Monday, October 26, 2009

Recipe for disaster!

Heard this over the phone yesterday. My brother M was giving a recipe of some stuff he had cooked at his friend’s house that seems to be a big hit with all his friends.

"You have to take one chicken, I don’t know about the size, but it was as big as a loaf of bread. Weight? I have no idea. Ask for a big chicken. And then you take one onion and cut off its hair and tail. Then you slice it from head to toe and fry it in oil. I don’t remember how much oil I put in. But the radius of the circle of the oil in the pan was about 4 cm. The pan? Haven’t you seen the pan in Rajesh's house? The one from the antique museum! heh heh The same one. So you fry the onion in oil till it is the shade of umm yes…tea. Then you cut a few green chilies in the stomach...don’t cut till head and toe okay? Then you put chilli powder and turmeric powder on the chicken and leave it for two hours. Actually that should be done before frying onions. So you fry onions after your chicken has soaked for two hours. But before that you must wash the chicken. No, not after soaking….before that. Then you take the soaked chicken and put in the fried onion with the green chilies. Mix nicely and cover with a lid. After about five minutes you put in one teaspoon salt and some lime juice and cover again. Then you take out the lid and look. If you see water then you increase the gas and make it evaporate. Be careful not to evaporate the chicken okay? After water is gone chicken is ready. What do you mean it is confusing you $@#$%*& idiot!"


It wasn’t the narration but my Dad's pained look that made me rofl. By the end of the recipe conversation he was giving my mom "that" look. Which means “Is this my son? Are you sure? 100%? Lock kiya jaye??"

My mom’s look said "Yeah and throw away the key!”

Have a nice week folks!

38 comments:

scorpiogenius said...

lol, interesting to see how the chicken has come out at the other end! I think you should find out ;)

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Actually, this recipe is common to ALL dishes. Except for the soaking step. ROFL at your bro's choice of words though =))

indiashoes said...

ROFL! Now if only I had a pen and paper ready I wouldve ensured I try to follow that recipe, and wait till the chicken evaporates!

Jim said...

On the other hand, if he "evaporated" the chicken, it would save him the trouble of eating this monstrosity...

anishthomas said...

:D The boy deserve a pat on his back .Atleast he attempted something :).Between it was a big it with all his friends?????????
Is this my son? Are you ....ROFL ...that was a good one

blunt edges said...

U R THE BEST!!!

oh my boring monday mrng suddenly feels much much MUCHHHH better!!! :D:D:D

ഹാഫ് കള്ളന്‍ said...

I was visualizing the Boeing Boeing movie scene . yoga + chicken masala .. swadhishtamaya chicken masala ready !!!

great as always ... and Dad's look n moms reply look he he he :)

Thoorika said...

Hilarious!

mathew said...

LOL!!!he is the master!! ;-D

V said...

Is M married? Else, I book. ;)

Pramod Abraham said...

He has got all the qualities of upcoming Super Chef!

thomas said...

I have a 4.5 cm radius of oil, is that ok? And green chillies cut right at the stomach, there you go. Wait, the color of onion has become that of coal, any prob? Do I need to add sugar in the lime juice that is to be put in the chicken? .........yes, evaporating, evaporating........and there you go, Voila. *pet cat meows out loud and jumps out of the kitchen*

hitch writer said...

Hillarious !!!

Destiny's child... said...

Somehow, reminds of Mohanlal's attempt at preparing chicken(which finally turned out another gruelling aerobics lesson for the poor chicken)...:D

Destiny's child... said...

And! forgot to mention, thanks for putting my post in the best of the week list:)

Parikshith Kumar said...

Silv yaar, your brother certainly deserves a coupla pats on his back.. merely for the fact that he can make that unevaporated chicken masala thingie. Atleast he doesn't belong to this category:
http://parikshith-kumar.blogspot.com/2009/03/pappu-cant-cook-saala.html

Amey said...

Can you cook chicken according to M's directions and tell us how it turns out?

RGB said...

Sure was an appetizing read...Now I'm hungry! Hungry for more such posts...Keep them coming silverine!

silverine said...

scorpiogenius: I value my stomach too much to even think of trying it out! *barf*

Karthik: Common to all dishes was funny! :))

indiashoes: lol! Now thats something I wanna see too! :p

Jim: You are so wise! :|

Anish: I think that big hit was a big fluke! :p

blunt edges: Thanks buddy! great to hear that! :)

half kallan: This was nothing of the sort! There was no channel change! :p

Thoorika: :)

mathew: These days he is hooked onto the cooking for engineers site! Wonder what disaster awaits all of us next! :(

V: He is single with lots of GF's! :|

Pramod: :D That I got to see!

thomas: You are turning out to be his guru! lol!

hitch writer: Thank you! :)

Destiny's child: No problemo! That was a funny post! :)

Parikshith: I got to agree about the trying part! :) And your post is really funny! lol!!The masala dosa looks just like evaporated chicken!!

Amey: *gulp*

RGB: Thank you! :)

Nishant Chandgotia said...

:D just started cooking and call mom for recipes. she quit her style and started following Mr. M style after my first attempt at it.

Aniket said...

I am feeling glad to be a veggie. I shall not laugh at your bro's commendable efforts for I have had my fair share of disasters. Have a look at the last pic here:

http://foolishnessofthings.blogspot.com/2009/06/dont-you-know-what-i-did-last-summer.html

But am a much better cook now. Sachchii!

vigneshjvn said...

Glorious post (as glorious as all the others are, always a treat to read)!

Almost all single guys do tend to cook like this - I was explaining our khichdi and vetha-kozhambu experiments to my mom which received more or less the same reaction.

P.S.: I liked your earlier header more. Or maybe you should make a custom header (just a suggestion) - I could offer some help if you wish. :)

Anonymous said...

http://www.silverine.com/

andy said...

tis post was quite a thriller towards the end!! was thinkin wat tat "pained lookin father" wud luk like if ur mom said a no to his last qns!!!hee hee winks!!
an u really hav a very smart bro on ur side!!cmmon am seriously serious tis time!!!

Arun said...

The fact that it was a big hit with the friends made our jealous An-Jolie come up with this post.

Rajlakshmi said...

Lolzz that certainly sounds like a disaster... Hehehe quite an interesting descptn of chillies and onions.

The Blue Indian said...

Hey glad to know I have company! During my first two months in the US, I have done several similar "experiments" (though none with evaporating chicken) and irrespective of whatever I try, the final product always turns out to be what looks like a cross between the yellow filling of masala dosa and red bhaji of Pav Bhaji!

Hb said...

That is HILARIOUS, especially when he says about washing the chicken.

Bullshee said...

Actually, made perfect sense to me!! :D

He should have his own show...

Cynic in Wonderland said...

I had a school friend whose recipe started with "first you catch a chicken and then you behead it". I think she and your brother might be soulmates.

Captain Haddock said...

oh man!!!!! loved it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't be jealous towards ur bor, we men too know cooking and share recipe.

RSV said...

lol....
so we men are great cook too!!

thebanalsprite said...

Chicken eating only. Why countin' loopholes in preparation?

Anonymous said...

http://thetimepassofindia.blogspot.com/2009/08/shy-girl-in-my-class.html

Rajesh Mohan said...

Adipoly !

Grayquill said...

That was awesome - you had me laughing out loud. I loved it - it is exactly like a man would give a recipe.
You're the man!
Very funny! And dad's response - perfect!

silverine said...

Nishanth: Smart mom! :)

Aniket: :D Nice post!

Vignesh: I get sick of the same header so need to change it often. Thanks for the offer though! :)

Anon: Thats a famous Finnish pop singer.

Andy: Yeah I so believe you! :p

Arun: Missed you out while replying in my last post! My bad! And jealous of my bro? Yeah, very true. I will never be able to cook like that hehe!

Rajlaksmi: Apparently it was a hit! :p

The blue indian: lol! Hope you get it right one day! :p

HB: Thanks gal! :)

Bullshee: I guess that show will be a big hit with the guys! :)

Captian Haddock: lol!

RSV: :)

thebanalsprite: ha ha that sounds very familiar. George chettan will sue you! :p

Anon: ?

Rajesh: :)

Grayquill: I guess we girls are boringly culinary correct! :)

abraham said...

Out of all the characters in your blog, your brother M seems to be my favourite!!
Well is he really from REC??