Sunday, April 06, 2008

Keep it Short Message Service Stupid

Have you got an SMS asking you to join in a promotional contest by your mobile service providers? You might have got several! According to a Press Release by the Mobile Service Providers Association (MSP), in future the contest questions will be customized to specific regions of India like the South, North, East and the West to keep the contest simple yet challenging.

Here are the contest questions framed for Kerala subscribers which was leaked to us by a BSNL employee.

1. How do you say “Yes” in Hindi?

a. Haan
b. Ha Ha Ha
c. Ho Ho Ho
d. He He He

2. How do you say “Me” in Hindi?

a. Mein
b. Mein aur meri thanhayi
c. Mun Mun Sen
d. Main Khiladi Tu Anadi

3. What is the Hindi word for “You”?

a. Tu
b. Tu Tu Mein Mein
c. Tu meri laila mein tera John Abraham!
d. Hum tum ek kamre mein band ho...hai...hum...err wotever!

4. And what is the Hindi word for “Go” ?

a. Jao
b. Jaagte raho
c. Jaan - e- man
d. Dum maaro Dum

5 What is meaning of the Hindi word “Khaana”?

a. Meal
b. Khana Khazana
c. Khana Peena
d. Kentucky Fried chicken

6. And how do you say “Greetings” in Hindi!

a. Namasthe!
b. Saale!!
c. Kuththe!!!
d. Kameene!!!

According to a top official of the MSP who prefers to remain anonymous, none of the respondents from Kerala got any of the answers right! The last question was later withdrawn when a subscriber argued in court that all the answers to that question were correct.

Reporters who went to popular actor Sohan Pal’s residence to get his views on this debacle were told that the 70 year old actor was away shooting for his new film “Cambuzz” in which he is starring as a 16 years old teenager, in love with his 15 year old junior played by 15 year old actress Sonia. The film is slated to release for the school vacations. The Censor Board are reportedly trying to give this movie an ‘A' certification so that young impressionable minds are not scarred for life after watching it...which according to studies leads to antisocial activities like unionism and communism among kids in later years.

p.s. the correct answer is “A”. Among the mallus who attempted the questions and got all the answers wrong, congratulations! You just proved yourself to be a true blue Malayalee !!

Among the non mallus who attempted this contest and got all the answers wrong, congratulations!! You have just become an honorary South Indian!!!

A sneak preview of a contest question made for North Indian subscribers is given below!

Q. Where is Kerala?

a. Wotzat?
b. Karela? Lemme guess....subzi mandi?
c. Aapke paas do rupiya ka chutta hoga?
d. Chintu bete!! Google and see where is this Ke, Ka, Ki…umm…Madras!!


Deepti said...

hahahhaa .. And I am sure tha last answer for many will be d) Madras... :D

mathew said...

A more enterprising malayalee would making a real nice dinner date question out of that scarce knowledge he gained.

Namastheji..Mein Tu Meal jao Haan??;-P

"How do you say “Go” in Hindi?"
Talking of which happened sometime back in a coffee shop.

"One coffee please.."
"TO GO??"
"No..No.No...TO DRIINK!"

Alameen said...

Sohan Pal is becoming younger every year...

Kool post...


ap said...


That was funny.....but now I think kids are doing better with the help of bollywood.. ;)

I remember watching doordarshan even "krishidarshan", as there was no malayalam pgms for a long time!!
And later on Mithun,Anil Kapoor,Salman Khan,Aamir Khan etc helped me in understanding the language :)

Jiby said...

Lol...i can see this happening! Sohan no, we will run him down just watch.

Our India is a wonder for the whole world...they are stitching together Europe into a country now, but even Europe doesn't have the disparities that India runs with!

Some years back I made this friend in the US. A techie from Punjab. And reading your post I remembered this conversation with him.
Me: I am surprised you don't know where Kerala is!
He: Kabhi to pada hoga yaar. Magar Bhool gaya.

He: I am surprised you don't speak Hindi!
Me: I also studied it yaar. Magar Bhool gaya.

g-man said...

"The last question was later withdrawn when a subscriber argued in court that all the answers to that question were correct." i think that subscriber was me :P

lol, rofl and lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jive Talker said...

Firt-timer Tamillian, on a bus somewhere in suburban Bombay, asks the Sardar sitting next to him, "Matunga Teriyumaa????"
Sardar very agitated:"Dadar tera baap oye!!"

Padakkam said...

good one.. the first hindi words i learnt in college were BC, MC, C, G, and other exemplary praises of one's mother and sister...

Karthik said...

The last question was later withdrawn when a subscriber argued in court that all the answers to that question were correct.

LOL..I remember that scene in the film "Sandesham" where Innocent is potrayed as the North Indian politician "Yashwant Sahayi". He comes to Jayaram's house and asks "Nariyal ka pani". Initially they think Nariyal means Stree and tell "Stree nahin nahin".

Then someone tells "Pani" is water so they ask "Half bottle, full bottle?"

Then Innocent says "Hey Ram Ram" and they respond "Sir ivide rum onnum illa". One of the most comical scenes ever in Malayalam cinema.

Anyway great post as usual :)

Safari Al said...

Bogoth achcha hai tumaara blog. Budke bogoth hessi aaya.

Neena Padayatty said...

I now have my doubts on who sets the questions and choices for the SMSs...;)...reminded me of my mum struggling to teach her tuition kids,with her rusting hindi.." think it must be something green!".Her generation learned hindi with pronunciations like 'haim','yeh','wah' Mohan Lal in Gandhi Nagar Second Street...

Adorable Pancreas said...

"Mujhe hindi maloom mmm...mmm." This is the typical mallu response to any person talking to themin Hindi. And also the answer to "Jogey kahaan hai?" :D

freespirit said...

Good hai, the post :)

rk said...

sohan pal...rofl...:))

Philip said...


"Hum tum ek kamre mein band ho...hai...hum...err wotever!"..ROTFL (Gurkha Ram Singh would have been proud)

You hit the nail on the head with that sneak preview for North Indians. There's a colleague of mine (northie) who actually goes around saying "Tamil teri maa?" for "Tamil teriyuma".

About the eternal confusion about Kerala and karela, it doesn't help matters that Kerala looks like a karela on the map!

silverine said...

@All: Happy Yugadi!!! :)

Deepti: You got that right!! :))

mathew: "Namastheji..Mein Tu Meal jao Haan??" Wow! That was very creative indeed!! Lol! That stuff about "To go” was very funny :))

Almeen: Thank you! :)

AP: Yeah! But the majority still struggle with the language! 

Om: Thank you buddy for seeing the lighter side of the post. We mallus are atrocious in Hindi and our agzent in the same is even more amusing than our English agzent! :)

Jiby: That was a soooper retort! :)) And please stop Sohan Pal's run!! I saw him in a song sequence with Meera Jasmine cavorting on a bridge *shudder*

g-man: :)

padakkam: Thank you! :) Those words are best left unsaid!

Karthik: lol!! That was funny!! :) And thank you!

Safari al: LOL!!! You got the agzent just right!! Super!

Neena: I learnt Hindi from my Northie pals so it was amusing to hear fellow mals speak in "haim" "haan" and "hum' :)

AP: It is so endearing to see a malu attempting Hindi! Very sweet I must say! :)

Freespirit: :) Thank you!

Cain: Ah! I see that you agree with me! :p

philip: Thank you!! Poor guy! At least he is trying! :)) And you are right, Kerala does look like a karela and Keralites are perhaps the only people who eat it a lot too!

Howling Wolf said...

"Mein Ghurka Hum.. hai .. hum..yeh"

" Mujae Hindi Mallummm...hmm.."

"Mein or Joji Adichu pinrinju.. Jhgada Jhagadaa"

After these dialouges, next that would come 2 ma mind will b the one in the blog....:)

Hope no one gave the reply

"Ee Maradada-yodu arengil onnum Hindi paranchu kodukoo"

Anonymous said...

something which used to irk me a lot was people talking as if indian movie = hindi movies

ex. lagaan was indian cinemas best chance to win oscars

ex 2. who is mohanlal? did he ever get a film fare award? shahrukh is the king!!!

another was the attitude of some people that everybody in india is supposed to know hindi:

ex. hindi hamaraa mathrubhasha hein!

ans: crap, its not mathrubhasha, its rashtrabhasha ... how can it be mathrubhasha when my mom cant speak that language?

agreed with jiby abt india being wonderful ... in spite of some of this intolerance!

Alameen said...

one correction to Sandeep,
Hindi is not our rashtrabhasha.. We don't have a single rashtrabasha as such. Hindi and English are the official languages...

As per my knowledge Tamilnadu and one other state has opposed the idea of accepting Hindi as the rashtrabasha and as per the constitution we can't make Hindi our rashtrabasha without their concensus...


PS: I can speak Hindi very well..:)

DD said...

He he...nice post. Reminds me of a joke in a tam movie where A is trying to teach basic Hindi to B.
B: How do you say "Come here" in Hindi?
A: Idhar Aao
B: Ok, so how do you say "Go there"?
A: ...
B: ??
A: Walk across to that side and say Idhar Aao!

Seema said...

Zimbly Great!.
@ mathew : "TO GO":similar to this at Delhi Transport bus
Bus conductor: "Kahan jaana hai'..
Me: Ghar
@ Sandeep: Very true

Safari Al said...

It is actually "jest ride". Simbly bringing to youvar notiss.

Anonymous said...

Jeez! That was one hell of a quiz.. I though I knew all that I needed to participate in "panchvi kaksha se tez hein?" But you just proved me wrong (sob, sob)I found the fifth question extremely confusing.. thanks for healing my wounded ego in the very next paragraph! =P

Inder said...

but, most of the malayalees (is malayalee in anyway related to brucelee?) i know are quite good with hindi... :)

Jackfruit said...

Well said about south guys. I have a lot of my north-y friends who make fun of my hindi accent... All I say is try speaking malayalam :)

Nishant Chandgotia said...

:)..I have had one true malayalee friend...yup he was better...The only thing he knew was a poem taught by us(he never figured out what it meant)

flaashgordon said...

Sampoojya behnji

Aapkaa sawaal bahut kaddhin tthe, mein Chintu se google to karwaya magar kuchh bhi pata nahin chala. Shaayad isliye kyon ki hum ne Google Hindi use kiye the...

agar sahi jawab diya to Shahrukh Khan ji ya Bachchansaab se milne kaa chance to hai naa?? Mein 1000 sms already bhej chukaa hain (500 with ans (a) aur 500 with ans(b) , abhi tho keepin fingers crossed hai ...

S: Yeh Sohan Pal kaun hain bhai??

Mrs. Saxena

Macadamia The Nut said...

According to a high official of the MSP who prefers to remain anonymous, none of the respondents from Kerala got any of the answers right!

:O You've GOT to be kidding me!

Anonymous said...

I, for one, am offended.

Kahaani ghar ghar ki. You are stirring up trouble in every household.

I confess, Mera Hindi ka jawaab nahi. Whenever I ask questions in Hindi, I don't get any replies. Phir bhee...

Kyonki dil hai Malayali. Be kind.

Hum aapke hai kaun? What did we do to you to deserve such rebuke?

Ab mera kya hoga, kaaliya? Kaliyaanennaano vicharam?

Jo jeetha vohi sikkandar. Cheetha paranjal saikkilla.

Bar bar dekho, hum Malayali hindi se bhee largely adjust kar saktha hai. Ethu baril poyi chodichalum ariyaam. Nammude hindi mathi oru large okke order cheyyan.



Anonymous said...

Translations of some popular terms into Malayalam!

Yo Baby ! wassup....?
Kunjuvaave mugalilentha.....

Listen buddy ,that chick is mine....!
Kelku koottukaara aa kozhikunju entaya.....

R U Nuts..?
Thaangal Andiyaano......?

Rock The Party.....
Paara enna aaghosham....!

How do u do...?
nee enganaya cheyyunne....?

Come lets hangout....!
Varu Namukku Kettithoongaaam.....!!!!!!!!

We rock in English too!!!

Abhi said...

Awesome :) Would match your older post where u made a friend get used to mallu ways ;)

VIDYA said...

:) :) rotfl!!!!

Amey said...

Know what you mean. I don't hate people who don't speak some language or other, but I really hate people who butcher any language, and don't accept that they are doing it.

Incidentally, I think south indian actors are like women (despite moustaches and toupees). Why? Their age doesn't increase past 18, ever.

pushkalAn& pattabhiraman said...


silverine said...

Fresh Lime Soda: No one gave the reply I assure you. btw those were really creative and funny! :)

Sandeep: Absolutely totally and vehemently agree with you on all counts!!!

al ameen: I think it has been declared as the Rashtrabhaasha! And I don't think it was done by consensus but because there are more MP's from the Hindi speaking belt in the Parliament than from any other linguistic group.

DD: LOL!! That is called quick thinking on the feet!!! :)

SR: lol!

Safari al: Thengyu! :)

Balu: :))

Inder: And that is a fact that we do learn Hindi while only a small portion of Hindi speaking people learn any South Indian language! :) And here I was talking about mallus in Kerala :)

jackfruit: Yep!

flaash: Good one lol!! Aap Salman Pal se milenge, Shah Ruhk Khan se nahin! Salman Pal bahut young aur handsome actor hain! :p

Hammy : Sincere apologies! You are a Hindi literary genius!!! :))

Rahul: Really funny!! :))

Abhi and Vidya: Thank you :)

Amey: The new breed of Southy stars are as savvy as the Bollywood stars at least the Tamil and Telugu ones. Besides, the South has four movie industries. Each one unique in its own way! I wish all the other states too had their unique movie making legacy like the South and not got drowned by Bollywood.

pushkalAn & pattabhiraman: Welcome here and thanks for dropping by! Your other comment on your hubby almost forgetting your name was a really funny situation! :))

manisha said...

omg...dis is so damn difficult *scratches head..looks befuddled*...well my associaition wid mallus goes long bak ..mnmnm..wen i was a kid...m a marwari but studied in a christian skul..well needless to say every linguistic group have their own accents...nd to derive humor from them can sumtyms b derogatory..but then it definitely is a source of entertainment!! wat beter eg than lola kutty...!! *wings*....err...sorry..*winks*

Wanderlust said...

Ha ha ..Cool post as usual ..

" The last question was later withdrawn when a subscriber argued in court that all the answers to that question were correct."
This was the scene stealer this time !!!

With 1576 recognised "mother tongues" what else can we expect !!!
Communication is nothing short of a miracle in this country of ours !!