Sunday, December 23, 2007

We lived to tell the tale... hic

It is Sunday afternoon. Sundays are synonymous with Cocktails in my house. We are not exactly a family that likes cocktails. In fact we loathe it, at least the home made variety. But then we have no choice.

M (elder bro) : I am going to make cocktails today!!!
Dad to mom: Isn’t there any wedding in your family today? We can still make the flight if we leave now.
G (eldest bro) : I think I need to pick up some shirts urgently!
Me: I will accompany you!
M: Why?? Why should you accompany him?
G: Well someone has to hold the hangar when I am trying the shirts no!
M: Okay! I get it. I know what this is all about. All of you hate me. I am sure I was adopted. If I am such a burden I will move …
Dad: ok ok spare us the crap and we will drink your cocktail.
M (bowing graciously to hide the triumphant smile) : Thank you Monsieur Papa!
Dad: ^%$#&#&….

And thus we end up 'encouraging his budding hobby' every Sunday and sometimes Saturdays too, and a Monday a Tuesday and even some Wednesdays!! And on very frequently occurring rare occasions, Thursdays and Fridays too.

Of course the budding Cocktail Maestro doesn’t believe in using the umpteen books on Cocktails that we have given him as broad hints that his “loving supporting family” may soon become extinct due to Gastric Ulcer /Liver Cirrhosis/incessant puking/permanent loss of taste in the mouth etc if he doesn’t stop making his own concoctions. He feels that recipe books will kill his “natural talent”. The "budding hobby' is now three years old and refusing to bloom.

Here are some of the creations of the budding Cocktail Maestro, that I have carefully noted down after I have recovered from the really bad taste in the mouth. No, I am not going to make and drink it. But when the war of the worlds starts, I am certainly not counting on the Indian army to protect me with their antique weaponry. My brothers’ concoctions are deadlier than Molotov cocktails and very real, unlike Saddams WMDs.

Warning: Do not try this at home. And at no cost, drink it or serve to near and dear ones.

The M special:

One part Whiskey
Soda or water

Pour the water or soda over the Whisky, put your finger in and stir for a minute. Now remove the finger carefully to avoid spillage and taste the mixture with a thoughtful expression.

Put the very same finger in, stir again and repeat the rest of the process and serve with a flourish in a Crystal glass. Do not brook any arguments from your guests like “No thanks. Just remembered today is Hanuman pooja day and I cannot drink Whiskey!” or “Can I make my own and mix the cocktail with “my” own finger?”

As you all correctly guessed, the drink is so called because he is the special ingredient in it.

Nightmare on Elm street:

One part dark Rum
One part a slimy green liquid that looks like liquid green goo
One part home made brown goo from his highly secret recipe
A few drops of I don’t even want to know what it is but it looks like lizard juice
200 ml Cola

Mix ingredients in a cocktail shaker and serve with a flourish in the Cocktail shaker to Silverine. (Glasses are for guests silly) Look a trifle annoyed when she says “I have just turned teetotaler. I need your support in this"

As you all correctly guessed, this drink was named by yours truly.

The Goan Run: So called because he invented this drink in Goa and all his friends were running to the toilet after tasting this elixir. Expert tip from the creator “Goan Run is not for wussies”.

One part the bottle on your right
One part the bottle on your left
One part of the bottle under the chair
One part the carton in the fridge
One part anything else you can you can lay your hand on. (After Shave, Cologne etc excluded) Mix thoroughly.

Serve only to people who have not done the Goan Run before.

Suicide Bomber:

One part Beer
One part Rum
One part Whiskey
One part Brandy
Two part Chili Sauce
Tomato Juice to dilute
A sprinkling of Chili Flakes that you get free with Pizza
Anything else you get free with Pizza

Mix well.

Serve in a sturdy glass if the cocktail shaker hasnt exploded yet.

Winter Wonderland:

Two drops of edible blue color
One part Gin
250 ml chilled Sprite
A dash of lime
Crushed ice

Mix all ingredients together except the crushed ice and pour into a tall glass. Garnish with the crushed ice. This is the only decent cocktail he makes; hence you will never get to drink it. Reserved only for the creator.

Midsummer Night:

One part Vodka
One part gooey Raspberry syrup
One part yucky Litchi crush
One sneaky part Whiskey if no one is looking
And since no one ever looks since it makes them nauseous: One part Gin
50 ml chilled Sprite

Mix well and serve with a spoon as it will be too thick to sip. Call ambulance if people are still puking after two hours.

The Raman Effect:

This drink was made in honor of best buddy Raman, who left for New York some time back. Helped the childhood buddies fight parting blues and sing off key in high shrill voices and recall fondly the day they ended up in the slammer.

Half a bottle Scotch
Bottoms up!

That’s it folks. This is my last post for this year. I leave you with a ponderous quote from our very own, home grown Cocktail Maestro.

“Alcohol is not injurious to health. Have you ever seen a bottle of alcohol kill anyone?”


Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a New Year full of joy, career fulfillment, obscenely high salary hikes, an unbelievably good boss and last but not the least, good health to enjoy all that! See you all in 2008!! :)


Anonymous said...

Why does this look so SHOCKINGLY similiar to my latest post..
good un chechi :)

though mine ended with declining responsibility in case someone turned addict :D

Ashwin Raju said...

I don't drink.. and I think trying one of those concoctions will ensure that I stay sober the rest of my life..

Amey said...

Have you ever seen a bottle of alcohol kill anyone?

Well, any bar fight in the movies ends that way...

That said, I was expecting the M Special to go something like this:
1. Pour the water or soda over the Whisky, put your finger in and stir for a minute. Now remove the finger carefully to avoid spillage and taste the mixture with a thoughtful expression.
2. Repeat step 1, till the concoction is finished. ;)

Merry (sober?) Christmas to you, and a Happy New Year, too!!!

Mind Curry said...

lol..awesome..your post and your bro :)

"Goan Run is not for wussies"

clap clap clap! that was classy!

i was expecting one called "dial M for murder" ..hee hee..

Arun Jose Francis said...

hehe... too good...
Wish you a Merry Christmas minus those drinks given in ur post... And have a fantastic new year with enough time for lots and lots of hilarious posts... :-)

Deepti said...

ROFL .... nice post to end the year ... looking forward to your new year's eve stories ... :)

Balanarayan NT said...

Can I have a Raman effect pls!

Merry Chrstmas and a Happy New Year to you too Silverine...

Anonymous said...

good recipes silverine ... guess i shud try them for the new year party!

thnx for posting them :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey!!!!! Just stopping by to say me's back :-)
will be regular on my blog from now :-)
well - i'll wait till Jan 2nd to post all the X'mas to New Year stories:-D
hows you been?

Gomes said...

Merry Christmas. May many drunk x-mases and even tipsier new year's come your way.

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

LOL, some of the recipes are truly ghastly. Your ponderous quote at the end reminds me of that other old joke: "Why do drinkers go to heaven?"
- If you drink, you go to sleep.
- If you sleep, you don't sin.
- If you don't sin, you go to heaven.
- So let's all drink and go to heaven.

Wish you a very Happy New Year as well.

Dev said...

I particularly like the Raman effect :D.. seriously this post's ROFTL.

Anonymous said...

"This is my last post..."

That gave me a shock...then I read further and felt so relieved. Please don't give shocks like that!!!!!

Merry Christmas :-)

PK said...

Wish u a Merry X'mas & a Happy New Year.

ur Brothers r so nice. They still havnt taken u to court with defamation cases :)

ioWint said...

ha ha... gues some one is lil high aftr having few drops of cocktails ;)
N is th chemical combination in ur bro's cocktails made u a typical cancerian ?!? :P :D ;)
anyways.. happy new yr! bt thn if u get al ur new yr wishes tru! we might not get interesting blogs from u eh ;) :P

mathew said...

wow..a slightly in trance guy after having some sangria..

btw how many times do we need to take the suicide bomber..are there second chances..

Zahid said...

silverine....from now onwards you can drink your brothers recipes without any fear....coz i have got a doctor in mind(has already won noble prize twice and won arjuna award for his actions in the ICU ) addition to being a teetotaller he has also agreed to treat nice bloggers with nice spellings who have passed their board exams pretending reasons free of cost !!! And he has also agreed to pay a commision to those who come to him via your excuse!!! so get rich soon !!! thats for the new year!!!!

P.S : I am not responsible for any harrassment cases with that doctor!!! at your own risk even if he is more asphyxiating than your brother !!!

B-bye...happy christmas and merry new year!!! chk mine too di !!!

Princess Stefania said...

Merry Christmas, Silverine.
He sounds so much like my younger sister when she went through her 'expert chef' phase. Her creations were a lot more potent because being ten, she didn't know that many of her ingredients were toxic.

Padakkam said...

Too funny again !
Merry Xmas and wish u a Happy and funnier new year!


silverine said...

Thank you one and all for your comments. I was down under in Gods Own Country and hence couldnt respond to them. Wishing you all a very Happy New Year :)

Sherry said...

Happy New Year...