Kaala Paani

Dear Miss Silverine,

I reached Kerala safe and sound. I am so glad that you talked me into taking the plum post of Senior Manager with Kerala Dot Bust Corporation. I feel so important. No one came to receive me at the airport though. But the taxi driver was friendly.
He took to me to the hotel in under five hours. But the good news is that it is in the heart of the town and only 5 minutes away from the airport.

p.s I shall keep you posted of the happenings through regular emails.

Regards,

A J Singh

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Dear Miss Silverine,

Thank you for booking me into an ethnic hotel. Jayashree Boarding and Lodging doesn’t sound too ethnic though. But I have got a premium room says the receptionist cum phone operator cum cook. The room has a nice view of several ladies hostels. I am yet to see a coconut tree though.

p.s. Why do they keep the brooms and mops and buckets in the room? And the cleaner keeps coming in and going out at regular intervals.

p.p.s. how do I tell the cleaner in Malayalam that I don’t like sharing my bed with him?

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Dear Miss Silverine,

Been struggling for the blanket with the cleaner whole night. How do I tell him in Malayalam that he should stop pushing me out of the bed?

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Dear Miss Silverine,

I have been assigned a house and it is a big relief. Sleeping with the cleaner was giving me nightmares though it was nice of the hotel to provide such personal services. Is this the famed Malayalee hospitality?

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Dear Miss Silverine,

The weather is great though a trifle humid and as per your advice I came to work appropriately dressed. Didn’t want people to think I was a fob you know. But my boss was not very happy. Perhaps the red color did not suit his tastes or he is not very partial to Rupa Underwear and Banyan. Next time I stick to a local brand. After all when in Rome etc.

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Dear Miss Silverine,

The first day at office didn’t go too well. I greeted everyone in Malayalam just the way you taught me. However I must report that the people here have no manners. When I said, Good Morning patti, they gave me a cold stare.

p.s They are now sitting outside holding red flags as a sign of welcome, just like you told me. I have taken pictures of this colorful event.

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Dear Miss Silverine,

I am a little tired today. I think it is the lack of nutrition. They expect me to eat rice with my hands. I tried but the grains kept slipping off my hands. Are you sure eating with spoon is considered an insult in Kerala? Anyways after four hours I managed to get four grains into my mouth and am now living on Coconut water and Bananas. The Kerala bananas stink though.

p.p.s The tea boy slapped me when I called him poda patti. You told me that it is a term of endearment in Malayalam!!! Did I mispronounce it? I am now very confused.

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Dear Miss Silverine,

My stuff arrived from Bangalore. There is a group of men outside my door asking me for money. I paid them Rs 10,000/- as you had advised. They were very surprised. I unloaded my TV alone. Kerala customs are very strange.

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Dear Miss Silverine,

A little bird tells me that you hate me after that last salary raise of Rs 50/-. I should have made it Rs 75/- since you have been so helpful to me. After all I am an HR with a heart. That’s my motto. “HR WITH A HEART” heh heh

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Dear Miss Silverine,

Today I went to the market to buy some provisions. The ladies selling fish are wow!!!! I shall be here for some time.

p.s. How do I say “you look hot baby” in Malayalam? Please SMS me ASAP

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Dear Miss Silverine,

I am in jail…..