Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Intern-al revenues

The pantry near my workstation has all sorts of posters stuck with messages ranging from saving water, environment to corny poetry, sad jokes, tragic attempts at creative writing and company results. Today, we had a poster put up by the HR folks, that announced that we had done some billion or million in revenues last year. The poster was obviously prepared by some dimwit, as it had given the revenue figures in zeroes, instead of representing it like for e.g. $ 50 Million or Billion, which would be the approach us, smart, intelligent, bright and beautiful communication people would have done. But then hey, everyone cannot be smart, intelligent, bright and beautiful right?

Today morning when I walked into the pantry for my regular morning fix of tea, gossip, slander, character assassinations and smear campaigns, I saw two Interns (girls) looking intently at the poster announcing our revenues. There was no one else at the pantry. Their conversation went something like this.

First Intern (FI): Ooh look! We have made solid profits last year.
Second Intern (SI): Oooh yes!!! Nice na!
FI: I think it is $ XYZ Million
SI: Or it could be a Billion.
FI: Do you think so? Billion is a very large figure na!
SI: But we are one of the largest companies in the world no!
FI: Let me count the zeroes. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
SI: I think you left out one zero.
FI: Really? Which one?
SI (pointing out): This one.
FI: Achcha, let me start again. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 oops I think I counted one zero twice.
SI: Wait, we will separate zeroes with a pen. Here you take one...
FI (holding a pen after three zeroes): You keep your pen after the three zeroes after the pen.
SI: Okay!
FI: Got it. Now let’s Google and see whether it is a Million or a Billion.
Me: It is a Billion.
Both: Oh! Thank you!
Me: You are welcome.
Both (looking at each other excitedly): Ooooh! Kitna cool hai na!!!
Me (under my breath): There seems to be a sharp dip in our Intern-al revenues though.
SI: Did you say something?
Me: Oh nothing. Nothing you need to be concerned about. Bye.

God help their Manager. May God give him strength, fortitude and lots of patience this year!


Prats said...

ROFL!!! Seriously god help their managers...

Deepti said...

hehehehe good one!! Intern -al Issues!!

scorpiogenius said...

Nice ;)

Honestly this million-billion thing still drive me bonkers. So used to the crores and lakhs, I still take a minute when someone says 50million dollars, as to how much crores it will make in INR.

Well, let the girls do the math the right way :)

Unknown said...

"SI: I think you left out one zero.
FI: Really? Which one?"


"FI: Got it. Now let’s Google and see whether it is a Million or a Billion."

well, makes sense that they thought they'd find the answer on the intern-et, eh?

In love with my life said...

SI: Wait, we will separate zeroes with a pen. Here you take one...
FI (holding a pen after three zeroes): You keep your pen after the three zeroes after the pen.

God help their manager indeed!!

The Holy Lama said...

Never believed dumbos get better jobs. Now do.ROFL post.

One Weird Guy said...

ok....am a coll guy and lookin for an intership and WAY better than them... seriously NOT fair! how do I apply for one at your company?

And I thot such girls only existed in those mind numbing chick flicks...

Anonymous said...

Poor kids , they already started dreaming 300% hike and all

After all freshers\ Trainees\Interns are same everywhere...Time will teach them the facts...till then have fun :)

The Wanderer said...

They believed YOU when you said billion? :O
Naive interns! If only they ever read your blogs glorifying your "skills"... :D

Guruji said...

I dont blame them on 'billion', because i still dont know how many zeros in a billion. In US it is 9 and in other places it has to be 12. Now for others what is billion is a trillion in the US, for others what is trillion is a quintillion in the US, so basically its a TCS(Totally Confusing Stuff) for me.

Vishwamithran said...

catch tat HR dimwit n spray bullets into his leftover brains...let this be a lesson for his entire breed..
hmm...2 those poor littl gals..my empathies..evn i find it difficult to negotiate zeroes larger than 10^3!!

Pink Mango Tree said...

so, did i just see a partial character assassination (cos names are not given?)

Destiny's child said...

Totally roflmao, lol post! :D
Some really great interns there!

Bullshee said...

Awww....go easy on the poor Interns...after all, you were probably a clueless intern once?!

And also, without clueless interns, who would we hit on?!

Interns FTW!

Sriram said...

Heh.. And it's good they didn't notice they made it to the intern-et :P OOOOOOOOOhhhh.. Cool, na!!

Abhi said...

That's mean! I'm an intern now and I know how bad that was :)

Arby K said...

Plz do tell them the difference between revenue and profit as well. Revenue - Expenses = Profit

Unknown said...

As a member of the poor, exploited, much-laughed-at intern tribe that you have just maligned, I protest against this post. I shall sue you for writing it and demand $100000000 as damages for spoiling the intern brand image. For now, I shall go and google the figure to determine whether it's a million or a billion.

silverine said...

Prats: lol! Poor guy!

Deepti: Oh yes, very Intern-al issues! ;)

Scorpiogenius: Me too :( No clue about Billions and Millions.

Jackson: Thank you :)

In love with my life: hehe :)

The Holy Lama: :) They are summer interns.

One weird guy: I don't know how they got in. But they do exist! :)

Anish: Very true! :)

The Blue Indian: Do you think they will understand this post? :)

Santhosh: For me too! :)

Vishwamithran: Looks like lots of people are not very familiar with the billion!

$$: I never give actual names in my posts! ;)

DP: Thanks girl! :)

Bulshee: I see they have their umm uses! :|

Sriram: lol! Good one! :)

Abhi: It is not the intern, but the person being described here! :)

Arby: No clue. To me they are all the same.

silverine said...

Drenched: LOL! I apologize. Please don't sue me! :p

hammy said...

Hey. No fair making fun of those poor interns. Those sneaky zeroes are quite hard to keep track of.

At least they didn't misrepresent the zeroes when they were quoting for a project bid, like someone may have. I'm not saying it was me, but I am not saying it wasn't either, and I insist that we cut the poor blighter some slack... whoever he is...

This guy had to write a proposal for a major multi-country study last year; he misread the zeroes of the total and put forth a cost that was so low that it could have crippled our company if we were made to honor our official proposal...

He was just plain lucky that the project didn't come through... so my point is... if lady luck and the Gods of providence can be sympathetic to m.. him, whoever he is... why can't you?

Anonymous said...

Hi, Just came across your blog. Do u work with Mphasis in BTP? Just thot so looking @ the byrasandra and billion dollar connection. In case you are, then same pinch :-)

silverine said...

Anon: No I don't :)