Monday, April 25, 2005

Proselytizing for Bacchus and clients

I dragged my carcass to work today after an interesting night with Rum and Cola, Vodka and Peach Schnapps, Gin and Sprite: not necessarily in that order (hic). These Internships are a bummer. I dare not open my mouth for fear of sanitizing the floor where I sit with alcohol fumes. But I am sure the cop at Infant Jesus circle could smell me through my helmet. Never again I swore, will I touch a drop of Bacchus’ elixir. Alas alack! These resolutions however, last only for the duration of the hangover.

I gingerly lower myself into my seat and wince at the sharp twinges that run through my raw nerves.{ Now now… I am not a recovering alcoholic. It is just that I have friend’s who swear by their brand of poison and come weekend try to win over converts like me with a zeal that would put a Christian proselytizist to shame}

I sit on the floor where a fair number of marketing guys also occupy various cubicles. (Now these cubicles are for decoration purposes only and are rarely occupied). They are a lively and aggressive lot who will not hesitate to tear each other out at the drop of a client’s name. They are fiercely competitive and happily poach on each others clients. Year end sees them hopping around like sad frogs desperate to meet the year end sales target. There is this small open space thoughtfully laid out for them by the Admin dept. (after numerous complaints from other departments), where they bash each others brains out whenever a client is struck. ( no pun intended).

A stapler lands in my cubicle, narrowly missing my head.
Biff! “saale kuthe” ( loosely translated this mean – brother-in-law dog), “how dare you approach my client? You know very well that I have already given him a demo?”

Sock!!!! “ Gadhe" ( donkey)Your client, my foot! I had approached him last year itself!”
SOCK! THUD! And another good man bites the floor.

My head is pounding. I spot the Finance Manager. Beseech him to allocate funds for a roof over my cubicle. He looks at me severely and says he does not have the budget. I crawl outside and get my helmet.

-Abey gadhe ki dhum ( hey donkey’s tail) how dare you go through my mail!!
-Poda patti ( go dog), “evinde thalel oru ennam kodukaan thonnunu” ( no translation needed)
-oye, you don’t speak in your language. I know what you are saying.
-Avanuku moolai ae ella, muttal!!! ( he has no brains, fool!)
-arey bhai, mera client lay gaya woh! ( hey brother, he took my client)
-ondhu dina, naa avanna kolo thene.( translation withheld)

Aaahhh! It’s Monday and notwithstanding the headache, it’s good to be back. Disregard my earlier observations about Internships.

I swallow a couple of Crocins. I think I will go insane if I were put in saner surroundings.

14 comments:

silverine said...

Thanks "killerqueen". Unfortunately my life is not so fluid. Full of bumps actually:)

Adarsh A. Varghese said...

Dont ever take crocin after a wild night. Its would only worsen your nerves. Just drink lotza water!!!

silverine said...

Hi Adarsh, actually I am a very rare breed of mallu. I can actually get drunk on alcohol fumes!! So a wild night would be defined as a sip from the concoctions that friends whip up!Not much of a boozard, I am afraid.

Sinfully Pinstripe said...

Interestinger and Interestinger..

Save your skull. Wear a helmet.... Now who said that?

Amit said...

lmao....lovelllly writing!! Loved the translations....and hey, quit complaining about those concoctions :-D ..i've heard horror stories here of guys who were forced to mix their drinks with water from the swimming pool they were gambolling in due to unavailability of drinking water anywhere, the reasoning being that the alcohol should kill any of the germs that dare to be present in it...flawless thinking na? just like having a smoke instead of brushing one's teeth in the morning..gives whole new meaning to "Smoke those germs out!"...ok ok, no more talk about unhealthy practices, but you've got to admit, college life is lovely...eh? You just have to keep praying that you survive....

Amit said...

lmao....lovelllly writing!! Loved the translations....and hey, quit complaining about those concoctions :-D ..i've heard horror stories here of guys who were forced to mix their drinks with water from the swimming pool they were gambolling in due to unavailability of drinking water anywhere, the reasoning being that the alcohol should kill any of the germs that dare to be present in it...flawless thinking na? just like having a smoke instead of brushing one's teeth in the morning..gives whole new meaning to "Smoke those germs out!"...ok ok, no more talk about unhealthy practices, but you've got to admit, college life is lovely...eh? You just have to keep praying that you survive....

QuaTros said...

Lively piece this one is! Well,so you did have a peaceful Monday morning! ;-))

P.S : 'Silverine', thats a strange pseudonym for a mallu! Well for that matter 'QuaTros' is not exactly one you chance across in mallu land! ;-))

silverine said...

Hi Amit: Hope you survive college. I barely did.The fact That I am alive can be attributed to my mother's prayers and father's double barrel gun!

Hi Qua Tros: Silverine was a Fox. A story I heard loooooong time ago.
What is Qua Tros? Quarter Trojan????:)

Hi Killer Queen: Gosh what a kewl pseudonym. Wish I had thought of it first!:(

QuaTros said...

Well, Silverine, I am not sure what QuaTros means!! :-)
I just liked the sound of it and lo!, it got adopted!

Hmm..well..another suggestion from me, ask your friends to check out www.tulleho.com(probably they already have done it!) They have got some cool stuff there.

silverine said...

Thanks for the link 'QuaTros'. I should not be passing on the link which will be injurious to my liver's health since I am the official guinea pig. Actually there are a few of us in our group who prefer wine but the 'spirited' ones are convinced we are missing out on a good thing.And hence the concoction tasting sessions!!!!!And no I am not converted.

Jake said...

Nice writing. Bacchanalia eh ? lol !

Jake said...

monday morning: chaos is in the air and magic is loose. ground zero. the midst of life. and other surreal statements ...

Di said...

looove ur blog..putting a link to this in mine..hope u dont mind.. :-)

silverine said...

Di: Thank you, am honored :)