Monday, May 25, 2009

Post Poll Analysis for Dummies

Now that the elections are over and we know who won and who lost, it is time to introspect and analyze why some parties lost while some picked up significant amount of seats and goodwill. Post Poll Analysis or Post Election Analysis is a complex topic to blog about and we need to break down the socio-economic and socio-political factors to gain a better understanding of the same. This tutorial will help you quickly and accurately analyze why some parties lost the elections so that you can prepare a comprehensive analysis to be published in your blog/website which nobody is going to read anyway.

Step one: Pick a defeated political party. Now that you know they have lost, it becomes easy to analyze why they lost.

Step two: Study their election promises and election campaign carefully. You are now ready to offer a definitive post poll analysis on why they lost the elections.

Step three: Carefully take each and every gesture of the party before elections and blame it squarely for their election debacle.

For instance –

1. The XYZ Party’s promise to increase/decrease fertilizer subsidy did not go down well with farmers as it actually works against the interest of the farmers. (Expand a bit with some research over Google)

2. The XYZ Party’s personal attacks on the winning party’s ministerial candidates did not go down well with the voters (like they care).

3. The ABC Party has lost touch with the people and that was another reason for their debacle. (This works all the time.)

4. The party lost the powerful vote bank of youth/women/gays due to their anti youth/women/gay policies. (Get creative, don’t stop at youth/women/gay. You may use other factors like Coca Cola, Oreo Biscuits and Proprietary Software.)

5. The leader of the party was not acceptable to the people and he also did not have the support of party cadres. (Works like a charm. No questions asked)

6. The election campaign of the party turned off voters. For example – People did not like the Web Banners, Posters, Brand of shoe thrown at candidate, Slogans, Bhashans etc. On the other hand the election campaign of the winning party was liked by the voters.

7. Blame the weather e.g lack of monsoons led to destruction of crops or excess monsoons that killed standing crops and led to the disenchantment of farmers.

8. If you are pro Losing Party then blame everything else that can be blamed like the color of the EVM Machines to the uniforms of security personnel. Alternatively if you are pro Winning Party then write that this debacle of the Losing Party is the beginning of their end.

9. Last but not the least DO NOT give credit to the voter for casting the vote in favor of things that matter to him/her. (He/She is of no consequence. Ignore Him/Her)

10. Garnish your analysis with a clever headline like – Reasons for the Failure of XYZ! or Why XYZ lost the Elections! and serve with your name by the side. Argue with commenter’s who may not agree with you, grudgingly accept the criticism of commenter's who uses above technique to present a counter point and enjoy the heated discussions in the comment box with a glass of chilled beer.

You have now arrived as a Post Poll Analyst!! Enjoy your two minutes of fame!

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

:-))

RukmaniRam said...

we get only two minutes?

Amal Bose said...

i dont think there is a major difference in the parties in Kerala.. if we elect one party this time, it would be the other the next time..
so all these apply to both..
nice post btw.. :-)

In my Lineofsight

Thoorika said...

Lolz !! Seems like you hav lots of interest in Politics !!! Any plans of entering into that field ?!

Annemarie said...

LOL!! Nice dig!

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

From what i'm seeing its not 2 minutes, but 2 hours of massacre in the TV that's going on and on. The major worry is that we can't switch off the TV until they shut up and only after they shut up do we actually get to see the REAL news :)

Ramya said...

lol...

before the elections it is propaganda overkill...

...after the election it is analysis overkill! Nice post...!!

scorpiogenius said...

True..you know how many of these analysts had their foot in their mouth after the results were announced. They were claiming possibilities of many things to happen, of which nothing did... And I was astounded to hear they were going on bla bla bla about polarization of hindu votes, freezing of muslim votes and so on.. How well we know in states like Kerala there is a trend other that these religious factors which decides the elections.

One insider secret: I heard an analysis that Shashi Tharoor won in Trivandrum because CIA agents worked undercover for him by bribing the voters...Howzaat?? Dont tell anyone please.. :))))))

Anonymous said...

hi..awesome read!! I am one of your biggest fans! Serious!! And i have a crush on you! :P

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Nice compilation. Although the same thing holds for post-poll analysis of why someone won ;) (must illustrate with examples? :p)

Well said@Ramya.

Indyeah said...

LOL!!!
that is post poll analysis to a T! :D

silverine said...

Apologies to people whose comments got swallowed up by Blogger..
.
Anon: :)

RukmaniRam: Thats the attention span of your reader/viewer! :)

Amal: I do not think nay one can analyse without talking to the voters which would be a large exercise! :)

Thoorika: :) I guess I know a lot about Post Pol analysis being inundated with it over the web and news channels! :)

Annmarie: Thanks girl! :p

Abhi: hehe I was talking about the attention span of viewers/readers when I mentioned that two minutes. But you are right. If we get attacked by our neighboring nation we will see that news on the ticker now. :p

Ramya: You are right! I forgot about the pre poll blitzkrieg! :p

Scorpiogenius: Absolutely!! Since I was following the election run up from day one I have seen many a foot in the mouth! :)) That CIA thing was hilarious!!!

Anon: Thank you! :)

Karthik: Analysis on why someone won will be exactly the same. Just change the word 'lost' to 'won' :))

Indyeah: hehe another wise soul I see! :p

hammy said...

You know... I always had a sneaking suspicion that the brand of shoes thrown is vital in these analysis thingies. Wasn't sure about it until now, though.

Thank you, Silverine. Now I can start a political blog on the side. Yipee.

vishnu said...

hilarious

Sreejith said...

I see you have access to insider information on how post-poll analysis is done :D Hilarious!!

Abraham Menacherry said...

I dont think this is a guide for dummies... its the real thing!! I feel this is EXACTLY how these guys do the analysis. All this while I thought it was rocket science!!! Thanks for shedding light on this "art"...:)

Maybe we can all become political pundits after reading this...:)

Bullshee said...

I am the Scrooge of Indian Politics!!!

Election Commission!??Bah! Humbug!!

When will your ripping sarcasm ever end, dear Silverine?

Mind Curry said...

if i ever contest elections, you are going to be my chief strategist. decided.

today it was quite bugging to watch darkha, bir sangui, and the commie columnist on tv during the second swearing in. first they got it totally wrong on the predictions, and now they are just tyring to just hang on to whatever they can find to nitpick!

silverine said...

Hammy: lol! And I am so going to read that! :p

Vishnu: Thanks buddy! :)

Sreejith: Oh yeah I do! :p Thanks!

Abraham: Even I thought it was rocket science. But this elections taught me otherwise! :p

Bullshee: You will be just right for the role of The Grinch who Stole the Elections! :)) Thanks buddy!

MC: I am honored! :) I watched the gaffes too. Too good! lol!! And the icing on the cake was Pro Now Roy telling Scindia or Pilots son (not sure who) that he was such a good friend of his Daddy and that he must work hard in his new portfolio! All this on air!!! :-O

Santhosh P said...

Excellent. Can I hire you as my official TV psephologist if I ever start one ?

Here is my share of electoral nonsense, a guide which I think will help inexperienced prime ministers in future to form their union cabinet.(Tag: Shameless Self Promotion)

Da Hypocrite said...

superb analysis :)

Thomas Jay Cubb said...

A post you might be interested in.

Profoundness For Dummies.

http://incubbator.blogspot.com/2009/06/profoundness-for-dummies.html