Sunday, January 06, 2008

It's an ad bad world

Warning: Long post ahead!

It is Sunday and I am watching TV… because I have hurt my toe you see, (poor dear muah muah). And I am thus immobilized or I would have spent a productive day sitting in front of the comp.

My mom knows when I am cornered. And like the adversary that has got his prey in a corner, she is moving in to make the kill…with half a kilo of Beans, half a kilo of Sambhar onions, some coriander leaves and a pod of garlic. She plans to cut all this vegetation sitting next to me while she fills me in on all the naatuu visheshams ( family gossip) that she knows I will ‘have’ to hear now. I oblige by putting on my head phones. Now I can’t hear the TV damn!

But watching TV without audio and the sexy sexy and really sexy Enrique crooning into my ears “Tired of being Sorry” is an extreme extreme test of a gals will power. You want to give all your attention to Enrique! But then the gal in the TV advertisement has just applied some cream and ‘viola’ she has men all over her. Pedicured, Manicured, hair gelled, Savile Row suited pure premium lean beef. All muscle no fat. A feast meant for the Kings for an epicurean cannibal and a feast for the eye for women in general. Enrique dear, forgive me for committing adultery. *sob*

Hypnotized by the sheer richness of the ad, the music and the men, I find myself making a hazy mental note to buy that Cream that looks like it is made up of Strawberry, Fresh Cream and that’s all. But then another voice, the voice of reason that is rarely heard in my head, raises its voice. “Silverine! Concentrate girl! That is just an ad! Don’t waste your money. Buy a non stick pan instead”. No wonder the voice of reason is never heard inside my head!!! With advice like this no self respecting girl will listen you Charlie. Now get your act together and tell me to buy Lingerie or Perfume or another Puppy. But Non stick pan!!! *horrors*

The voice of reason tries again. “Silverine! Concentrate girl! That is just an ad! Don’t waste your money. Buy a *ugh* Perfume instead, though personally I think…”

“Personally I think you should stop at the Perfume!!!”

The voice of reason persists. Methinks God programmed it to play automatically every half an hour in my head. It got to me finally folks and I began thinking. Advertisements have begun to slowly but insidiously erode the “healthy disbelief thingy” we all have in us. We are no longer the alert audience we were once were, who smartly grabbed the remote and switched Channels when the ads came on or who rolled in laughter when we saw the guy brushing his teeth with Pepsodent, or was it Colgate, Anchor or err was it Meswak ??? Anyway who cares! As I was saying, we are no longer the people who rolled in laughter when we saw the guy brushing his teeth with certain toothpaste and breathing out minty fresh breath that rivaled the Westerlies in velocity. Nor do roll our eyes in disbelief when a guy buys a certain Mobile phone in an ad and becomes instantly sexy and attracts women by the dozen, all scantily but tastefully clad and fully made up at some classy Salon.

We are so tired after working at these phoren MNC’s that we sit down in front of the TV like bakra’s at the slaughter house parlor. We don’t have the energy to lift the remote and change Channel or switch ‘Off’ the TV having consumed all our energies putting it “On” in the first place. The TV commercial guys know when they have us cornered and use their superior position to full advantage.

We now look tiredly and resignedly as ads after ads walk past our TV screen screaming “We gotcha suckers. Now see the crap we are dishing out and BELIEVE!!” And soon we are running after that Face Cream, Mascara, Toothpaste, and Shampoo that promises to make us instantly handsome/beautiful, desirable, attractive, sexy, and irresistible to the opposite sex.

I am no exception folks. Right now I am trying to dispose off one Tractor, two bottles of Varnish, a Power Saw, a Horse, a wheel barrow, some Salt and Pepper shakers, a Sprinkler Irrigation System, a Lawn mover and some Dentures that I bought in a fit of hypnotic advertisement induced trance. All of them promised to make me irresistibly attractive to men after I started using their products. The gal using the Lawn Mover in the ad has admiring glances of men from adjoining houses, buildings, footpath and atop trees. So far no luck for me though. Well I cant blame the advertisers actually when I have old Mr Rao, very old Mr Thomas and wheelchair bound Mr Panicker as my neighbors. *sigh* Let alone see, they don’t even have teeth to playfully give a nip or two to irresistible me, just like they show in the Sprinkler System ad.

My brother says I should start my own Ebay. Sbay sounds good don’t you think? It’s settled then. Now all that I need to do is HIRE AN AD AGENCY! You people keep your eyes glued to the TV. Ciao folks. Have a great week!!

19 comments:

Dhanya said...

Does your Sbay sell products for free? Then u don't have to bother about advertisements.. For sure Indian's 'll flock :P

Amey said...

I am wondering how a tractor would make a girl irresistible to men. A horse is fine. Salt and Pepper shakers are interesting...

But then, I read the power saw :O

fundoome said...

good luck with you Sbay. And with all the internet boom and the booming ad industry, may you become a household name in shopping :D

quills said...

Haha..let me know when you start sbay. :) Was wondering how to dispose of an umpteen number of unfortunately unusable things bought after being lured by ads that promised the heavens. Sigh!!! :(

silverine said...

dhanya: Sell for Free? Wow! I like it!

amey: sigh you should have seen those lumberjacks hunks around the girl holding that power saw!

fundoome: Thank you dear. And for those kind words I am sending you a barrel of road tar absolutely FREE!

Quills: And I thought I was alone! *whew* That makes me feel so much better. I will of course inform you of the launch of Sbay :)

Alameen said...

hei,
i just checked..

sbay.com is already registered.. :)
The South Bay Community Network

you might need to find another name :p

Alexy said...

Silverine, absolutely totally madly in love with your blog. Presently going through the archives. Happy reading to me! :-)

Amey said...

you should have seen those lumberjacks hunks around the girl

and get a bit of inferiority complex? I guess I'll pass ;)

Incidentally, it seems to be easier to get girls to go out with you in US. Apparently, you just have to take them to eat chicken wings. Details in my next post...

| Balu | said...

Hey did u mention power saw.. i was just abt to buy it from ebay after watching an ad.. I guess i will buy from u ( as long as u offer it at 100% discount aka free).. i can even blog abt ur startup (sbay)

neermathalam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Padakkam said...

haha... u fall for ads and go n buy stuff? suckaaaa... thanks for helping to increase my salary... may ur race multiply and flurish on planet earth ;)

silverine said...

Al Ameen: I hate you!

alexy: Thank you!

Amey: Pliss to remember that such posts can be very haanikaarak for the health!

balu: After careful consideration your offer is rejected. On the other hand I will give it to you if you withdraw your offer of blogging at my start up!

neermathalam: That went over my head :(

Padakkam: #$@% Imperialist!!!
:p

neermathalam said...

bad english off course..even me clueless about my comment there...:P

ദീപു : sandeep said...

That is an awesome thought !!!! Selling Sbay products for free...

All the best :)

neermathalam said...

Say a thing cost me Rs 1000 now...
which i cant afford and which i dont need....But when they reduce the price to Rs 500.Suddenly I find some reason to need that...
and I buy that for Rs.500...

The basic question is in such a case whether I am saving Rs 500 or spending ?

And I think this bad ad word encash upon this million dollar confusion...:P...

mathew said...

I dont get influenced by ad's that easily...ever since..

the pills that promised me that i ll be a the new harisson ford left me look like Mr.Bean..

' biceps in 10 days' changed my posture..now I walk like Cochin Haneefa...

'chavanaprash' dint make me a vishwanath Anand..

everyone is a cheater...everyone..uh...

silverine said...

neermathalam: lol!!

sandeep: Thanks, muchos honored by your blessings, but a purchase would have been more appreciated :p

neermathalam: Actually we all are plain suckers. We do learn but by the time we would have made a couple of cool billions for the advertiser :) I think that is business sense.

mathew: lol!! Same here dear, absolutely the same kahani everywhere I guess...sigh.

blueneutron said...

Sbay?? Sound promising...You can auction some good blog ideas as well...will help the idea-craved blogging community! Good one! :)

CarbonMonoxide said...

I need the Power Saw !