Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Hair Racing ideas!

Disclaimer: Guys reading this post may experience uncomfortable pressure, pain in the center of the chest lasting more than a few minutes besides chest discomfort with lightheadedness, fainting, sweating, nausea or shortness of breath and feeling of impending doom. Read at your own risk.

Saturday dawned bright and sunny and I am greeted by the lovely sound of chirping birds and a peculiar whine, which sounded awfully like a cross between a Dentist’s drill and a constipated Bumble Bee. Very penetrating. Upon inspection I found that it was actually the sound of a puke green colored car that my brother was driving over a barren landscape grievously injuring many other motorists on his computer monitor. By now everyone knows I don’t like treeless landscapes and this place where he was driving this car really needed some urgent landscaping. Apart from some Palm trees (ugh they grow in deserts) and endless asphalt roads there was nothing else to see on the monitor. I casually ask my brother why there were no gardens or pretty lakes next to the road where he is driving this ugly looking contraption. "SILENCE"

As a kid my Dad told me something that I will remember for a long time. He said: “If your brother doesn’t listen to you, press the 'Escape' key on his keyboard.” He even showed me the 'Escape’ key. I think I learnt E.S.C.A.P.E before A.B.C.D.E.F. Since then I have won many wars and arguments by merely threatening to press the 'Escape’ key.

Me: Give me your cell phone*
Brother: Over my dead body
Me: (making a buzzing noise and moving finger towards 'escape' key)
Brother: Ok, ok, take it grrrrrrrrr

(* can be replaced by money, CD’s, pens, you name it you will get it)

So I press the ‘Escape’ key, the game comes to a halt and I get a split second look of utter disbelief before he resumes his zombie like gaze into the monitor. ( Jeez what did I do wrong????)

After staring at the dreary scenery of the “Lets mangle and kill each other I” game it dawned on me suddenly why we girls are not so much into PC games. No self-respecting girl will feel like driving in such tasteless surroundings. However... if you were to only put in tree lined avenues, flowers and trees and perhaps a fountain or two then you might actually get girls interested in the game. We wouldn’t mind a couple of gamboling deers or squirrels too. Of course there will be minus points if you run them over. Better still, the player who runs over the deers or drives into the garden destroying the flowers will be debarred from life to play a PC game, playstation or video game. What a brilliant idea!

I press the 'Escape' key once again and tell my brother the brilliant idea. There is sheer murder in his eyes. (What did I do wrong now??? )

Now that I think about it even the cars in Need for Speed can be spruced up and made more interesting. At present they look positively ugly. Period. No self respecting girl will drive a car that has Pennzoil and Goodyear written all over them. Why not make the cars look snazzy with some bright colors? How about Summer Reds, Meadow Greens, Sunshine Yellows and Aquamarine Blues in the “Lets mangle and kill each other 2”? The cars will look so pretty. And how about some pretty designs on the cars like floral motifs, random brush strokes of bright colors, colorful speckles etc. My car would definitely have my doggie’s face painted on it.

I press the 'escape’ key once again to tell him about this stroke of genius. If looks could vaporize I would be an atom by now.

I mentally make a note of exploring the profession of a Virtual Games Designer. I am sure it has potential. I press the ‘Escape’ key once again and tell my brother my path breaking idea and get another split second and a half look of pure terror like that moment before I dented his bike with the car. Don’t judge him too harshly. He has this important job of finishing this lap in 75695375 microseconds you see or his team members will vault across the monitor and clobber him.

I am right now in the process of writing to these game manufacturers with my visionary ideas. All you guys there get ready for some colorful and interesting editions of future Virtual games.

p.s. Any of you guys feeling the symptoms I have described in the disclaimer may please hurry to the nearest hospital These are classic symptoms of a Heart Attack.



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Anyone who would like to help lil handicapped kids please click here ~ Silverine

62 comments:

Ganja Turtle said...

Ugh Ugh Ugh!

We dont play PC games to feel like we are in Acqua's Barbie Girl video...

Our primitive hunting instincts need to be safely diverted into less dangerous pursuits given that modern society prevents us from hunting mammoths or clubbing women and dragging them into caves like our ancestors used to...hey hey...now dont start edging towards the escape key!

Jeet said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jeet said...

ur evil!!! :P

you cannot just walk up to a guy engrossed in a game and hit escape...

As an avid gamer, I truly sympathise with your brother... but then again better him than me ^^

Lost in trance... said...

n next i will b racing pink colored beetles thru the garden of eden? yuck!

Srinivas said...

silverine, wonderful. you have a profession at hand. 06 projections for gay games are very promising and talented artists like you can just make it big!

Alexis Leon said...

You have done it again..Another masterpiece at your brother's expense...Poor guy. I really feel sorry for him.

"I think I learnt E.S.C.A.P.E before A.B.C.D.E.F." ROFL.

Yes you have a great future as a game developer. Nice post.

>|' ; '| said...

dear silverine...ur brother is a an excellent brother who loves you very much. if that was me, in his place, you would be six feet under now...>:)
;) :-j jk! seriously, the latest games do have fountains n avenues and u can even paint em pink or whatever gurly color that u gurls can think of. and i wud say that games like gta n need for speed do actually improve ones real road acumen quite a lot. i love games... :X :D

Mind Curry said...

dear silverine,
something happened while reading your post and the next thing i remember is that i am in an icu with lights blinking and sounds bleeping. i remember i finished one whole box of chips while reading your post. i have learnt to take disclaimers more seriously now.
nonetheless, am dying and waiting for the f1 season to begin on march 12th at bahrain. you also watch it, and you will know what we guys are talking about.

ps. i also remember that i was constantly laughing through your hilarious writing!

hope and love said...

ha..! ha..! ha..!
loved it..
:))

silverine said...

@GanjaTurtle, Lost in Trance and srinivas: R.O.F.L :))
@Jeet:When nothing else works press the "escape' key for instant results!!! :)
@Alexis Leon: Thank you! Even my PC challeneged Mom knows which is the 'Escape' key by now :))
@Poison: *horrors* Will you really bury your sis six feet under??? You need a break from gaming man! p.s. telling me of the new games is like me telling you about the latest saree collection at the store :))
@Mindcurry: tsk tsk being a doc I would have thought you would have taken the precautions after reading the Disclaimer. Just goes to show you docs dont practise what you preach :)) ha ha you are the real man if you had the heart attack.
@HnL: Thank you dear doc :)

flaashgordon said...

Silverine

Such cruelty with gamers??Ur brother seems to have the patience n kindness of Mother Teresa !

Well as for me i'd given up on Video Games from the time i realized that Super Mario does not jump right across the ditch at my behest or climb the damn brickwall however much i tried. And the major part of any car racing game i played was spent in trying to get the car on the road and pointing it in the right direction.

So from then on ive been sneering disdainfully at gamers assigning them a "emptyheadedness quotient" just above WWF freaks !

My 7 yr old nephew is a gaming freak tho'.....
One thing i found out is is that the only way i can make him obey me is say "control up-arrow" -he'll walk fwd - "left arrow" he'll turn left ; i shout "space bar" he shoots both his imaginary guns -a la lara croft in the tombraider game....

Best of luck with ur Barbieworld simulation in the gaming world..A new market Nintendo, XBox would not have thot of yet -Another brainwave- Why not a Mills n Boon Video game ma'am?? 7 levels to get to a tall dark n handsome dude :-)

cheers
flaash

calvin said...

Your brother is an angel. Otherwise why would he tolerate an Escape key routine ? Any normal gamer would have clobbered you right there. So stop being cruel to your very loving and dear brother. Oh.. And I agree with ganja turtle. And of course your brother could have gone into much more primal games like Quake Arena... so he is a very normal guy , trying to vent his primeival hunting and killing instincts in a non violent and controlled environment. Dont mess with him . And never ever press the escape key when someone is gaming. You never now how the 'someone' will react.

silverine said...

@aashik: Well...no such thing happens in my house and my bro is quite resigned to the ‘escape’ key :) And he does play other games too though don’t ask me which ones. I have no clue. When Super Mario was a rage we would play against each other and he would be forced to be Luigi all the time. Mario was of course me with a host of other players like my cousin brothers who would play for me as my bro is a gaming whiz!! Together we always managed to beat him but as I said the key word was “together” :)

@Flaash: Mother Teresa? Hell no, but no clobbering sisters. He had more refined method like shifting TV channels just when me and Mom are watching a particularly interesting movie. He would call it the ‘escape’ button. And your Mills and Boon game is a nice idea LOL But I am talking of making the boyz games more ‘interesting’!!

Shriedhar said...

//I casually ask my brother why there were no gardens or pretty lakes next to the road where he is driving this ugly looking contraption.....
so that the car rams down in to the lake n never returns ???
LOL :))

i surely found a blg that i can drop by frequently :)

JamesBright said...

You should urgently contact the sony people( they are apparently confused at this day regarding the launch of the play station-3)!!!!

Nice post..!

Anonymous said...

A small piece of advice to your bro - "U CAN DO WITHOUT THE ESCAPE KEY!! Remove it before U start playing and when U want to finish put it back"... Better than fighting sisters like Silverine over that key!!

Nair.

Ashish said...

It's deja-vu all over again ! I guess all younger sisters went throught the same training routine before unleashing a world of pain on us "zee poor brothers" :)

monu said...

lol ..

i too was mad about pc games when i was in india.. but after coming here ,i dont get much time for some serious gaming ..

BTW prince of persia was one of my favourites :)...

Shriedhar said...

hey ,
2day im updating my blg.
n adding ur blg to fav list,can I??

silverine said...

@Shreedhar: Lol that is an attractive option :)) Please go ahead and link me thank you!
@dreamslittle: Thank you, maybe I will approach them :)
@Nair: Shhhhhh :))
@Monu: They are addictive aren't they?

Supremus said...

You hit the ESC key and expect good looks from your brother - tch tch :P :P - bad bad girl. This post reminds of this calvin and hobbes:

Calvin to susie: Lets see what you drew for art class susie. Well, a tidy little domestic scene. A house in a yard with flowers. How typically female! Girls think small and are preoccupied with petty details. But BOYS think BIG! Boys think about action and accomplishment! No wonder its MEN who change the world!

Susie: Yeah? What did you draw?

Calvin: A squadron of B-1s Nuking New York.

Suyog

The elderly camel said...

nice idea for a post

duttan said...

omg.

ur bro is a true jedi master.

any sith would have sabered u into neat litte chunks.

:-D

It's good that Need for Speed can be paused. I shudder to think what would happen if the ESC key was pressed during an online FPS gaming session.

>:)

1 more thing.

barren landscapes? which Need for Speed version is it? :-?

Bro better get a powerful graphics card. :P

arvin said...

here's a barbie game for you:

http://barbie.everythinggirl.com/

when you're done with it (saved ken from the evil sorceress or whatever) you can write your first ever game review like those gamer blogs out there :D

quills said...

Silverine, no one can write like you. :) It was absolutely hilarious! :)) And I can totally picture the scene cause I have lived it myself. However, honestly, I have actually come to like the online version of motor sport so much so that now my brother wishes he never showed me how exhilarating it could be,……..nowadays when we get together, he has to share his precious game time with me and that don’t sit too well with him. But one thing I learned, not a good place to learn driving etiquette…..from fellow motorists to cops on bikes, everyone gets clobbered. Talk about road rage!!!

EspritNoir said...

Hey silver, u gals have a sport...marathon shopping! we have our NFS / GTA and DOOM! we love you inspite of the shopping, hell we even follow you women around lugging ur bags...do allow us "boys" this one last male vice:)great writing tho... take care...

Amitabha said...

He he he ...Dangerous territory silverine !!
If you haven't got the Y chromosome....the ESCAPE button is just not for you ......
Good hilarious stuff !!!

silverine said...

@Supremus; Sounds awfully like "Men are from Mars ..." etc LOL
@the elderly camel: Thank you !?
@Arvin: Barbie is pretty enough thank you. It's NASCAR that needs some hmmm interior and exterior decoration :p
@Darth: You call the landscape in the latest version the Brindavan Gardens? Well.. I beg to disagree :))
@Quills: You reserved a special place on my blog the day you revealed you were a ball girl !!! And now you have just reinforced it with the statement that you have actually lived it!!! Now lemme see if I get a hang of this game!
@Espritnoir: Your wish is granted my dear. I will train my creative energies elsewhere :))
@Amitabha: I am beginning to realise that. It's take my life but leave my games alone kinda situation here :))

Fleiger said...

What next? Having a make-up break in women's sports? Or tea-parties with your opponents in Prince of Persia? And I thought Lara Croft was enough to lure girls to PC Games :)

We worship the God of War, and when we play, everything is war. (Pressing Esc esp so)

Next time you have urge to press Esc, remember how it feels when somebody drags you out of a shop halfway through your shopping ;)

Mind Curry said...

i am back home now :) docs do practise what they preach..but this one was a real shocker..just stopped my coronary blood flow totally! ;)but i dont wanna die..i have to watch schumi live..maybe KL 2007. watch f1 this time, you will get addicted too! and then you will want to design a track on a desert!

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

I would have to agree with the men on this one although I normally hate doing so.

Your brother not killing you probably means he has something worst planed for you. Better watch out.

Hilarious btw. I used to have a boss whose 4 year old nephew would play some game with lots of blood and would scream "Kiss ya bashtard kill ya!!" They never found out where he got that from, and I'm not telling :-))

Lalit Singh said...

pretty designs on the cars like floral motifs, random brush strokes of bright colors, colorful speckles EEEEWWWWWWWW ....Gal u scare me!!
I think its not a heart attack but a puky feeling that i got imagining the game with all your 'visionary' ideas thrown in(NOM)
Puhleez... Stick to whateva u r doing right now... have mercy on the gamers of the world (and ex-gamers)
May God give strength to ur bro.. he already has loads of self restraint

Jim said...

It looks like this was made just for you :)

Your brother must be really mild-mannered if all he did was give you a dirty look... you should see how many keyboards I've smashed to bits after playing an hour-long Onslaught match and having to stop coz someone tripped on the LAN cable.

silverine said...

@Fleiger: LOL on that comment he he :)) Point well put and taken in same spirit :)
@Mindcurry: NEVER take my Disclaimers lightly :))And this schumi fellah brings my house to a standstill grrrr
@Ifitellya girl: Woman!!!! You are a bad bad girl. And I'm not telling why ;)
@Lalit:LOL :)) Ok Ok, on popular request I will direct my creative energies elsewhere!
@Jim: I dunno if you have a sis, but brothers with sisters are born with self restraint :)) And that T-Shirt looks cool. And you actually smashed keyboards???? GAWD!!!!

Fleiger said...

Thanku... So tell us what happens with your designing career, so that self-respecting males of the species can stay away from those games :D

Anyways, added you onmy blogroll. Hope that is OK. If it is not, even then I cannot undo it, so there is no Escape for you ;)

Thanu said...

such a great post... laughing all the way...

Dewaker Basnet said...

always a pleasure to visit ur blog. keep the written word as amusing as ever:)

The optimist from utopia said...

*chokes*
You must be the android sent by Barbie from the year 2020 to destroy the.. *cough cough*
.. gaming community by adding enough girlishness and gayness to it..
*thanks god for giving a more considerate sister* :D

My sympathies to ur bro..
He is a brave man..
*two thumbs up for him*

draco said...

If you had only written a para less, I just might have read the last para and survived a massive heart attack.

It's too late, i'm gone now.

Anonymous said...

your sense of literature is prolly the worst i have ever read. i hope someone rescues you soon. my blessings.
pratap

silverine said...

@Fleiger:Thank you for blogrolling me, am honored. Secondly I am not telling where I am taking my creative ideas. I would love to see your face when you see the Indian Cricketers come out to the field wearing designer clothes,caps and gear lol
@Thanu: Thanks girl :)
@lost optimist: I hope you are alright, now that I have retracted my decision due to the extreme pain this post has caused to one gender :p
@Draco: Oh no what have I done!!!
:((( *sniff* :p
@Pratap: sense of literature?? Anyways Thank you for your blessings!!

Sreejith Narayanan said...

Dear Silverine.. looks like the majority including me accept the fact tht ur bro is an angel, and u r turning out to be the villain/spoiler!

Have u ever tried to see the limit of patience of ur bro?
if so, how did he retailiate?

Binoy, The One and Only said...

Aaaarg!! *clutches my heart, falls off the chair, DEAD!!!*

*Soul raises out of the body*
Silverine!!! You killed the innocent gamer!!!

silverine said...

@Srijith: Well I have to reluctantly admit that he has oodles of patience. A creative retaliation was posted here.
@Binoy: This is the first time a spirit has commented on my post. I am honoured. Truly! LOL I think I will have to put up a post assuring the menfolk that I have abandoned the idea.I just CANNOT lose my blog buddies :p

Safari Al said...

What else do you want, darling? little pink hearts and cupids flying around with arrows? maybe some aweet little kids eh?

just imagine what Quake3 would become if you were at id games. each time i fragged someone, it would say "you bad bad man. you fragged another man. i will never talk to you again.!"


HAR har har!

Geo said...

_/\_*


*Graphical representation for 'namichu'

Mind Curry said...

@ silverine - this has been one of the most hilarious deliberations i have read on your blog ..still laughing at some of the comments..and boy..hope you are enjoying your new found "sense of literature"..rofl!!

i have to figure out mine now!!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Btw , I love'D' Roadrash ... but yes , that had some colour.

I remember distracting my kid cousin bro when he was playing some weird looking game ..... and then , i gotta know the extent of his foul vocab.

yet again , i rem pressing the ' restart ' button on my friends PC when he was writing a cd ... the look on his face !!! ( and he didnt seem to relish my justification that the bright look of the restart button had caught my fancy )

Jagan said...

please dont spoil the fun ...

u want a bright colored cars with falshy pictures of pet animals ..
PUKE ...

~ sAn ~ said...

:O U r insane! :P
jst wondering how long ur bro will jst sit there and watch u punching Esc ;)
Thank God my sister never saw this post, otherwise i might have to buy a customised keyboard, one without the Esc key :)

Jithu said...

will comment later! severe chest pain and hence have to go to a cardiologist first!! SOS!! :p

spidey said...

i dint get a heart attack but i sure as hell had a puke attack. there goes the last of my lunch. coloured racing landscapes. uuuurrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!

silverine said...

@Safari Al: You are such a peach dahling. But if you frag someone, you bad bad man I will never talk to you again.!:p
@Geo: Thank you fireman,appreciate your compliments :)
@Mindcurry: I don't have a 'sense of literature' but I do have Pratap's blessings! "I am so happy" :))
@Deepa: You actually restarted the comp when he was writing a CD?? You are more daring than me girl. Kudos!!
@San: Customised keyboard without 'Escape' key? I think I am getting a heart attack !!! :(
@Jithu: Good one :))
@spidey and Jagan: I didn't realise my post would give rise to so much heart burn, nausea and cardiac arrests among the gentlemen :p

lash said...

that Escape joke was one of the best i ve read in recent times.

Mind Curry said...

wot can i sayyy.."prolly!!"

rofl!!

injinuity said...

how mean... well my sis too tries to bug me when I am engrossed in a game... I get back at her by using her lipstick to write on the toilet floor, 'game over' ... ;-) ..speaking of sis.. I miss my lil sis ...

silverine said...

@Lash: Nothing compared to the N K Ganguly joke :))
@Mind curry: lol =))
@injinuity:How mean!! Lipsticks are sacred. Period.
p.s. I have buried many a lipstick too :(( They were victims of similar crimes :))

Hiren said...

Games can be a drab indeed at times and your suggestions may actually be a "silverline" in the dark cloud. Now I know how to get my son off the computer fast without shouting my head off.Thanks.

1.618 said...

I have just sent your link to EA Games :p

They want me to pick a spot for commiting mass suicide (if possible, a mass murder for all supporting such changes) ;)

Well, it shows that you haven't explored much on NFS. You have options to change the color of the car to Pink or violet and there is a Vinly which has a huge flower. ( I am a die-hard NFS Fan... if not, I wouldn't have won my colege event leaving aside all those LAN fights).

Last but not the least, Silverine, you can thank your stars as your brother didn't do any harm to you every time you were pressing the ESCAPE key! Please be careful whenever interruptin' a guy playing games on his PC!! :)

Anonymous said...

hey ... there's this community called "India Sucks" http://www.orkut.com/Community.aspx?cmm=1614602 apparently it's been started by a group of Pakis and India-bashing is all they ever do. some of the comments really make your blood boil. just take the time to visit this comm and report it as bogus. in the "reason" field, say something like "hurts national sentiments" or "offensive/propaganda material" - something like that. we only need 250 votes to have the community dumped . plz do this for our country. and scrap this to all ur friends

Fleiger said...

Oh, my hair won't budge from their places unless I see Flanker in designer colors (it is supposed to be camouflaged, for crying out loud) or Rainbow Six team starting a mission in designer suits (again the same cry)

silverine said...

@Hiren:My Mom is also a big fan of the 'escape' key :))
@1.168:Mass suicide? ROFL :)) Now let me go explore the NFS options. Damn.. my bro never told me about the flower option!!!
@Anon:My blood boils too believe me, but then by posting such trash they are simply displying the kind of people they are.
@Fleiger:Flanker and Radio Six here I come. er...any color preferences? :p