Sunday, January 27, 2008

Shaken and stirred

Foolhardiness is an unexpected visitor. It drops in unannounced and the consequences are felt acutely for some period of time depending on the extent of its arrival impact.

I got up today at the grande olde hour of 11 am and felt damn pleased with myself. There was pin drop silence in the house as most members of the family had left for a wedding. A peek at the uninteresting breakfast and I decided that I will make my self a healthy milk shake. I chopped up some apples and put it in the blender and decided to give it a whirr and then add the Ice Cream (all those who thought I would put in milk...*snigger*). So I started the blender and apple pieces started flying every where in my mothers nice clean kitchen. I instinctively reached out to hold the lid down and...I will spare you the gristly details.

There was blood everywhere and … some pain, but then I was suddenly one finger less. There was no feeling in the left-click-the-mouse finger! I was so happy. This means it won’t pain! But the puddle forming on the floor wasn’t such a pretty sight. I never cared for blood red anyway!! Too Renaissance!

A quick dab with the kitchen towels took care of the blood bath the kitchen received and then I surveyed my hurt. I am no doctor, but this was a big boo boo err I mean hurt. And the boo boo err hurt looked like those photos of mangled accident victims. It was a grisly sight. A sight that would have made a first year medical college student go *swoon* *thud* and a second year medical student say “Yawn, I have seen better.”

Covering the hurt with another swathe of kitchen towel as I could not bear to look at it, I called my classmate, now an Intern at St Johns. Now a word about this classmate… lets call her Edema. When Edema decided to join med school, our girl gang were a relieved lot. At last ONE OF US was going to be a doctor. We were saved!! Every group in school had a medical school aspirant except us. Till 9th standard Edema showed no signs of interest in Medical School or Doctors and was nicknamed Dolly Parton. (She sang quite horribly and was flat chested. We were being kind.)

Edema was at the house in quick time. One look at my finger and she muttered something medical under the breath like “What the fcuk!!!” and rushed me into the car. Now Edema had all the qualities that a Doctor should have. She used to be a meek and silent girl in school (except when she was singing). But the moment she joined medical school, she became deaf, overbearing, developed really bad hand writing skills that only Medical Shop guys could read and started talking in strange tongues:

“Your hair is falling. I think you need a Brain surgery. Will Monday be alright?”

“You got stomach pain? You poor thing. Never mind we will do a hysterectomy. Will Tuesday be alright?”


We all are so proud of her. She will go far.

Back to our narrative. Edema drove at breakneck speed which is about 12 km per hour in a Reva and we reached St Johns in good time. Now this hospital is definitely NOT the place to go if I am planning to keep such incidences from my folks. What I mean is, if I were to throw a stone into this hospital it would hit a Doctor who is a relation and then the stone would be picked up and hurled angrily ( as the Doctor would be a mallu) and would hit an Intern who is also relation and he would in turn hurl the stone and hit a patient who is a relation / fellow kuntry man etc. etc.

And sure enough as we screeched into the hospital (break not working explained Edema) I am greeted by my cousin who is a Cardiac Surgeon. Cardiac Surgeon, lets call him Dr Ventricle, was like “Naaah, not too bad. You come with me. I will fix you up” and he promptly calls up my folks. My mom is rushed to the hospital for hyper ventilation and I get a break from everyone. Ha ha ha I am kidding. My torture continued.

Some eerie looking people in white descended on me and wheeled me full speed into the Operation Theater with Edema in hot in pursuit. I could almost imagine the report she would tender the next day.

Patient was rushed in bleeding profusely and near deaths door. Dr Ventricle, THE DR VENTRICLE please note, asked me to assist and I administered blah blah and did some blah blah and saved her from the jaws of death. Now that deserves an ‘A’ don’t you think Prof?

A really unforgettable hour later I had my beautifully manicured finger looking like it was suffering from Elephantiasis. There is enough bandage on my finger to mummify ten generation of Tutankhamens and some more. I keep seeing two of everything and my doggies sensing that something is wrong are fighting off depression and Edema’s suggestions that they to go in for Electric Shock Treatment. [My bro says it is a losing battle. My poor doggies :( ]

Whatay day!

p.s Edema says I can’t blog for some days or till I agree to have my finger chopped off.

43 comments:

nikone said...

Hats off to you, You can think funny even in such situations. Your blog rocks! Wish you a quick recovery.

Freespirit said...

'Edema says I can’t blog for some days'...now thats a shocker and u dont deliver blows like that 2 ur readers in such a straightforward manner...Edema is gonna have quite some cases of depression and suicide attempts soon enuf n that makes me wonder if u r colluding with Edema to get her a straight A!

Anonymous said...

sorry to hear that. take care..

maxdavinci said...

way to go lady!

made such a harrowing experience bloggable.....

eljo said...

Get well soon! I am sure u'll get enough fodder for your blog from people sugggesting quick fixes for your finger :-)

Rockus said...

Awww...does it hurt? :-D

ap said...

ayoo!!!

hope u recover super fast...and remember shakes are always bad for health... :)

mathew said...

Jeez...it was roller coaster humour...loved every bit of it!! :-)

So i write the first comment on the big bad bandage!!And see how u folks mess up a nice kitchen..I feel bad for your mom...

Anonymous said...

Wow! U wrote all this with those fingers? Take care..

-Rosh

Amey said...

Shaken and stirred is ok, but cut and mummified? Now that's something you don't want.

Hope your milk shake turned out fine.

fundoome said...

'Edema says I can’t blog for some days'......take care if you want to continue your laughing torture on your blog admirers. wishing you a quick recovery :)

Karthik said...

aawww...i had my finger once bandaged on ps formation..looks like u had worse..anyway recover well soon...and please dont stop blogging...better get ur fingers insured..:-)

Safari Al said...

12 people have asked you to get well and I refuse to be the thirteenth one.

So... which finger is the injured one?

Umm... it is 'that' finger???


And yes, I seriously hope you get well soon.


P.S : If I see a yong pretty woman going to oh-fiss in an o-tow drinking coh-fee with a bandaged finger...may I safely say Hi, Anjali... pleasure to meet you at last?

Deepti said...

Hey take care ... really whatay sunday ... :(

| Balu | said...

ohhhh poor you... get well soon!

PS: u cant blog sob sob... so who will feed me the weekly ounce of mallu humour?

Anonymous said...

A bit of a shock at the end.. been following your blog regularly since the last 6 months... and have loved everything you wrote, goin to miss it.. hope you are back soon, take care.. keep writing --- Di

nickdigital said...

".. cant blog for some days" ...err.. nooo .. how can u do that your readers .. ur posts are fresh, humurous and witty .. n its our dose of entertainment every now and then .. btw am more worried abt the blood dip milk shake garnished with your finger .. :P ..Wishing you a quick recovery .. take care ..

jo said...

awww...take care..wish u a speedy recovery..

Abhay said...

come to think of it, the milkshake is the prime accused for this accident :)

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

yearti condolences madam.
between you calling Edema and you finding her at the driveway - i was thinking - did you not have time for a picture? :p

Hammy said...

Get that finger fixed up fast. Too much stalemate on your blog can’t really be good for the health of the society as a whole. And prepare for a massive snowball effect from relatives.

The last time I chopped a finger, I had a whole bunch of mine running towards me with bandages, tears, and words of advice. So many, that it scared the blood right back into my thumb.

This was a long time back, but I dare say much of the sentiments still hold true. These basic sentiments of relatives don’t really change all that much.

Hammy

neermathalam said...

I repeat !!! God forbid you enter the kitchen...pakistan has not yet attacked India...:P
...

Take care and get well soon...
And you do have any extra bone..a funny bone...Hats off..!!!!

zahid said...

Hey Silverine

Knowin you The maximum part that would have been chiselled form your body must be 1 millimeter of a finger nail....But just in case it was all true then "Get well soon !!!" And if you have any idea of Fm radio...(Ya the same one which your frenz make a sing along program of) then you can even remember munna bhai's get well soon cards to lucky singh. Just in case they dont reach you the responsibility is not mine but the postal departments... Hehe... Lovely post as usual !!!

Hey you got a kin of tag to do in my space !!!!

zahid said...

Hey Silverine

Knowin you The maximum part that would have been chiselled form your body must be 1 millimeter of a finger nail....But just in case it was all true then "Get well soon !!!" And if you have any idea of Fm radio...(Ya the same one which your frenz make a sing along program of) then you can even remember munna bhai's get well soon cards to lucky singh. Just in case they dont reach you the responsibility is not mine but the postal departments... Hehe... Lovely post as usual !!!

Hey you got a kin of tag to do in my space !!!!

Mind Curry said...

ouch! i know that feeling..takes me down scissor-lane..

so finally it was apple-silverine-finger-shake? did the blood on the top give it a very inviting design? did anyone drink it? how was it?

i know i know..spoken like a true surgeon right? bravo..

kidding apart..hope that li'l piggy is alright *hug*

Diviya said...

I'm really sorry, but I nearly died laughing. You should do stand up comedy or something. Get well soon. And yes, stay out of the kitchen.

mathew said...

And the national bravery award goes to............for showing exemplary courage under intimidating circumstances,,

casper said...

i know you're a cool cucumber :) n one one bandaged finger is not going to stop you from writing, rite??
Get well (not so) soon :))
- aj

sidkc said...

get well soon :) you have a zany view towards life, I love it!

arvin deep said...

is the blender ok?

oh, and i hope your finger heals quickly too...

Alameen said...

'eerie looking people in white'?

Hei, that's not fair to explain the people who saved your life
..ahem ahem...

Get well soon dear..

Cheers
AlAmeen :)

Flanker said...

very sorry to hear that. Get well soon.
the blog was super as usual :)
"here is enough bandage on my finger to mummify ten generation of Tutankhamens and some more." - awesome

Solitaire said...

Oh my god!! This is tooooooo funny.
Sorry! The details were gruesome and I should not be laughing at your boo boo but I cannot help it!

Mathew said...

Get well soon kiddo! :-)

ursjina said...

:O..get well soon....

flaashgordon said...

So sad to hear about your finger. If you had it amputated you couldve carried it around and give it to whoever you feel like "giving the finger" to...and in case u feel something wrong but " cant put your finger on" it , u know wot to do..Only make sure u dont point it at any one if the guilt is not proven ... lot of options there.
Regarding the interruption to the blog, how about engaging a "ghost" writer who can blog your stories on ur behalf, (well, that might include those stories uve already published tho). You r in luck, I happen to know of someone I can recommend. Well, it may not be ncessarily at ur own URL :-)))

Mallu said...

Gawd, the blender defintely needs a new blade and a bath in dettol...

On a serious note: Has Edema recovered from the whole incident ? Will she need therapy / counselling ?

Get well soon :)

Meesa said...

...this is so funny!! can't stop laughing!! :-)) Get well soon!

silverine said...

Thank you everyone for the kind words *sniff*

For those who asked about the blender...one *chamaat* err...I mean it is doing well. Though a little traumatized by the incident. Monetary help towards is rehabilitation welcome.

Those of you who thought this post rocks a big *HUG* :)

Those who wanted to know how the milkshake turned out, watch your backs and don't hurt my knife too much.

And Edema is doing fine. Which means she is yet to discover my blog. And when she does, the first group of people mentioned here can inquire about her Lancets well being brrr

:p

Geeta said...

hope your finger is better now!

Edema's report looks like 'lymphocercoma of the intestine' bit...

and the moral of the story is that hastily drawn protocols don't yield the desired result...:)
take care!

Dhanya said...

Oh little late to read this.. hope you are doing fine now..

EspritNoir said...

Holy Christ, i turn my eye away for some time, and you go do this???!!!??? how are you now? considering you have started blogging again, i take it ur left clicking abilities are back again. do take care, and for a really long time, stick to laptops, and stay away from blenders. cheers. cathcya laters.
p.s. i have been either too busy or too lazy to put up anything on my post. but i just finshed a major chunk of my assignment today (which is why the first thing i did was come over to check ur blog, and i read abt ur accident). hopefully i should be more motivated now... so maybe u can drop in a few days later. cheers, esprit...

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

LOL.
Here's how I celebrated my little injury:

http://s-kar.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_archive.html

:)