Monday, March 31, 2008

Agony aunt and an agonising niece!

I work in the marketing section of my company. The floor where I sit is dedicated to various marketing groups. There are about 7 ladies working here in various groups. I am the only unmarried dame here. And as is wont of women, we talk. Ok…we yak. And as the only unmarried gal I am the Agony Aunt for these ladies. Most of them are very sweet and come down for a chat after pinging me to see if I am free. But there is one particular lady who is a different race of womankind altogether. This lady had all the problems in the world and thinks she can come and sit and talk to me for hours even if I am busy. Of course when she is busy she will not even look at you and will mumble a “No” when you ask her if she is joining the female horde going for coffee…characteristically “together”.

However she regularly drops onto my workstation and will go on and on and on about her problems. I tried SMS’ing friends telling them to call me so that I can feign a phone call and get her off my back but to no avail. She will patiently wait for me to finish the conversation and then start off again. If I were a doctor this is how a day in my life would go.

Nurse to me: Doctor!! A patient has been bought in with a bullet wound!
My colleague: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Me: Prepare the Operation Theater! Quick!!
Colleague: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Me to Nurse: Scalpel please…
Colleague: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Nurse: The patient’s heartbeat is slowing down doctor!!
Colleague: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Me: I am going to revive his heart with electric shock. Everybody stand back!!!
Colleague: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Nurse: Heart beat still falling Doctor!!
Colleague: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Me to colleague: err I am kinda busy here!
Colleague: This wont take too long...Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Me to nurse: I am afraid we have lost him!
Colleague: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Me to relations: I am sorry...we tried our best...but the patient died five minutes ago.
Relations: *wailing*
Colleague: So sad! And Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Me to Nurse: Please see to that they get all possible help with the discharge of the body.
Colleague: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Relations: *still wailing*
Colleague: Hey!!! Looks like you are free. And so I was saying…. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah and Blah.
Me: *sigh*

When you can't beat 'em why fight 'em right? So lets look at the bright side and...thank god I am not a Doctor!!! *whew*


Anonymous said...


Dhanya said...

ha ha I have also come across with such characters that go on n on n on..

Nave said...

lol :D .. yea they do exist.. this weekend i came across some ladies who could talk, interpret, listen all at the same time.. imagine all four gossipmongers speaking at the same time .. i dont know how gurls do it bt they are just too good at it ... :P

Btw, Silverine.. you dont realise how good you do to her husband :P .. you get full marks for your social service :P.. keep it up :P

PS: i cant imagine what her husband goes thru on a daily basis.. :P

Jive Talker said...

Thankfully I dont share space with anyone anymore. However when I did, my favourite (sic) people were the ones who opened up their world to us through their cellphones:
"And then he came really really close, and I was like, 'not on the first date'"
"Haah, it's right next to the TV cabinet. Oh no, not that, thats the box of condoms"
"Honey, Im starting from work. What's for dinner?" (@#$@! couldnt obviously wait till he got home)

Hey btw..nice idea for a blog, dontcha think??

mathew said...

you got the right ears were hearing sort of honey bee hums!! ;-P

Safari Al said...

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

Poor you.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

I actually type all the blahs.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

No actually only the first bunch.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

Karthik said...

Err..Did that lady become like this only after marriage?

Anonymous said...

I hate going for lunch with all married women. (Alas, now that I am also engaged, they consider me one among of them). Some of their favorite topics being
1)Children - all time favorite. It includes boasting about their child's mischiefs.
2)PMS and planning for kids are favorites among not yet moms also.
3)Maid tales -
4)Yeah, last night's escapades at bed is also a favorite topic. Luckily haven't heard the graphical accounts yet.
5)Most bizarre thing I heard(overheard) was when I was in UK. It was a group of women discussing on how to introduce new dad to her children.

Mind Curry said...

looks like you woulda made a perfect doctor..everything went..err..rather clinically..

1. you were present at work - 5 points
2. you responded immediately to the emergency.. - 20 points
3. you were bold enough to decide to operate.. - 10 points
4. you operated on the patients wound, and his heart started failing.. - 15 points
5. you could work even with many distractions - 20 points
6. your patient finally didnt make it - 30 points

altogether..full 100 points..

food for thought - you can still join med school

:) brilliant silverine..hilarious..

silverine said...

@Mind Curry: That was hilarious!!! Brilliant!!! That can be made into a fwd!! Thank you doc! :))

divya: Thank you ! :)

dhanya: This woman falls under that category! :)

nickdigital: "some ladies who could talk, interpret, listen all at the same time"
lol!! That must be some kinda height!!

jive talker: I would have burst out laughing if I heard such conversations!! :))

mathew: :p

Karthik: This has nothing to do with marriage but people who have no consideration for others :)

Kavi: Yep! I know the feeling. I have blogged about it too here!

Safari Al: Blah! :p

Anonymous said...


poor u!!
well, thank god, im the rude kind who would manages to ignore them and finally get the msg thru!

Philip said...

Next time try telling her that you've got a lot of work to do, so madam please eff off and let me work in peace, thank you ;)

Amey said...

thank god I am not a Doctor!!!

I bet many people do that every day :D

That said, you would have some pretty effective weapons to use if you were a doctor. You mentioned at least 2 in your post :D

neermathalam said...

I thought women are good at multitasking...
ethallem karthavinthe pareekshanangal anu..vijayasreee bhava.. !!! :P

jj said...

doc.. Anaesthesia would have come in handy!

*the female horde going for coffee…characteristically “together”

Typical characters like these exist all around. Only if one could inject some sense and some concern into their heads!
Another interesting fact here is the contradicting problems. what seemed to be a problem last day, is not at all an issue the next day! ( if you made the mistake of actually listening to their agonies)

It is extremely irritating when you have to hear the continuous buzz from bf infested brains( that seems to be my fav term now). One day he is the best man in this world, the next day he is a big loser.
Poor agony aunt who hasn't yet learnt to say a no when the need arises, can't do anything but lend a deaf patient ear!
i think I should stop blah blah-ing here now...
nice post :).

Deepti said...

I couldnt agree with you more... I am in the same boat too .. only single one in the group and apart from the "usual" topics, there is also this "so when are you getting married" questions too ( as if what I get at home from relatives isnt enough :( )
Maids, mother in law, PMS and kids... I almost gulp down my lunch and flee ...
Nice post

silverine said...

Amooma: You are lucky!

Philip: I am afraid unless someone is rude to me I cannot tell them to eff off. I am too polite for that :(

Amey: Wish these ladies would piss me off so that I can use the weapons :p This one doesn't unfortunately :(

Neermathalam: LOL!!! Thanks buddy for the wishes! :))

JJ: Absolutely! Especially that part about the BF being the doll one day and the cad the next! :)) No problems with long comments! :)

Deepti: I know! In one breath they criticize married life and the next breath they ask you when you are getting married! :p

Howling Wolf said...

lol :) think ur cubical have became a "Kumbasara kuttu" and u the "Palliyudae Achan"

U have no other way but to hear and hear and not to discuss the same after it....

enjoy ur pseudorole :)

Alameen said...

Tell her that you will go to her desk once u are free and inform that you are busy for the moment...

it works at my end..

Neena Padayatty said...

You'll be in the Grievances department in Heaven for being such a patient listener on earth!

Solitaire said...

Show her this post!!

Somya said...

lol..thank your stars its just one in ur case...I sit with 4 women who are in love with themselves and hate everybody
else and do nothing except cribbing since morning.Thank god I don't have to play agony aunt to them!

ap said...

U know one thing... there are some men also like this ....

But the tact is avoiding them when we are busy ;)

silverine said...

fresh lime soda: Good one...but it is her hubby and in laws sins that I get to hear :p

Al Ameen and Solitaire: This is just another anecdote from everyday workday life :)

Neena: Thank you dear! Glad to see you looking at the funny side of it! Thats the way to read my posts! :) And Grievances department in Heaven was a good one!! :))

somya: You are actually lucky that you don't have to play agony aunt! :)

AP: *whew* Glad to know that there are some men like this, though I have never met any as men rarely grumble! :)

Abhi said...

Great post. U get fed up of her jus during work. Now try IMAGINING what th poor husband might be feeling:) Or is it that she does this just to u?

Anonymous said...

Ah... That's why I never leave home without a pocket knife.

One slight act of hostility, and you're safe forever.

scorpiogenius said...

She has the habit of reading blogs?

If no, this is one best chance for her to start reading.

So dont miss the opportunity. E-mail this to her... ;)

Anonymous said...

:-( colleague,
why didnt u tell me directly than posting it in ur blog.i am soo upset:-(

Macadamia The Nut said...

I suffer the same ailment as you.
The I-can't-tell-you-to-buzz-off syndrome.

g-man said...

ouch! the doctor thing was funny =)

i usually just give these people the finger. (un)fortunately, there aren't too many of those around over here.

Inder said...

this is a perfect scenario reverse therapy. i try to do it. when i come across such a character, i start blabbering some nonsense before they start. it is a different story that most of them dodge my desperate efforts, cut me off and make me listen to their stories. i think i haven't yet perfected my defence tactics :(

meenakshi said...

thank god!!! you are not a doctor with a colleague like that. God save your projects and blah blah blah from this colleague of yours :-D

Jyoti said...


now thts what u call optimism! :D

couldn't resist had to are keeping me away from my work lady!!

nostringsattached said...

Am thankful to God
1. My cubicle mate hardly comes to always work from home.
2. Even if he turns up,i am fine..cos he is HE n not SHE
3. I don't have any so called aunties in the whole floor

but i have come across these in client meetings/over the phone :( ...

btw nice imaginative writing...

silverine said...

Abhi: lol! Poor guy!

hammy: Good idea! But i cant stand the sight of blood! :(

scorpiogenius: I don't think it will make any difference because she will be next to me going blah blah blah to read the email! :p

Anon: :)

Macademia the nut: Nice to meet another sucker!! :p

g-man: The finger wont work with these types as they will be too busy blahing away to notice it :))

Inder: lol! When you perfect it let me know!

fundoome: lol! God save doctors with colleagues like this! :p

Jyoti: Thank you!!! A pleasure to have your comment here! :)

nostringsattached: Thank you :)

Anonymous said...

i was thinking for a solution to ur problem for days, had a few sleepless days and then it suddenly occured to me!

u shud catch her when SHE IS BUSY and IGNORE ALL HER SIGNALS! trouble her long enuf with ur problems (cook up something if u dont have any)! if she says she is busy ... say this wont take long! for everything she says, pick up counter arguments from her own book. break her completely and make her wish she never met u!

GO SILVERINE GO ... NOW ... am praying for u