Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Desi Werewolf

The Saas Bahu serials are quite a crowd puller here in Simla. It almost looks like people come to Simla to watch these since it is too hot in their part of their country to hold the remote without burning their hand on hot molten plastic. At least that’s the impression I get wherever I go. I saw a group of ladies from the four corners of the country sitting in a hotel lobby watching these serials. Perfect strangers but they "oohed" and "aahhed" and "sobbed" in perfect synchronization. Now that's what I call Unity in Diversity !

The storyline according to one lady who tried to explain it to me is apparently simple.

The serial mom is very angry ki beta shaadi kar ke aaya hai. Usually in Hindi movies, the maa’s will gently chide and tease their 50+ sons that she will get him a beautiful bahu (daughter in law).

Movie Ma: Beta, I will get you a beautiful bahu.
Movie Son: Oh maa * blush * I have seen a bahu for you.
Movie Ma: Sach??? (really?) I am so happy, when will I see my hone waali bahu?
Movie Son : *blush*

And our 50+ actor will then hug his mother and both will smile towards the camera waiting for the director to say "Cut".

The Serial Mom is slightly different. She brooks no nonsense from anyone. So when her son marries a girl without her consent she gets damn pissed off and swears vermillion revenge on her daughter in law (DIL). She vows to teach her DIL a lesson because her son didn’t learn one. And that is NEVER mess with a Serial Mom.

Son: Maa, I have married my child hood sweetheart
Serial Mom: * Snarl*
DIL (with chaste smile): Namaste Maaji!
Serial Mom: *Growl*

(Ad break for Head Cooling Hair Oil)

The DIL has the combined virtue of an entire convent and some monasteries put together and is as sweet as a Gulab Jamoon suffering from diabetes. She is harassed with all the tortures that the script writer can Google and gather and the Ma in Law’s script is heavily inspired from "My mother is a Werewolf".

DIL: Maaji, shall I make some tea for you?
Maa: *sneer* Your tea tastes like tap water.
Dil: Kshama keejiye maaji *sob* *sob*

(Ad break for Brooke Bond Tea)

If only the son had come home like a good boy without a woman, ma would have been so happy!

Son: Ma, Meet my life partner Pyaare Lal
Pyaare Lal (with unchaste smile):Namaste maaji !

(Ad break for Koffee with Karan)

Ma would have then rushed to her son and embraced him tears streaming down her cheek. Her son had not disobeyed her. And we would all be spared the agony of a Kyon Ki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thee.

That's all folks.Have a nice week.


Maverick said...

well thats the case here in kerala too.from 6 to 9.30 in the evenig im banished from anywhere near the tv:(.courtesy these never ending bahu and evil ma-in-law stories .:O

ive been a long time reader of ur blog :) didnt want to miss the chance being the first to comment :D nyway keep up the good work

silverine said...

Hi Maverick: Despite this infernally slow Internet connection I am hoping this reply will publish :)
I think it's time we all bought a second TV set at home dont you think? Thanks for the first comment :))

Anonymous said...

"These serials depict abnormal human and family relations. When children watch these serials their internal anxiety level increases and they start feeling insecure. It is difficult for a child to express his insecurity so it starts manifesting in the form of fear or agressive behaviour" Dr Ravinder Kala

Read this somewhere. Loved this 'serious' piece from you in your inimitable style.

Mind Curry said...

no wonder great writers go away to faraway lands to author masterpieces..simla has done the same in your case :)

(Ad break for Head Cooling Hair Oil)
you should get into media planning..very timely..the other ads too!

The DIL has the combined virtue of an entire convent and some monasteries put together and is as sweet as a Gulab Jamoon suffering from diabetes.
wow..silverene at her best! almost! we are yet to see the best i am sure!

i dont know how people sit through these someone said, in kerala too the scene is similar..5-10pm is mourning time..the only items you need for a serial for kerala is glycerine and a violin. to that extent, keralites are masochistic.

by the way, i read that simla has the maximum concentration of monkeys in india. that despite the authorities relocating some 2000 monkeys last year.

silverine said...

@Divyaa: That's really interesting hmm.
@mind curry: This was me trying to be serious and I was hoping I won't fall flat on my face :p I saw a TV showroom with all the TV's showing Saas Bahu type of programme and that's when I wrote this piece he he.Luckily my mom got out of these 'serial addiction' in the beginning episodes itself and luckily I have my own TV. But my friends have it 'really rough' :) Thanks for that long comment. Enjoyed your 'dissection' dear doc :)

silverine said...

@mind curry:
p.s Am wracking my brain about the 'monkey business' bit hmmm


Dev said...

I remember this serial called Kasautii Zindagi Ki or some sort of crap like that... coz it was usually on durin dinner time... The TV bein in our dinin room.

How do people get hooked onto this anyway? It's like the mafia, you can get in, but you can't get out (heh heh)...

I really wonder how you manage to make all ur posts soooo funny. You distract me from my work... *frown*

srijithunni said...

lol! Nice One.

Enjoyable post.


Dhanush | ധനുഷ് said...

Nice Post. Don't you think this is where we miss the Old DD or for that matter even DD Malayalam. How beatiful was "NaaluKettu", "Kairali Vilasam Lodge", "ByomKesh Bakshi" etc? I still remeber how my and my sis will wake up early on a sunday morning to see Rangoli. And the thing is these serials never end. The are either stopped due to bad TRP ratings or due to some other reasons.
I am really concerned with the authorities of "Mangalam" and "Manorama" weekilies. If all the writers start writing for serials, where will those guys find a new novelist. May be another 'Sagar Kottapuram' will arise from the ashes.

Mind Curry said...

i see..i can imagine you out there on the streets..armed with a laptop walking into TV showrooms..quite a "serial killer" you have become!!


when i bought my laptop and desktop, one important feature i looked for is the TV Tuner card..never know when you run into emergency!

p.s Am wracking my brain about the 'monkey business' bit hmmm
just couldnt stop laughing here..

Matter of Choice said...

back to ur speciality (dialogues!!!)

pyaare lal was awesome and between koffe with karan immediately after that...are u hinting at something? :))

thankfully living in a hostel i was spared of all this serial stuff!!!...people say TV watching fries kid's brains...i say...look at all those ladies sobbing at the TV!!...they dont even have any brains!

Enjoy shimla...and havent i heard of "Love in Shimla"? SF

Jiby said...

lol...nice one...especially the breaks...had a good laugh!!!!

malayalam serials make me go nuts...i havent seen a smile on a single characters face in any of the serials till now...its all tears, evil plots, intrigue, quarrels, sentiments!!!! and ppl lap all this up...which makes me even madder!!!!

Sarah said...

I hvn't had a chance to watch any of these programs, but heard from my cousin in Brunei tht, their Malayalee nanny suffered serious depression after coming to Brunei and learning that "Sthree" serial is not broadcast in Brunei.more so when she learned tht,it can be seen in Dubai and not in Brunei.. the depression progressed to such level tht the nanny made international calls each day to kerala to know wht happend in each episode. After one month of depression and a huge phone bill, she was send back.

meenakshi said...

all the family soaps have the same story and even if it isn't so initially, they will eventually into a saas bahu story after sometime. so have stopped watching them:)

btw have a nice time at shimla

verbaltorture said...

'The DIL has the combined virtue of an entire convent and some monasteries put together and is as sweet as a Gulab Jamoon suffering from diabetes. '

--Priceless !

A gay version of THAT would be interesting! You must tell Ekta Kapoor about it.

Ali Thanikkal said...

I started commenting on this and it grew so huge that i thought i should rather make a post of its own!
I would like to share one of my concern here though, Apart from their daily soaps,now that more and more women have started watching cricket, I'm worried the day is not too far when one will have to endure those carefree ads between the Overs!

Anonymous said...

...Pyaare Lal (with unchaste smile)


...this is doing the rounds in my office now :D


bombay dosti said...

Nice post..
And ya ekta kapoor has not stopped with hindi.. she has ventured into tamil also.. save me from ekta!!!!!
But its interesting that Ekta Kapoor is so not like her characters..
And someone was saying that these serials are so negative ..that we may not see such women/men in our daily lives... And most of all I hate the dailogues writers, cos they would come out with some moralistic dialogue to which my parents always say " Ketto??? Listened??"

Lalit Singh said...

vermillion revenge... hmmm nice phrase.. *makes note of ot

And the strategically placed ad for Keffee with Karan was gooood!!

I know exactly how u felt... I had a similar exp on my recent trip .. 3-4 women/girls were sittig in the lobby glued to the TV set watching a serial, which i learnt later is called, Desperate Housewives.

Fleiger said...

One question in hurry, If Serial Killer is the one who kills continuously, what is Serial Mom?

*Great Eagle spreads his wings and flies off to last class of the year*

Lazith Aziz said...

Simla is probably the only place you find everyone in blue Jeans! I was literally counting the jeans legs there...a evening when we got out of our hotel room... and what ? My aunt got a pair of baby jeans for her daught who was then hardly 3 yrs.. no doubt she looked pretty.. place is awesome and I am proud that we dont need to visit Swiss land to feel snow! and its so scenic..wish I was there but once in a while should be able to control the temprature also.. it was freezing cold at night though during the day it was ok! may be we expected like what we saw in those hindi movies... its a land of beauties also...or the cold made me feel so ????? hehehehe

PS:- I never stayed in this hotel.
Just coincided with the name

Lazith Aziz said...

Ad breaks are placed perfect..

was that the real sequence of ads you observed? if so , I wonder whether they have an effect on "Saas" ? Bahu is no where behind its just another Saas in the making :-)

And on a serious note :-

Atleast 7 pm - 9pm Malayalam serials have an impact on the ladies and they tend to act in life too as DJ & Gang in Rang de Basanti..uff!

Arti Honrao said...

:) You sure know which ad goes where ... good ... I can hire u for the commercial breaks in my stories ...
When do we start working together :D


silverine said...

@Dev:Thank you *smile*
It's like the mafia, you can get in, but you can't get out LOL well said.
@Srijith: Thanks buddy! :)
@Dhanush: That explains why these mal serials are so weepy. But seriously you are right, I do miss the DD serials. Most of them were really good and that is because they don't have TRP ratings hanging like a sword over their air time.
@iyer education: unexploded tear gas shells rofl I couldn't have put it better. :))))And I fully endorse the cartoons!!
@mind curry: keralites are masochistic so so true. People see movies and serials to take a break from their hum drum lives, but mallus seems to ask for more hum drum. Beats me.Serial Killer Well looks like I have touched a very very very raw nerve here. This post got 600 hits within six hours of posting. Gosh that's a huge axe people have to grind on these glycerine soaps!!!!!

silverine said...

@matterofchoice:koffe with karan immediately after that...are u hinting at something? NO COMMENTS!!! *hint* *hint* :))))

Check out Divyaa's comment, very telling about brain frying et al. And love in Simla....mind curry tells me Simla has a lot of monkeys, thats a lot of loving I am gonna do here :p They are so cute :)
@Jiby: Thank you :) Believe me I just cannot comprehend why people like to see these gloomy serials. I think it is beacuse TV serials are relatively new. Maybe people will get fed up after some time and we will get some good stuff. Let's pray! :p
@immigrantincanada: That was so funny... LOL This is serious addiction indeed!!!!
@Fundoome: You are right. The stories are the same except for the tear volumes and costume changes which vary from serial to serial.
@verbaltorture: Welcome to my blog:) Pyarelal bhi kabhi bahu thi er :))
@Alit: that is sooooo funny ha ha ha and kinda embarassing thought too :))
@Anon: Thank you dear.
@bombay dosti: *UGH* isnt that annoying? To be told to be a satya savitri when you know that this is just show biz???
@lalit: Guess women everywhere are soap addicts. Kofee with Karan was too good to let go :p
@Fleiger: Have a memorable last class!! A serial mom is this.
@Lazith: I saw the hotel :) It indeed is a beautiful place!!! And ad breaks were my imagination wonly :p
@Aashik: Thank you so much buddy. That means a lot!!! And I mean THANK YOU in 100pt Arial printed out and stuck all over my blog :)) I will def consider publishing!
@Arti: Just let me know when you need my services. Hazir ho jaoongi :)

quills said...

The DIL has the combined virtue of an entire convent and some monasteries put together and is as sweet as a Gulab Jamoon suffering from diabetes ..hahahah...can't stop laughing reading that line.

Anyway, this addiction to serials, particularly in Kerala, is quite scary. Nothing gets done during those hours ( and Man!! do these serials drag on) nor does anyone visiting the house (unknowingly ofcourse) at that time gets entertained. :) My grandmother, even schedules her evening rosary, based on serial timings. Sigh!!!

Good one again silverine!

Naina said...

Bravo. Clap clap. :-)

Sakshi said...

Hi. I stopped by for the first time here (from Lalit's blog -Awara Saajade. Loved it.
I left India at the start of the Saans bahu serial invasion at the primetime. I can not believe they are still at it - perpetuating the "moralstic sati savitri" women image. Jeez let the girl have some fun!

Fleiger said...

Class was good, got over in 45 minutes. Now enjoy for a day, and get back to study for exams.

I wasn't expecting something like that to be actually a movie. I just made it up. Just made sure there is nothing like Serial Bahu.

And btw, if the son gets home with a boy, na rahegi saas, na hogi bahu.

Thanu said...

one of my cousins in kerala say when sthree was on, that was the best time to go somewhere as roads were empty those 30 mins

Anand K said...

Conversation between the female seer and wise sage EktaKapooraketu(E) and her disciple, TulsiViraniSmiti(T) in the Brihatasasural Upanishad, circa 2004 AD.

E: Viva Time! When does a woman attain true bliss of sense of purpose, O Tulsi?

T: When she is a daughter?
E: Nope.

T: When she is a beloved?

T: When she gets a job?
E: Close. But no cigar. Try again...

T: Errr, when she is a wife?

T: (Grinning sheepishly) When she is a mother?
E:(Swears under her divine breath this time) FOOL!

T: .....

(Regaining her composure with a Kamandu full of Old Monk) The answer, my child, is when she becomes a mother-in-law. Just like the seed of the dhathura contains but mere nothingness...... paaaahhhh forget it! Whothahellamikidding?! You ain't gonna understand the rest anyway!

Sajesh said...

off topic:
thought you might be interested in this

Mind Curry said...

so the axe-effect has finally arrived :) wonder if its gonna be an axe-land once all the serials are killed. ahh..the kings of good times..

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

damn !!!!

why the hell dont i watch these things ??
it'd prob give me an idea on how to get even w/ our Sysads ... rem ????

damn .. they blocked so many sites i liked

have 2 more of ur posts to read .. lemme get down to it

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

u still have raja ?

enjoyed the 'tandoori son' bit ?
was it 'M' btw ?

and i love ur mom .. pass on my hugs

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

loved the "cock" explanation ...

abt the post on the talks :
i always knew the path to a man's brain (and not just heart !!??!!) is thru his stomach

Anonymous said...

i have been reading your blog for sometime now, and i must tell you, i love the way you write. its really cool.

i have never commented before, but this particular post reminds me of the time i saw a spoof of Kyunkii... on TV. they called it kyunki chaas bhi kabhi dahi thi!! Don't remember much of the spoof, but i thought the title was hilarious!

silverine said...

@Quills: Thanks dear :) Believe it or not but even in my place in Kerala, rosary is scheduled acco to these infernal serial timings!!!!
@Naina: * silverine takes a deep bow* :)
@Sakshi: I read Divyaa's comment and Googled for Dr Ravinder Kala and found what he says scary. Apparently these pseud "moralistic sati savitri" roles trouble kids!! Thank you so much for stopping by.
@Fleiger: Serial MIL and DIL are here to stay. But as you said if the son brings home a guy then na rahegi saas, na hogi bahu. :)
@Thanu: Hey I have heard the same too. And I have heard that calling people up or dropping in at serial times is a strict 'no no'.
@Anand: Brihatasasural Upanishad lol
Oh my God she even has an academy??? And does it have an affiliation with IIPM? Maybe IIPM can start a Saas Bahu Serial Production Course with Prof Ekta Kapoor as chief lecturer :p
Kamandu full of Old Monk Now that's blasphemy!!! :)))
@YldGuy: Scary!!! brrrr
@mind curry: I don't think the axe will have any effect on these serials judging from their popularity :(
@Deepa: Our Syssie is behaving himself now. Except for mails every thing else is unblocked. And the tandoori son was indeed M :)) About the talks, it's been one long party since Simla Agreement I think lol
@Vib: Thank you so much for dropping by and the really nice words. That sounds hilarious. I love watching spoofs!! Wish some Hindi film maker or serial maker would venture into spoofs. It would be hilarious since our serials and films are so spoof-worthy :))

Anonymous said...

"Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."

Basically it means the same thing. Writing a sob story is simple, most people cry at the same thing but not many people laugh at the same thing. Read this somewhere and thought about you because you have that rare talent to make many people laugh at the same thing.

Abhishek Mathew

Biju said...

After a long stint :-)(my comment that is). The endless serials on the malayalam channels shouldn't be left behind. The hosts don't even have time to entertain the guests during the vee hours of the show. Quite pathetic!!!

More to say, none of what they show can ever be seen as a reality!!!

T E Zacharias said...

HAHAHAHAHA... No comments... HAHAHAHAHA :o))

Myndfcukd said...

My first time here. hilarious post. :)

Paresh Palicha said...

Have you by any chance read any of Khalid Mohammed's film reviews, he used to write for TOI. Now he writes for He is funny.

I think you're very close to him quality-wise. You'd be a professional.Get your writings published.

Re: Pyare Lal. Some dude like Ekta will find Saas-Jamai equation to make some more serials.

Paresh Palicha said...

& Thnks for ur 2nd comment on my tag post.

dharmu said...

lol! it was humourous.
we could give the same statement to all the serials. all K and non k.
moving to the heights, even the regional serials run on the similar grounds.

well, i noticed that if one serial runs the episode of the son dying in an untold mystery, all the sons of all the serials would be planning on their deaths ???

well, after all, they make the soap industry...

@my first landing on you blogworld. had a great time reading some of them. keep them going....

venus said...

i thought u will be off the blog too while u're vacationing in simla! what a nice surprize from simla :)

the head cooling hair oil, brook bond tea, coffe break!! no wonder all these women sob and oohs and aahhhs together in front of this idiot box, these ads give themsome more perspective :)) very funny!! good one..

Have fun trip silver!

Sujit said...

I think that was longest soap opera still goin gon!!.. and itr seems like it will never close down.. as there are people to watch..!.. just hope none of them take the examples shown in TV onto real life..!!

Fleiger said...

Yes, I guess serial saas-bahus are here to stay, as are the religious serials. I can watch only one saas-bahu drama after "Tu Tu Main Main", "Sarabhai vs Sarabhai"... Satish Shah jindabad!

Sujith said...

different ppl displaying feelings as in the case of a cricket match, here the match is btn saas and bahu. :p

silverine said...

@Abhishek: Thank you :)
@Biju: True, the situations depicted in these serials are so unreal. Please make sure your boys don't watch them. Have a nice trip to Kerala :)
@connors corner:HAHAHAHAHA you made me laugh too :p
@Myndfcukd: Thank you!!
@Paresh: Thank you Paresh. I have read his reviews and he is a class apart. Does he still write reviews? And Saas Jamai is not a viable proposition because it lacks the 'tear quotient':))
@dharma: Welcome to my blog dear :) These serials seem to be keeping an eye on each other don't they? It seems oneupmanship in melodrama is the secret to keeping afloat.
@Venus: well.... the ad break was placed by me to give me some perspective ;)
@Sujith: I think people are tiring of the overdressed, over made up, over sentimental serials. It is ridiculous to see an over dressed woman telling her husband that she will 'change' into something better to go out with him to a wedding!
@Fleiger: I love Tu Tu Main, esp when ITV used to air it. Nowadays it has become a bit stale. And that Satish Shah and Swaroop Sampath serial that was so damned funny. Satish Shah is def one of the best comedy actors around.
@Jithu: I differ :) It is more of a Saas Bahu sufferers versus Ekta Kapoor kinda situation here. Houston can you hear me? :p said...

ha ha ha !!

twaday humour ka bhi jawaab nahin

khush kitaa , as always :)


hope and love said...

iv seen young educated women going ga ga over those silly serials..!
howz simla..?

starry said...

I have to confess that I am addicted to the indian serial Kavyanjali.It is kind of slow but good. Atleast the motherinlaw is really sweet to the daughterinlaws,maybe its because she was the one who picked them for her sons.

Anonymous said...

Saw a write up about you somewhere,Googled and landed here. Have bookmarked you. You are very talented and I find your humor so effortless,contemporary, cute and clean.
Keep writing dear.


Naresh Krishnan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Naresh Krishnan said...

Would be quite some soap when Serial Mom accepts her son's "life partner".

Only a small matter of changing the (in) Law.

abhimir said...

the sarcasm in the post was very subtly and beatifully depicted.... especially the one where the ad for the cooling hair oil comes up...
will be looking out for your posts...

Paresh Palicha said...

He wrote for Mid-Day for a while & now writes for DNA. You can find both on the Net.

Suji said...

Great post!!! You should write the script for some comedy serial so I can start watching TV again. Love the way you write.

silverine said...

@ATG: Anil I enjoyed that comment in Punjabi!! Such a lovely language!
@Roy: Movie zyada dekhthi nahin hu, lekin jo dekhti hu, woh observe karthi hu ;)
@HnL: Simla was great. We stayed outside the town and avoided the town. It was heavenly :)
@Alexis: Thank you :) Hope you are feeling well now.
@starry nights: I must check this out, though I dont have the patience to sit in front of the TV:(
@Sujatha: Thank you dear, keep dropping in, Kusum has put me in her Loony Mela blog roll :))
@Naresh: he he now that would be a new age serial I would love to watch lol
@Abhimir: Thank you Abhi :)
@Paresh: Thanks for the info :)
@Suji: Thanks for dropping by :) My kinda humor will go over the head of the Saas Bahu TV viewers :)

Ali Thanikkal said...

Went over this again and somehow i thinking of this ...and both will smile towards the camera waiting for the director to say "Cut". brought the best of smile!
Btw, Hope you are recovering well... (No price for guessing where i got the info from :p)
Btw, Now u know what a collective prayer of s-b serial watchers can do to a s-b serial basher? -;)
Must confess am little scared to publish my piece now :p

Ali Thanikkal said...

Btw, i guess there is an over-kill of Btw in the previous comment :P
(Now, are you gonna reply, Btw dats okay?-;))

silverine said...

@Alit: Thank you :) Now that you know what happened to me you better be careful. But I am looking forward to your take on this :)

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

If only the son had come home like a good boy without a woman, ma would have been so happy!

Son: Ma, Meet my life partner Pyaare Lal
Pyaare Lal (with unchaste smile):Namaste maaji !

(Ad break for Koffee with Karan)

hehehehehehehehehehe...good job girl. i'm back too after a fairly long break. will post your wanderer's tag tonight.

silverine said...

@if i tell ya girl: Hey welcome back!!! You were missed and now looking forward to the tag :)

Anonymous said...

good writing.... humour isnt eay to do..

i reached here from several ggogle redirects.

rk said...

Son: Ma, Meet my life partner Pyaare Lal
Pyaare Lal (with unchaste smile):Namaste maaji !

(Ad break for Koffee with Karan)



haha desi werewolf