Jingle bells and Wedding belles

Hola peoples, moi is back, safe and sound from Gerala and none the worse from the experience too. I am brimming with ideas peoples, to ditch my boss. After having attended half a dozen weddings and Engagements I have realized that the quickest way to make the mega bucks in Kerala, is getting into the "Sherwani" business. Everyone wears a Sherwani at a wedding. And everyone is getting married these days. In fact at one wedding I saw the entire cousin junta, some 25 of them wearing Sherwanis with the exact same design!! It was like an invasion of Sherwani clad aliens! Very unnerving I tell you!

Sherwani clad alien: Surrender all you saree, mundu, pant clad Earthlings!!!
His mom: Eda, you pant is falling down!
Sherwani clad alien: Ooops! I will be right back Earthlings.

Don’t judge us too harshly peoples. We are used to good ole’ mundu and pants. But we are trying and will get there soon…with our Sherwani pants intact! Mind you!

Dec 26^th is the day the Wedding Season is declared officially open, by the Church. After that it mayhem! It's weddings and weddings everywhere!! The frenzy makes you wonder if the Vatican is going to ban weddings anytime soon!!

Pope (scratching his chin) : hmmm I have been thinking of banning marriages for some time now.
Aide: But your Holiness, that is going against the very grain of the Church's ideology!!
Pope: Shut up you bleddy phool and stop using such big words. It is making me $#@& dizzy!!

Weddings in my little town of Pala, has nothing to do with the bride and bridegroom. Difficult to believe, but as the Orbit White ad says "It is the true!!"

Ungle one: Kuriachcho! Are you coming for the wedding on the 26^th afternoon?
Ungle two: Yes I am. Will I see you for the wedding on 26^th evening?
Ungle: Absolutely!
Ungle three: And whose weddings are you talking about?
Ungle one (shrugging) : Who knows!
Ungle two: What a stupid question!
Ungle three: My bad.

Weddings are about get togethers and the bride and bridegroom are just a catalyst for the same. And these get togethers are very important social rituals for the older folks, quite like our alumni get togethers, though a trifle different. Only a wee bit different mind you!!!

Ungle one: Are you Chackochchan who failed thrice in 5^th standard?
Chackochan: Yes!
Ungle one: Do you remember me?
Chackochan: hmmm you look familiar!
Ungle one: I failed in 4^th standard twice remember?
Chackochan: Aiyyo!! How can I ever forget you Thomma! *sob*
Thomman: *bawl*

Yes peoples, these 1^st standard and 4^th standard failed/pass folks also have alumni get togethers during weddings and recall their academic days fondly. (how ever short they were)

Wedding season during this Christmas was very interesting. Our Church had this Christmas Fair organized by some private organizers this year. Lots of stalls, color, noise, hustle bustle and announcements over the loudspeakers at regular intervals. I could almost feel the energy of the Fest in the Church.

Priest: And do you Thomas take Ann to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Loudspeaker: Is your love life over before it begins. Take Dabur Vita X Gold for a youthful love life. Vita X Gold!!!! At stall number 6!
Bridegroom: err I do!
Priest: And do you Ann take Thomas to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Loudspeaker: Suffering from the Itch? Do you feel embarrassed to scratch yourself in public?!! Use Itch guard!!! At Stall number 11!!!
Bride: No!! I mean...Yes!
Priest: $#*&*@ Somebody shut that loudspeaker down while the mass is going on !!!!
Loudspeaker: Come to stall No 7 and enjoy the home made Halwa, Appams, Achchapams and Wine. Rush and get your goodies before they are gone!!
Kapiiyaru: We can’t Achcho, Remember they have paid for the whole day.

The wedding went at breakneck speed after that and quite a few people (mostly males) were seen inquiring from the Fair organizers the viability of setting up tent near their Church during Mass. I think I am going to buy some shares in this company. I see a bright future ahead for them.

p.s If giggling in Church was a punishable offense, then yours truly would be very dead by now…having been condemned to death by hanging by a Jury consisting of her mother alone! :(

After the wedding, everybody went…straight faced…well almost… for the Reception.

I cannot end this post without mentioning a very select group of people at weddings whom I love to bits. This is the Dad junta. Very different from the snoopy “Mom junta” and the "obnoxious vaayi nokkifying guy junta."

Let me define the ‘Dad junta’ for you..

They are usually damn proud of their daughters.

Dad 1: My daughter got a first class this year *hic*
Dad 2: Very good! What is she studying? *hic*
Dad 1: Lemme shee, I shink it is in a college *hic*

They are usually not too proud of their sons.

Dad 1: What is your son doing these days?
Dad 2: Don’t mention his $%#^#&# name in front of me!!!

They usually don’t know how many children they have.

Dad to another Dad: My children are quite good in studies!
His wife (sarcastically) : Really?! And how many do you have?
Dad: err umm 3?
Mom: Guess again.
Dad: 4?
Mom: Well…you have two with me.

The Dad junta will mostly be sleeping, or zoned out in Church.

Amma: Ketto! Mass is over. Time to go!
Dad: uh! Is it? I was merely saying a few prayers for the health of our kids you know!
Amma: So sweet. But the wedding mass is over and there is a funeral mass going on now.

( Disclaimer: Dad if you are reading this, then any resemblance to you in the last definition is purely coincidental and unintentional. Please don't disinherit me.)

p.s just got news that our Parish priest has banned any event at the Church ground during Mass timings. I think a State wide bundh is called for, to protest this Church high handedness!! Does anyone know where I can buy some red flags hmm ?