Tuesday, May 26, 2020

The Covidiot Managers

For most of us working in the IT sector, working from home or WFH is nothing new. But to a lot of people in other sectors it is not. WFH in non-IT sectors is complicated. It is like a mother unwilling to cut the umbilical cord, as a friend Ravi ( not his real name)  found out.

Ravi (calling manager): Sir...I am unwell
Manager: Gasp! Where are you?
Ravi: At home Sir.
Manager: Why you working from home huh? With whose permission you are working from home huh?
Ravi: Err we are all working from home Sir due to this Covid 19 situation.
Manager: heh heh yes, I forjetted. Hope you don’t stay close to me.
Ravi: I live a kilometer away from you.
Manager: Now would be a good time to move.
Ravi: What? Why!!!
Manager: I mean, now would be a good time to groove.
Ravi: hehehe you are right, we must all loosen up and groove.
Manager: But not too much grooving and all mind you!
Ravi: Gulp! No sir, I will do it within control.
Manager (suspiciously): What do you mean by within control. Does this mean earlier you were doing it out of control????
Ravi: Gulp, no Sir, you suggested we groove within limits
Manager: Ah yes! I forjetted.
Ravi: Coming back to the topic, I am sick and need  a day off today.
Manager: Tell me your symptoms!
Ravi:  I am feeling feverish…
Manager: Oho!!! Fever is a distinct symptom
Ravi: Of what Sir?
Manager: Err never mind, tell me more.
Ravi: I have slight body ache too Sir
Manager: Slight? On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is your pain.
Ravi: Sir, it was 0, then it became 1 then 2, then 3 and now it is around 4.5
Manager: Idiot!
Ravi: What did you say sir?
Manager: Ahem, I was talking to my wife, Malliga good for nothing she is.
Ravi: My respects to Madam Sir, where is she working!
Manager: Nowhere! Pah! She is a MSc in Maths and does not work
Ravi: She is highly qualified. My wife’s college is hiring...
Manager (cutting in): She doesn’t need a job. She has a job.
Ravi: Oops sorry Sir. I thought she was unemployed.
Manager: Oh no, she is a housewife. She cooks, washes, keeps the house. Useless woman.
Ravi: Err…
Manager: Anyways what I was trying to say before you rudely interrupted me is why didn’t you take any pain killer when your pain was a 2.
Ravi: Sir, I generally don’t take pain killers, I try to avoid medicines unless it is very bad.
Manager: Look Ravi, we pay you to be pain free, fever free and disease free. So, ensure you take precautions.
Ravi: Ok Sir.
Manager: What other symptoms you have?
Ravi: I have an earache too.
Manager: Which ear?
Ravi: Right.
Manager: Did you take any medication?
Ravi (quickly): Yes sir, I took a tablet when the pain was a 1.
Manager: Good boy, but obviously you took some bad medication. You should take good medication.
Ravi: But Sir, the medication was prescribed by my doctor!!
Manager: Then change your doctor and get a good one.
Ravi: What!! Err ok Sir.
Manager: By your symptoms, it looks like you don’t have Covid 19, so you can continue to reside where are you staying.
Ravi: I don’t understand Sir.
Manager: What do you not understand?  I don’t want to be infected by you if you have Covid  pah!        
Ravi: Of course, Sir, I understand. By the way my brother in law came from Goa, he cycled across the border Sir. He has bought some Feni which I wanted to give you. ( Call drops) Sir, Sir are you there? Looks like the call dropped. Stupid Airtel.
The doorbell rings. Ravi opens the door to see a beaming Manager
Manager: My man, I jusht dropped in to check in on you. Jusht you put the bottle in my bag and I will be gone.
Ravi: Sure, here it is.
Manager beams and disappears.
Ravi: Where the hell did he disappear! He was just here!! 
The phone rings
Ravi: Hello!
Manager: Hello Ravi, so you were saying you have pain in your right ear…
Ravi: !!!!!!!