When cupid strikes and misses

From time immemorial, guys have used every possible method to catch the attention of the gals they fancy. Some are unique, some are not. Of course there are the suave and smooth guys who have no problems in charming the gals off their feet.

On the other hand you have guys who have no clue on how to approach a gal or are too shy and often end up making fools of themselves. I shall give a few examples of the second type of guys and their tactics that I have encountered over the years.

The Romantic Stalker: This type is usually found on a bike, hovering around the bus stand around the same time your bus is due to arrive. He will be hovering around when your college bus drops you off in the evening too. Will comb his hair and preen in the bike mirror from time to time. He will follow you home in his bike and then turn it gracefully around the moment you enter the gate and vanish in a trice.

Rating: Harmless

The Bus Stand Romeo: This type waits at your bus stop. You ignore him. He doesn’t mind. He knows when your college bus arrives and departs and may be found checking his watch anxiously if you are a trifle late. He looks at you askance when you finally arrive at the bus stand with an expression that says “where were you all this time?”. Any moment you feel he may lift his feet like a dog and pee on the lamp post closest to you, to mark his territory.

Rating: Annoying but harmless

The Phone Romeo: This type has no self confidence but considers himself in lurve. So his friends will jump into the fray to help him out by getting your phone number using sisters or GF’s studying in your college.

Him: Hello?
Me: Yes?
Him: um…errr…. (whispers heard in the background like “ask her her name” etc.)
Him: err….my name is Prasad (muffled curses in the background from friends)
Me: Yes, Mr. Prasad?
(muffled directions being given in the background like “ask her her name you dolt!!!)
Him: err…what is your name?
Me: What?!?!!?
Him: *gulp* err…hmmmm….I mean what is the name of the subjects you have taken in college?
(sounds of expletives and palms slapping foreheads by the support services gathered around the Romeo).

Rating: Absolutely harmless as he will lose courage after the first attempt and the several well aimed kicks by friends who spent many an hour coaching him for this singular performance.

The Dog Loving Romeo: This type probably doesn’t know what a dog is but since he is seen you walking your dogs may do a quick read up and strategically place himself on your regular walking route.

Him: Hello…nice dog…I just love dogs.
Me: Thank you!
Him: This is a Great Dane (a big dog) isn’t it? Nice breed. I know quite a lot about them.
Me: No, this is a Lhasa Apso ( a very small dog)
Him: Oh!!!

Rating: Harmless. After loss of face he may never come back, but the effort was cute and commendable, though lacked sufficient research.

The SMS Romeo: Another poor soul with your phone number.

SMS at 12 midnight: Hi!
Me on SMS: Who is this?
Him: Guess!!! :)
Me: No idea!
Him: I was standing at the college gate in a checked shirt.
Me: Ok, I didn’t notice.
Him: Can we talk?
Me: No!
Him:?
Him: ??
Him:????
Him: ????????

Rating: Harmless if ignored. If he persists then I hand the phone over to my rather staid and sedate eldest brother. He will patiently and in a kind tone sermonize the guy about concentrating on his studies and focusing on his career and not wasting his youth etc and soon you will distinctly hear the guy snoring at the other end. There would be no more SMS after that.

The Kishore Kumar Romeo: This type has a song for every second, hour, time of the day.

As you are walking towards him: Thumko dekha tho yeh khayal aaya, zindagi dhoop tum ghana saaya.
As you come abreast: Mujse shaadi karogi, Mujse shaadi karogi.
As you pass him by: Ruk ja o jaanewaali rukjaa, mein hun raahi theri manzil ka.

Rating: Harmless and very entertaining. Uses a good mix of old and new songs and sings well, mostly unemployed, but gallant. Best ignored unless you want to accept his proposal and plan on singing “ Mera jeevan kora kaagaz kora is reh gaya” for the rest of your life.

The Love Note Romeo: This guy is a rather confident person but not confident enough to face you and tell you his feelings. He will send you a letter written in single ruled paper torn from his notebook and the content will usually be like this:

From the time I seeing you, I am loving you. You are vary butiful. I know many boys after you, but I loving you truly. I want to meet you. My name is pyarelal. I love you vary much. bye

Rating: Harmless.

The Juvenile Romeo: This type will shout out suddenly when you pass him by and the resultant attention tickles him no end. He will talk loudly, giggle, push his friends and act like a complete jerk expecting you to be impressed.

Rating: Bloody fool!!

Office Romeos: You get bumbling Romeos in the office too. I will describe some specimens from the corporate world here.

The Internal Messenger Romeo: As soon as you reach the office and switch on the computer your IM will flash a message.

Him: Good Morning!
Me: Good Morning.
Him: Breakfast kazhicho? ( had your breakfast)
Me: yep
Him: What was the menu?
Me: Sorry gotta go for a meeting, bye.

He will of course keep messaging and you minimize the window and ignore him for the rest of the day. In the evening you open the messenger and see the long monologue and reply with a “oops sorry was in a meeting whole day, going home bye” and shut down the comp.

The Traveling Romeo: Apparently…this guy is forever traveling and hence will drop by your seat often on the pretext of giving you Chocolates (from US/UK), Murukku (Chennai), Rasgulla (Kolkata) etc. You realize when you check the packet that they have been bought from Nilgiri’s Departmental Store. He keeps dropping in till you are gagging and probably throws his hand up in despair when you don’t return his affections. After which he probably writes to his mother “maa mein shaadi karne ke liye thaiiyaar hun”. You will have peace of mind for three months after which the routine starts all over again *groan* or till attrition gives you a break.

The Chocolate/Toffee Romeo: This type will leave a chocolate or a toffee in your cubicle from time to time. You try desperately to find out who he is but he is too shy to show himself. When it stops you know he is joined another company.

The Devdas Romeo: This is the silent suffering in love kind type, that hangs around your floor though his cubicle is in the next building just to get a glimpse of you. He is so miserably in love that when you are leaving the office in the evening, you can see him plastered to the window glass trying to catch a last glimpse of you. If he happens to be in the lunch que with you, then the guys standing ahead of him will, in sync move back to allow him to stand next to you which is as good as attaining ‘nirwana’ for him. If you look at him he blushes and gets nervous. You heave a sigh a relief when he joins another company. Attrition has its benefits I must say!!

The Linguist Romeo: This guy doesn’t beat around the bush.

Him: You are a Malayalee? I love Malayalam!! I have been learning the language since two months now. Will you teach me?
Me: That’s nice. So how much Malayalam do you know?
Him: I know vanakkam ( a Tamil word) and oota (a Kannada word)
Me: Those are not Malayalam words.
Him: Oh! *sheepish grin*

Won’t trouble you after being caught red handed.

These are a few examples and gals usually have their own way of dealing with them. All girls would have had a brush with at least one of these Romeos at some time or the other. If not for originality one must commend them for making the effort. And If you know of any other ‘genius methods’ guys use, feel free to use the comments section.