Saturday, July 28, 2007

Kaala Paani

Dear Miss Silverine,

I reached Kerala safe and sound. I am so glad that you talked me into taking the plum post of Senior Manager with Kerala Dot Bust Corporation. I feel so important. No one came to receive me at the airport though. But the taxi driver was friendly.
He took to me to the hotel in under five hours. But the good news is that it is in the heart of the town and only 5 minutes away from the airport.

p.s I shall keep you posted of the happenings through regular emails.

Regards,

A J Singh

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Dear Miss Silverine,

Thank you for booking me into an ethnic hotel. Jayashree Boarding and Lodging doesn’t sound too ethnic though. But I have got a premium room says the receptionist cum phone operator cum cook. The room has a nice view of several ladies hostels. I am yet to see a coconut tree though.

p.s. Why do they keep the brooms and mops and buckets in the room? And the cleaner keeps coming in and going out at regular intervals.

p.p.s. how do I tell the cleaner in Malayalam that I don’t like sharing my bed with him?

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Dear Miss Silverine,

Been struggling for the blanket with the cleaner whole night. How do I tell him in Malayalam that he should stop pushing me out of the bed?

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Dear Miss Silverine,

I have been assigned a house and it is a big relief. Sleeping with the cleaner was giving me nightmares though it was nice of the hotel to provide such personal services. Is this the famed Malayalee hospitality?

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Dear Miss Silverine,

The weather is great though a trifle humid and as per your advice I came to work appropriately dressed. Didn’t want people to think I was a fob you know. But my boss was not very happy. Perhaps the red color did not suit his tastes or he is not very partial to Rupa Underwear and Banyan. Next time I stick to a local brand. After all when in Rome etc.

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Dear Miss Silverine,

The first day at office didn’t go too well. I greeted everyone in Malayalam just the way you taught me. However I must report that the people here have no manners. When I said, Good Morning patti, they gave me a cold stare.

p.s They are now sitting outside holding red flags as a sign of welcome, just like you told me. I have taken pictures of this colorful event.

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Dear Miss Silverine,

I am a little tired today. I think it is the lack of nutrition. They expect me to eat rice with my hands. I tried but the grains kept slipping off my hands. Are you sure eating with spoon is considered an insult in Kerala? Anyways after four hours I managed to get four grains into my mouth and am now living on Coconut water and Bananas. The Kerala bananas stink though.

p.p.s The tea boy slapped me when I called him poda patti. You told me that it is a term of endearment in Malayalam!!! Did I mispronounce it? I am now very confused.
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Dear Miss Silverine,

My stuff arrived from Bangalore. There is a group of men outside my door asking me for money. I paid them Rs 10,000/- as you had advised. They were very surprised. I unloaded my TV alone. Kerala customs are very strange.
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Dear Miss Silverine,

A little bird tells me that you hate me after that last salary raise of Rs 50/-. I should have made it Rs 75/- since you have been so helpful to me. After all I am an HR with a heart. That’s my motto. “HR WITH A HEART” heh heh
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Dear Miss Silverine,

Today I went to the market to buy some provisions. The ladies selling fish are wow!!!! I shall be here for some time.

p.s. How do I say “you look hot baby” in Malayalam? Please SMS me ASAP

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Dear Miss Silverine,

I am in jail…..

48 comments:

Princess Stefania said...

;)
Oh you wicked soul!

Anonymous said...

Dumb HR!

Rs. 50? You are lucky.

lmao post!

Fleiger said...

What exactly did you have against the poor guy? Being an HR does not carry such a harsh punishment, if I recall correctly...

Liquid Oxygen said...

ROFL!!! that completely cracked me up!
You never fail... how on earth you come up these ideas.. LOL!

btw, How do I say your posts rock in malyalam!?!? do plees telling mee! :)

(have been a regular here, but cudn't resist today!) :D

Sachin R K said...

It just keeps getting better :)

Hyde said...

"However I must report that the people here have no manners. When I said, Good Morning patti, they gave me a cold stare."

lol, Reminds me of that "poda patti" forward I got a few days ago.

mathew said...

The tea boy slapped me when I called him poda patti. You told me that it is a term of endearment in Malayalam!!! ROTFL!!!

I should say this post was sarcasm at its best!!

Dint they make A J Singh sing the song "lal salaam..lal salaam..."

Alexis said...

Hilarious and rocking post. Good morning patti, red colored shirt wearing welcoming party, Rs. 10000 for visiting when the luggage came,... You are impossible...

That was super post...

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

"The room has a nice view of several ladies hostels"-Think that was the ONLY good thing u did to him!

"Is this the famed Malayalee hospitality?"- Itreyum vendaayirunnu, esp the Patti part :-)

"HR WITH A HEART"- and u gave him Die hard with a vengeance. How WICKED.

In short Kick ass post. Vann post. Inne serikum chiripichu thalli kalanju! I needed sumthn after a bad weekend and u didn't disappoint. Spaari

claytonia vices said...

Well, it's good to see the 'poda patti' phrase playing an important in someone else's life for a change! ;-)

ഫ്രാന്‍‍സിയര്‍ said...

Well the "HR with a heart" could have been gifted with a ischemic heart attack if some more careful planning was done ,Lol.....The treatment in our hospitals will sure make him "FIt" to the world!
hahahahahahaha it was real relaxing to read the mallu way of advising...keep it up

Sreejith said...

Dear Miss Silverline,
i am in splits!

gasmutai said...

Hey Silverine,

U and Mathew upto grab the "cyber-humorist" of the year award?

BTW, Can i blogroll u?

Nikhil Narayanan said...

Thank god I am not reading this in office...
Ppl would have noticed by laughing like a mad freako!
kidilam

Asterix said...

Evil personified indeed!

Care to enlighten us poor North Indians by divulging what patti and poda patti mean?

Kiran a.k.a KiKS said...

Kidu post!!!

Any plan for a sequel, with the Heartbroken HR with a Heart coming out of jail???

Anonymous said...

Raminds me of Mouna raagam--a tam movie by mani ratnam :)

Nanditha Prabhu said...

adi poli!
evidennu kittunnu ee ideas ellam!
takarthittundu!

Neihal said...

Hi Dear.

could not read the post, am in little hurry. Came to wish you a very (very very)belated birthday. Trust me the only thing I regretted not doing before I left for a two week trip home, was not being able to wish you on your birthday.

My wishes for a great year ahead and hope I get to wish you on rest of your birthdays. :P

Neihal said...

hahahahahahahahahaa


what is your agenda against the poor HRs. But it makes a great read so continue. I shall not work anywhere near you though ;)

Bullshee said...

Kalaki!!!

Excellento! I would love to do that to certain HR people I know.... Munnar is a beautiful town...Go seize some property there!They'll treat you well :)

Bullshee said...

Kalaki!!!

Excellento! I would love to do that to certain HR people I know.... Munnar is a beautiful town...Go seize some property there!They'll treat you well :)

Iceman said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Wanderlust said...

I am true HR sympathiser and my heart goes out to these utterly despicable lot all the more after reading this post :-((

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

i was in the league till last week
but then i asked the hr lady out.
:))
great post, though.

souparna said...

hey..
wandered through Umesh's blog..

Hilarious!

emmanuel said...

cool post..... :)

but how did he send the mail from jail? ;)

Layon said...

hahahaha ...simply not fair

silverine said...

princess s: ;)

Anon: Thanks!

fleiger: err from when? :p

liquid oxygen: Thanks buddy!!

sachin: :)

hyde: I got that fwd too. Really good!

mathew: Thank you :)

Alexis: Thank you Alexis :)

Abhi: Thank you, glad I was of help :p

claytonia vices: lol!!

annie: Hope the bad luck ran out!

francier: Thank you :)

Sreejith: Dear Sreejith, thank you :))

gasmutai: Thank you and thanks for blogrolling me :)

asterix: The keyword here is "HR" and not North Indian. If my HR was a mallu I would have sent him to UP or some place where they speak only Hindi for a similar treatement ;)

kiks: Thank you :) If he doesnt behave himself a sequel will follow :p

Anon: Never seen the movie.

nandita: Thank you!!! :)

neihal:Thank you for the b'day wishes :) wait till you start working then you will writing about HR too :P

bullshee: Thanks buddy! :)

iceman: lol!!!

Wanderlust: :))

toothless wonder: lol!! Quick thinking :)

souparna: Thanks girl :)

emmanuel: Thank you :)

layon: Alls fair in love and war with HR ;)

Jay Sun said...

LOL, as always :)

Kiran a.k.a KiKS said...

BTW, may i blogroll u???

Fleiger said...

Since the inception of the profession I guess.

I mean, you can make life worse for them without forcing them into jail, right?

Annie said...

New post ma'am!

Venkatesh A.R. said...

LOL. that was a good post!!
u a keralite? u have brought out the details very well!!

Venkatesh A.R. said...

hey i have added u to my blogroll.. hope u don't mind :-)

silverine said...

jay sun: Thank you :)

kiran: Sure, thank you :)

flieger: Absolutely!!! :p

Annie: You will get two new posts maam :)

venkatesh:Yes I am a malayalee and thanks for blogrolling me :)

titto said...

daivame....

Kiduastic

ironhide said...

is there something in mallu genes that makes them funny? Sidin was king of comedy and now you are giving him a good run :)

Maddy said...

you shd hv replied liquid oxygen - ninte tapal kallanu...your post rocks

Inji Pennu said...

:) ee kutteene kondu thottu! :D

Alameen said...

Silverine puliyaaNu ketta

cain l337pwn3r said...

eeeshwaraaaa!!!!!!!!!!roflmao, i havnt laughed this much since god knows when ...n oh do check this out http://www.ravingsofaboredboredmind.blogspot.com/

cain l337pwn3r said...

ahhhhh ...uve got it all wrong...theres just one cain (me)...tht blog u visited isnt mine ,it belongs to a friend.....awesome blog tht.......nowhere near as awesome as yours....this is my response to the same tag http://cainsblawg.blogspot.com/2008/04/thommus-tagmy-very-first.html

cain l337pwn3r said...

hav bloggrolled u??[:d]

scorpiogenius said...

Now I know whom to contact if i had to come to Bangalore ever..

:)

KK said...

too good
:)

nikhil said...

excelente!!!
Gracias for this creativity!

cannot stop laughing still..

maduraiveeran said...

Hilarious post!