Sunday, November 23, 2008

Shopping with the enemy and winning

Before all the girls here gasp and faint, let me explain. I DID NOT GO SHOPPING WITH MY AMMA. It just err… happened! Yeah I know, shopping with your mother is not what you do unless you are a toddler or bound and gagged and taken under gun point or taken leave of your sense or all three. But this sort of happened…honestly!!

So here we were the other day, mother and daughter, walking innocently by Life and Style Inc when the lady remembered that she needed to buy new furnishings for Christmas. And since we were passing by the Mall, and I needed to buy approximately 116784 gifts for Christmas (6578 on Dad’s side of the family alone), I agreed to go in with her. I learned a few useful things in furnishings shopping that day…namely:

1. I hope to God I NEVER have to go shopping for furnishings.
2. I admire women who have shopped for their new homes. I would pass out after the Kitchen collection.
3. I am buying a furnished house when I need to refurnish my house!
4. I cannot believe people go shopping for room after room of furnishings
5. My mother is a like a woman possessed while shopping and no force on Earth, not even a fish sale will pull her out of the shop till she is finished.
6. Her daughter is just the opposite.
7. Me and mom and very unlike.
8. I pity my dad
9. Henceforth I will be nicer to him for putting up with my ma all these years.
10. I will never go shopping with my mother again!

We entered the Home section of the Mall at exactly 10 am and were out in the record breaking time of 6 pm. This is a record by my mother’s standards and as she modestly told gawping onlookers at the award ceremony later on in the day “It was because of my daughter that I was able to achieve this feat. Else I would never have left the store till 6 pm the next day”. My father had tears in his eyes a lump in his throat and huge hole in his pocket as he watched his wife blushingly acknowledge the standing ovation of my two brothers, an uncle and aunt and several cousin brothers hanging around the house as “it is not polite to eat and leave so early.” After which he pinched himself to ensure that he was not dreaming. Then he broke into tears and sobbed uncontrollably. Then the wife lovingly passed him the bill and he passed out.

The daughter took home the prize for Creative Direction, Screenplay, Stunt Coordination and Special Effects. Stung by the feat, Life and Style Inc has expanded their Home Furnishing Section by an additional 20, 000 sq feet. Speaking to reporters, the Managing Director, Home Furnishings Department Ms Matresswala said “pffftttt

Rumor has it that they plan to cancel the Gold Circle Card of a certain Miss Philip. Mrs Philips card however has been upgraded with stiffer reward points to ensure that she doesn’t leave the store till the mandatory period of 72 hours or Rs XXX in purchases whichever comes first. Mr Philip is not welcome at the store. His Credit card will however be acknowledged at all Life and Style Inc outlets, according to a Press Release.

When queried by eager fans, the daughter acknowledged that she was able to pull off this near impossible feat by some quick thinking, helluva lot of sleeping on the beds on display and some reclining on the imported recliners, also on display.

An example of quick thinking that day.

Mom: What do you think of this bedspread with elephant patchwork?
Me: Absolutely stunning ma. Beautiful!! Let’s pay and go home!
Mom: I am glad you liked it. Now let me show you the others I have shortlisted!
Me: Others? :-S
Mom: Yes. There are another 450 or so that I have shortlisted.
Me: *groan*

Ok….that was a bad example. Pliss ignore. But I learned quickly and did better in the subsequent rounds as shown in the following examples.

Example no 1:

Mom: What do you think of this bedspread with elephant patchwork?
Me: hmmm it is fine but I think a darker shade would look better.
Mom: You are right!!! How about this one?
Me: Perfect!!!
Mom: It’s settled then!

Example no 2:

Mom: And how about this ruffled country style curtains?
Me (quickly scanning the catalog): hmmm personally I feel that we should go for easy-care polyester.
Mom: You are right! Cotton would not be so easy to maintain.
Me: You are right ma!
Mom: It is settled then.

The key you see folks is acting like you are actually participating in the decision making while you are actually hastening the decision making process heh heh Pleased with my contribution, my mom paid for the Pure Poison I picked up and looked at so wistfully sighing loudly several times. When my father came around from the faint, my mom explained that next time when her daughter looks on wistfully at something, she will hit her on the head with the shopping bag. The father plans to pay for the perfume priced at Rs 5000/- for 50 ml from the daughter’s dowry fund.

We are officially bankrupt now. But the house looks so lovely for Christmas! Sigh.


VIDYA said...

:) u ACTUALLY hate shopping? i can shop with anyone, for anything. :d
Me and my amma bond over shoppinG lol, :d

mathew said...

Last time I took amma to IKEA ...I could see from the worried faces, they actually thought there was an Indian takeover bid going on.

"Shopping with the enemy and winning"
Probably thats what ur amma might have been thinking as well....;-P

Sashu... said...

Gosh! tickled mah funny bone, this one!! N i hate to admit thou, shoppin wi women can tend to be One Helluva Experience!! hehehe!! :) nice one!!

S said...

ahh! Shopping with ma...quite an experience! My mom is a killer bargain striker, and pretty patient. hard pressed in both areas. But hell! if ma's up for anything! ;)

skar said...

I think 8 hours is the amount of shopping I would've done since the day I was born :p

Your dad must be thanking the heavens this thanksgiving that you guys don't celebrate it? Or did your mum finish the shopping for that last month? :-|

RukmaniRam said...

i'm having my mum read this. although, i fear she's going to come back and say "see everyone is like this.. so stop badgering me when we are out shopping"

Kush said...

Hello. I visited your blog a couple-a times. I laughed out each time I read a post. I especially recall the one where you exchanged emails with a fellow in Pakistan to bolster Indo-Pak ties. Very funny. I guess it was your blog that, was it?

Abhi said...

Th experience of shopping with th women in th home, be it mom, sister, grandmom or any cousin is an experience that guys would love to pass onto someone else. I personally hate them making me decide @ th store n later blaming me for their choice. And no matter what the item to be bought, ladies always seem to have an opinion. This is something which is reflected in every marketing campaign. I loved your style of participation in the decision making, i too do this hastening process to get then out of the shops :). Wait till we hear from your kids abt ur shopping styles :)

Anonymous said...

Come on, shopping is an art of the exquisite kind. You cannot do it in haste. It is like scaling a mountain, balancing on the cliffs rock by rock with care and skill. Experience and patience alone can help master this unraveled subject. At a glance it looks like idling and squandering but it has its own depth to discover. No wonder the young, with the adrenalin rush cannot take it at its natural pace. You have miles to go…young lady, to appreciate this craft.

Anonymous said...

I hate going shopping with mom when she shops for me... she spends a lotta money and time when i am like " mom let's take the first thing we see and leave :)

Christmas shopping huh?
thnks for reminding :)

--xh-- said...

LOL.. poor dad... may be next time, he and you should go for the shopping, leaving mom @ home, for a change...

been to home furnishing shopping with a friend once, and man.. it took almost a day and the collective effort of the staff @ MK Retail to push her out of the store by their closing time...

next time, I will use the pointers from the mouth of the lion... :)

silverine said...

Vidya; I don't hate shopping. I hate shopping for things that don't interest me! :)

Mathew: lol! I think all moms are take over bids in home shops! :p And did you have to spoil it for me? Here I was thinking I was on the winning side...sigh!

Sashu: Thank you! :)

Karthik: lol! No, we don't observe Thanksgiving day! :)

Rukmini: err I suggest you don't show her and let her feel she is the only one like this, like I do! :p

Abhi: LOL!!! You said it! And I am not gonna take anyone with me shopping, as I like to do it at my own pace! :)

Sridevi: Absolutely agree with you! :) It is an art if it is your shopping, else it is a pain! :p

Tessie: eeeks you let your mom buy you clothes? :-O I never take her shopping for clothes. I did once and lived to regret it. Goes without saying we walked out of the shop without buying a thing as we did not agree on anything! :p

--xh--: Me and Dad actually love going for shopping together. It is a short lived one though as he has so few things to buy! :) And lol@ the staff pushing your friend out. Happens with me and my friends when we go shopping together! :p

Phoenix: Have a nice week gal and best of luck with the exams! :)

Unknown said...

You hate shopping!!! well well well... should I propose to you now or do you want my parents to come over??.....:D

I remember getting whacked by mom in a supermarket coz I was acting cranky and trying to do somersaults or something.. shopping can do that to me....:(

Deepti said...

hi five sistah .. I cant shop for long hours .. my idea is just checking a couple of stuff.... choosing one form them and walking off .. I ahve friends who can walk around in shops for 8 hours .. not buy anything n walk off... and they tag me along too!!

Pramod Abraham said...

Looks ur Dowry account has large number of debits than credits in it!!
Pray that your dowry funds gets more credits this Christmas season.

Iya said...

poor u...i love shopping with my mum..she is so quick in deciding what she on the other hand....the lesser said the better...

Unknown said...

I love shopping and specially if its home furnishing...:))) I think my frenz must be thinking the same as you thought...becoz i drag them with me..
btw dont u seem ur dowry account by now must have beome a neagtive balance?? :)))

Sparkling said...


Have you noticed a pattern here? I always start my comment by laughing out!

I hate shopping too but it's Christmas and I'm going home, so I just can't seem to avoid it any longer. Poor Amma, you haven't been quite a supporting daughter after all!

By dowry you did mean that you're gonna take it from the groom's family right? Please don't tell me I'm wrong! :D

Sriram said...

shopping.. rings a bell somewhere.. gosh I forget words so easily... now what was shopping :|

Santosh said...

you know The comments section of your posts can be used as reference material for internet newbies to learn all the signs/symbols to convey laughter or fun. most if not all of them are always here. I thought of writing some of them too, but...

Niceeeeeeeeeeeee !

Cheers !

PS > LOL :D :-)

Philip said...

Me and my roomies went shopping when we moved to Chennai. We bought everything for the house from TV to tea strainer in 2 hours flat. Your shopping experience is truly unbelievable. I wonder if I possess some special skills that enable me to shop quickly. Maybe I can put it in my resume!! Whaddya think?

scorpiogenius said...

oh, i dont remember the last time I went out shopping with mummy...

Shopping is a pleasurable experience, they say, so why spoil it??;)

confucius said...

I remember I took my mother,wife and sister for shopping once and i regretted that for 1 full day...they kept on shopping till I cried and begged them to stop...!!

Anonymous said...

This is one part that O never understood. Now, if these so called big stores had one corner of one floor (not more than 100 sqft is required - even under the stairs would be fine) converted into a bar where the men could hang out and share their stories (sorrows) none of this complaining would happen. They would also get a lot more business - in fact it would probably be your dad and brothers pulling your mom to go shopping :-)

Anonymous said...

BTW, I get even by taking my wife along to buy cars. I ensure that we visit every show room in our town and the next and test drive every model there is :-). How is that for evenong things up!

Manu said...

aah..women and shopping.. I always dreaded going shopping with my Mom and female cousins.. They take out a million dresses...pick two or three in another million iterative tramplings.. then ask me to take the final decision.. brrrr ..

Anyways..i have added u to my blog roll.. earlier was some mistake..i thought u were in its cleared.

Anonymous said...

Hmm... It's hard to find a girl who doesn't bounce like she's on an imaginary trampoline at the prospect of shopping. And here I stumble on one who actually cringed at the thought. You're a rare specie, Anjs.

My family consists dad, my bro, and mom... In a family that's infested with guys, shopping is usually a three minute activity, unless we are shopping for DVDs or electronic gadgets. And poor ol mom is conditioned to follow suit. She's usually done with shopping in 15 minutes flat; a feat most of my aunts find staggeringly impossible.

But I never really appreciated her until that fateful evening a few years ago, when I took a gaggle of sisterly cousins out shopping. The frightening ordeal is etched in my mind forever. Perhaps someday, I'll be able to write about it, but right now, the memory is too fresh; too horrific... Just thinking about it makes me... Excuse me. I have to take some sort of medication now.

Usha Pisharody said...

What an experience you have taken us through!! Lol! Enjoyed it thoroughly! I love my mother infinitely more now :D! She hates shopping, but will get me to get her all she wants!! At least we aren't likely to be in the same place together for this sort of an amazing event to take place!!! Well the upside is the house is looking good!!


Cynic in Wonderland said...

you actually went shopping?
with your mother?
for furnishings?

deserve an award right there.

i have moved into a new house and it is TORTURE i say. all those permutations of kapda and color and what nots.

Dreamcatcher said...

Hi Silverine

This is another masterpiece of u r great work..ha..ha...awesome post...i think... u had a great bonding session with ur mom ..during the shopping ... i hope... ha..ha....It reminds me of my shopping with my mom... she will enter the shop and come out with huge bag... and me standing outside the shop to carry it..ha..ha.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious and so very true of mothers! :-) I am a regular reader here. This deserved a comment!

silverine said...

Abraham: I don't hate shopping! :D I hate indecisive shopping and browsing unless it is a book shop! And as a kid I have thrown enuff tantrums in shops myself to get my ma to stop! :p

Deepti: High five gal. Me too have no patience for browsing! :)

Pramod: lol! You sound like those finance types! :p

Iya: My mom loves shopping and has perfected it to a gourmet exercise as explained by Sridevi R. :)

Chirpry paro: I know whom to outsource my furnishing shopping to now! :)

still thinking: :) Grooms family it is!!! :p After all, I am worth it! ;)

Sriram: :) Time to refresh those ol grey cells!

Santosh: he he thanks a lot buddy!

Philip: I am surprised that you don't have that in your resume :-O Girls will kill for a guy like you! :)

Scorpiogenius: Exactly my philosophy! :)

Confucius: Believe it or not, as a kid I have actually thrown many a tantrum in shops to get my mom off the place! :p

Browser: The idea was propounded by my dad too :p In fact if it were not for the difficulty in getting a bar license, malls would have opened bars! :) And dragging her car shopping is very cruel! I have gone with my dad and I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. He saw approx 200 cars in one day. brrrr

Manu: Even I hate this indecisiveness while shopping. I more or less know what I want. :)

Hammy: lol! Your poor mom! I can visualize it as as I have seen my dad and bros paying their bills while mom is yet to make her first purchase! :p

Usha: Thank you so much! :)

Cynic: I have to agree to the award ;) Furnishing shopping is a pain I agree and I know people who leave it to their interior decorators!

Dreacatcher: lol! She sure has her priorities right! :p

Divya: Thanks gal! :)

Bindhu Unny said...

Hilarious strategy :-)

Anonymous said...

Oh Boy!Really funny.Mine has a tendency to run amok in art and craft bazaars. And my dad doesn't have a shred of art in him. Makes for very interesting post purchase discussions between the two of them.

Anonymous said...

I hope you post this Sunday. God alone knows we all need a smile. Fingers crossed.

Janus said...

Who says there's a recession on ?? :)

trying2beperfectmom said...

Hilarious :D

Anonymous said...

Lat time when i took my mom, she pulled out allmost everything in that shop before deciding that "the type" she wanted was not there in that shop and walked out out of the shop making me and the fellow shop ppl numb for the next some time.....
Usualy my mom defeats me :(

Rohan said...

All you women are the same, first you say you don't like shopping, then you say 5 minutes, and before we know it, we're sitting on the 'waiting-men-for-shopping-women' chairs in malls and thinking how we got into the situation. Pah!

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