Sunday, January 24, 2010

The new generation gap

Beheld this scene in the house today. My second brother M was banging on my parents toilet door asking my Dad who was taking a bath to come out quick.

Dad: I am taking bath. Don't you have a toilet of your own?
M: Come out quick! I need to use the toilet URGENT!!
Dad: Use your own toilet.
M: I need to use yours! Come out fast!!
Dad: Okay! okay! But I don't understand...
M (interrupting him): Dad!!! Will you stop talking and come out!!
Dad: Okay! I'll finish my bath in your toilet if you don't mind.
M: Be my guest. Just don't use my after shave.
Dad: I don't plan on stinking like a diesel engine for the rest of the day. So you needn't worry hmmph!

My poor Dad stumbles out of the toilet wearing a towel, shampoo foam on head, soap on face and walks with squinted eyes to M's toilet stumbling and slipping on the way. All is quiet in the house till he gets back after his bath and beholds M's mobile peacefully charging on the toilet shelf. Apparently this is the only socket where his phone battery will charge.

To cut a long and rather violent story short, Bro, his phone and the electric socket have been thrown out of the house unceremoniously. Our vocabulary of Malayalam epithets stands vastly enhanced. M is looking genuinely baffled at the hullabaloo. He just cannot understand why Dad got so worked up over a perfectly normal thing as charging a phone. He is now convinced that his Dad has gone cuckoo. Ditto with the Dad.

Have a nice week folks!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Stupidity Quotient

There is this lovely program airing on one of our local FM radio station called 'Music Quotient". It is a music contest that tests your knowledge of Bollywood music. The questions are reasonably tough and prizes really good. On certain days they have Bollywood stars taking part and the contest is made doubly tough for them considering the fact that they are from the industry. Last week we had Neil Nithin Mukesh.

RJ: *Plays a song from one of Neil’s recent movies Gaddar* Neil you have to identify this song! This is a tough one!
Neil: This is indeed tough!! So so tough. Lemme guess. This is a song from the movie Gaddar!!
RJ: OMG!!! You got it right!!! Amazing. Such a tough question too! Congratulations!! *canned applause*
Neil: Thank you. You are right! This was a tough one. *whew*

The week before that we had Bipasha Basu.

RJ: *Plays a song from one of Bips’s recent movie Bachna Eh Haseeno* Bipasha you have to identify this song! This is a tough question I know.
Bipasha: This is a tough question indeed!! Lemme guess this is a song from the movie Bachna Eh Haseeno?
RJ: OMG!!! You got it right!!! Amazing. Such a tough question too! Congratulations!! *canned applause*
Bipasha: Err thank you!
Listeners: :-O

Next week we have Mr What's-his-name!! Who cares who he is. We Bangaloreans, are already blown away by his brilliance.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Corporate twits err tweets

The bad news for me this week is that the Boss is on Twitter *gulp*
The good news is that he doesn’t know I am on Twitter tee hee. *phew*

The PJ’s in office is in full flow.

Did you hear? Our profits are up 50 % since last quarter.
Who told you?
A little bird :|


A little bird tells me that you are moving to the Gurgaon office.
If I catch that little bird I will make him bird fry! That little twit!!!
Hyuk hyuk

And so on and so forth. Each cornier than the rest. Everyone looks at everyone with suspicion now. You never know who the little bird is who is giving out official information that has been confirmed by HR mails which no one reads anyways.

Note to self: Time to educate the office about Twitter.

Now that the Boss is singing like a canary, oops I mean Tweeting about how good we are and how fantastic our products are, I wonder if he tweets about us, his (dis)loyal minions. And I wonder what his tweets about me will be like hmmm

The Insubordinate is in office on time today. Wonder what she is up to hmmm

From my cabin it looks like she is working. Ha! Like I will fall for that heh heh

Busy planning and strategizing…gotta keep her busy for the rest of the year!

One more Excel to go and then I am oops I mean, she is finished heh heh

Off to Lunch. Productive first half of the day :)

Back from lunch. Looking forward to the look on her face when I give her the work plan, *smirk* *smirk*

Everything went well. She took it surprisingly well. I am now worried. Getting nasty feelings here tweeples.


She has delegated everything!! #%@*%

Back to the drawing board… sigh!

Heh heh….When it comes to work, I always have the last laugh. I love my job!

p.s. searching for creative names for my new incognito Twitter account! This will be a busy week!

Monday, January 04, 2010

Maternal connectivity

My brother who was attending the Sunburn 2009 in Goa, decided that he will drive to Goa for the festival with his friends. Mom was very apprehensive as she thinks the roads are dangerous at “this time of the year” (viz 365 days of the year as far as she is concerned). But I never realized how apprehensive she was till my brother returned safe and sound, and showed us his mobile in some exasperation. Wondering what had got to him so much, I read through the SMS’es. It was mostly from Mom and made a ummm rather interesting read.

Day One

Where are you?
Where are you now?
You had lunch?
What about your medicines?
Don’t tell lies!
Have you reached?
Have you reached now?
Great, Take bath and go to sleep! No going to the beach. Newspaper reports high waves in Karwar.
Goodnight. God bless!
Are you awake or asleep?

Day Two

What time did you sleep yesterday?
Don’t tell lies!
What do you mean I woke you up so early? It is 12!!!
When is this festival?
How many of your friends have come?
Make sure you stay with the crowd. Goa unsafe!
Have you reached back to the room?
I called you, you did not pick up!!!
Good night and God bless!

Day Three

When are you leaving?
Dad says check your bike before leaving.
Because I am your mother that’s why!
Where are you now?
Did you have lunch?
If it is late stay in Hubli. Don’t drive in the dark!
Where are you now?
And now?
Don’t swear young man!!!!

I am not going to mention bros response to all this. But it was a study in great self control and usage of the most civil words possible under extreme circumstances to convey extreme irritability, annoyance and suicidal frustration!

Note to self: Thank God, that bro does not remember who gave his mom the phone with a stylus for easy text messaging. Phew!