Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Reigning Men

A new government took charge in the State recently. The new Chief Minister has reassured worried Road Contractorsgalu that road works will begin soon. Mr K Kowda the President of the Road Contractors Association of Karnataka whose net worth is reported to be around 100 crores said that the stoppage of all road works in the past two years had hit the contractors very hard. Many of them were now living under the poverty line of 25 cores, which is even worse than the conditions of contractors in Bihar. The pathetic condition of contractors has made International headlines when the Washington Post reported: “Bangalore roads? Whatiteez?”

Struck by poverty and extreme hunger for money many contractors have resolved to kill themselves by drinking a bottle of Blue Label every hour. Speaking on behalf of the association Mr Kowda told a Press conference “hic”.

The new CM had to personally intervene to avert this tragedy of hepatitanic proportions. Better sense prevailed after the CM assured them that road work will start immediately. To help the impoverished contractors the CM assured them that roads under 10 mm thickness will be accepted by Government Inspectors for a small ‘conversion fee’. The contractors have since gone back to drinking a bottle of Blue Label a day.

Soon after taking over the Gaddi the new CM noted that the Treasury of the highest VAT earning State in India was absolutely empty save for a few shovels and a wheelbarrow that was found inside the treasury room. He immediately asked each of his ministers to donate the loose change in their pocket to replenish the treasury. Soon after, a Press Release from the CM’s office said, "the Karnataka Treasury Funds have just exceeded the Central Govt. Treasury".
The CM is reportedly very happy with the event and declared at a Press Conference, “I am so happy!”

The Corporator’s Association has expressed happiness at the sweeping changes in the land laws proposed by the new CM. A spokesperson said, “The new laws will generate more revenues er... avenues. Citizens can get the Fine Rates for different land violations by SMS’ing B.R.I.B.E to 4200.”

Meanwhile a sub division of the Road Contractors Association, the Pothole Contractors Association has decried the government’s move to accept roads that are 10 mm thick. While speaking to reporters, a spokesperson for the association said, "Such thick roads will deprive us of our daily bread". When asked by a reporter what he meant by that statement, the spokesperson said, “Mind your own business”.


An association of employees of the RTO, BDA and other government departments met the CM and complained about the work disruption in government offices due to the Lok Ayukta raids. The CM firmly stood his ground and said that his promise of more powers to the Lok Ayukta stands. However for the smooth running of the government offices the CM has decreed that the Lok Ayukta will now have to give its schedule of raids in advance. A spokesperson of the Employees Union declined to comment when quizzed by reporters and instead showed his middle finger to the camera man of Karnataka Times, a widely read daily, rumored to be read even by the Lok Ayukta Chief.

And for the last bit of news. The CM attended a high level State Cabinet meeting to kick start the Bangalore Infrastructure Rejuvenation Programme, however no resolution could be passed, as he was the only attendee. In a press conference after the meeting, he told reporters “hmph”.

62 comments:

kornkob said...

ROFL!!!! And thus the rot sets in deeper :)) God save Bangalore!

p.s. me first!!!!!!

>|' ; '| said...

Struck by poverty and extreme hunger for money many contractors have resolved to kill themselves by drinking a bottle of Blue Label every hour. Speaking on behalf of the association Mr Kowda told a Press conference “hic”

Silvie.. u shud help these poor ppl. they seem to be suffering soo much :(

Anonymous said...

Great one. Same in Chennai - the only difference being that the contractors are drinking water from the reserviors instead of Blue Label. With the threat of the reservoirs drying up, the Government yielded.

Anonymous said...

I dont think it is fair enough to blame the government alone. There is a palpable sense of casualness in the attitude of each of us. If that was not there these so called politicians wont have been in power. The people get the men in power whom they deserve.

Mind Curry said...

i could see hdk dancing to "my hump" while i read your post :)i doubt this govt will last longer than one year, but that will be time enough for them to fill their coffers.

vaik said...

Hope bengaluru does not become a biharu.

silverine said...

@Kornob:"God save Bangalore" indeed :( I am hoping that this CM willl deliver us. He has made promises.
@Poison: Heartbreakingly tragic situation here Poison. I will do my best ;)
@Anon 1: Reservoir water? Maybe because you have such good roads!
@Anon 2: I don't think it is the Bangalorean who elects these people. It is the non Bangalore majority that casts the deciding vote! And believe me I or any other Bangalorean is anything but casual about these matters.
@Mincurry: That may be a sad fact :(
@Vaik: You just presented a very bleak but probable scenario! :(

Anonymous said...

In democracy it doesnt matter if u r a bangalorean or non-bangalorean, only the judiciousness we exert while voting matters. If we are voting un-judiciously, things are bound to doom. Democracy without accountability on the part of the elected govt, is akin to anarchy. Karnataka is one in case I guess.
Believe India will have to go through the same pain and maturity peiod that better democracies like US or Germany had to go through. For US it was nearly 300 years, but the fruit of that 300 year toil, was well spend seeing the position that US is enjoying in the world stage right now.

Sreejith Narayanan said...

rofl..

I hope the pothole association are sensible enough to stay away frm demanding a "less than 10 mm" thick flyovers and underpasses ;)

regarding the cm's new decree of lok ayukta, i heard tht is how it works in chennai. they announce before to acquaintances, and ask for their advice regarding who is to be "disrupted" next ;)

Ganja Turtle said...

For a CM whos come in on the strength of the miner's, builders and contractors lobby, y'all sure expect a lot...like the man said, HMPH - the one phrase that stops kiran shaw,n'murthy and hoekstra dead on their "improve bengalooru" tracks.

10mm is researched/random figure? Just curious.

Bangalore was once good.RIP.

Kuttan said...

Really funny!!

Alexis Leon said...

Conversion fee, SMSing B.R.I.B.E, ROFL.

It is the same everywhere. Your "I am so happy" remined me of the "It's nice to be a king!" from a Mel Brooks movie.

God save Bangalore... God save India.

Nice post... As usual, hilarious at the same time thought provoking.

Thanu said...

No worries... all these workers have moved to Kerala.. Have u seen the amt of construction going on in Kerala - esp TVM?

1.618 said...

ROTFLOL.
Hope that you haven't done the shopping for 'Blue Label'...:).

This one can be classified into your 'best-posts' list.

Lost in trance... said...

do u really think that if the deciding vote had come from bangaloreans, the situation would have been different? so what does that speak for the bad roads et al in every other state which is less cosmopolitan? bad politicians. bad decision makers. simple.

Lalit Singh said...

Quite amusing
Bue label n SMS Bribe n 25 Crore poverty line..

പാപ്പാന്‍‌/mahout said...

Though I am ignorant about the specific context of the post, I laughed a lot, and then laughed some more at the WaPo's headline "“Bangalore roads? Whatiteez?”"

silverine said...

@Anonymous:I make fun of things that frustrates me. Makes it easier to bear. I do agree to what you say, but I still maintain that the educated informed Indian is a minority.
@Srijith: Our Lok Ayukta is pretty good. Wish the people they catch are punished though.
@GT: This CM shows promise. Lets wait and watch.
@Kuttan: Thank you!!
@Alexis:Thank you and as you rightly said "God save Bangalore God save India."
@Thanu: Good for Kerala. Hope Kerala remains green though.
@1.618: Thanks buddy :))
@lostintrance: Like I told anon,the educated informed Indian is a minority.
@Laith: Thanks! :)
@Mahouth: I was just taking pot shots at the vicious circle that is frustrating all efforts to tackle Blr's problems :)

Jayan said...

Let us hope Sammy has a few aces up his sleeve for Karnataka!! BTW, I heard that he is less(er) educated than Mr.Deve . Is that true ?

Safari Al said...

What a sad state of sffairs.

Happy valentines!!!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

long lost sisters again !!!!!!!

Well , roads ... i hate dug , cut and spotted roads ...

And i hate people who dig them

Anonymous said...

Evrybody understands its a big problem. And also u get some happiness when u blog about it. Great. But who is hearing the voice, is the authority hearing it? tomorrow when u are gonna go thru the same bangalore roads, u r goin to get into the same potholes, right?? What r we(any of the professionals in Blore) doing abut it, if we raise ur voice when things are bad, then we have the right to say that things are bad. What r we doing abut all these, other than keeping quite or mumbling among ourselves, or blogging like this, and enjoying silently. Isnt it high time that the Blore professionals/workers join & do something against the state of affairs, rather than just blogging away our frustrations.

Dewaker Basnet said...

Great News: The govt. seems to have taken decision to resurrect the phoenix of agencies like BATF (Bangalore Agenda Task Force)..hope we see something coming..
let's be positively sceptical about things..what say:)

>-Sewer Salmon-> ~~~ said...

(To anonymous a couple comments back, you want to do something, well, do something instead of spittle-spraying us with platitudes, ok? We're like this only.)

Fleiger said...

That explains the state of roads in Banglore (and mysore too). If contractors are poor, how can they afford the tar and cement needed? (And here I was cursing the poor contra)

Any news on Banglore Airport? Last I heard, the contractors there were demanding same rules as road contractors, like <10mm thickness and all. Looks like Banglore airport will look like Mysore airport.

silverine said...

@Jayan: I don't know about his Edu Qfn. Hope turns out to be a better man than his father.
@Safari AL: Same to you my Valentine muaaah :)
@Dewaker: That is great news indeed!!!!
@Fleiger: LOL You get the big picture now I see.
@sewersalmon: Well said buddy !! :)
@Anonymous: This is not a political blog nor am I a political blogger. I think it is very evident by now. If you want to argue and debate over this issue then please go over to blogs and forums devoted to such topic. How do you know I am not doing anything about it? And how do I know that you are doing anything about it? You get the picture? So I would appreciate it if you would desist from leaving anymore comments on this issue on my blog. Thank you.

JamesBright said...

This is classic humour Silverine.
I liked that 25 cr. poverty line!
They may consider re drawing it for a 50 cr. eventually.
This is smashing..!

Lost in trance... said...

maybe allz not lost yet. chk this lil baby out:

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1384411.cms

filmy?

Fleiger said...

Ya, you know me, I am a big picture guy (as opposed to big photo guy) After all, 2 years of company exposure must leave some traces of management terms ;)

@Anon: somebody is listening to this. Read what the government is doing about the road conditions. ;)

silverine said...

@dreamslittle: Thank you. On your recommendation, the poverty line will be redrawn when conditions improve for our impoverished contractors LOL
@lostintrance: The page doesn't open ! :(
@Feliger: Big photo LOL I am still chuckling after reading your book review.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

and the worst part is that those higher up in the cabinet or whatever it is dont seem to care ...

Anita said...

I think lost_in_trance meant this
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1384411.cms

the .cms thing got truncated.

Btw, nice post but sadly thats the truth.

Anita said...

heh ! the url gets truncated each time it is posted.

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1384

Okay, append "411.cms" to the existing url you have got above.

Lost in trance... said...

@ anita : thanq thanq thanq

Mind Curry said...

woooh...i got a glimpse of silverine's king kong :)
comments come from all kinds of people, so i guess some we have to ignore and let pass.

silverine said...

@Deepa: They dont care for anyone dear.
@Anita: Thanks for the link. I could not comment on your blog as my IP is open proxy.
@mindcurry: King Kong? naah. :)

JamesBright said...

Kindly see this link
http://news.bbc.co.uk/
1/hi/world/south_asia/4715470.stm

Anita said...

Hey, would it help, if you create a dummy livejournal account just for commenting in LJ ?

ps : this is no underground plan to migrate blogspot users to LJ ! Heh!

said...

This is a gem of an article.

(I can compare your sense of humor to greatbong who writes in similar fashion)

Great going.

Densel Mayor said...

:) I wish I was more in tune with the political scene! :D

Hiren said...

One keeps hearing of building roads to generate employment. It generates more business for all concerned it seems.

silverine said...

@dreamslitle: Nice article.
@Anita:I managed to leave a comment :)
@Kousik: Thank you :)
@Densel: Thank god you are not :)
@Hiren:You said it!!! And fuels the sales of Mercs, Yachts and Pvt Aircrafts :)

Venkat Ramanan said...

Too hilarious!!! You hit the nail right on the head!!!
esp I likes this part "revenues/avenues, BRIBE to 4200". I understand your frustration since I too commute in the roads daily in Chennai. But, since Election is up, Amma has laid good roads (literally, not her, but the road contactors' men :) ) for she wants to come back.
Hope HDK does something good to Karnataka!!
Cheers,
Venkat

Shriedhar said...

my second comment :P

wow!!!

i felt it as gud as Hindu Ed.

A nice article!!!

Lalit Singh said...

just a small request
Its not Lalith or Laith

Waiting for your tag wali post!!!

FJ said...

ha ha.. good one :)

Dr. Pissed said...

You must have done very well in English class with those boring "Newspaper story" assignments no?

None the less, Kumaraswamy avarigay _____ ?

[fill in the blanks]

sailu said...

A hilarious thougth-provoking article!

Geo said...

Well-known satirist and IT dept basher turning her attention to political journalism?
Pls let me know when you plan to tryout page3... I can shoot, I mean using a camera.

monu said...

The Corporator’s Association has expressed happiness at the sweeping changes in the land laws proposed by the new CM. A spokesperson said, “The new laws will generate more revenues er... avenues. Citizens can get the Fine Rates for different land violations by SMS’ing B.R.I.B.E to 4200.”

;) LOL .. have u heard about "alphons kannamthanam" ?

Anil The Great said...

silverline : you have a very witty way of screwing the people, this time its another pig in the political dirt water:)

-ATG

silverine said...

@venkat:Hope we have elections soon too, because you get to see some frantic activity pre elections.
@Lalit: Will keep that in mind. My tag is now 400 words, I am struggling with the edit. The moment I succeed in cutting it to 200, I will post.
@sreedhar: Thank you Sreedhar!
@dr pissed: I have never done such assignments.
@Sailu: Thank you :)
@Geo: Ha ha no page 3 please, though I may do a post on that soon ;)
@Monu: Yes I have heard of him. He is that upright IAS officer isnt he?:)
@ATG: Thank you Anil. What else can we do right? Goli nahin maar sakthe in logon ko :))

jax said...

Nice blog. Read a few of your posts and all of them were ROFL stuff. Will be back for more!

This is not spam.

Ashish said...

Hahaha , being originally from B'lore myself , you paint a whole new different picture to the place I call Home. Keep it coming :)

Anand K said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anand K said...

Dear Mr. Author,

Roads?! What do you mean, roaaads?! We don't need no steeenkin' roads! ***

There has been plans to turn Banglalurulu into The Venice of the Yeast by converting all roads into canals onlee and scrappin the KSRTC busses to make Gondolas. This will also help the farmers (the real sons of the soyl and inherittors of the Earth, not the outlander techies like you!) to use the woterways to irrigate the fields and turn Banglalurulu into the silvan hamlet it once was, no? This is why I wollheartedlee support the dawngrading of your pernishious bheshtern "inprastrukture".

Regards,
H. D. Devegovda
-----------------
*** 50 points for finding out the original quote and the classic movie it's from.

Mind Curry said...

@ anand - John Huston's The Treasure of the Sierra Madre..lol..50 for me :)

Mind Curry said...

We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges! was the original (just incase you were thinking of reducing 25 points!)

silverine said...

@Jax: Thank you :)
@Ashish: Blr is my home too and I love the place because of that :)
@Anand K: I think the quote is from our very own 'H. D. Devegovda'!!! During the rains, we are very much like the Venice of Yeast. Waterlogged and in a ferment. LOL Thanks for this very tongue-in-cheek comment.
p.s.The author is a Miss and a non techie :))
@Mind Curry: Great going. I had no clue to the original quote!

Anand K said...

@ MindCurry: Phull 50 poyants plus a JD(S) legislative assemblee seat next elections from Ramanagaram constituenssy!

@ Silevrine: Oops! Sorry boss. Didn't check out the profile.... your blog came highly recommended from Jiby. Just clicked the link he sent this rookie blogger. Classic "Monkey see, monkey do!" case. :)

De-Silva said...

ROFL@ SMSing BRIBE !! some hilarious stuff there! thanks for the comment you left on my blog! i have some pics of a trip i took recently up on mine....check it out....when I have time, I might put up more of them.

Cheers.

De-Silva

Supremus said...

ROFL!

too good - sigh, dont scare me yaar when I am abt to be there next month! infrastructure has completely collapsed eh?

Suyog