Sunday, May 10, 2009

Hindicapped!

There is this guy in our office called SS. SS has been trying to grow a goatee quite unsuccessfully for the past six excruciating months. He does manage to grow a beard but it looks more like an Oxee, Cowiee, Sheepie, Mulee and a Horsey but never a Goatee. I guess you get the picture now from that description. This week he was looking like a Yeti.

Colleague : Can I have a word with you man!
SS (looking up from the keyboard): Sure!
Colleague: Oh my gawd!! The Abominable Snowman!

And he ran away for his life.

We were fed up! So last Sunday we got together in his apartment and while two guys held his hands, two of us shaved his hirsutic ambitions off.

Next day when we all walked into the office people were surprised to a clean shaven SS.

Colleague: Hey SS, teri dhaadi kahan gayi? (Where is your beard?)
Me: We shaved it off!
Colleague (surprised): And he allowed that????
Me: Humne uske saath zabardasthi ki!*

The atmosphere on the floor underwent a dramatic change and people who know Hindi were seen collapsing with laughter like nine pins. Me and my fellow Southies looked around bewildered. These Northies are strange! 8-|

Speaking of office there is a freeze on hiring due to the recession. Team Heads have been advised to hire internally till further notice. The Boss who was desperately trying to get people to join our team from other teams is now flooded with applications. Instead of being happy, he despairs. According to HR instructions, gender diversity has to be maintained at all costs in the office you see. All the applications he received are from males. Poor guy!

Out of the 567 applications he received, 567 applicants out of 567 applicants are willing to work for free if they are allowed to sit next to me. The travails of good looking girls are many I tell you…sigh!

According to a little bird called ‘Sysadmin’ people here are downloading copies of reports like “What makes some people more vulnerable to molestation” etc. by the dozen. Interesting! I saw one copy myself. It says timid people and people with low self esteem are more prone to be victims.

That reminds me…something strange is happening at our floor. Guys from the other floors are seen lurking around the dark corners of the building the moment they spot me heading in that direction. They sport a look of low self esteem and act very timid.

Have a nice week friends.

* p.s. someone just told the meaning of the sentence. How embarrassing!! Meri izzat loot gayi…:(

( For the benefit of clueless Southies like me, Zabardasti means 'to use force or against ones will'. It also has a sidey meaning... 'to molest'. I plead innocence!)

50 comments:

DPhatsez said...

You raped SS to shave his beard..hmm..somehow the english translation of the classic hindi dialogue doesn't quite have the PUNCH.

SITUATION VACANTSelected candidate will work 24/7 with no salary.
Perks include being in close proximity with maal Anjali(self-proclaimed). If you're lucky she might even look at you.

Outcome: 567 desperate losers with no lives applied.

:) Cheers mate!

phoenix said...

"Meri izzat loot gayi"

ROFL! You rock gal! =))

hammy said...

Out of the 567 applications he received, 567 applicants out of 567 applicants are willing to work for free if they are allowed to sit next to me.Waiving off salary to enjoy the perks... which includes, apparently, free shaves.

So no more hiring externally, eh? So I suppose I should recall my application. Damn. Some people have all the luck.

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

:D
I got a manager that thinks he can bond better if he throws in a line in Hindi every once in a while. He's from Chennai, and it is super funny!

hope and love said...

Thank you sweetheart..!!
missed you.

Amal Bose said...

ROFL..
im thinking of SS's reaction ;-)

mathew said...

hehe..this reminds me of an answer I told my friend when he wanted to know something about dependant tax benefits..

"tumhare baap se pucho"..

all i meant was an innocent.."please ask your dad.."

but all years of amitabh bacchan trained Hindi dint cut ice when I told him that...i still dont know why!!

*innocent face*

Thoorika said...

lolz !!!Even I started laughing so hard the minute I read that sentence and continued to laugh so when I read the last one !!!! Happens !!!

Binny V A said...

I can understand hindi - but I have stopped speaking it altogether. Two times I spoke in hindi, I got death threats. And in the third time, the other person broke down in tears. He said that I "slaughtered the language". I'm sticking to Malayalam/English combo from then on.

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

I was the lone southie who knew Hindi as good as a northie @ my work and had good fun teaching my fellow telugu and mallu guys Hindi. Some guys never get it no matter how dedicatedly i teach. There was one guy who never got the difference between masculine and feminine gender.

He used to tell "Tum jati, mein aati" and all such non-sense!

Anyways its better than your Zabardasti :)

silverine said...

Dphatsez: I never knew that it was a classic Hindi dialog till people started giggling! :(

Phoenix: I was wondering who would get that! Guess you and Thoorika are the winners! :p

Hammy: Free Shaves it seems. LOL!!! Good one!

toothless wonder: Gosh, wish I had a manager like that. I can imagine the fun you guys have! :)

HnL: Likewise doc, you return to blogging and all is well with the blogging world! :)

Amal: He is a mallu...so as clueless as us! lol!!

Mathew: hehe that was funny! I learned quite late that 'baap' though literally correct was not politically correct! :p

Thoorika: I knew those two sentences would be lost on people who do not know Hindi. So am delighted to see someone who did get it! There is hope for us! :)

Abhi: I can imagine!! You must have been one frustru teacher. There is nothing more hilarious than hearing a southie speak Hindi. :))

Prats said...

Poor SS, uski izzat lut gayi.

ROFL!!!

scorpiogenius said...

'zabardast' post! :)

accha likha... maine enjoy kar li... *the hindi of Enjoy, anyone?*

VMJ said...

I'm reminded of a time when a fellow mallu asked what the hindi of friday was...i said "fri" is "lau" and day is day itself...he was chatting with a northie girl and promptly typed "lauday ko milte hai"..:O
The apology chat went a full three hours more finally the girl said "yaar tum bahut pakate ho". Again the mallu bro was clueless...about "pakaana"...somebody told him that it means "to entice"...for three days he went on thinking that the girl had fallen for him. :)

destiny's child... said...

maza aa gaya! ;)
my heart goes out to SS though....:D

Ordinary Guy said...

I have another friend called anoop thomas who has mutilated Hindi beyond recognition when he had come to Mumbai!!!!

this ROFL post reminded me of that dude!!!

what the heck, languages are meant to be mutilated!!! otherwise there would not be any fun!!!!

Virus© said...

The travails of good looking girls are many I tell you…sigh!I wonder where the good looking girls work at. There is a dearth of good looking chicks [no offense meant with that word] at my work place.

Every cubicle must have at least one attractive chick, South Indian or East Indian-- doesn't matter, to increase productive during these tough economic times.

I got to mail this idea to my HR.

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

LOL@Meri izzat loot gayi. Clever.

LOL@comments by Mathew, VMJ
ROFL@comment by Scorpiogenius(he assumes the absence of a substitute for 'enjoy' is the only problem with this sentence..LOL...'maine enjoy kar li' almost suggests a molestation of the post...LOL)

South Indians are absolutely amusing in their 'indi'!

RukmaniRam said...

nahiiiiiiiiiii

silverine said...

Prats: lol!!

Scorpiogenius: Wah kya Hindi hai. Please dont teach me O great master! :|
:))

Vinu:"lauday ko milte hai"...LOL!! You make me feel so much better already! Thanks!!

Destiny’s child: Dhanyavaad! :)

Ordinary guy: I hope you write about his Hindi manglings. Would love to read it! :)

Virus: And vice versa! ;)

Karthik: hehe very true about our indi!

Rukmini: lol! Ek dum correct reaction! :))

Dhanush said...

Something funny happened with us during our Mumbai Days. We friends used have tiffin served for dinner, and so this friend T calls up the guy and orders something in Hindi. It arises into lot of confusion with the tiffinwallah and then T gives the phone to S. Now S knows a bit of Hindi, and orders for the stuff, and while ordering the tiffinwallah says - "Woh apka pehalwalah friend Marathi mai kuch aur order kar raha tha". While S said this we were all ROTFL :)

The poor guy confused T's Hindi as Marathi and he didn't know that language. Our T knew neither Hindi nor Marathi :)

Deepti said...

Tumne Zabardasti ki??? aur usne complain nahi kiya?
This whole thing reminded me of the Mohanlal Movie "Gandhi angar 2nd street" ... "Maim Bheemsingh ka Beta Ramsigh Hoom!!" :D

flaashgordon said...

Khaandaan ki izzat mitthi mein milaa di???

(ok, translation for ur benefit: u mixed the respect of ur family in the soil?)

Annemarie said...

ROTFL...

Our Hindi teacher who knew very little English used to call us Hindicapped. :-D

Ashwadhy said...

Hha ha ha...Hilarious!
The first time I moved to Mumbai, I thought I was all prepared for the Hindi world, with all the training from Hindi movies. I didn't realize my Hindi was bad and I kept wondering why people near and far kept breaking into uncontrollable laughs, at the context in which I used my well rehearsed lines and ofcourse my fully flourishing southie accent. I totally understand. ;)

Parikshith Kumar said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha... Kya 'zabardast' post hai!!!

Iyer Education said...

you guys just cost one of the very few northies a trip to sabarimala... how can you do this :P

Dhanya said...

ROFL.. I'm also clueless in Hindi.. So I don't use it at all :P

Manoj said...

Northies have this bad habit of speaking only in Hindi even if some Hindi-handicapped guys are around.Frankly i prefer to better my command over Queens language rather than cough up sentences in broken Hindi, which does not do good for me nor for the listner. Dont give up, continue your efforts to master the language despite the pitfalls :-)

Alyosha said...

I can’t imagine a pretty lady boasting, “Humne uske saath zabardasthi ki” and then walking away head held high…I think its one of the most innocent jokes I would have witnessed.
No wonder everyone in your company knows…if there is an internal transfer…., on a probabilistic scale, there is an equal chance for them to be ‘Zabardasthi’ by you sometime in their career, provided they sit near you. . ( I am joking pls.)…I am sure these souls would have gone to a higher meditative bliss during those HR prescribed stress management course and a commercial appeared to them and they recited these verses, “there are something’s money can’t buy and for everything else there is MasterCard!”

That reminds me, of one of my great limelight times in college…there was this group of kannadiga girls, who somehow wanted me to speak their mother tongue. They even taught me a lot of really good words in Kannada. Once, I was out of the hostel, walking up to the Nandini milk bar to get a packet of milk for the night study and the pretty hudugi-gang was right at this bus stop and throwing a lot of encouraging glances at me. I couldn’t hold it anymore, that I thought, it is the best occasion to throw a bit of their language, taught relentlessly over a span of two weeks!. The milk booth fellow was a good friend of mine until that evening and the girls disappeared in a bus they were not supposed to board……. All because I shouted, “Hey, Ondhu packet Helu kotri” and finished it with an accomplishment gaze and a rare moment that I couldn’t hide a wide smile!.

There is another one as well…..Ciby was the only sweet pakka-mallu friend of mine and speaks nothing but malayalam to my north Indian friends. Infact those folks learned malayalam to take the easy route. Once we gang members decided that we make a dinner for ourselves and Chicken was the chosen dish for the night and send Ciby and Sardar to get chicken….Obviously, near the butcher, sardar was not leaving his bajaj..and Ciby forgot, Hindi or Kannada for ‘Chicken’…only to spot a crate of ‘Anda”…and say, Hey, hum ko ande ka baap beku”!!! Shopkeeper was furious and some hens even flew away!!!..Sardar still thought this guy really knows to choose the right chicken and started the bike, thinking he would be right back with the chicken in no time.

Rajlakshmi said...

hehehe... hahahaha
hindi k saath zabardasti mat karo :P
loved it gal :)

Amey said...

Humne uske saath zabardasthi ki!Now you know why moustache (and beard) are traditional symbols of masculinity.

The travails of good looking girls are manySorry, I don't know that, on account of not 1. being a girl 2. having a good looking girl in office.

What happens if the applicant is clean-shaven?

Sriram said...

Please explain to this Hindi-less clueless guy what that part about looting your 'izzat' or whatever meant!!

Indyeah said...

rofl!!that first sentence cracked me up!:D:D
Hindi or any other language.,...its fun to butcher them isnt it?:D
atleast for the ones who speak it fluently it does provide a moment of mirth:D:D

Monster Girl said...

sounds like that guy needed a shave!

Sashu... said...

lolzz!!!! this was hilarious anjali..hehehe!!! i juz cnat stop laffind... n whatta finish...meri izzat loot gayi...ROTFL..Hehe!!

love you for this one!! :)

Salil said...

Very funny incident indeed.
Reminded me too of Gandhinagar 2nd Street.
Cheers,
Salil

silverine said...

Dhanush: lol! Very funny indeed! :))

Deepti: Thankfully I don't speak Hindi with a mallu accent, or that would be adding insult to injury! :p Loved that movie!

flaashgrdon: Hai!! Mein lut gayi barbaad ho gayi *sob*
:p

Annemarie: I remember a classmate telling our Hindi teacher very seriously that she was Hindicapped when she failed the test. The whole class burst out laughing! :)

Ashwadhy: lol!! I can imagine. Hindi with a mallu accent is bery bery phunny! :p

Parikshith: Thanks buddy! :) I missed you out while replying to comments at the last post. My bad. Have rectified the same.

Iyer: LOL!! Sorry Sirji! :p

Dhanya: I learned my lessons after this episode. Henceforth Hindi will be flaunted in front of hindicaped people like me! :p

Manoj: I have absolutely no intention of learning this language. I am killing people already with what little I know! :))

Alyosha: That was absolutely hilarious!!! Too much!! Do check out this post by Flaash.

Rajlakshmi: Thank you dear! :)

Amey: Then we give him a close shave! lol!!

Sriram: hehe ask someone who knows Hindi!

Indyeah: :p Hindi particularly is fun to butcher!

Sashu: Thank you girl!! :)

Salil: I am not that bad as Mohan lal in that movie! :p

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

ROFL_MAX_MAX@Alyosha's two incidents ===========))))) I've been laughing my guts out! Toooooooooo good!

Biju said...

...if they are allowed to sit next to me...For the good looks or the zabardasthi part ;-)

Kunjootty said...

hi silverine.. take a look at this clip...
http://twilightzone.co.in/?p=42

Nishant Chandgotia said...

"Humne uske saath zabardasthi ki"
Brilliant brillaint. Fell laughing from the chair.

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

ignorant southie that i am, had to waittill the end of post to laugh.
have been guilty of blundering in hindi too.pl check this out.
http://pareltank.blogspot.com/2007/10/mallu-hindi.html

silverine said...

Karthik: I agree...it was really funny! :)

Biju: No comments! :|

Kunjooty: Really funny! :)

Nishanth: Thank you! :)

KPJ: lol! Good one!

Jeseem said...

so many applications for the cubicle next to you.. wow..
the girl who sits next to you must be very pretty :p

and bechara ex-goatee.. bali ka bakra ban gaya..

Thomas Jay Cubb said...

hindicap! nice coinage :)

reminded me of an old hindicap episode with my mom.

She was giving some clothes for washing to the dhobi and she said, "Le lo kapde, nahaane keliye!"

:)

silverine said...

Jeseem: LOL! Classic Jeseem comment!

Thomas: I am afraid I cannot take credit for the term as it was much used in school! And that anecdote was really funny! :)

Thomas Jay Cubb said...

small confession.

my mom actually said "yeh kapde le lo"...

left out the "yeh" for added effect. ;)

Satish said...

zabadd..dast!

jobypk said...

"Humne uske saath zabardasthi ki."

:) The effect of watching Hindi movies, I suppose. Though it used to be the hero's sister who would come home crying and say "usne meri saath zabardasti ki."

VMJ's comment reminded me of the time when an acquaintance from Kerala and I were walking around in a shopping mall in Mumbai. He spotted a section where shirts were kept and told me rather loudly. "Lavde kure shirt irikkunnu. Onnu poyi nokkaam."
Luckily no one else heard it. :)