There is this species of people I hate to loathing. They are the overly religious types that take the name of God in vain at the drop of a hat.
I was able to cross the road today. Thanks to Jesus I was safe.
I almost forgot to take my house key. But Jesus reminded me.
I was thrashed and swindled by my cousin. But Jesus will reward me for turning the other cheek.
A woman should stick on to her husband even if he kicks her, beats her, rapes her and takes her money. That is Gods way of testing her moral strength.
Got robbed? That is Gods way to remind you that you should go for Mass and pray to him to keep you safe.
Like God is an insurance agent!!
Ahem My name is God. May I speak to you for a minute?
Suite yourself. But you do not know what you are missing!
What do you mean?
If you take my Heavenly Gold Cover Policy:
1. I will protect you in times of minor distress. This requires a premium of one Mass every week only.
2. For middle to larger distresses, you will have to pay a premium of three Rosaries everyday besides three conversions every week.
3. For Lifetime coverage you need to pay a premium of one Mass, three rosaries, one prayer meeting and one Bible thumping err preaching session everyday and also read the fine print about turning the other cheek AND following the Ten Commandment!
Anyways I got my revenge against one such repulsive creature err relative when she dropped in home with her brand new son-in-law.
Aundy: You know my son-in-law Johnny is such a religious boy!
Mom: That’s nice!
Aundy: Yes! He says the rosary everyday and goes for Mass everyday. And in the night, before he sleeps he reads the Bible.
Mom: That is such a nice habit Elsie!
Aundy: On their wedding night, he insisted on reading the Bible before errm I mean, he never misses the Bible before bedtime.
Me: Before what?
Aundy: Never mind!
Me: He read the Bible before what Aundy?
Aundy: Leelamme! Your daughter is getting too big for her boots!!
Mom: What to do Elsie! Today’s kids are incorrigible. Ignore her. ROTFL!!
Aundy: Hmmph! We have to leave!
Mom (wiping tears from her eyes) : Ha ha ha!I mean, bye! Ha ha ha!
For once!!! My mom laughed at my joke. Alleluia! It is a miracle! There is a God after all!