Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Moderation is the key

Monday morning and mail from HR. There is going to be meetings (ominous tidings). The whole co will be divided into 10 member groups and a moderator (a senior manager of course) will chair these meetings. These meetings will be called “Awaaz’.

Essential gear for these meetings:

· At least 3 new viable product or service ideas.
· At least three new suggestions to improve our working life,
· At least three wasted hours when we could be chatting on various messengers.

My turn came this Friday at 3 pm with 9 other ‘Einsteins’. We meet at ‘Everest’ (the conference room), which is on the ground floor because ‘Godavari’ which is on a higher elevation is occupied.

Moderator: KG, so what product or service suggestions have you thought for us?

KG ( a sales guy): “I was thinking…and thinking and thinking whole night. I thought we should have a sensor for car drivers !!! ( he exclaims triumphantly). Every time the driver falls asleep the sensor will beep.”

Moderator ( sarcastically): Ahem… in case you haven't noticed we make components and not sensors, and anyway what parameters will these sensors work on?

KG: “ When the drivers head leans to the right… the sensor will go BEEP and when the drivers head leans to the right the sensor will go BEEP. And when the .........

Moderator( quickly):NEXT

VS: okay. But I won’t get into trouble naa? Promise? Okay! Why don’t we make something that will help in the detection of hidden Video Cams? I mean when I go to pee I am always afraid someone is observing me.

Moderator: Ahem… interesting suggestion (a little desperately) NEEEEXT!!!

BB: Why don’t we make devices that will check adulteration in wheat flour” I mean these #^%$#% traders are always mixing rice flour with wheat flour!

Moderator: NEEEEEEEXT!!!

MM: My wife always burns the toast so why don’t we.....

RK( interrupting him): Oh no not the toast whine again!!!!!!! For Gods sake why don’t you hire a guy to blow a whistle when your toast is ready? Cheaper than buying a new toaster I say!!!!

MM shuts up.

Moderator: People...people....please calm down...

CS: How about a component in a mobile that uses the power of another mobile to send messages?

HC: Ha Ha Ha . That’s what I call power theft in broad daylight. Ha ha ha.

CS glares at HC who oblivious to CS is SMS’ing his girlfriend with the joke.

Moderator dialing 110: “Glory? Please get me on the train to Delhi tonight ! I MUST leave tonight.

Meanwhile MS is desperately trying to peep into the Moderators laptop where he is entering our ‘suggestions’ for the record.

He manages to get a peek and and turns to us in glee and whispers hoarsely, “He is playing Solitaire!!!!

The Moderator glares at MS.

Tuesday morning and mail from HR: “Due to unavailability of the moderator, who is proceeding on long leave, we have to regretfully terminate the ‘Awaaz’ programme. Thank you all for your delighful suggestions!”


nestpa said...

Fine company... the ones you've got!

Arjun said...

What a team!

QuaTros said...

Hmm...well..reminds me of one of those typcial brain storming sessions you see in the Dilbert comic series in which characters pour in the most outrageous ideas with loads of attitude! :-)

Jake said...

i couldnt agree more, this is a scene right out of Dilbert.
moments like these make life seem more surreal than real. lol.

Pradeep Nair said...

Such programmes will never crop up if there is at least a temporary ban on generation of ideas!!!

Amit said...

Nice place to work!! Do they have any vacancies?? ;-)
Keep this up and you'll put Dilbert outta business...

Praveen said...

LOL, I would have liked to be a part of this meeting :-)

Matter of Choice said...

I have a product idea too!!

How about a corporate blog scanner, which scans the blogs of all employees and automatically emails a pink slip when any blog which oozes sarcasm abt work is found out..

ahem...but please dont sell it to my company :)


Naresh Krishnan said...

I hope this is a fictional account, for your own sake.
Or is it that the term 'dooced' has no relevance to you?

Blog safe.

The Dalda said...

hmm. surprisingly, ppl give the most retard comments in meeting. they are always under the impression that they are saying somethin technical and end up say rubbish that they have no idea of. love meetings though. gives me time to do my sketches and read all my sms forwards.

Ammo said...

Man...Are we highly inspired by Dilbert or is it the other way round??? Meetings are so darn the SAME everywhere...BTW my office too follows the naming convention of meeting rooms and auditoriums...Imagine people saying,"GARGI is full and no longer available, let go to PANINI or MAITRAYEE " (Puns strictly NOT intended)...I know whats it like to be surrounded by odd-heads...You really need to be someplace else...but then again, why give up on such comic relief...We mite lose out on such funny posts... :)


silverine said...

@ammo: Believe me it was when people started comparing me with Dilbert , did I seriously read some Dilbert strips. However apart from the humoros look at corporate culture I don't see much familiarity. Thanks! :))

Ammo said...

Hi again, well the comparisons are just eventual coz I the author, Scott Adams, was highly Inspired by his stint with the coropate world...I'd suggest the book, "Dilbert Principle"-Scott Adams (Im reading this one) or comics.com which mails you a Dilbert stirp daily...Just in case u keen on it that is...Otherwise, long time, no P (post) :) ...Ok bad one...