Thursday, September 29, 2005

Oh brother!

It’s that time of the year when I have to go through the pain of filing my taxes and as usual I am late. I finally get my Income Tax statement from the accounts department and am very happy to see that my IT deduction is in manageable figures. This means that ‘me’ the severely Income Tax challenged person has done all the right things this year. I show the statement with a touch of pride to my eldest brother. He glances through it and frowns. “Something is amiss here. Why are you paying so much tax?” He asks quizzically. My smile dries up.

Suddenly from nowhere my nemesis, also known as second elder brother (SB) scoops up the statement from my unsuspecting eldest brother’s hand and gleefully glances through it, his smile growing wider and wider with each column he surveys. He gleefully turns around and says loudly for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

“You know what? You forgot to claim depreciation for your brains!!!!”

grrrrrrrrrrr

Now a word about this creature I call my brother. I am supposed to call him ‘chetan’ (elder brother) as he is three years elder to me. But I have steadfastly refused to do that since childhood because that honor is reserved for my eldest brother ONLY!!! And that is because he has earned that honor by NOT pulling my hair, sneaking spiders / cockroaches into my study table drawers, scaring the hell out of my friends by suddenly jumping out of nowhere wearing a gorilla mask and being a major pain throughout my growing years. So, much to my SB’s chagrin I made it a point to call him by his given name. Of course we ( me and friends) had devised other names for him too, which I shall reveal not here, in case there are children below 12 years reading this post. I don’t want to get into trouble with the Expletives Censor Board.

Of course like most hardened criminals ( read ‘annoying elder brother’), he too has his moments when he felt a twinge of repentance and sorrow for the horrendous crimes against humanity ( read ‘younger sister and friends’ ) At such times he would remorsefully try to make up for his misdeeds by treating me to an icecream, or to a ride on his precious motorcycle seriously jeopardizing his love life and my limbs. Of course my suggestion that I print a short message on the back of my T Shirt announcing that I am his sister to clear the doubts of his adoring fans (read ‘gals who don’t bother to look at him’) was greeted with enthusiasm. His enthusiasm soon dried up when he saw the caption.

“I am the sister of the bozo driving this junk”

As me and my friends grew up, so did his pranks. Consider this.

School Graduation Day!

Seven girls in the my house trying on the ugly purple saree that Sister Principal had made mandatory for all of us to wear for the ceremony. Of course being girls we decided to start getting ready at least three hours before the event!!! Not that tying an ugly purple saree requires three hours, but gals will be gals I guess. Finally mascara’ed, powdered, lipstick’ed, perfumed and saree’ed we were ready on time. SB gallantly offered to drop us (I must have lost my senses to have accepted his offer)

We get into the car one by one, gingerly picking up our sarees and sitting down carefully so that we arrive mint fresh at the school auditorium. Suddenly SB’s phone rings. He pulls over, gets out of the car and talks leisurely for a good ten minutes. Then, ignoring the anxious stares of seven pairs of eyes gets into the car casually and we resume our journey. Then he pulls over again. This time to check non-existent punctures on the tyres. After a thorough check of ten minutes or so of our precious time coolly ignoring the frantic pleas of his passengers and hyperventilating sister, he again gets into the car and we are off. We check our watches; we are going to be 20 minutes late!!! My friend Nina suggests to SB that he step on the accelerator to make up for lost time. He does …….and we start crawling at 30 miles per hour!!! I look at him horrified. However SB is unmoved. He says there is something wrong with the car. This was no occasion for a joke, besides we were horribly late and I could imagine an auditorium full of girls and the faculty sitting grimly waiting for us to arrive. I feel tears pricking my eyes. The urge to call Mom and bawl was too tempting.

I suggest that we take an auto. The suggestion is turned down, as the thought of sitting in a windy auto and keeping our appearances and sarees intact was a physical impossibility. Finally with a car full of wailing, cursing and groaning passenger SB drives into the college a good half an hour late! The girls pour out, pick up their sarees to make a dash for the auditorium, when SB remarks casually:

“ Oh by the way…..Sister Ann called. She said the Graduation Ceremony is delayed by one hour, due to VIP movement on your college road!”

I leave the rest to your imagination dear bloggers. Of course the car was already reversed engine running, driver in seat with leg firmly on accelerator before he let out that earth shattering revelation!

This guy is Marquis De Sade personified. I mean even the good Marquis would be proud of the refined and painful torture that we were put through that graduation day. I mean no blood, no gore, no broken bones or other grisly sights that you see in torture scenes in movies. Just plain, undiluted, sadistic, torture for the years we let out air from his mobike tyres, complained about him to my Dad, stole his hair gel, CDs, keychains, mobile for furtive SMS’s, sneaked about him to mom etc. etc. etc.

Today is this descendent of Hitler and Goebbels's birthday. And on his birthday I would like to say:

Happy Birthday Cheta!!

However having said all that I must admit, that carrying my pink school bag with matching water bottle to the school van everyday during my Primary School years, takes lots of guts. And teaching me to swear in Malayalam and Kannada also takes lots of guts. Because when Dad heard me saying “Poda patti” (dog!!!) he wasn’t amused. But then the very next day you taught me to say “nayinde mon” ( son of a dog).

Never say die right? ( that's his credo)

57 comments:

Safari Al said...

love it...keep posting.

www.livejournal.com/~safarial.

Dr. Pissed said...

aww, so much love for brother
So cute ya..
happy budday macha..

kickassso said...

Henpecked Elder brothers of the world unite!!!
yeah and Ive never bin called chetta by my sis either(grrr!)

Meesa Madhavan said...

That was Kewl!!! and frank too. Keep them coming...
P.S: Ever thought of getting your blogs published?

MM

Jiby said...

lol...boy, am i glad my sister sucks at writing...i wud have been truely shamed by all her disclosures abt me! cant ever forget once how i provoked her so badly she advanced at me with a fountain pen and i thought she wud stab me...she waved it at me in all menace...i ducked...the whole wall got sprayed with ink...much to my joy...and i held her away from the wall for almost 5 mins waiting for my parents to get home from work...until her last adavu...her infuriating tears melted my hardened heart and we wiped the by then dried up ink(desperately) b4 anybody saw.

everyone will have so many similar tales of kaalevaarals and therivilis to remember reading this one...beautiful post!

Jagan said...

he he ..u got such an adorable bro ...come on ..accept that u do miss his pranks when he is away .

Parna said...

adorable brother :)

Happy Birthday to him. hope he has a rocking year ahead.

Geo said...

Have u watched 'Oru Vadakkan Veeragaadha' or 'Perumthachan' by MT?

I don’t buy this story too... :_)

Many many happy returns to that poor suffering/ed elder brother. He should consider himself lucky to have survived all these years :_D

silverine said...

@safari al:Thanks
@drpissed:Have made him read your wishes :))
@kickasso:I would like to hear your sisters version too :)
@meesa madhavan:No, I havent thought of getting my blogs published. At present I am enjoying saying it as is.
@Jiby:Your poor sister. Please do make her a guest blogger at your blog, I am sure she would turn out a fantastic post on you. Words will flow when you touch a raw nerve lol
@parna and Jagan: Adorable and my brother???? Contradictory words :)) And 'yes' Jagan I do miss his pranks like I miss my dentist ;)
@Geo: My friends always sympathised with me, cos they got to go home and away from him, while I lived under the same roof as him and had the good fortune of growing up with him :))

>|' ; '| said...

one hell of a cool guy u have there in ur SB ;-)
so...did u claim depreciation for ur brains in the end :-?

Pratish Menon said...

appy budday to ur bro. may God grant both of u a thousand more years etc. ;)

Kaps said...

I don't understand why filing Income tax return should be a painful thing. I thought they had simplified the same for salaried people by introducing the Saral form.

justme said...

hehehehe :-) am reminded of my sis and her bunch of frens too..!!

but alas i was younger one and i was made to d pics of all of them in their saress wen ever they tried one.. Ofcourse i loved d pampering her frens gave me thinking i am just a kiddo.. nah.. i was more than dat.. hehehe ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL..I enjoyed this one all along..

I have a younger bro and a younger sis.. he always makes it a point to play some pranks or the other on her...I give her occassional shocks which is meant just for the fun sake, but sometimes it gets loose and may bring tears into the seen( not intentional you see)..
Oh boy! now the ball is in her court and I do what she orders....if nothing goes well, i buy her a pack of dairy milk and eveything gets settled for sure...hehe

Oh and she better call me chetta, else she is dead meat!..LOL

Arz000n said...

Oh yeha...
I dont like this filing of TAX n all...last time I got 450 bucks in return as I had paid more tax...but being a lazy creature..I forgot to drop that checque in bank

Your post reminded me..before leaving for delhi I'd asked this CA to file ma returns..

Need to call him now :))

Nice on there Silver :)
Take care

Neil said...

an honourable tribute to a honourable brother! nice :)

Neil said...

shit! "a hounourable"! legions of english teachers of mine will 1st die and then turn in their graves!!!!

Casablanca said...

First time on your blog.. and that was a real fun read!!
Does your bro read your blog? :)

Anonymous said...

You know what we are itching to do? Fill up a shoe box with cockroaches , wrap it up nicely and present it to him tonight!
(but who will catch the cockroaches??? )

But wait, we are still in the planning stage ;)

Jisha Abraham
Sonia Thomas
Chanel D'Souza

Nagu said...

nice one..A highly admirable brother you have!!salutes to ur brother

Nagu said...

coz ur brother seems to be a better driver who understands the passenger!!...hehehe LOL

Nagu said...

i didnt get that what exactly is MCP?? am poor in such terminalogies!

Nagu said...

MCP ...i know the following

Microsoft Certified Professional
MUD Client Protocol

but what u say seems to be a bit strange!! Ariyaatha pilla choriyumbo ariyum...pakse edu choriyaano alla ariyuppaano..lol

Praveen said...

Good one! I was wondering when such a post would come up from your pen, you posted on mother's and father's day, so its apt you post about ur brother on his birthday :) at least.

Pleomorphous said...

I wonder what my sister has to say about me ...

hope and love said...

nice post.. even i used to be bullied by my bro.. but now that he is away i miss him like hell.

Matter of Choice said...

as soon as i read this post i got mad coz i never had a kid sis to play pranks on (and i had so many pranks in my mind!). called up mom n started cribbing abt why they didnt give me a younger sis!!. after hearing the one-sided argument for 10 minutes, she stops me and says

" well me n ur dad wanted a daughter and hoped u would be one!. but seeing the way my second kid turned out we didnt have the guts to try our luck again"

ah welll...she can always floor me with her sarcasm :)

such a chweeeeet post!. ur bro definitely is very courageous!!, carrying ur pink school bag and water bottle!!!. btwn did u have pink school dress too?? :))

cheerio
MoC
ps: so when do we get the blog on ur big brother?

Alexis Leon said...

My birthday wishes to your brother. He seems to be a very nice person with an excellent sense of humor. I particularly liked the prank he played on your graduation day. Nice post. Keep writing…

Lost in trance... said...

Gal u write well :O)

പാപ്പാന്‍‌/mahout said...

Silverine: I enjoyed this post, and could appreciate it since I am an elder brother myself (No, I played no pranks on my sis -- she was the extrovert. But somehow your post brought back all those memories of childhood.)

Happy birthday to your brother!

awakeningcoma said...

yep me feelin lost that i dont hav alittle sis to wish me ,as u do to ur chetan.i do hav a brother who never calls me cheta an deven wishes, no prob ,proving my flesh and blood ,as i do the same thing to him

Anonymous said...

Not fair!

Shan

silverine said...

@shan:Hi Shan! So its you!!! Why didnt you leave a name? :)

Anonymous said...

Forgot! finally figured that, maybe that could be the reason..

But my first comment stays (Thursday, September 29, 2005 12:57:44 PM ) and the second one goes into the blogger BIN..why why..??comon comon tell tell..

Shan ( High time I created an user account in here)

silverine said...

@Shan:As my reply to your first comment cum query , I would say that brothers do tend to take a lot of sadistic pleasure in irritating and teasing their sisters. It must be sibling rivalry I guess :)

Anonymous said...

Silverline says "As my reply to your first cum......."..that means my second comment is out of this world now?

Anyways thanks for the answer;) and by the way you deleted my second comment coz i dint put my name in there? I am still trying to figure out as to why you deleted it..hehe

silverine said...

@Shan:Yes it was the anonymity factor that made me delete it :)

Anonymous said...

uhm uhm, i take that;)

I am leaving office and going for the usual weekend routine;)

Carry on with your good work on the blog.

top stuff

shan

monu said...

LOL ...the situation is same in my house ..but am the elder brother .. (valiyettan) .. ;)

lash said...

the problem is not bein a sister.. the problem is being younger.. because i ve suffered immensely under my SISTER and i was more enthusiastic to get her married off,more than anone else..now we are at safe distance and she says she misses me.. but i know thats a trap..

Sonia said...

hilarious! i have a cousin bro who is a darling. but then, i'm the prankster!

flaash said...

Hi Anju

I really pity ur elder bro.First was years of offline attacks & now here is the online assault in the guise of a B'day wish.

Well,in a 3 kid scenario being the middle child is the worst thing that can happen- ask me.

The elder one is the previleged one.Usually he/she gets showered with all attention and is the sole recipent of it all for a good few years; and when it's ur turn for the same.....destiny denies it to u in one cruel stroke. There is born one little inevitably cute youngest sister. Parents/ Relatives/elder cousins find her cute n adorable..and more importantly ;believable!!U never know wot hit u..Suddenly u are just left with just no USP !!

Now the elder sis (4 years older to me) believed in the divide n rule policy;she spoke 2 my younger sis (when she was jus 4 years old) about women's oppression worldwide and the need to unite against the common male enemy (well thts me)....

And then the war began; Well i had my 2 small fists to defend myself but they had teeth, claws (retractable upon inspection i suspect)...well that's a long story...some other time.

(btw podaa patteee is too tame compared to the creative ones we 3used to address each other with)

Neway my sisters dont write; it'll just be my side thts aired here
Neway belated happy B'day to ur bro :-))

Tell him to keep up the good work

Cheers
flaash

injinuity said...

awww thats so cute... different ppl have different ways of showing their love.. i too am like your bro.. do the same thing to my sis..get on her nerves...

he didn't hurt you.. he knew the function was already late.. cute fella.... here is a trade secret... the only way to avoid all this is to not react.. the whole idea is to get the younger sis all crazy... anyways here is me wishing your bro a very happy belated birthday... goodluck and god bless.

Leon said...

Hi,

I've had to stop blogging for personal reasons but I will of course respond to your tag.

Nice post. Makes me want to write about my sis and given that her birthday is only a week away, I just might.. ;-)

Take care

Sachin said...

Gawd..ROTFL Clutching my Aching Shtomach..Mother of Gawd,That was sucha hilarious scream !! Made my day...Fantabulous piece of writing.
Never had a younger sis though ;-)

kickassso said...

IF you did, you wouldn't have been :D

Adarsh A. Varghese said...

Sweet!

Anonymous said...

Very sweet tribute!

James

judy said...

This is my first visit to your blog and I couldn't help but get a good laugh! Well written! Brought back memories of tormenting and being tormented by my younger brother.

Keep it coming!

QuaTros said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
W-Bix said...

am late to the party, but catching up with your blogs. Girl you have an amazing style of writing and sense of humour...
maybe Chetan's influence on to you?? *grin* j/k

silverine said...

@wbix: Well... we both are poles apart in our sense of humor but yes alike in the sense that we are the practical jokers of the family :))

Chintamani Kurse said...

Hi,

Maybe this gets lost in the ocean of comments, but very funny you are, nice sense of humor

tcr_79 said...

Your brother rocks... the Sister Ann incident and depreciation for brains is too good

Ashish Gupta said...

awwnnn :">

what a fortunate me to have a pampering elder sis! *nostalgic*

Dr.asish said...

ROTFL.
a salute to ur long suffering brother! wish i had a lil sister to play pranks on too! :)

Abhinav Viswambharan said...

Three cheers to your brother...
Hip hip hurray...
Hip hip hurray...
Hip hip hurray... :P