Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Meeting your match - a 'seedy' tale of two duds.

Purab, my nice colleague was looking very disturbed. Now and then other guy colleagues came and offered words of encouragement and pats of camaraderie. I was instantly interested. I smelt a nice juicy story. Putting on my best fake “concerned expression” I walked over to another guy colleague….let’s call him “Pansy Prabhu”. Or PP as we gals lovingly call him. PP always gives us the dirt. And PP did not disappoint us this time too.

PP told me a rather sad tale of betrayal and double ‘facedness' and treachery of people that nearly broke my heart. Here is Purab’s sad story as told by PP.

Purab is living like most bachelors on the first floor of a house owned by an old thaatha (grandpa) and thaathi (grandma). Thaatha is immobile while thaathi is a sprightly 80. When Purab went house hunting, he faced the same problems bachelors everywhere faced. Landlords refusing to give the house unless he was married or staying with parents etc. With great difficulty he convinced thaathi to give him the house.

Thaathi I may be a North Indian Brahmin, but I am a Brahmin like you!
So?
So, I don’t eat meat, or drink or womanize.
Which means you were born of Immaculate Conception yeah???
Err no, I mean I will strictly womanize with my future wife wonly thaathi.
Okay, okay! You can move in tomorrow. You know the rules right?
*Pumping his fists inside* Of course thaathi!!!

Purab settled in with a sigh of relief. He would leave for office everyday and thaathi would open the door for the maid to cook and clean and lock up after the maid left. On his part, Purab shared any nice movie he got with thaathi and did the odd shopping for her. Life was smooth, happy and full of empty bottles and chicken bones taken surreptitiously out of the room in the nights.

One day a friend, let’s call him “Satish” called with exciting news. He had a “CD” he said. A rare CD that he had got for one night only. A CD so rare that he dared not leave it at his home where his folks might discover and make it even rarer. Purab decided that the CD would be safe in his house and Satish left it on his refrigerator. Then both left for office with a shady smile on their faces. Around 11 ‘o’ clock, people in the office saw Purab rushing out of the office. He had just realized that the maid would come and thaathi would open the door and perhaps discover the CD.

Horrible images of being bodily thrown out of the house rushed before him as he tore through the roads towards home. He reached home and flew up the stairs like the wind and saw to his relief that the CD was on the fridge. He quickly locked it in his cupboard, drank a glass of water, thanked all the Gods in the Hindu pantheon and came back to office.

In the night, booze bottles adorned his room as the pals toasted to the “acquisition’. After a few drinks they put on the CD…and watched open mouthed as the mellifluous sound of bansuri (flute) filled the house. Then Krishna Kanhaiyya appeared on the screen and played a melodious solo. The pals rubbed their eyes. Then Radha started singing a devotional song so sweet that rumors has it that the alcohol in the bottles evaporated leaving behind pure amrit. Purab looked at Satish. Satish looked at Purab. Then they both looked at the TV screen and turned pale when Meera began a rather long but soulful bhajan. To cut a very long story short, Satish was thrown violently out of the house.

Next day Satish called Purab. The CD belonged to a guy who was six feet tall and kinda muscular. Six footer had his feet on Satish’s face and was getting kinda impatient. Purab was now convinced that there indeed was a CD and decided to interrogate his maid. He needn’t have. She told him calmly that thaathi had taken the CD as usual and returned it after seeing the “movie”. Purab gulped and turned white. Visions of being kicked out of the house crowded his mind. He did not see Satish walking into thaathi’s house to ask for the CD. He was back shortly. Apparently thaathi insisted that “Krishna Kanhaiyya” was the movie she had borrowed and “returned” and she wanted to know which “other” CD Satish was talking about. Satish said he was talking about Krishna Kanhaiya only and beat a hasty retreat.

The boys now look at thaathi with a new respect but with averted eyes and give her the wide berth...with averted eyes

p.s. did I say the sad tale of betrayal and double ‘facedness' and treachery of people nearly broke my heart? Sorry that should read - the sad tale of betrayal and double ‘facedness' and treachery of people nearly broke my jaws due to excessive laughter. Have a nice week folks!

29 comments:

Nona said...

Please publish the address so that rest of the bachelors can avoid this place.

If someone really good at negotiating, they can wriggle out the Kishen Kanhaiya CD from thaathi too!

Reading the story, Thaathi is the real hero! :D

Kiran said...

Poor Purab .. I kind of sympathize with him .. imagine the expectation, the anticipation .. and then the anti-climax ... HEYY .. I'm talking about the CD .. not its contents OK? :P

mathew said...

lol!!

Serendipity said...

whats a thathi? Thatha oda female version is Paati

Captain Haddock said...

lol..teach those boys how to Torrent. no dependency on CD. Well, i torrent only Krishna Kanhaiyya

Richa said...

Hahahaha...You broke my jaw too!! Am new to your blog but already loving it..

Partha Pratim said...

Some people would define the entire saga as KLPD. I couldn't stop laughing after reading the last few lines.

Lazith Aziz said...

hahaha!! that was hilarious :-)
but then where did the CD vanish ? or was the "only for a night CD" the krishan kanhaiya one? :-)

perumalythoma said...

Wonder whether Thaatha knows. :)

Jackson said...

from your friend's story, it seems to me that the time-honoured strategy of hiding something by keeping it in plain sight only works if the other party is actively looking for the something in question, and not if they stumble on it by chance.. note to self: must remember this..

and i have only one comment for your friend: rookie!!

thomas said...

Lol! And nice pun with the title @ seedy CDs.

Jackson said...

and why do you use quotes for the terms 'seedy' and 'facedness'? i came here expecting horticulture/facebook references.. leaving disappointed.. :-p

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Nice play on 'Kishan Kanhaiyya' and the equivalent contents of the CD (knowing Krishna's lifestyle).

Also,

LOL@11 'o' clock

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

wow wow wow !!!
Great one !

The Holy Lama said...

THis one had me in splits. Boys, learn your lessons right.

Y Trip said...

Great blog as usual. The hectic scurrying around sounds all to familiar from my past :D

Awesome blog!


Yogesh

indianhomemaker said...

LOL I am in splits... poor guys! This was absolutely hilarious!!

RGB said...

18 till I die, eh? Naughty, naughty paati!

MYSTERY OF MY SPIRIT said...

Yet another masterstroke :-)

~Anil~ said...

nice story though i didnt get what u wanted to convey :) get going...

Mani said...

Sleek look. Next time when you post, do a Justify(aligning text on left and right). Will look perfect in the text space.

Cheers!

Sriram said...

Awesome :D Thaathi'ye paranju paranju thaathi :P

Quest said...

Miracles do happen in today's bad bad world :D

$$ said...

Hey... nice template! :)
A change for the better!! :) :)

Aniket said...

Gotta make most of the resources you have access to, right? Hats off to her for living a full life. :)

But seriously, who uses CDs these days?

Deepak said...

he he he... brilliant wonlee as usual... :)

Roy Nixon said...

Thanks for the "Best of this Week" links - glad that they raised a smile.

Lux said...

delurking.

Nghee.....Wat happened with the old layout and font?...tat was much nicer.

Kannan,Kochi said...

*Sigh!* brings in those nostalgic FLOPPY & CD trafficking moments frm school days.Now broadband, torrents,massive hard disk space saves the day.Callous w/ Krishna Kanhaiya CD can ruin the reputation for ever.In our school days..we had strict&secure Standard Operating Procedures (SOP),code words just for these KK purposes..though invariably we had those *Purab* moments..
as we say here even policemen frm time to time makes mistakes..
;)