Thursday, June 26, 2008


I am sure you all have heard the recorded promotional jingles and messages that your phone company sends your way via persistent ringing of the phone, (that does not let up till you take the phone and throw it against the wall), at any time of the day irrespective of the fact that it may be a Saturday or Sunday when, after a really long week of work, work and some more work, you are trying to have a well deserved afternoon nap!! Rings a bell huh? Sorry about the pun. That was cruel I know!

I want someone here who knows coding, to write a simple piece of code, that can analyze and monitor all outgoing promotional calls for phone companies. This software, which we will christen as Promo Call Slam Statcounter, will give telephone companies, a comprehensive view of how sucky their promotional jingles and messages are, and how quickly people put down their phone when they hear the familiar "Hey You want to meet Shah Rukh Khan? Call us at Rs 10/- per second and answer some inane questions. Best of luck sucker! *snigger*". (Background music: Kkkkrazy Kkkkiya Re!!)

The same code should be modified for another application! This time, to monitor how quickly people disconnect their phones when they hear the familiar “Hello! Mr Loser? Hi I am from ICICI Bank...." We will christen this code Telecall Slam Statcounter.

The code can be further modified to eradicate yet another pet peeeve of ours. Promotional SMS's that is sent by those infernal four digit numbers!! We will christen this code as Promo SMS Delete Statcounter. This code will analyze and monitor how many subscribers delete the SMS's without reading them and in how many seconds, do people who open it through sheer habit, wipe it off the face of the earth!

The person who delivers the code will get to buy me coffee! See how nice I am no?

Now get cracking all you Codies!! Saturday approacheth! I haven’t had an afternoon nap for 4567 consecutive Saturday and Sundays! *sob*


Pradeep Nair said...

I tell marketing guys, on phone or in person: the more you push the less likely I'd buy. They are speechless and quietly withdraw. Of course, only something like what you suggest will take the message home in cases of automated marketing messages.

Anonymous said...

Interesting idea. Wish they would send me an SMS to call toll free to listen to their stupid advertisements, just for those times when I am feeling low and need a good laugh, or for those times when I have to loiter around some place (you know where) but want to appear as if I am busy talking to someone.

Anonymous said...

LOL Too bad I quit coding or I'd have the privilege of a coffee with you.

scorpiogenius said...

:) lol...some ideas..

may be they must also install the spam sms and calls system in the mobile so all these junk get lost..

There are also people who seem to have fallen addict to these promo stuff. Didn't you hear about the Japanese guy who fell in love with the automated voice ''lady'' and made calls over 2000 times just to hear 'her'??:)..poor devil, eventually was taken in by the police. so howzaaat??:))

Rada said...

All these promo/soliciting calls that you mention, do come through call centres equipped with sophisticated software to analyse databases, customer preferences trends etc.

I mean, they can do the analysis themselves and come to the immediate conclusion that this kind of harrassment is counter-productive..

And save us a lot of pain! :-)

Nikhil Narayanan said...

Couple of days back I signed up for DNC registry.
Guess it has started working, but I am sure Airtel will still call, I mean SRK will...

SMS-I jues deleted a Stan C sms without even reading and I hate Mangalwaar Ki Mandi that comes from Reliance Fresh every wednesday!!!

Balanarayan NT said...

How about having a spam folder apart from inbox? I am fed up of Hutch special offer messages! =P

Hari said...

Hey, hadn't the Government released some thing called the "Do not call" list after lots of complaints from Telephone users? If I'm not wrong, you may contact your service provider and demand him/her to add your name to that. And yeah, I'm serious! I've seen messages endorsing this in !dea & BSNL phones.

Btw, I won't mind talking to my heart's content if the customer service executive is a HOT female!! ;-)

Safari Al said...

if(call) nuclearStrike(call.origin);
if(sms) nuclearStrike(sms.origin)

PS: I still haven't written the backdoor for hackers

silverine said...

Pradeep: Actually a tracker like this will save them lots of money!

aybuk hiawog: Murphy's law I guess, that they don't call when you want them to! :)

Ms Cris: :)

scorpiogenuis: I heard about that guy! Must be a really lonely chap! :p

Rada: Really? Then they should use it to see how useless this exercise is!!

Nikhil: "I mean SRK will" LOL!! You are right, because Airtel still does it and some Mobile companies charge you for discontinuing their promotional messages!

Balu: You have to pay to stop it if the message is from your provider!! Thats what I heard!

Hari Shankar: DNC does not block your telephone/mobile company's messages.That is their right! I was talking about that in the post! :)

Safari Al: LOL!! Good one!! :))

Amey said...

I often forget my phone charger in office on weekends, and my phone gets discharged. Aah, forgetfulness is a bliss ;)

That said, I am all for coffee with you, but won't that affect your sleep cycle even further?

Balanarayan NT said...

Hmm I would have said Poda-fone (read fone mallu style) to my Vodafone connection cos of this.. clinging on to it cos I have been using it for 3 year now and all my friends have it.. sad =(

Philip said...

I contemplated adding my name to the DNC registry. But then I realized that I needed somebody to shout at every day. It feels so good to shout at another human being after a bad day at work.

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

i am actually going to get one of my boys here write some code (ok, i suck - again) to get all the pretty girls' phone numbers from the telemarketers and the phoen companies and call them and make them listen to hui chand, and make a pivot chart of the the slam-the-phone time stats.
I am sure that I'll be happy there is at least one guy above me on the list.
P.S: I know i'll be losing the chance to the coffee date by saying this - but HUI CHAND SUCKS!!!
There - i said it!

P.S2: The doctor says I can have only decaf.
remind me ;)

Deepti said...

Feel like slamming my phone on the wall too but thinking of cash I spent on the mobile,I Fight hard to resist that temptation.
Yeah not only jingles, they dish out "so called jokes", which makes me almost cry out in frustration than laugh :)

Anonymous said...

Looks like your signal sailed high enough. There is a company already with a solution for this.

Neena Padayatty said...

Hey did u put a jinx on this post? relatively silent phone's been ringing all the time ever since i read it :(
"Back ground music:Krazy kiya re.."...LOL!
Wish u a nice weekend!

Vikas SN said...

Even I used to get a lot of such messages and calls but since i signed up for DND, I have been saved from those menacing calls and SMS's ;) But still I get an odd call from ICICI or Barclay's etc but when I say I am a student, they themselves say sorry and disconnect the call. That works all time. So I am contemplating on using this when I work as well ;)

silverine said...

Amey: Forgetfulness is a bliss I agree. But what about your landline?

balu: It is not point changing the provider. You cannot block the promos of your provider!

philip: lol!! I have a collegaue who has also not blocked his numbers because he feels nice talking to telecallers when he is lonely! :p But DNS will not get rid of your providers messages.

Toothless wonder: err there is no such thing as a free coffee ;) Get the code dude! And reg "Hui Chand" you dont have to hate it or love, it is what was playing on my playlist at the time. btw it is No. 4 in the Indipop Charts now!

deepti: arrgh...the jokes are worse than PJ's!!

procrastinx: Thanks for the link!

Neena: Thats the calm before the storm! :)

Vikas: You are a genius!! I am going to use the same idea!! :)

mathew said...

hehehe...oh I miss those calls from XYZ bank these days..;-D

Miss making life painful for others by passing on the numbers of people who "might be interested in offers from the bank"!!;-P

Amey said...

I am renting a room... I don't even have net or cable connection in my room, forget a landline :D

mirage said...

Real Truth:))))

All these promo messages r really disgusting,Hope there should be a trash box to which all these ads go automatically........and allow us to continue our snap:))))))

Anonymous said...

Hey....I know its damn irritating to recieve all these unwanted calls. But then think of the people who are forced to make such calls to earn their bread? Sometimes I feel sad for them. If not for the type of work, for the amount of curses they get.

On a lighter note, one of my friends once said he is gonna answer the next caller asking the "would you be interested in a personal loan?" question, with "if you could tell me how personal it can be..." :)