Saturday, September 29, 2007

Breaking news!

I am going to be a TV news reporter!! Yes friends, I have just made up my mind and as soon as I find a News channel willing to hire me I will make the transition from my boring Communications job into the exciting world of TV news reporting. Besides getting to travel free to exciting places like Hyderabad flyovers I will also come on TV and my mom can say "How dare she wear such short tops!!"

TV reporting looks as easy as ABC. Anyone can do it. All it needs is an ability to ask probing intelligent questions that will elicit maximum information for the news hungry TV audience. I have been watching a lot of News Channels lately to pick up tips and tricks that will come in handy in my new job. For people who would like to follow in my footsteps, here are some pointers to becoming a good TV reporter.

1. When you see a badly battered bomb victim who is bleeding and is being carried on a stretcher his limbs being carried along in another stretcher, all you have to do is stuff the mike up his nose and ask "Aapko kaisa lag raha hai?" ( What do you think/feel?)

2. When you see people boating around a flood submerged street with their meager worldly possessions, stick the mike onto their face and ask "So you have become homeless because of the rains? Aapko kaisa lag raha hai?"

3. When you see people being inconvenienced by road blocks and bundhs like the recent BJP road blockade over the Ram Setu issue, stick the mike into the face of a 'inconvenienced person' and ask "What do you feel, now that you cannot go to office due to this road blockade?" For variety ask a school kid in uniform who has missed school like all other school children in the city “So you missed school because of the road blockade huh?" For more variety ask another 'inconvenienced member of the public' "What do you want to say to the people who blocked the road?"

4. Stick a long furry mike into the face of man whose wife has delivered their baby on the road due to the doctors strike and ask sympathetically “So your wife had to deliver the baby on the road uh?" "Aapko kaisa lag raha hai?"

5. In gentle tones ask a woman who has been raped “Aapka balaathkaar hua? Aapko kaisa lag raha hai?"

Expansion of course material welcome in the comments section. Due acknowledgment will be given to you in the book that I am bringing out called “TV News Reporting for Dummies"


Nikhil Narayanan said...

First to comment.....
seriously da,these guys be it tv or press, they jus rub it in!!!!
sad lot they are

Abhi said...

Just waiting to grab my copy of " Dummies guide to TV Reporting " and ask my share of "Aaapko kaisa lag raha hai?'s" and end with a catchy name line ALA Prasanth Raghuvamsham, Asianet News

As you say; all these ppl do is find reasons to fight. Even while rejoicing in the joy of Indian boys winning the T20 World cup, these guys went on to ask the AUDIENCE if this win is greater than the 83 win from Kapil's boys! 1 guy even said that ths win appears to be bigger coz of MEDIA FRENZY. Aren't these guys the 1's creating this FRENZY(Cool word eh!)

Am sick of these QUESTION OF THE DAY and Sharma's and Varma's coming and churning out expert opinions on issues ranging from Vidarbha farmer suicides to Sreesanth's Aggression!

Asterix said...

I am yet to see an interviewee slap the reporter and say, "Ab aapko aisa lag raha hai?" That would be a sight!

I am glad I haven't opened my TV box all these months.

Amey said...

"Aap ko kaisa lag raha hai" (and nuances thereof) begs an entire chapter in your book.

So do the facial expressions while listening to broken/unbroken questions from Studio.

Will think some more and add it.

scorpigle said...

long time since here.. but not disapointed as usual.. good reads.. all of them.. strung on your blog!

mathew said...

its same every where..if u see larry king ..the questions are purely designed for a explosive comment or a emotional outburst..

but then our media needs a serious revamp..esp this "aapko kaisa lag raha hai" is one of the most sadist question..are all such anchors dumbwits..

♪♪Happy Go Lucky♪♪ said...

gr8 work man...loads of fun 2 read ur blog... by the way visit mine wen ur free...

Anonymous said...

Great post man. :) Enjoy

ap said...

@mathew I guess 99% falls in that category.....

Adorable Pancreas said...

Where can I get a copy of your book? Please include tips for interviewing dead people. "You are dead, how do you feel now?"

Abhay said...

no matter how bad the situation is, these reporters give the whole report in grim detail.but towards the end, the rising smile shows up and they say - "this is moindeepa banerjee (or some xyz) for NDTV 24*7" does that sudden change in emotions take place, only god can answer.

Anonymous said...

As competition hots up in the broadcasting space, news channels have come out with innovative ways to take on the saas-bahu brigade. So during prime time when balaji telefilms (which, over the years, have shown us almost all possible permutations and combinations of relationships that can exist between human beings) brings the latest twist in the tale, the news channels bring you real-life stories like a Patna professor smitten by a student and the student beaten by his wife.

Matching the rival doesn’t end here. So when you have serials like “shhhhhhh” and “Raat Hone Ko Hai”, the news channels take you to the spooky world of bhoots, chudails and dayens.

C’mon! Given a choice, would you like to see fact or fiction :-)

Vikram Nandwani said...

:D :D Great Post! & lol asterix!
And I have a few for your books from the days I was forced to watch Star News

1)During Gujarat floods:-
News Reader: Haan Suresh, Is baad (flood) se kaun kaun si trains prabhavit hui hain??
Field Reporter: (with all earnestness) Aise hain Rajesh, yahan pe dono Aane wali aur Jaani wali trains prabhavit hui hain!!!

2)Immediately after Sunil Dutts funeral:-
News Reader to Sunil Dutts childhood friend (on Phone): Kya aap confirm kar sakte hain ki Dutt Saab ki death ho gayi hai... (And you should hav seen the way the friend slammed the news reporter left right & centre after that)

3)During a landslide in Borivali:-
Field Reporter to Bystanders in Borivali : Kya aap bata sake hain ke yahan kya hua?

Anonymous said...


Great job on the blog here. Found this only a couple of weeks back, but already think if there was a mallu blogger of the year award, it should be yours!

PK said...

Poke a mic @ ur face and ask the same question :))
citing "U r known to come up with such cool hilarious blogs and still continue on this record" as the reason.

silverine said...

Nikhil: Yep they do know how treat viewers like morons.

Abhi: A copy will be dispatched to you very soon :p The media comes close to creating a frenzy with their inflammatory questions. God knows when it will blow over!

Asterix: LOL!!!

scorpigle: Nice to see you buddy :)

Mathew: Please dont insult Larry King by comparing him with our field reporters. See Vikram's description to know what I am talking about :)

harini: Thank you for dropping by!

suds: Thank you :)

AP: lol!!! I will definitely include that int he curriculum and give you a free copy :p

Abhay:Their fake somber faces hide the euphoria of hitting pay dirt of a scoop!!

Jithesh: The questions asked by the news reporters or field reporters are downright stupid!! I was actually talking about that. See Vikrams hilarious addendum's :))

Vikram: ROFL!!! That was a scream :)) And I totally believe that!!

babychen: Thank you so much :)

pk: lol!! Thank you buddy :)

Arun said...

Let's also have some tips on covering celebrities. I am soon starting a news channel that focuses 24x7 on celebrities. Yes, news channel, I meant.

claytonia vices said...

The news channels are only getting dumb and dumber!

Time you published this book. It will become a bestseller and you will be on TV answering questions about it! And then a dumb reporter will still ask you, 'Yeh book abhi bestseller hua hai. Aapko kaisa lag raha hain...'


Harish said...

TV news channels have become a farce. For them, news is nothing serious. It's pure entertainment.

Something about the same, I wrote here

Anonymous said...

Landed on your blog on an irritating office day...and after reading it all the irritation flew away and I was left with a laugh..
My God, you have got an awesome sense of humour..

"Aab aapni tarrif sunkar aapko kaisa lag raha hain ;)"

SK said...

hey...LOL !!! great post !! loved it..have been following up ur post regularly but my stupid office internet security doesnt allow me to post my comments for some wierd reason..finally managed today...

gr88 reading

Santosh said...

LOL's and :-)'s are global variables in all comments on your blogs... Zeeeesh cant do away with the IT touch :-)

When sanjay dutt was being taken to jail.. a star news guy screaming into the jeep 'Say something baba, baba say something' : a horribly amused Sanjay dutt "I love my fans, God Bless"

Within 2 mins "FLASH NEWS" Sanjay dutt speaks exclusively to star news says he loves his fans and blesses all of them" :-)

BTW, " Aap ke blog pe itne saare log aate hai, comment karte hai, haste hai" AAPKO KAISA LAGTA HAI :-)

CarbonMonoxide said...

Now that you have made the decision , "Aapko kaisa lag raha hai?"

mad hatter said... forgot the screaming news reporters who first introduce the story like street peddlars selling cheap synthetic the kilo...the louder the better...
think they have a target for how mnay ear drums they can burst and how many synapses they can mess up with their poor choice of words...(hmm..seems i ran away here...)

loving ur blogs...for months now... second babychen's award...

methodactor said...

Ha ha. When I say this I usually say "aapko kaisa MEHSOOS ho raha hai.?" Gives it the right kind of "hey like hell I care" thing. These TV guys are funny. I saw a ticker a while back saying:"Live telecast: Rabbit surgery.". NO KIDDING. Nice blog, btw.

Preetam said...

Good one....

Ananth Krishnan said...

Hey! You have a really cool blog. My colleague Dinesh recommended it to me, and I love your easy writing style.

silverine said...

Arun: Looking forward to the celebrity news channel :)

claytonia vices: Dumb, dumber, dumbest seems to be the TRP rating of these news channels :p

Harish: That was a funny read :)

silence killed: Thank you :) I dread the day one of those dumb reporters interview me :p

SK: Thank you buddy, great to see you here :)

santoz: That was atrocious but just like a news channel to make any news into a News Flash:))

Aap ke blog pe itne saare log aate hai, comment karte hai, haste hai" AAPKO KAISA LAGTA HAI" GRRRR :P

thedawg: Aap ko ek chammat dene ka man kar raha hai lol!! :))

mad hatter: Thank you :) And the screaming leaves the reporter and listener blue in the face brrr

methodator: Rabbit surgery!! That is the height of desperation! :))

Preeetam: Thank you :)

ananth krishnan: Thank you Sir and great to have your comment here :)

VIDYA said...

Ohhh evryone here seems 2 be on 'i hate tv-reporters' mode.
but there are reporters who do justice to thier jobs as well. though i totally agree that most times they sensationalise stupid issues, like sumones' dress being a bad fit and keep yapping about it for hours together and then play the same story all over agin.

ur blog is really nice. :-)

Vineet Rajan said...

lol! this has to be one of the funniest blogs i have come across in a long time!
nice one


Srinivas said...

i think u will do very well. you should also do a talk show or something. where you can contaminate your audience's point of view in the pretext of 'summarizing' and cause a slur and then all you have to do is sit back and relax..