Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Parenting the parents

One February not so long ago, a head-in-the-cloud daughter, under the influence of a ‘substance’ called Mills and Boons, decided that her parents needed to get away from the daily routine of parenting her and her brothers, just like in the story she had read in an M&B book. So she conspired with her brothers (because her pocket money was only Rs 50 per week) and booked a cottage for her parents in Goa during Valentine's Day week. Her brothers indulged their poor junkie sister though they told her that her plan was doomed for failure. The girl who was an M&B addict and like an addict was constantly under “the influence”, refused to believe them in her substance induced stupor. She was sure her parents would hold hands, run around the trees singing songs to an invisible orchestra and maybe present her with a little brother or sister and remove her from the eternal curse of being the youngest.

When her parents heard about her plans they were scandalized, astonished, shocked and absolutely resistant(in that order)to the idea. Her father thought he would be the laughing stock of his community when they were not too busy sniggering about him. Her mother thought that her daughter had finally lost it as she always suspected she would, as being a daughter she had more of her Dads genes.

After much coaxing and cajoling by the daughter, they finally agreed to their junkie daughter’s plans, more to humor her than any other intentions like enjoying a well deserved break. One fine day after the mother had set the curd, bought fish, made fish curry, cooked rice and umpteen throrans, fried the pappadams, combed her daughters’ hair amidst the usual howls and screeches and did another 456855 things mothers generally do, she and her reluctant husband, finally left for Goa. After reaching Goa, the mom called almost immediately from the airport enquiring if the daughter had her lunch and if her brothers were back home etc. Ditto in the evening.

In the night the Dad called up and filled her up on the details of the fish market that he had visited “without” the mother as she wanted to watch TV. The daughter was really annoyed and called them both and told them that they need to go out together, stop being parents and be a couple.

Dad: err… what did you say? That I should hold your moms hands and walk on the road like those hippies here?
Daughter: I didn’t say hold hands and walk. I said go out together, take in the sights, relax….
Dad: hmmm for that I will need to go alone, your Amma likes to walk without stopping
Daughter: That’s because you stop for everything on the way
Dad: Don’t blame me. That’s the way you have bought me up!!!
Daughter: But that was when I was small!!!!
Dad: I am too used to walking with you and stopping every now and then. (forlornly) Wish you were here. You would have loved the fish market.
Daughter: Dad this vacation is both of you. So enjoy your time together.
Dad: *guffaw*Please don’t mention this to any of the relations in Kerala, if they call up. I won’t be able to show my face in public again.

Next day the mother calls her daughter.

Mom: Your Dad is pigging out on meat. Time you talked to him.
Daughter: *sigh* okay ma.

Daughter calls Dad. He was already two Feni down.

Daughter: Dad, what did you eat today?
Dad: hmm errr well one sausage!
Daughter: One sausage? Really?! Lies!!!
Dad: Okay two sausages, but they were real tiny!
Daughter: (in her most severe tone): How tiny?
Dad: Very tiny…
Daughter: How tiny?!!!
Dad: Very very tiny
Daughter: Dad, I am really annoyed and you know that!!!
Dad (in a sulky voice): You told me to relax and enjoy the vacation and now you are nagging me like your mother!!
Daughter: I said, have a vacation and not pig yourself into a heart attack!
Dad (hopefully): You sure you are not coming over? I am missing you all.
Daughter: Dad, don’t change the subject. And watch your diet as the doctor told you.
Dad (in his best fake woebegone emotional blackmail voice): If you say so….but I wish you all were here…

Evening the mother calls.

Mom: There are some nice old churches here. Wish you were here, we could have gone exploring.
Daughter: Take Dad and go and explore the Churches.
Mom: I can’t take a man stinking of Feni to Church!!! Besides he is found some friends in the bar and they are all singing drunk over there.
Daughter: *giggle* err… that’s bad ma!!
Mom: *hmmph*

Night the Dad calls.

Dad: You are really missing all this. I found some nice friends and we are all going to Fort Aguada without the wives tomorrow.
Daughter: *SLAM*
Dad( calls back again): You are angry right?!
Daughter: (sarcastically): No, I am ecstatic that both of you are having such fun time!!! I don’t want to talk to you again for the rest of my life!!!
Dad: okay tomorrow I will take your mom out for dinner. Happy?
Daughter: *SLAM*
Dad (calling again): Okay I will take her shopping and then to the beach.
Daughter: mmm ok…

Next the mother calls.

Mom: Your dad took me shopping!
Daughter: Wow!!
Mom: What wow?! It was so embarrassing. He kept looking at the clothes and exclaiming that they were so immodest in Malayalam.
Daughter: I thought you went Saree shopping.
Mom: Saree? He insisted in going into every shop including the ones selling beachware!!!
Daughter: eeeks
Mom: And on the beach he was absolutely scandalized at the bikini clad madamas!!
Daughter: oops
Mom: Please keep your grand ideas to yourself. I am never gonna step out with him again. I am sure the whole of Goa must be laughing at me.

Night the Dad called up.

Dad: You had dinner?
Daughter: Yes and you?
Dad: hmm I am having a bit of indigestion.
Mom (cutting in): Ask your father why!!!
Daughter: err Dad is mom around?
Dad: Yes
Daughter: ok then you call me when she is not around.
Dad: I have the cordless so I will go out and we can talk.
Daughter: Dad, you really ought to watch what you eat!!
Dad: What’s the point in coming to Goa, if you can’t have Goa sausage, Prawn Rachedo, Pork Sorpotel and….
Mom (talking from the main phone): See what I told you!!!
Dad: Why are you snooping? This conversation is strictly between my daughter and me…
Daughter (annoyed): Stop it both of you!!! (trying her best not to shout) Please forget about diets and social niceties and for Gods sake enjoy your vacation. You have only two days left!!!
Dad: hmmm ok but you plan another vacation like this again and your mom goes alone!!
Mom: Yes it would have better if you had come with me….
Daughter: *sigh*

The last two days the parents did forget Bangalore and their offsprings and did enjoy their vacation. But every effort to postpone their stay by the daughter met with resistance.

Mom: Don’t know what junk you people eating in my absence. Pinne… is the house still there or have you all burnt it down???
Dad (for the 4567th time): Wish you all were here :(

The by-now highly stressed daughter realized that it was she who needed a vacation for sending her parents on a vacation. She also realised that Indian parents will be parents no matter what her substance induced mind said. The daughter also got over her addiction immediately as though by a miracle and was completely cured. According to her mother it was because of her prayers at the St Anthony’s Church in Goa. St Anthony was apparently very pleased with her, because she came to the Church ”alone” leaving her tipsy husband in the Resort bar.

57 comments:

mathew said...

Hilarious...loved it..was ROTFL material..

I just want the parents to read this..Christ!! cant wait to see their faces when they come to know that the story is out..

Dad and Mom seem to be either side of the poles..but it doesnt seem they can live without each other!!


The children ate the thorans and fish curries..and the parents ate the sausages!!..terrific!! :-P

Ajith said...

Toooooo good... Wish one day , ur kids too will read this and their parents off to a Goa trip :P

1.618 said...

ROTFLOL...

So, this can be taken as a true incident you had???

nice & caring parents...

Abhishek said...

See what did I tell you ??
This is classy silverine !
:-)

Neihal said...

hahahahahhaaha
What else do I write!!

shruti said...

tht was really amusing ... I guess romance goes out after marriage ... maybe its the mind set ... if both would meet half way ...and tht can happen because people change constantly .. its just we condiiton ourselves tht I can enjoy only in a particular way ..enjoying together has its own flavor and headiness girl and the magic can happen if the right people are togther .. but in most marriages it is a lacking ,,but people live like this and are happy I guess.

fundoome said...

ROFTLOL

parenting parents........seems tougher than parenting small kids:D

Fleiger said...

Reminded me of how me and my sis vehemently beat down all efforts by my father to give one of us the tickets to a romantic program he had got...

It being only one evening, and the only true child in the house being my niece, it went rather well for them.

Let's see if we can teach our parent's generation something in this area :D

silverine said...

Mathew: Thank you :)If my mom reads this I am soup :p And yeah we ate the thoran and fish curry...such are the sacrifices one has to make for ones kids err..I mean parents :))

Ajith:Thank you dear :) I hope too!

1.168: Very true incident :p

Abhishek: *hugs* :)

neihal: he he thanks dear :)

shruti: It is not that romance goes out of the marraige. It is that my way of looking at it was not their way. They are such good friends :)

Fundoome: You bet!!! :p

fleiger:That was so sweet :) We have to impress upon this generation that they need time out with each other.

Sachin R K said...

Was a riot :)))

The best laid plans of mice and men...

Mishmash ! said...

Hello :)
That was hilarious....am still laughing ...very well written with a terrific sense of humor added :)

Shn

Hari said...

:D :D :D

That was so very typical of Parents!!! Great post!

Mosilager said...

I can definitely imagine appachan and ammachi's face when they were stuck with each other in a 'foriegn' locale... now I'm going to echo the other commentors and say that was hilarious.

Mosilager said...

p.s. added you to the links of saadhanamkayyilundo.blogspot.com

Browser said...

The best laid plans of mice and junkie daughters......... Oh, well.

Anonymous said...

hey,

I got this blog through a Google news alert for "Indian Stock Market". Any idea why?

R.E.B.E.L said...

Indian parents are just paretns.. They are never a couple.. They can never consider themselves one..

My mom cannot imagine a vacation w/o the kids! She thinks that's sacrilege!

silverine said...

Sachin: Thank you!!! :)

mishmash: What a nice name and thanks for the kind words :)

Hari: Thank you, you are right, parents will be parents, I learned that the hard way :p

mosilager: Thank you and thanks for blogrolling me :)

Browser: :)

Anon: I have no idea dear!

REBEL: Very true, guess they lose their identities when they become parents :)

The One said...

You are heck of a writer...several years ago, we bought my parents some tickets for Thailand.... they made us cancel them.

After reading your story, maybe it was for the better...

dharmabum said...

this post is funny mostly because it is real. it has been such a pleasure reading this post. more so bcoz most of us, come from similar societies and can relate with the post.

i don't think its about the romance dying out. i think the parents just have their own way of romancing, which some of our generation can't undersand. whereas for us, its about moonlight walks and candle light dinners, i think the older generation tends to have a more realistic outook of things.

the post though, was simple ADORABLE :)

Wanderlust said...

You really rock at these conversations you make up...Its always a treat to read you blog.

Asterix said...

The repeated "wish you were here" remarks make it sound like your Dad is a Floyd fan :)

My condolences for the junkie sister though. I hope a few weeks of intensive rehab followed by a bit of Goa fun for herself should suffice.

പെരിങ്ങോടന്‍ said...

ഹാഹാ ചിരിച്ചു ചിരിച്ചു വയ്യാണ്ടായീ. ഉഗ്രനായിണ്ട് അഞ്ജു, ഒരു ഇടവേളയ്ക്കു ശേഷം ഏറ്റവും ചിരിപ്പിച്ച പോസ്റ്റ്.

Fleiger said...

Oh that would be hard... for them, "family" is more than just being a "pair".

fobsie said...

Great stuff!!
And ur language is getting more fluid in texture. Please work out a plot and start writing a novel. u r ripe for that. Please Do it. regards.

Mind Curry said...

very sweet :) am sure it must be one of their most precious moments in life.

flaashgordon said...

Hey !! really ur best one in recent times..

Parents seem like theyve been parents always - cant imagine them as a young couple in love etc ..Really sweet of u to set up the goa trip for them as a second honeymoon
Shud do somethin such :-)))

Di said...

arre..i was plannin my parents on some similar vacation..and now it doesnt seem like such a good idea.. :(

Arti Honrao said...

:)
Parents would always be parents once they become parents ;)


GBU
Arti

Jeseem said...

hehehe..
hilarious..silveline style.

trying to teach old generation, new tricks.
i hope, when you have kids, they too present and force you to their kind of vacation, in a place full of freaky loud rap music, tattoos and horror houses, of course you get to go alone ( you know timeout from all family and hubby, time for yourself :))

cardamom said...

*yawn* your previous posts r better..

Amooma said...

hilarious! ( that^%# mathew beat me to taht word)! u really did that stunt??tough to believe ( if its false)
try sending them to ooty for a second homeymoon ( if its true) :D

silverine said...

the one: Thank you :) Initially they will resist, then they kind of begin to like going out together. So dont give up!

dharmabum: Thank you :) You are right...tho this gen may not have the same kind of ideas about romance they do have their own way of showing love :)

wanderlust: Thank you dear :)

Asterix: Therapy didn't work..reality did :p

peringodan: Thank you so much!!! :)

fleiger: Very true!!

fobsie: Thank you so much, I will def give it a try :)

MC: Thank you :)

flaashgordon: Thank you and do send them on a vacation, they deserve it after parenting you :p

di: It is a good idea as it will get them together as a couple again :)

Arti: Very very true!!!

Jessem: I hope they will, I would love an all expense paid trip :p

cardomom: You made me happy with that comment :) Because it sort of affirmed what I was telling someone the other day, that some people like X kinds posts while others like Y kinda posts more :)

amooma: What a cute blogname!! We actually did that and now they do manage to go on a vacation together. Last time they went to Kerala, they went to Idukki for some days and walked a lot and enjoyed the vacation at their own pace :)

Jeseem said...

children of tomorrow will be smarter. so ideas are their's, cost is yours. aven now my friends are so pessimistic of mothers/fathers day. after all who doughs out the money :-)

GMG said...

St. Anthony is supposed to be the patron for brides and grooms, not for husbands and wives... lol. :-)
Trotter

alex said...

ROTFLMAO

Good one dude!

Sandeep Pai said...

Absolutely marvellous way of writing ( esp when you blog from office :p ) ... Was free in office so went on journey with you ( thru your blogs) over the years...

Keep Blogging,
Sandeep

Jay Sun said...

Very nicely written...i could visualize it all...hilarious ! :)

HoliDevil said...

U really did this :o ? M&B sure had gr8 fans arnd the arld

TC/Rgds

Iceman said...

ROFL...

Something similar happend with me... when I planned a get away 4 my parents!

Infact they both taunted me sayin.. I am the one who is supposed to take my gal out for such so called "Romantic Getaways"!

Almost world war 3 broke out by the time they came back from the vacation!

Gladtomeetin said...

Awesome one!

"Indian parents will be parents no matter what" - Just loved this statement ;-))

Probably next generation will be better :-))

Sravishta said...

Was blog-hopping and ended up here...
Hilarious!!!

Lalit Singh said...

Hilarious
Arent u a sweet daughter!!
And dont loose heart, even though the plans didnt materialize the intended way

Theres always a next time...

Dhanush said...

That was really hilarious. ROTFL.. Back to some really "chirippicha" humour. Boy.. these guys will kick me out from here for the wild laughs..

Mind Curry said...

have you seen the ad for jeevansathi where the dad runs around with that wedding crown trying to fit various dudes? i just love the ad and the dad..the girls very pretty too! anyway..whenever i see that, i think of you and your dad for some reason! crazy! but its crazy sweet!

manu said...

You have a nomination for Kerala Blogger Awards 2006 :)

silverine said...

jeseem: It will depend on our parenting skills wont it? ;)

gmg: This is actualy a shrine of historical importance and hence a tourist site. Thanks for dropping by :)

Alex: Thanks buddy :)

Sandeep: Thank you :)

Jay Sun: heh guess we all have one thing in commom.."parents" who are like this wonly! :p

holidevil: Yes, I really did this :)

iceman: Third World War it was indeed!!! LOL

glad to meetin: Thank you :)

sravishta: Welcome and thanks for dropping by :)

lalit: Thanks bud. They have by now got used to small trips on their own :)

dhanush: he he I am cracking up thinking of you cracking up :)) Glad you liked it :)

MC: That ad is actually very cute!! And my Dad wont do such a thing though my mom might :p

manu: Thank you :) I hope a Malayalam blog wins becasue these guys are doing a great thing by blogging in Malayalam!!

Basanti said...

That was wonderful! My elder sis and I planned a suprise vacation for our parents.. we sent them to Singapore.. We would not have told them till last minute, but we had to - because we needed their passports for Visa! :-( Sigh!

Your posts are a pleasure to read! :-)

Cosmic Voices said...

I was in goa last december and I did the same things as your dad. The logical conclusion is that men become youth after 40. Cool na?

silverine said...

basanti: That was really nice of you to send them on a vacation :) And thank you for the kind words!

cosmic: okies now I am relieved to hear that comment, my Dad is not the only one :P

Sameera said...

lol nice post here!

Enigma said...

ha ha ha. that was a good one

Natasha said...

That was indeed hilarious. I must say, I am a big fan of M&B's myself, but only of the old ones way back from the 70's and 80's (My mom was an M&B junkie, thats how I ended up with 3 dozen M&Bs).

I must admit, I do read an ocassional story, just a break from the medical and investigative thrillers I normally read. And each time I'm done with the M&B, I think to myself, "Stick to your Baldaccis n Cooks n Haileys."

And now for breaks, I read Jane Austen instead. I think, she was the pioneer for M&B's coz, if you sum up her books - Pride&Prejudice or Sense&Sensibility or Emma, they all are glorified versions of M&B's :)

Nonetheless, I am an ardent fan of J.Austen & shall remain one eternally :)

Anonymous said...

beautiful .....

Abraham Menacherry said...

an absolute gem!! really loved this one.

My parents are a bit more realistic, dont know the last time they went on a vacation together..:D

Radhika Ganesan said...

lovely narration...i could visualize my parents in Goa (had this 8th wonder occurred;they would have NEVER agreed to go Goa without us on first place !) and their reaction couldn't have been different !!

M@mma Mi@ said...

ROFL...the best post till now..and true...