Thursday, September 24, 2009

Returning the lols

There is this Anonymous commenter at my blog, who gives me rib tickling and rofl kinda comments. You can safely say that he has made my comment section his humor blog. Given below are his 'blog posts' at my comment section.

Week One

I hereby boycott your blog hmmpph!

Week Two

You may think I am obsessed, but I came back to see if you have changed your ways. But you have not. So the boycott stays!

Week Three

Why aren't you publishing my comments? It says right here you will publish all comments!

Week Four

This is absolutely my LAST comment on your blog!

Week Five

You and your blog is stupid.

Thank you kind Sir for the laughs!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Knowledge sharing

While I am not working my butt off playing Solitaire, I relax with occasional chats with the 200 odd people on my G-chat list. Yesterday I was going through the chat archives and realized that it was a veritable Knowledge Bank!!

Here is a fine example.


N: I had a fight with him today!
Me: hmmm
N: He says I do not look good in skirts.
Me: hmmm
N: Earlier he had no problems with skirts!!
M: hmmm
N: Whats with the hmmm?
Me: hmmmm :p
N: Idiot!!
Me: hmmm :p
N: Bitch!
What do I do yaar!
Me: I have no clue!
N: hmmm
Me: LOL!

12 pm

N: Mera skirt wala problem abhi bhee chalu hai aur thu “hmmm’ karegi tho maroongi.
Me: hmmm…ooops! :p
Tu kuch math pehan…problem solved! :p

3 pm

N: Oye!
Me: hmmm
N: Saali $#%^@%@!!!
Me: Interesting! Naya gaali hai kya?
N: Nahi! Bahuth purana hai.
Mere dadu jab school mein padthe the, thab ki!
Me: Phir tho bahuth naya hoga.
N: Kaise?
Me: Tere dadu tho unpadh hai. :p
N: Unpadh hoga tera baap! LOL!

4 pm

Me: Aye! Kya bolti tu
N: Oye! Kya mein boloon
Me: Sun!
N: Suna..
Me: Aathi kya Khandala?
N: Kya karoon, jaake mein khandala?
Me: Arey khaayenge peeyenge naachenge gaayenge
N: Aur phir BF ki taang todenge aur kya?
Me: Bill pay karne ke baad! :|
N: =))

Whatay intelligent conversation! Someone please nominate us for the Nobel in Intelligent and Meaningful Exchange of Information!

Have a nice week folks and Id Mubarak to you all!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Back to the Future

Diary of a blogger. Year 2025


Dear Diary

Got hauled to the court today for calling Onam, The festival of Putting on Much Weight. Judge let me off after looking at his paunch mournfully.


Dear Diary

Got summons from the court today by the Aluwa Haluwa Manufacturer Association (AHA) for blogging about the black halwa from Aluwa. According to the Plaintiffs, it hurt their sentiments deeply. Judge let me off after spitting out the halwa sample he was eating.


Dear Diary

Cannot update blog because I have to attend yet another court hearing. ViceNet TV is suing me for calling their serial Sthree Venom a bad example for young minds in my blog. The judge let me off after watching the serial in horror.


Dear Diary

Have to go to gods own country again for a case against me at the capital court. I pleaded not guilty to offending people by calling the capital roads a death trap. The Judge let me off after I had autographed the plaster cast on his hands and legs and head.


Dear Diary

I have three court appearances in gods own country today. All three are due to my blog. Judge let me off as usual, warning the Plaintiffs to stop wasting the courts time. The Plaintiffs argued that protesting against Sohan Pal being called a ‘has been’ was not wasting the courts time. The judge had them thrown off the premises. He was then seen signing a petition requesting Sohan Pal to quit acting.


Dear Diary

Went to gods own country again. This time a political party is suing me for calling them ‘against progress’. The Judge let me off after agreeing with me solemnly.


Dear Diary

Spent Christmas in prison because I was arrested on 24th and 25th is a holiday. I was being sued for making fun of Kochi Township by calling it a mosquito haven. Judge let me off after he had swatted a couple of dozen mosquitoes hovering over his head. The plaintiffs were seen hopping and jumping during the entire proceedings.

I am hoping that the New Year will bring tidings of good sense and judgment amongst the people.

This post is a commentary on some people dragging bloggers to court over trivial issues because they need to shut down what they cannot shout down.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

The final diagnosis!

Hospitals in Bangalore now specialize in Mathematics besides the routine Cardiology and Gynecology and Liposuction. Recently my aunt was admitted to the hospital because she had Viral Fever and the doctor at the hospital thought that she should be kept under observation just in-case the fever develops into AIDS or Angina Pectoris or Liver Cirrhosis or OCD or Kleptomania. After enduring three days in the small hospital room (standing room for one attendee only), Aunt was reluctantly discharged. Uncle got the shock of his life when he got a bill of over 20 k for her three days stay, during which she consumed 3 Crocins, 6 Antibiotics and several glasses of coconut water only.

It all began on day one when the doctor came visiting.

Doc : How are you feeling Geetha?
Aunt: Feverish.
Doc: I am prescribing you some antibiotic and a Crocin to bring down that fever.
Aunt: What’s wrong with me?
Doc: Nothing serious I assure you. But we need to keep an eye on you to rule out any possibility.

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital an accountant typed out the day’s bill.

Doctors visit: Rs 600
Room Rent: Rs 1000
Doctors visit in afternoon: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit in evening; Rs 600/-
Medicines: Rs 2000/
Total: Rs 6000/-

Comments (of the accountant) - Poor collection. Doctor to use additional devices for better revenue generation.

Next day Aunt is alarmed to see two nurses come in and put her on drips and a catheter. A device that controls the drips is also used. Doctor peeps in every hour to say “Hello” and slams the door before they can say “We are doing alright. Please discharge us.”

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital, the accountant typed out the day’s bill.

Room Rent: Rs 1000
Doctors visit at 9 am: Rs 600
Doctors visit at 10 am: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 11 am: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 12 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 01 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 02 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 03 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 04 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 05 pm: Rs 600/-
Doctors visit at 06 pm: Rs 600/-
Night doctors visit: Rs 1000/-
Drip Regulator: Rs 2000/-
Total: Rs 10,000/-

Comment (of the accountant): Don’t overdo do it for chrissakes!!

Next day we decide that we will catch the doctor as he peeps in so that he knows how his patient is doing before he slams the door.

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital the accountant typed out that day’s bill.

Room Rent: Rs 1000
Doctors visit at 9 am to 9:03 am: Rs 1400/-
Doctors visit at 11 am to 11:02 am: Rs 1400/-
Doctors visit at 05 pm to 5:01 pm: Rs 1400/-
Medicines: Rs 2000/-
Total: Rs 7,200/-

Comments (of the accountant): Perfect! Discharge them.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Bad ads

Have you seen the Fiama Di Willis Silky Strong Shampoo commercial? Truly an outstanding piece of creative work. Kudos to the advertising agency that made this commercial. Now I know why you guys are called dream merchants.

For those people who have not seen this commercial, let me give you the low down. The commercial shows Deepika Padukone caressing her false hair and exclaiming “Fiama Di Willis Silky Strong Shampoo...” followed by the punch line, “makes my hair silky and strong.”

Whatay punch line!

I wonder what punch line they would use for Sunflower oil? Made from Sunflower seeds and very oily? Which means Strawberry Lip Gloss would be ‘Smells like Strawberry and very glossy!’ and Gauava Ice cream will probably be “Made from Guavas, tastes like Guavas!!”

This is fun.

What about Prestige Pressure Cooker?

Cooks food under pressure!

Maybelline Maroon Lipstick with sparkles?

Makes my lips look maroon and sparkly!!!

St Margaret’s Umbrellas.

Umbrellas made in St Margaret’s umbrella factory!!!

I can do this!!! Advertising… here I come.

Happy Onam to you all! *burp*