Meeting your match - a 'seedy' tale of two duds.

Purab, my nice colleague was looking very disturbed. Now and then other guy colleagues came and offered words of encouragement and pats of camaraderie. I was instantly interested. I smelt a nice juicy story. Putting on my best fake “concerned expression” I walked over to another guy colleague….let’s call him “Pansy Prabhu”. Or PP as we gals lovingly call him. PP always gives us the dirt. And PP did not disappoint us this time too.

PP told me a rather sad tale of betrayal and double ‘facedness' and treachery of people that nearly broke my heart. Here is Purab’s sad story as told by PP.

Purab is living like most bachelors on the first floor of a house owned by an old thaatha (grandpa) and thaathi (grandma). Thaatha is immobile while thaathi is a sprightly 80. When Purab went house hunting, he faced the same problems bachelors everywhere faced. Landlords refusing to give the house unless he was married or staying with parents etc. With great difficulty he convinced thaathi to give him the house.

Thaathi I may be a North Indian Brahmin, but I am a Brahmin like you!
So?
So, I don’t eat meat, or drink or womanize.
Which means you were born of Immaculate Conception yeah???
Err no, I mean I will strictly womanize with my future wife wonly thaathi.
Okay, okay! You can move in tomorrow. You know the rules right?
*Pumping his fists inside* Of course thaathi!!!

Purab settled in with a sigh of relief. He would leave for office everyday and thaathi would open the door for the maid to cook and clean and lock up after the maid left. On his part, Purab shared any nice movie he got with thaathi and did the odd shopping for her. Life was smooth, happy and full of empty bottles and chicken bones taken surreptitiously out of the room in the nights.

One day a friend, let’s call him “Satish” called with exciting news. He had a “CD” he said. A rare CD that he had got for one night only. A CD so rare that he dared not leave it at his home where his folks might discover and make it even rarer. Purab decided that the CD would be safe in his house and Satish left it on his refrigerator. Then both left for office with a shady smile on their faces. Around 11 ‘o’ clock, people in the office saw Purab rushing out of the office. He had just realized that the maid would come and thaathi would open the door and perhaps discover the CD.

Horrible images of being bodily thrown out of the house rushed before him as he tore through the roads towards home. He reached home and flew up the stairs like the wind and saw to his relief that the CD was on the fridge. He quickly locked it in his cupboard, drank a glass of water, thanked all the Gods in the Hindu pantheon and came back to office.

In the night, booze bottles adorned his room as the pals toasted to the “acquisition’. After a few drinks they put on the CD…and watched open mouthed as the mellifluous sound of bansuri (flute) filled the house. Then Krishna Kanhaiyya appeared on the screen and played a melodious solo. The pals rubbed their eyes. Then Radha started singing a devotional song so sweet that rumors has it that the alcohol in the bottles evaporated leaving behind pure amrit. Purab looked at Satish. Satish looked at Purab. Then they both looked at the TV screen and turned pale when Meera began a rather long but soulful bhajan. To cut a very long story short, Satish was thrown violently out of the house.

Next day Satish called Purab. The CD belonged to a guy who was six feet tall and kinda muscular. Six footer had his feet on Satish’s face and was getting kinda impatient. Purab was now convinced that there indeed was a CD and decided to interrogate his maid. He needn’t have. She told him calmly that thaathi had taken the CD as usual and returned it after seeing the “movie”. Purab gulped and turned white. Visions of being kicked out of the house crowded his mind. He did not see Satish walking into thaathi’s house to ask for the CD. He was back shortly. Apparently thaathi insisted that “Krishna Kanhaiyya” was the movie she had borrowed and “returned” and she wanted to know which “other” CD Satish was talking about. Satish said he was talking about Krishna Kanhaiya only and beat a hasty retreat.

The boys now look at thaathi with a new respect but with averted eyes and give her the wide berth...with averted eyes

p.s. did I say the sad tale of betrayal and double ‘facedness' and treachery of people nearly broke my heart? Sorry that should read - the sad tale of betrayal and double ‘facedness' and treachery of people nearly broke my jaws due to excessive laughter. Have a nice week folks!