Monday, November 02, 2009

Mobile Entertainment

Now that the Big 10 bus services have been introduced in Bangalore, I find my self using the service to go to town...quite literally. During weekdays we car pool, so during weekends I use this service to give me a break from driving. During my travels from home to Brigade Road I find myself seated next to a lot of people who use the travel time to catch up with friends, relations, parents, BF/GF etc. Of these, the mallus are the most voluble.

Example no 1: The Mallu gal in Bangalore for higher studies.

This type generally chats up people back home in Kerala during the bus ride. The conversation is held in Malayalam. I have used the liberty to use English for non mallu readers. Typical conversations are like this:

Hellooo! Idhu njaana! Aa! Pinne…avide endha vishesham? Is it raining there aa? Aa! What about at Babuchayans place? Please be careful near the well. You will slip and fall due to the moss. Tell that Vareed to come and clean it no! Has achchan repaired the wall on the other side of the parambu? That Mathukutty's cows will have a hay-day if you don’t. Pinne… tell me what else is new there? Aiyyo jose chetande kada pootiyo? Eppo? So where do you buy vegetables from now? Teresa chechi is gone home for delivery? I hope I can get home by then. Pakshe test undu. Pinne businde ticketinde prashanam undo. Last minute ticket kitoola. Njaan innu onnum kazhichilla amme. Breakfastinnu breadum butterum ayirnnu. Maduthu! Pinne…vere endha vishesham? Aiyyo ende stop vittu poyi. Njaan vekkate? Illa, adutha stopil irangi nadannolam. Sheri! Amme vekkate? Aiyyo stop vannu. Koda eduthatundu. Vayiguneram vilikaam tow? Aiyyo conductor saare stop maadi. Eranganam.

All this is delivered at supersonic jaw crunching speed and by the time we reach the next stop I and other mallu passengers in the bus can write the biography of the entire Kandath family from Thodupuzha!!

Next specimen will be mallu gal from Kerala married to techie guy and now employed in some office. She will talk to her friend also married and living in Calicut.

Hiiiii! How are you? I am fine. Etan is also fine. Ende father in law sick aa! Ariyulla endha problem. Vayis ayille. Pinne enna visheshams? Ivide oru vishesham illa. *gasp* Really??? Aiyyo! I did not hear that! When? Where? How? Ende daivamme!! Did her parents bring her back? I knew it! I told her also. But she was madly in love with him! Pinne what else? Anyone else in our batch getting married? Job is boring yaar. Etan comes home only by 9. I watch TV what else! My neighbor is some Tamilian. Kandooda aa sthreeye! Ende stop vannu. Njaan orkuttil scrap chaiyyam. Balance illa. Bye!

To me: Is this Lal Baugh stop?
Me: No. This bus doesn’t go that way!
Gal: Aiyyo!
Me: Where are you going?
Gal: Majestic!
Me: You are in the wrong bus.
Gal: !!!!
Me: Never mind. Get down at Brigade Road. You will lots of buses from there.
Gal: Hello? Nasreen? I am in the wrong bus *giggle* hahahahahahahaha
And more ahahahaha

After that I and the rest of the passengers who can understand Malayalam can write the entire biography of the Krishnan Menon and Abu Backer Family from Calicut.

Unfortunately no guys will sit next to me as I sit in the ladies section. But like the other Bangalore guys, mallu guys are also not discriminatory and do not mind sitting on ladies seats. Their conversations will go like this after looking around and ascertaining that his neighbors are non mallus.

Hey da I met Sushmita, Renju and Baby yesterday. They are all here. Ramesh IBM’ill annu. Rejoyum, babyum Accentureil annu. Pinne Joemone kandu. Avan Bilkehalliyill aanu thamasam. Navin has gone to the US for his MS. I am in training now. Boring da. After that I will go to Pune. Yesterday was team lunch. Stupid food. Everybody wanted Andhra food. You don’t get malayalam movies here. So Sunday we spend roaming around malls. Jijo is in TCS. Harish is in Infosys. Srinivasan is in Mindtree. Abraham is in CTS and …..!

By the time this conversation is over, me and the other passengers who know Malayalam feel like picking him up and heaving him out of the bus.


Blunt Edges said...

Gal: Hello? Nasreen? I am in the wrong bus *giggle* hahahahahahahaha
And more ahahahaha

lol...i know THAT type ;)

ഹാഫ് കള്ളന്‍||Halfkallan said...

a short kannada talk :

heli sir ....
.... elliii
( eyes started bulging out .. )
.... Houdaaaa .. (eyes are almost out )
amele ........ houdu .. ok sir ..

John K said...

Silverine, do you know you are on the must-read list of many young copywriters in India? (Just added myself to the list) :-)

.. said...

Was too good silverine!!
Loved it!!

Anonymous said...

Byootiphully written! :) But I suppose these descriptions apply to people from other states too, esp. the conversations to catch up with BF/GF. People somehow just don't get enough of it.

Lyfe said...

Awesome post. But is it possible that you were annoyed to the extent you were because you know malayalam?

The Wanderer said...

You never got the neighbor who speaks in sooooo low volume with BF that you wonder if she is actually talking or just holding the phone!?

BTW, can we please have a English/Hindi translation of all the Mallu sentences...I somehow feel I missed out on all the best punchlines there...I can see interesting keywords like Orkut, scrap, Accenture etc in those lines!

Guruji said...

For 'The Blue Indian', here are few things that I can translate to other more human understandable languages

-“Idhu njaana! Aa! Pinne…avide endha vishesham?” – Hei, it’s me. What’s news there?
-“Achachan” – My old man(Thandai Periyoor in Tamil)
-“Parambu” – Land/ground(typically ancestral property, Koottu-parambu means playground )
-“Mathukutty” – Mathew Kidman
-“Jose chetande kada pootiyo” – Mr.Jose(pronunciation varies - depending on the speaker’s bodily alcohol level - between ‘Hose’ and ‘Yose’) has closed his shop?
-“Vayis ayille” – Man is about to kick the bucket
-“Ende daivamme” – OMG!
-“Kandooda aa sthreeye” – Bitch!
-“Njaan orkuttil scrap chaiyyam” – I’ll be scrapping in Orkut(‘S’ silent)

Destiny's child... said...

I've seen all these types. Yes, in Kerala. Buses rides are really entertaining.I usually pretend that I am looking out of the window...little do the people next to me know that I've my ears tuned to their conversation. Harmless entertainment! ;)
Loved the post! :)

Anonymous said...

Killer one girl.....Even I have experinced similar incidents many time :D

athe silverineee ,discriminatory and do not mind sitting on ladies seats ....can u pls tell 'us' what is wrong in that(not about blabbering in phone) :D

The Holy Lama said...

Bus Rides help build G.K.and keep touch with languagess.;P

Unknown said...

I lurrrrved that hanging around in malls bit. I don't understand that concept at all. I don't have anything to do. Fuck, let's go to a mall. Weird. And thankfully I didn't have to encounter such people on a weekly basis. Only when I take a bus to Kerala. Almost everyone will be on a phone.

Nona said...

I'm not getting into any Big 10. I don't want to be end up as a conversation in here! :)

I enjoyed reading the conversation mainly because of the Malayalam punch lines you have used. Will a non-Malayali reader understand the joke? May be not! But, I'm smiling ear to ear. Thank you.

Ashly said...

gal.....this is too much!!!
u felt like throwing that poor chap out...u didn't feel like picking those two girls up and heaving them out of the bus ??????

ps:Koda eduthatundu.

Asif Abbas said...

Too good :)

Arun said...

Funny post! By the way thodupuzha is my home town and I stay at bilekahalli! talk about coincidence.

claytonia vices said...

"Ramesh IBM’ill annu. Rejoyum, babyum Accentureil annu. Pinne Joemone kandu. Avan Bilkehalliyill aanu thamasam. Navin has gone to the US for his MS..."

OMG! This is not exclusive to only mallu guys! All IT guys are united by the content of their conversations :D especially if they are freshers...
and that 'boring da' is there too! It is always boring but they do it anyways :D

thebanalsprite said...

You got better means of entertainment in a bus?

Useless Bugger said...

Oh, you reprised this post.

Nice. Even though my Mallu vocab is limited to words like "Zimble", "Temble", "Ungle", "Aundy", "Gelf", "Kanji" and "Dei poda" , I could make out most of the punchlines in this post!

Good one. :-)

Unknown said...

Duh!! you have a very anti-techi anti-mallu blog, good for you that mallus dont have anything akin to kannada rakshaka vedike...

Assuming that we "true" mallus had such a patriotic organization (say mandan mallu kootam) you would be the first one up for assassination.. mind it!!

Anonymous said...

"Another Yesterday" is nice electronica. :)

Rex said...

Have you recycled this post?
I think I've seen this a couple of months before- not that the effect has diminished! :P

Anonymous said...

London Dreams - Web Comic review! funny!

Phantom said...

What a breath of fresh air this blog is !!!! Great to see your style of writing. I don’t often see chicks with such a good sense of humour !!! (was that sexist??? I don’t care tho  )

I hail from b’lore, as in my folks are from there, but have spent only 5 years here (age 10 to 15)….have lived overseas since age 15 (27 now). Reading your blog seriously brought back lots of nostalgic memories of b’lore. Its funny….I always think of myself as a Banglorean, but for some reason, I now don’t feel I truly have a feel for b’lore culture. Guess if I had gone to uni in b’lore things would have been diff.

But…can completely relate…re the convo in the bus. Gujjus and punjus too have a similar nonchalant enthically deep way of communicating, where the rest of the world is inconsequential to their unique life chapter.

Just curious….from some of your posts I get the impression that you’re single….and haven’t had a bf?? Am I on the money?

Anonymous said...

ROFL! I dont get ppl who talk their whole lives on high vol in public places

What about those who dont understand mallu?
And what about the faction who speak in some other language?

Chithira Menon said...

really hilarious

los said...

A very tiring wait at a railway cross in Ekm was made more tiring by the girl sitting next to me who updated her best friend on what her boyfriend said on the phone word by agonising word,at the top of her volume.But I forgave her when she finished the report by asking her dear friend to keep everything SECRET!!!
Thanx .

Shrutzz said...

I was laughing so loudly, by the end of this post!!! AMAZING!!!!!

silverine said...

blunt edges: :D

half kallan: Happens!Once in a blue moon! ;)

John: Poor people, they are in grave danger of losing their writing skills! :p

Shylu: Thank you and welcome to my blog! :)

Vignesh: Everyone and that includes fellow mallus say that it is predominantly a mallu phenomenon! :)

Lyfe: I am not the only one annoyed. I hear this grumble from other mallus too! :) It is not Malayalam but the loud noise that is irritating.

Santhosh: ROFL!! Too good a translation! =))

Destiny's child: Harmless entertainment indeed if it is short lived! :) Do see Los's comment. Hilarious!!

anish: lol! I see another culprit here! :))

The Holy Lama: You are right O Holy One! :)

VnP: lol! That description was just right about everyone being on the phone! :P

Nona: ha ha ha... wait till you hear about the mallu service engg who has parked herself close to me. I will record her if possible and post on my blog! :P

Captain haddock: They were entertaining, the guy was boring, thats why! :p

Asif Abbas: Thank you! :)

Arun: What are the odds!! ;)

claytonia vices: :D Then it is a universal phenomenon I guess!!

thebanalsprite: I do not want to be entertained on a bus.

Parikshith: Thank you! :)

Abrahm: Your kootam will not have many members because most of them will be reading my post and nodding in agreement.

Anon: Yep it is! :)

Rex: No, posted it here on demand! :)

Phantom: Thank you for the kind words. :) Bangalore is not the same anymore! And curiosity killed the cat didn't you hear! :|

indiashoes: Believe me it is the mallus who are on the phone all the time and quite oblivious to the fact that they are talking loud! :)

Chitz: Thank you! :)

Los: Hilarious!!! Good one!

Shruti: Thank you! :)

Thoorika said...

Translation please :(

Today one guy next to me was talking in a very loud voice about his bank balance! Seemed to be such a rich guy! Wanted to kidnap him but no company :( :P

Manu said...

Don't publish this as a book as everyone else is doing when they get famous. The content will lose its SOUL. It's so good like this. Love ya. :)

Hb said...

Did u write this somewhere else?Remember reading it. Good one.

Unknown said...

off topic, but well, whatever..

i was at an interview in cochin last week when the guy calling out names called out for 'silverine' (i dunno how its spelt, but that's definitely what he pronounced).. my eyes pricked up, and i wondered if i heard it right, and imagine my surprise when a tall, thin man rose and walked up to be interviewed..

you're not pulling our legs, are you? i mean, this is the internet, after all.. :-p

Samvedna said...

I think such people make the journey so enjoyable:) imagin what we would do sitting quietly:)

Biju said...

Any specific reason you picked Thodupuzha?

I've heard a lot of these entertainments in the bus :-)

Nice one as usual.

Rajlakshmi said...

LOLzzzz that made me miss my place so much... i dnt understand a single word here... so difficult to liv in non hindi speaking state...

this reminds me of my college days when we used to listen to our fellow passengers in autos :P it was fun..
now the only fun is to comment on fellows passengers in my regional language and laugh with friends... no one understands... bad habit na... but sill :P

manoranjini said...

Funny,as usual.Thnx for the best of this week corner,got to read some more delightful posts that way.:-)

silverine said...

Thoorika: :) See Santhosh P's comment. I do not think I can better that!

Manu: I have absolutely no delusions of becoming a novelist. Everyone cannot be a Chetan Bhagat!

HB: Yes. Reposted here as some junta think it belongs here! :p

Jackson: There is a famous Finnish female Pop singer also called Silverine. The lotus shaped cactus is also called Silverine. So I admit, I am a famous Finnish female cactus pop singer...and now after your comment, make me thin and tall too! :|

Antarman: True, some people's conversations are interesting, some plain boring.

Biju: The girl mentioned Thodupuzha and I have given the conversations as I heard them.

Rajlakshmi: Its fun I agree! :D

Manoranjini: Thank you and great to hear you liked the links! :)

Manu said...

Chetan Bhagat is hopeless compared to this blog! And I really mean it! No "flatter to deceive" business here !!

Alex said...

ROTFL!! Absolutely hilarious.

Unknown said...

well, if you resent being thin and tall so much, then that's really none of my business, then is it? :-p

cacti in finland.. hmm, that's an interesting thought..

Sameer said...

Not a good habit eavesdropping on others' conversations! ;)

Nice post though... :)

Bullshee said...

Gulp!! I know the "Kandath" family from Thodupuzha!! A figment of your imagination, or the sis of a friend has been yapping too much on buses!!

Sandeep said...

Am a mallu in chennaite.. have had experiences like this.. More worse is typical mallus gossipping & cribbing abt chennaites unaware of the fact there are fellow mallus around.. :P