The story of Man!

There is something that we gals cannot do when we get together and that is 'keep quiet'. We love to talk and meaningful silences are as alien to us as Shilajit Capsules or a Suzuki Hayabusa. We like to discuss everything. By everything I mean anything that happened during the course of day from the time we get up and say "Oh my God! I look awful!" (Unlike guys who get up and say "hrmphfxl").

Therefore girls get a little perplexed when guys don’t chatter as much and prefer to clam up and drink alcohol whether they are sad, happy, jubilant, depressed, angry, joyous or forgot to shave.(The latest Mera No. 1 ad is an outstanding testimony of the human Man's inability to verbalize his feelings).

So I approached a renowned historian to learn about this behavior of men. After several pegs of Mera No. 1 Mineral Water, Cassettes and CDs, renowned historian Michael Chakson from Jhumri Thalaiyya told me that this kind of behavior is a genetic predisposition from the days Humans were hunter-gatherers.

The prehistoric Man was our predecessor and was the guy who was responsible for the propagation of our species. (Poor man if he had known this back then, he would have invented birth control before the wheel). Go forth and multiply was his motto er...natural instinct, which is what actually led to the invention of the wheel. And the rest is history er...present...er...whatever. Which is why guys with two wheelers behave like Neanderthals while the ones with four wheels behave like Neanderthals on four wheels.

This prehistoric dude was a real modern and hep dude. He had numerous live in girlfriends. He was also the first man in History to have a love child when his first-born came into this world. After delivering several love children the prehistoric women invented "Headache". Which was the first ever recorded form of birth control by early man. The invention of the ‘headache’ also led to speech by early man and the first ever-recorded conversation between humans went like this.

Man: hrmphfxl?
Woman: Not tonight dear, I have a headache.

(Later as man graduated from hunter gatherer to farmer the word cave was replaced by 'hay'. 'Headache' was replaced by 'Migraine', which is supposed to last for an indeterminable period)

Our prehistoric dude's successors successfully kept his tradition alive with several bouncy love children till some barbarians spoilt the party by inventing 'monogamy' and 'marriage'. The invention of the 'headache' and 'marriage' hampered the human man’s style and he in turn invented "Football" to vent his frustrations. This was the first ever-recorded 'vicious cycle' in human history and the beginning of many other vicious cycles that led to the invention of Cricket, Motorbikes and Whiskey.

Anyways, the prehistoric dude had a lot of fun, unlike his modern counterpart who has to content with alimony, child support and AIDS if he tried to emulate his ancestors. But life was not all fun and women for our prehistoric dude. He had the responsibility of feeding his numerous women and love kids. If he couldn’t bring home the bacon er...I mean the Bison he would have to contend with the sad loss of his loved ones to his rival’s camp.(Because his rival’s dining stone was groaning under a rather juicy Buffalo). Not bringing home the Bison had other disadvantages too. He would have to eat the vegetables gathered by the women. The vegetables reminded him of his failure as a hunter and that according to Michael Chakson, is why men hate veggies and love meat. (another example of a prehistoric vicious cycle)

Prehistoric man learnt from bitter experience that silence was golden after this traumatic incident at a hunt.

Man1: Shhhhh!!!! A plump deer at 2 ‘o’ Clock!
Man2: Did you hear that Granite Garry’s woman had defected to Marble Marlow’s camp?
Man1: Drat! The deer ran away.
Man3: Shhhh!!!! A fat Bison!!
Man4: Really??? But I thought Marble Marlow’s wife was messing his gene pool with Granite Garry!!!
Man3: Darn! The Bison took to his heels.

That night, Man 1, 2, 3 and 4 all lost their women to Sandstone Sean and Igneous Isaac. (Well...Granite Garry and Marble Marlow’s camp were rather crowded already).

Silence became an important tool for the prehistoric man for hunting. Besides having so many women put paid his chances of getting in a word edgewise or otherwise. Man continued to excel in hunting but languished in verbal skills.

And that according to Michael Chakson, is why guys are the strong and silent types.