silverine said...

Anon: err...this is the 21st century in case you have wandered in here from the stone ages :p

Anonymous said...

well yeah...but arent we not allowed to cut our own hair in this century :P

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Your dad must've been left thinking, "Why did I have to beer such a daughter?"
:)

Kannan,India said...

You are the man silverine!
This was the funniest of them all..though I hav Christian friends and spends all day long at their home on Christmas enjoying cakes,lunch..such intricate details about Malayali Christian culture is a truely unique insight.Hindus certainly envy the closely linked community structure of Christians..
Nair community is so individualized now..after breakup of Joint Family system..Christians still have Church as a centripetal to keep community together and a sense of belonging. *Sigh!*
Your posts trigger a sense of *nostalgic* feeling..makes reading gripping..Never been to a mallu blog before written in eng..