Sunday, May 31, 2009

The neighbour-brood

I have this Aunty from hell err Kottayam. She is my neighbor actually. Aundy lets call her Susannah, has eleventy hundred relations. Not uncommon for a mallu from my part of the kundry. However she is one of a kind.

Aundy (spotting my mom): Ketto! My niece Ruby is coming from Pattanamthitta!
Mom: Ruby?
Aundy: I told you no! She is Elsy’s elder daughter!
Mom: Elsy?
Aundy: Tch you forgot…remember I told you about Babymon's accident last year…he fell from the motor room roof…Elsy is his mom!
Mom: hmmm...
Me: Of course Amma remembers him Aundy! * fierce look at my ma* don’t you ma?
Mom (uncomfortably): Actually no.
Aundy: Aiyyo…let me refresh your memory. Do you remember Sunny who came here last month?
Mom: Was he the guy with soda glasses.
Aundy: No!!! That was Sijumon. Sunny had the burn mark on his cheek.
Mom: Oh yes! I remember.
Aundy: Sunny’s first cousin is Babymon.
Mom (miserably): Oh!
Me: *whew*
Aundy: You want anything from Pattanamthitta?
Mom: No thanks!

Evening:

Aundy: Ketto leelamme!!
Me: You open your mouth and I will gag you with a towel.
Mom: But she is calling me.
Aundy: Leelamme!! Leeeelamme!
Me: Don’t you dare open your mouth!
Mom: Don’t be rude. She is calling me.
Aundy: LEELAMME!!!
Mom: Endho! (Yes)
Aundy (peeping over the wall): Ruby has come! *grin*
Mom: Please bring her home sometime.
Me: I cannot believe you said that. Did you just say that!!!
Mom (ignoring me): Do bring her over for lunch tomorrow.
Aundy: Of course!! I have told her all about you all.
Me: @#%$#

Day two at the dining table:

Aundy (to Ruby): Leelamma is a very good cook like Shirly aunty.
Me: Don’t ask who is Shirley!
Mom: Who is Shirley?
Me: !!!!!
Aundy: She is Thomachanpappans daughter. Remember the guy who left priesthood?
Mom: No!
Me: :-O
Aundy: Remember I told you about my Uncle Antony who used to work in Malaysia?
Mom: I vaguely remember…
Aundy: Shirley is his wife’s sister!
Mom: Oh!
Aundy: Ruby’s parents are looking for a suitable boy for her.
Mom: Really! Well I hope they find someone soon!
Aundy: Her uncle George…remember I told you about him…
Me: Of course she remembers. More payasam... anyone?
Mom: No.
Me: Jesus Christ!!!
Aundy: Remember I went for my nieces daughters wedding last year?
Me: Of course!
Aundy: Podi! I am talking to your mother!
Mom: I frankly don’t remember.
Me: I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS!!
Aundy: George is her Dad.
Mom: Oh ok!
Aundy: Which George are you thinking about?
Me (tremulously): Cake anyone?
Mom: err…ahem
Aundy: Not the George from Changanassery who works for Aramco, this George is my mom’s brother who lives in Mumbai. I told you about him!!
Mom: Mmm...
Aundy: Heh heh Leelamme, you are not paying attention these days.
Me: She is growing old. She can hardly remember anything these days.
Mom (annoyed): My memory is just fine hmmpphh!
Aundy: Ha ha see I told you!
Me (dryly): Then its selective recall I guess!
Aundy: You are getting too big for your boots!! I know what you just said has a double meaning!! My nephew Arun in Goa is just like you!!
Mom: Arun?
Me: *groan*

Did I say Aundy was one of a kind? I eat my words.

41 comments:

Still thinking said...

ROFL!!!
I got totally lost in 'relative' translation but it was hilarious!!! YOu're neighbourhood is one of it's kind in more ways than one :D

P.S: Btw, you should ask who Arun is, she might just get you his proposal? :p *peace*

Shanu said...

Lol..that was hilarious!!

Ur aunty is truly one of a kind!!

Thoorika said...

LOLZ !!!! Hilarious !!!!

Sashu... said...

LOL..ah so typical of some aundyz all over kerala i gather! Sigh! been there, n i know how exactly u'd be feeling..sigh!! ((((hugs))) hehe!!! :D

Amal Bose said...

ROFLMAO..
typical mallu aunty ;-)

loved it..

Abhilash said...

Nice typically silverine post. LOL.

and oi i have an idea. U cud start giving character names / screen names to all of these wonderful people you seem to know - u cud narrate these wonderful anecdotes featuring just one or a whole cast of them. So that the characters stick / develop a following of their own.

Heck, u cud even write a book later on,NO ?

urgu said...

It's an experience, actually. One of a kind, these zoo type families. Enjoyed reading this post.

Jim said...

Story of my life. Just substitute "Aundy" for "mom". Yes, I know...

Sreejith said...

The World Wide Web of relatives.. lol.. When people tell me of relationship equations, I pretend to understand, but have occassionally met my match in the evergreen question - "Tell me Mone, who am I?" :D

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

LOL@eleventy hundred

nice pun on one of a kind :)

Your mom is a dear :)

The mallu pronunciation of aunty is dangerously close to...and so...I pity the guy with only one aunt.

aleyamma said...

This is exactly why our parents need an Orkut or Facebook-- or as I like to call it-- "Mukhapusthakam." Then they can just look someone up and see exactly how they are related to someone else, who got married, who has kids, and everything else they want to know, all without having to gossip.

Biju said...

A typical scene when a neighbour comes home in Kerala for some gossip with my mom.

The most difficult question I have faced, "Mone enne manasilayo?" :-)

Good post!!

silverine said...

still thinking: You mean marry into 'her' family! :-O Horrors!!!
:p

Shanu: She is! :p

Thoorika: Thanks girl! :)

Sashu: Been there done that? Whew...I am not the only one then! :) Hugs to you too girl!

Amal: This is my first encounter with this kind! :)

Abhilash: What an Idea Sirjee! Its got potential I admit! Now if only I had the time and inclination I would have the perfect HMT watch err book! :))

Urgu: You said it. It is an experience. Hope my mom learns her lessons from it! :)

Jim: LOL!! My condolences! :))

Sreejith: Its annoying isn't it that people expect you to remember every relation they have mentioned!!

Karthik: "I pity the guy with only one aunt" ROFL!! Very punny!!

Aleyamma: What a brilliant brilliant idea!! Imagine a family facebook account -

Susan is now listed as married to John
Tessie says "We are blessed with a baby boy".
Johnny says "I passed"
Rita poked Jimmy
Jimmy flirted with Susan
Renji is going for his hemorrhoid operation today :|

LOL!!

Biju: Thank you! :)

--xh-- said...

i can't actually believe that ur mom said NO to the aunty.. i would have learned ventriloquy than going through this sessions so that ic an speak for my mom...

bloody hilarious post :)

Parikshith Kumar said...

I liked your post!

I'm sure Rosakutty liked your post too.

Rosakutty who? Ask your neighbour Aundy :-)

Natasha Singhal said...

Remember my bua's son Gaurav? The guy who married Renuka my mami's niece? Her brother has a massive crush on you! You remember her brother Prithvi don't you? :-|

hitchwriter said...

hillarious !!

roflol

Dreamcatcher said...

Dear Silveine,

Cool One!!ROFL... !

You have given an excellent treat on monday morning... with cherry icing done by your aunty

no one can ask more dan this
he..hhe

Daily your day should start with dat aundy's round conference meeting.

He..hhe... OMG..HW did u with stand dat lady... is still amazing.

With regards
Dream catcher
http://dreamcatcherrocking.blogspot.com/

mathew said...

LOL..nice one..

silverine said...

-xh--: Ventriloquism...now why did I not think of that!!! :| Thanks buddy! :)

Parikshith: LOL!! Ask aunty? Nahiiin!

Nats: Aunty has a worthy successor in you I see. :|

Hitchwriter: Thank you! :)

Dreamcatcher: hehe My mom is yet to reach that stage when she will get fed up of trying to remember Aundy's relations! So have to put up with her! :)

Mathew: Thank you! :)

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Miss Natasha, please go to her other blog and read "Down the long and winding memory lanes and by-lanes". I think it is about you.

anurag said...

i love your aundy..
i wish i too had one in my neighbour hood...
you will realise their absence, when you don't have any...so no argghhhs!!!
deport her to my neighbourhood..

Prathik said...

haha... i kno the kinda ladies ur talkin abt.. typical "kottayam achaammamaar"!!

Rajlakshmi said...

hehehehe... how do you tolerate :P

Naveen said...

nice read...
a bit cruel on the aundy though...

WSW said...

adipoli!!

cant believe I am not alone in having such aundys

jk said...

can you provide contact details of Aundy..? at least her email..?

or shud we ask Aundy..?

jk said...

Aundy's contact details please ... hightime she is informed about the neighbour conspiracy and defamation..!!

Bullshee said...

Ha ha ha!! Your mother seems to have the sterling quality of being viciously truthful! Commendable!

You, on the other hand seem to want be the cover up artist! Bad Silverine! Where were you when Nixon needed help?

sooooooooooooooji said...

nice
post
i
hop
u
may
continue
with
it,
itz
very cute
n
nice
blog,
i
loved
it

anishthomas said...

Lol!!!!!! :) Chance less girl....yeahhh even we have got lodz of Susanna aunties in our place also.Sometimes itz fun to listen there boasting.But at times itz irritating. Anyways all the best for your mom and U :)

Anshul said...

Maybe Aundy can write a book along the lines of "My family and other animals"...

silverine said...

Karthik: She did read it! :)

Anurag: Pliss to give address. We deliver free! :|

Prathik: Bingo! :)

Rajlakshmi: Sigh..don't get me started!

Naveen: And you think she is not being cruel to us? Sob!

WSW: Whew..another fellow sufferer. Great to hear that! :p

jk: err aundy@achayathi.com :|

Bullshee: Right now I am waiting for her patience to crack before I do! :|

Sooji: Thank you! :)

Anish: :) Irritating would be a mild word for her!

Anshul: Naah...I will be writing that book "My aundy and other animals" :|

n i t i n said...

:D

DPhatsez said...

ahem!
A pathanamthitta vaasi here!

But then again, ee aaundimaarey kondu thottu!
God's Own Kundry i tell you :)

"Ketto Leelaamme" loL.

Pareekshakalayirunnu. will catch up on your posts in time.
Have a gr8 weekend mate!

Leslie said...

God .. That was hillarious. Typical mallu way of life. Whenever I go to a new place or country, somehow my parents manage to create a list of people settled there who are remotely related to us. All you need is to spread the news that you are leaving, the list is auto-populated by your friends and family.

Leslie said...

It also reminds me of another incident. One of my 3 year old neice went to stay with her grand mother. Everyday atleast 20-30 people would ask her the question "mole ariyummo?"(Do you know me?). Initially she would try to recollect even if she was meeting them for the first time.
After a week, she would plainly say to everyone "ariyulla, kandedtumilla" (Dont know nor do I recollect seeing you). She would say for even people whom she knew very well. Words cant describe how much this used to irritate her grand mother.

silverine said...

Nitin: :)

Dphat: Best of luck for your exams and thanks for dropping in! :)

Leslie: Thank you! :) Your niece is really smart! That would have stumped them :)

Reflections said...

In the beginning I didnt get why u insisted on the 'yes' but as I read further the penny dropped;-D.

U must have hrd this many times but I have to tell u....U r hilarious;-D

Akhil S Behl said...

Really really good.. being a Punjabi myself i think i could quite well do a transliteration.. only i lack your wit at writing! :(

Abraham Menacherry said...

entammo!!! What an aundy! She would get instant posting as ceo in any geni tree site!