Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Down frustration lane...

There are some people in this world...okay there are more than some...there are many people in this world who are born without that vital part of the brain, that enables them to understand directions. You put these people in a desert and point to the only road and say "Do you see a road here?" And they will say "Where?"

You get the point? In my profession, I spend a huge amount of time giving directions to people, mostly vendors to our office. So there was this new Gift vendor who wanted to come to our office to show me some samples. This is how my time was spent from 10 am to 2 pm today!

Vendor (calling on mobile): Where exactly is your office?
Me: Do you know Hotel ABC on Koramangala Ring Road?
Vendor: Yes!
Me: Great! Give me a call when you reach there and I will guide you the rest of the way.

45 minutes later:

Vendor: I have reached Hotel ABC!
Me: Do you see a road diagonally opposite to it?
Vendor: No! There is no road here!
Me: There is ONLY one road in front of it, and that leads to my office. Please come on that road.
Vendor: Okay!

Half an later:

Vendor: I have come down that road.
Me: Where are you now?
Vendor: Near the traffic signal (5 kilometers away)
Me: What???? Why did you go down the main road?
Vendor: You told me to go down the road in front of ABC Hotel!!
Me: %#$#%%@

Another half an hour later:

Vendor: I am in front of ABC Hotel again.
Me: Great! Let me open a bottle of champagne!
Vendor: Cham....what did you say!
Me: Never mind! You come down that road!

Half an later:

Vendor: I have reached Shoppers Stop!
Me: Jesus Christ!! Where are you?
Vendor: Bannarghatta! ( 20 kilometers way)
Me: But I told you to come to Hotel ABC on Koramangala Ring Road!!!
Vendor: Oh that road yeah? I thought you meant the ABC Hotel near BTM layout!
Me: *Unprintable*

As if that wasn't enough, such people don’t know how to take a hint too. Or do they? :-S

Time: 2 pm - He arriveth complete with a bag of Gifts that I had asked him to bring. We meet in the conference room!

Vendor: First I give company presentation.
Me: No thanks! Just show me the gifts!
Vendor: See presentation madam. Very good. You get good idea of our company.
Me: I have a meeting....
Vendor ( taking out an album): Our company, Thoughtful Gifts was started in 1897 by Ghansham Das Pyarelal Udham Suresh Haldiram!
Me: Can you show me the gifts please.
Vendor: One day Ghanshamdasji's grandfather was praying at the Sri Durga Temple in Saurashtra...
Me (digging into his bag): This plaque looks cool
Vendor: I will show all madam...and then the goddess appeared to him and...
Me: How much for this Clock cum pen holder.
Vendor: ...then Ghanshamdasji's grandfather had a vision and ....
Me: How much for this FM Radio?
Vendor:...founded this organization. We have dairy farm also!
Me: And how much for this World Clock?
Vendor (pained): Apne tho presentation suna hi nahin! ( But you did not see the presentation!)
Me: I did. Very touching story. So how much for this World Clock?
Vendor (smiling gently): Nahin madam. Tho batayiyen Ghansham Dasji ke beta ka nama kya tha? ( No you didn’t. Tell me what was the name of Ghansham Dasji's son?)
Me: Mooorrrthy!!!
Vendor ( triumphantly): Nahin!!!!! (incorrect)
Murthy (procurement manager): What happened? Why are you screaming like this?
Me ( in kannada): Get this joker out and I don’t want to see him again!!! grrr
Murthy: There is no force on this Earth that can do it. He will come up with a presentation telling me why it is better to do work with him. And I will have to sit and listen to him. Company practices you see. Every Vendor needs to be given a fair hearing :(
Me: How do I get rid of him?
Vendor: If you worried about price, I give discount. But only for bulk orders ji!
Murthy: Tell him that you are traveling to the US and will get back to him next year.
Vendor: Aapk log kya phoos phoos kar rahe ho! [Why are you two going 'phoos phoos' (whispering) ]
Me: Nice meeting you Mr Patel. Unfortunately I am being transferred to the US. So I will get back to you in case I have any requirement!
Vendor: We have US branch too!
Murthy: *Groan*
Vendor: I give US branch presentation!
Me: *Groan*

Today I met the Vendor again. He was giving a presentation to another department. The Manager of that department has suddenly been transferred to Norway. His assistant is going to Seychelles I think. Clever buggers!! They thought of places where Thoughtful Gifts doesn’t have a branch!! Guess I have a lot to learn! :(


The one who has loved and lost said...

my humble suggestion is try writing scripts :-)

Vivek Menon said...

How 'Thoughtful' of you to get Gifts ?
I would consider buying in bulk so that I have a backup when I forget birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and then that would be very 'Thoughtful'. PJ :)

Philip said...

But I love those supplier presentations...I can legitimately sleep through an afternoon on company time. Imagine getting paid for sleeping! I don't allow them to stop - if I'm in the room I'll ask them to do the presentations for products of their affiliated companies as well :D

The conversation was very ROTFLOLy and I'm sure that's not the last such conversation you're going to have.

mathew said...

"Vendor (smiling gently): Nahin madam. Tho batayiyen Ghansham Dasji ke beta ka nama kya tha? ( No you didn’t. Tell me what was the name of Ghansham Dasji's son?)
Me: Mooorrrthy!!!
Vendor: Nahin!!! (incorrect)
Murthy (procurement manager): What happened? Why are you screaming like this?
Me ( in kannada): Get this joker out and I don’t want to see him again!!! grrr "

kickass..and loved this part esp..I can almost picture a movie out of it...

Am surprised how the Vendor reached Bangalore in the first place...Thank god you were not giving directions all the way from Saurashtra!!;-P

Abhi said...

I adore supplies ppt's. They give away all those freebies like cd's, pens, notepad's, caps, penstands n what not. Plus i get to sleep through an entire afternoon in th ac environs of the purchase office, rather than die in the plant. It's funny how these guys speak as if ther products are the next best thing since sliced bread n give all the unnecessary details like where thy've the offices n who bought ther last big order n all the crap. The only good guys organise a cocktail party at the hotel nearby. :)

The post was simply superb, loved when the guy stumped u with the US branch office details:). Carry on making me laugh on totally forgettable workdays:)

Synapse said...

i have a friend who is so directionally challenged that we say that he needs directions to come out of a phone booth!

skar said...

You put these people in a desert and point to the only road and say "Do you see a road here?" And they will say "Where?"

LOL. And LOL also at attempting translations of Hindi. And ROFL@
Aapk log kya phoos phoos kar rahe ho! [Why are you two going 'phoos phoos' (whispering)

Tedy Kanjirathinkal said...

Absolutely hilarious! :-)

Ajith said...

Giving directions to People - Tell me about it :) There are people who missed our building where at least 3000 people work at a time and completely miss the Company name board written in letters as tall as me. Another one tried his level best to find me in MG road when I was in Bannerghatta Road.

Talking about vendors, they are as gud as business development managers. Trying every innovative marketing method even Philip Kotler can't think of.

"Thoughtful Gifts was started in 1897 by Ghansham Das Pyarelal Udham Suresh Haldiram!"

LOL what a name!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, some people, don't understand direction at all, even if you draw a map and tell them ;)
Awesome description...

Deepti said...

I think God forgot to include the parts in my brain too.. I cant remember directions !!! Some people just have it in them to get on our nerves no matter what ... Hilarious :D

Ancy said...

hehe hehe heh...that was really funny...yeah, im also a quite 'directionless' person myself, now i realised why ppl have asked me to give the phone to some one else or just abrubtly hanged up...:(

Nirav said...

Good one :-)

Safari Al said...

Hmmm...where in the US are you going to?

I might be nit-picking but suna=hear, dekha=see.

Vendor (pained): Apne tho presentation suna hi nahin! ( But you did not see the presentation!)

You should simply stick to Polos.

Sriram said... the Mr.Somethinglal will get a vison of your blog and it will fuel his initiative in starting branches in Norway and Seychelles.

Hari said...


"Vendor: I give US branch presentation!
Me: *Groan*"

How did you sit through it? :P

Anonymous said...

Cant afford to laugh at the vendor. Dont know anyone with a worse sense of direction than self! He got there by 2, I would have been still talking to you!

Amey said...

Ahem, as the guide, so the guided ;)

Why didn't you appear in a vision and guide him to your office? Would have been simpler right? That said, apne presentation to suna hi nahin ;)

Nikhil Narayanan said...

Adding you to my do-not-call -for-help-with-directions list.

Anyways, nice read.


Anonymous said...

Well, we should switch places. And all would be well with the world.

Like you said, there are possibly a lot of people who can't take directions. And for vendors like these, you need people like me - people who can't GIVE directions.

About two years back,a bunch of my friends visited Cochin, I gave them an elaborate, well intended, highly rehearsed set of directions to reach my home; directions that they diligently wrote down. Remember that Cochin is a SMALL place (relatively), and I have lived there nearly ALL my life.

They never got home. In fact, I am not discarding the possibility that they are still wandering around Cochin with a crumpled paper in their hand.

You give ME the vendors. And they'll soon get themselves transferred to Antartica... the land of indistinguishable landmarks...


La vida Loca said...

I have no sense of direction but this is somethin else

Anonymous said...

:) next time around someone ask for directions you could spell out the blogurl...

My office is in a shady place and for some peculiar reason people refuse to look at the orange flag which is my landmark and which is the tallest structure in the area. So i end up telling them "Look up..take a 360 degree rotation..did you see anything yellow??" If its a hot sunny day, the guy could even faint. I still take the risk, because the vendors are dumb in directions :)

Anonymous said...

Hi this Mr.Patel vendor of gifts

Some people have no sense of communication. They say hotel ABC without being clear and saying which one.

Usse direction ka kya lena dena..pehle hi galat jagah bata diya uske baad direction sense se kya farakh padtha hai (once you start at the wrong place how does it matter whether you have direction sense or not?)

scorpiogenius said...

Now Silverine, you must have learned an elementary human behaviour: They always miss things right in front of their eyes, especially if they are looking for it. :)

Smashing post as usual.. :)

Anonymous said...

Funny post !

Zahid said...

Silverine Seriously I think you should marry that vendor and then go on a honey moon to switzerland. But just put a condition that you two must board two different flights while going on one....

You board a flight via moscow and let him board one via bermuda triangle.

This has double profits. One you get rid of him and the other you will inherit a huge fortune. I tell you these people are very rich. They take amounts in lakhs for 'not giving' a presentation !!!


Bye silverine !!!
see you soon !!!

Balanarayan NT said...

Ithokke pootte
I travel with my roommate to office and he gets his direction wrong quite often in spite of having used the same road for more than a year! No he doesn't sell world clock polethe items

Molly said...

Hi there Anjali..I'm an avid reader of your posts..Just blogrolled you.

silverine said...

Layman: Thank you! :) Will try!

Vivek: That was a really bad PJ! lol!!

Philip: Presentations for products of their affiliated companies as well!! Lol! I would end up clobbering the presenter if I were you! :)

Mathew: Thank you! :) Thank god I wasnt guiding him from Saurashtra! :))

Abhi: Thank you buddy! :) I like the freebies as well, but the presentations...arrghh!!! :)

Synpase: We are fine, thanks for inquiring! :)

Tedy: Thank you! :)

Ajith: Thats gotta be a height of some sort!! :))

silencekilled: Thank you! :)

Deepti: So you the same clan as Mr Patel? You guys have an association or something? And if you do, do you ever find the way to your association meetings? LOL!!

Ancy: You have company in Deepti! :)

Nirav: Thank you! :)

Safari Al: Nit picker grrrr
Polo it is! *sigh*

Sriram: What a horrible horrible thought. But then look at the bright side. He wont find his way here! :p

Hari: err I got an important call and had to rush to the other side of the bldg to get it! And hence regretfully missed the presentation :|

Ms Cris: lol!! Guess I was too hasty in getting annoyed at Mr Patel! :P

Amey: grr the guide is pretty good. I have a track record of 99% succes rate! hmmph!

Nikhil: Ah! You don't know what you are missing buddy! But then when you are wanderign around directionless you will not have time for regrets I guess! :|

Hammy: LOL! Unbelievable! Nice to meet you! Now I have to remember like Nikhil, never to call you for directions!:p

la vida loca: At last someone sympathises with my predicament!! :)

Lash: Thanks for the affirmation buddy! After reading comments here, I am realising that some people are bad in directions! :)

Anon: Patel was a pseudonym dumbo!

Scorpiogenius: Elementary human behaviour...that's true. But this was not it. He was clearly not listening to me when I gave him the landmarks! :)

maduraiveeran: Thank you! :) Nice name btw

Zahid: I think you should take up counselling. You will be a big hit...and if you survive the hitting, then you can become a philosopher! :|

Balu: I have heard of people like that!!

Molly: Thank you dear! :)

Rajtilak Bhattacharjee said...

so you like quotes eh? how about this...what good are wings when you cannot feel the wind on your face!!!

Amey said...

So, this was the first time you misled somebody? But then, why did you have a champagne bottle handy?

Kunjootty said...

now maybe u can think of a use of having a clone!!!.... just have the clone listen to the full presentation!! hows that??
nice post :-)

Safari Al said...

You finally replied!!!!

ikru said...

Anjali chechi, your blog is very funny and nice to read.

I laughed a lot reading this :-)

chinny said...

hello silverine, ve been wanting to read you 4 a long time..never ever seem t get t time.wish i could write like u do..the way u look at it a lot. thanks a ton 4 de nice things u said about my poems.

silverine said...

Ikru: You have to be among my youngest readers!! Thanks for dropping by! :)

Rajtilak: Good one!!

Amey: Not the first time!

bits: :)

Safari Al: ;)

Chinny: Thanks for commenting on my blog long time back which led me to discover your blog! :) Keep rhyming. I read all your poems!