Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Karva Chauth 2.0

Karva chauth: An auspicious day observed by married women in Hindi films err North India, by fasting for the good health and long life of their husbands, the only bread winner of the family in the good old days.

Now with women doubling up as jam/caviar winners to supplement the bread brought by the breadwinner, the ritual is going to change according to a religious head, who wishes to remain anonymous. This is to ensure the longevity of Indian marriages which may be threatened by the missus preferring Crackers over bread for her Caviar! Henceforth Husbands will observe this ritual for the good health and long life of their marriages.

On Karva chauth day, Husbands will get up at 4:30 am, take bath, ensuring he doesn’t use the wife's shampoo and soap, clean the toilet, put the towels outside for drying and make breakfast after doing Pooja (it means ‘prayer’ silly). He will of course ensure that the house is swept and swabbed before the pooja. Before that he will ensure that he has removed the frozen stuff from the freezer and left it out for thawing. Of course, the frozen stuff will be cleaned and packed neatly in Ziplock bags, so that the family eats clean and nutritious food always.

Much before the thawing...like a month before, hubby would have paid the electricity bill, water bill, corporation tax, stood in the ration queue and bought the kerosene, rice, sugar etc. He would have of course woken up the kids, got them ready for school, made breakfast, packed their tiffin and made the wife her morning tea before doing what I have mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph.

And before doing all that I have mentioned in the above paragraph, he would have ensured that the wife has three hot home cooked meals a day and something special on weekends so that she is not bored with the fare. He would have entertained his in laws, cooked their favorite dishes, took them to the doctor, ran around for his wives brothers wedding and ensured that the home was also running simultaneously.

Much much before all that I have mentioned in the above two paragraphs, like before the wedding hubby would have taken cookery classes, home decoration classes, flower decoration classes, candle making classes, grooming classes in order to be attractive and useful to the future wifey. His mom would have taught him to be docile and meek and drilled it into his head that his better half was a goddess herself. He would have kept himself "pure" (barf) for his future wife and would have ensured a good reputation for himself in the society as a good boy! Of course his Dad would have scrimped and saved a sizable dowry so that he could marry of his son into a good family.

Further his Dad would have taught him to be a good husband, like he was and the generations before him. He would have taught him the intricacies of the religious rituals and festivals so that he could carry on the family traditions and ensure their continuity.

And much much before what I have mentioned in the above paragraphs…err where is everyone gone?

umm, guys?

Hello?

Anyone here?!?

*hummphh*

62 comments:

The MEANDERthal man said...

lol! Much much after the above paras, silverine would wake up from her dream and get married to Shallow Shajimon and make him Paalappam and mutton stew and go to the mass in "chatta" and "mundu"


Nice take though! :)

Safari Al said...

Karva chauth 2.0? Reminiscent of krishashok.


And yes,hello, we need time to drink beer too. Much like time women take to put make up, lipis-stick and all.

g-man said...

you forgot a lot of important stuff too. like training flying elephants to do air-shows and saving the world from evil rich guys and zooming around outer space destroying asteroids that could potentially destroy our planet...

hammy said...

:) A role reversal... The new switcheroo, in fact.

Interestingly, I was just reading George Carlin's monologue about nature's bad deal dealt to women. Very compelling read, but I can't seem to find it online.

It's a section called 'Guys and Dolls: Part 1' on pages 22-28 of the Hardbound edition of his book "When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops". I rather think you'd enjoy reading that.

If I find a soft copy of the same, I'll send it along... But then again, maybe you've already read it... I've learnt not to underestimate the Silverine exposure...

Deepti said...

U rock gal .. absolutely ... His dad teaching him to be a good husband hehehehehe .. interesting thought :D

mathew said...

Amen..

In my school the teacher taught me 'nothing is impossible'..now I know she could perhaps be wrong!!!

g-man said...

ok, after that post, you're saying i need a reality check [sic] ?!? :|

phoenix said...

ROTFL!!!

Kidu post!!!

Karthik said...

LOL!

Amey said...

Hmmph, and the girls had to observe "karva chauth" only for a day.

That is not fair... totally afair I tell you.

freespirit said...

Cheers! :D

Philip said...

...and the wife would come home late at night after a binge drinking session with her colleagues, a faint smell of her (male) colleague's cologne still lingering. She would curse the husband for the obnoxious food that was prepared and which has gone cold. She would throw the plates around the room bemoaning his bad luck for ending up with such a useless husband and stumble over to the bedroom. The husband, meanwhile, silently suffers the tirade and slowly starts picking up the broken pieces of china. As the camera zooms out, we can see a lone drop of tear sliding down his cheek as he prays to the gods not to let this fate befall any other husband.

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

wishful thinking.
but
no harm in dreaming
only
u'll have keep on dreaming till the end of days.

happy waiting.

Karthik S said...

LOL !!! You dream very big ;-)

quills said...

Good one silverine!! LOL

....like before the wedding hubby would have taken cookery classes, home decoration classes, flower decoration classes, candle making classes,---------- and would have ensured a good reputation for himself in the society as a good boy!.. Classic. You are too good!!

thegirl said...

Cool..!:)

Macadamia The Nut said...

ROTFL!
He would have kept himself "pure" (barf) for his future wife and would have ensured a good reputation for himself in the society as a good boy!
ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!

And when we go to 'see' the boy he should be able to impress with his 'vocal' abilities and dance around too for good measure.

Dhanya said...

ROFL.. Liked Philip's extn too :P

Mathew said...

Wow! Feminist much? ;-)

mathew said...

@Philip
ROTFL!! ;-D

Just Me said...

Brilliant I shay!

If that actually happens, the guys will know what's it about, eh? ;)

SR said...

Hey can we also expect him to touch his wife's feet every morning, wear the mangalsutra or "thaali" and fill his forehead with red colour. Not to mention he should be good enough to treat his wife's parents as his own.

Siddharth said...

LOL!!!! :D

SilenceKilled said...

Simply great!
Much better, if this could happen in reality;)

Jinguchakka said...

A must-read for the prospective groom. :-)

And good luck after that. :-))

Safari Al said...

And, since we are on it...can the women start cleaning/unclogging the drain, fix the car, play football/cricket with the kids, take the husband out for dinner on weekends, buy him expensive aftershave, drink beer and make noisy body noises noisily, and all the other things that men do?

What...??? They already do that???

Damn...clothes, trousers, short hair and now this also. What is going to be left of the exclusive male territory!!!

Rahul said...

LOL!!! This was a really refreshing post to read :D

Superficial Gibbering prater said...

Cool..U reminded me just in time how much an indian husband should expect from his ideal wife.Thank God for feminists.U always remind men what all to do/expect,even if we forget. :P

Refreshing read...
Btw::the doing 'Pooja bit' was super cool... "itthiri overayi"..but still very funny

silverine said...

Tony: Good one! But you missed the point! :p

Safari Al: Talking of reminiscences this would be reminiscent of the fwd called Boyfriend 1.0 which came out in 2003 and many more examples like that!

g-man: What’s that got to do with this post? Duh!

hammy: Spot on buddy!! That is exactly what it is. A role reversal technique to drive home a point! :) And if you get a soft copy of the book do pass it on!

Deepti: Yes gal, let them know what life is like on the other side. :p

Mathew: I am afraid I didn't get that!

g-man: Yes my dear...as your flying elephants etc has nothing to do with the post :)

Phoenix: ;)

Karthik: Thanks buddy! :)

Freespirit: Cheers!! ;)

Amey: You can modify that to 24/7 when you get married! ;)

Philip: LOL!!! Awesome!! But I beg to disagree a wee bit! Being a woman she would have come reeking of perfumes she bought and would have blown up her money on shopping :p The rest remains as you have put it so well! :)

Kochuthresiamma and Karthik: This is not dreaming or high hopes. Even I am not that crazy! Just a role reversal to drive home a point that’s all!

Quills: Thank you girl! ;)

The girl: Thank you! :)

Macademia: LOL!! Bring on the humiliations err I mean traditions!! :p

Mathew: No, this has nothing to do with feminism! :) Just a sneak preview of an Indian homemakers life!

Just me: You are right!! :)

Siddharth: Thanks buddy! Nice to see a guy who understood the post! :)

Silence killed: It won’t happen and neither was I hoping it will! But I hope I was able to shed some light into the Indian womens lot! :)

Jinguchakka: This is not a read for prospective grooms. But a read for all guys who do not know what the expectations are from an Indian woman from womb to tomb!

Safari Al: err are there guys who do such things? I mean take wifey out of dinner etc? My married colleague tell me that such things happen only during courtship! :|

Rahul: Thank you! :)

Superficial gibbering prater: I am afraid this was not feminism or an Indian girls expectations of her hubby! And that pooja bit was just perfect!

Prasan said...

good post silverine...lol!!!

Looks like we guys need to do a lot of work to fit the criteria....But I am guessing I can get there atleast by "Karva Chauth 5.0"!!

silverine said...

Prasan: ".But I am hoping I can get there atleast by "Karva Chauth 5.0"!"

May your tribe increase buddy and overwhelm the others! :)

Karva Chauth 5.0!! LOL!!!

Thanks for dropping by!

silverine said...

Dhanya: Thank you! It was great to read Phillip's extn because I did not think a guy could contribute to this post! :)

SR: Bring it on gal!! Let them know what it is to be an Indian woman! ;)

Sorry, I missed out you both while replying to comments earlier!

Scribbler said...

good one !!! :)

Gotta make a few northie frens read this one...hey , u have any idea of how they toil all day.. quit their jobs etc etc to make their hubbys life a bed of roses... and education hasnt brought a tinge of difference too...

Amey said...

So, I can get this entire package once I get married, 24 X 7. Yup, I need to get married.

K.C. said...

So funny. New to your blog, and it made me laugh out loud several times! KC

Safari Al said...

Apparently they do. I have called up colleagues at work on weekends when I was working in office and I have gotten lines like "Dude...I'll call you in a little while. With my wife in the restaurant"

So I guess it does happen, so which means you need to kick that colleague of yours and tell him to take his wife out for dinner. On refusal, you could threaten to expose him here on your blog for what he it.

*grin grin grin*

/what intelligence i have i say/

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

You feminist brat, how dare u question the authority of men? What makes u think u can just post any crap u want and get away with it? I'll sue u in supreme court under a panel of male judges and make sure that u get sentenced to the service of a husband asap. :)

Good laugh, gr8 start to my weekend :D

Browser said...

I knew I should have married a hindi filmi girl, er... northie..... :-)

Ms Cris said...

Hilarious
Point well driven home :-)

jj said...

This was a welcome read when I had my head buried deep in Sociology of Women..something I have no choice, but to study!
great post!!! You did a better job of describing the state of Indian woman than the stoooooooooopid author of our course book.
I wish the examiners entertained creativity in the paper, could have plagarized some stuff from here :D

Abhinav Viswambharan said...

Enthu nalla nadakaath swapnam... :P

[Translation: What a sweet, yet, impossible dream.]

Nishant Chandgotia said...

misandry..hmmmphh

silverine said...

Scribbler: Wow! That’s new information! And if they do that I don’t think showing them the post will not help! :)

Amey: You do that dear! :)

KC: Thank you! :)

Safari Al: Let me break this to you gently! Last Valentines, a colleague left for home early saying that he was taking the wifey out for dinner. When I called him home around 10 pm for something urgent ,his wifey told me that he was yet to reach home :p So next time your colleagues give you such dhaap tell “Athu pallil poyi para” MUAHAhahaha!

Abhi: lol!! That was the ultimate MCP threat ever!! :p

Browser: :)) I think after this post, the stock of Northie gals have gone up! :p

Ms cris: Thank you dear! :)

JJ: Thank you! If creativity were allowed in exams I would have been a topper, though I must admit it was creativity that usually bailed me out during Hindi exams! :)) Best of luck!

Abhinav: I love that particular line from the Mal movies! :)

Nishanth: Au contraire, I love ze menfolks to bits! ;)

scorpiogenius said...

Haaaaaaaaaa....what an impossible Chweeeeet dream!;P

Good old Silverine is getting a bit too impatient with the chauvinistic Indian traditions...:)) Well, lets wait n see where we will reach with ye dreamzzzzz....zzzz....zzzz...:)

Vivek Menon said...

KC 2.0 alpha or beta version is already in effect within 5 months of marriage...!!!!

Vivek Menon said...

Also BV(Bharya Veedu) gets prominence over anything and everything..LOL

Safari Al said...

Hmm...I guess, I still have to learn the mysterious ways of this world. Sigh...big bad world.

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

:)

Amey said...

But I get the whole cooking, cleaning, bill-paying deal after marriage, right? Not to forget the whole Karva Chauth thing with moon and milk and whatever?

Meant to ask you earlier, why do we need prayer to do Pooja?

Beauty and the BEast said...

sounds grrreat!!

Heck! I wouldnt mind it if the entire scene played itself out just for a bit..say even a day!!

shankarkotkar said...

Good post.

@lankr1ta said...

Did a post recently on vat savitri- a mini Karva Chauth...

have a dekko http://virtualityforreal.blogspot.com/2008/06/wicked-atheists-perspective-fasting-and.html

Kiran K S said...

കൊള്ളാം കൊള്ളാം... lets c how long it's gonna take to be plausible... ;-)

silverine said...

scorpiogenius: It wasn't a dream, but putting men in womens shoes to show their plight. :)

Vivek: I will take your word for it! :))

Safari Al: Its bad world indeed! :)

Amey: LOL!!! Good one about Pooja! :))

Beauty and the beast: Me too!!! :)

Shankar: Thank you!

Alankrita: I will check it out! Thank for dropping by! :)

Kiran:It won't happen.But I hope you saw what an Indian woman has to go through! :)

Indian Home Maker said...

Fabulous, the best I have read on your blog...(which is great anyway). I have linked it to a post of mine, if you have any objections let me know I will remove the link.

GettingThereNow said...

Came here following the link on Indian Homemaker's blog. Absoutely funny read. I wish I had this knack for making a serious statement with so much humor.

The Layman said...

your blog inspired me to write my own view..:-)
Thanks

shail said...

ROTFLOL. Loved every word!

Surbhi said...

BRILLIANT... Simply brilliant. After IHM and Chandni, here's another blogger in the same league. Hats off to you!
BTW, do drop in at my place and voice your support. Brickbats awaited equally eagerly, though!

ms said...

LOl. Good one.

Phoenixritu said...

Loved it! I'm sharing this link

The Bald Guy said...

Came here from IHM's. And my hands are raised, except that no one paid any dowry for me! :P

Tweeted this!