Sunday, March 02, 2008

Gimme a break!!

I have just been through a break up peoples. Now…now… hold the tissues and handkerchiefs dears. It is not what you think it is. It is a break up with a guy alright, but he is not my boyfriend. I am still single and unavailable like most Indian girls. So you might wonder what I am talking about right? Well let me explain with this chronological sequence of events….

(Girls on the other hand would have understood the post with the opening line itself and right now may be yawning and saying “lets go grab a coffee, nothing new here”)

Week one

Him (a colleague): Hi!
Her: Hi!
Him: Remember we met the other day. I was with Kevin!
Her: Oh yes!
Him: How you doing?
Her: Fine!
Him: See you around then!
Her: Bye!


Week two

Him: Hi!
Her: Hi!
Him: You had Coffee?
She: No!
Him: I am going over to the cafeteria. Coming?
Her: Sure! Though I have to get back immediately with the coffee.
Him: Okay!

Week three

Him: Hi!!
Her: Hi!
Him: Don’t see you around!
Her: Why? Did you need to speak to me?
Him: No! Just wondering where you were.
Her: Right here on my seat! (duh!)
Him: heh heh


Week four

Him: Hi!
Her: Hi!
Him: Hey did I say something
Her: Huh!
Him: I feel you are avoiding me!
Her: Why should I avoid you??
Him: Oh I felt like that!
Her: *gets back to work ignoring him*


Week five

Him: So where are “We” going this Friday!
Her: “We”??????
Him: Yeah! Movie?
Her: No thanks!
Him: Why????
Her: I have plans.
Him: Oh! Plans? You mean you have a date!
Her: I am meeting with friends.
Him: *phew* Yenjoy then!
Her (reaching for the phone): hmm thanks!


Week six

Him: Hi!! Movie this Friday!
Her: No!
Him: Why?
Her: Because I don’t want to see a movie that’s why!
Him: Dinner?
Her: No thanks!
Him: Then what do you want to do?
Her (shrugging): Nothing!
Him: Listen…if you don’t want to go out with me, then tell me clearly!
Her: I don’t want to go out with you.
Him: *hurt look*
Her: See you. I have a meeting.

Week Seven (first half)

Him: Hiiiiii!
Her: *groan* Hi!
Him: Listen, forget what happened last week and let’s make a fresh start!
Her: What happened last week?
Him: We had that little misunderstanding naah.
Her: Huh?
Him: See you in the evening for coffee then!
Her: No...I am going out for a meeting!

Week Seven (second half)

Him: Coming for coffee?
Her: No thanks!
Him: See!! You have not forgiven me!
Her: Forgiven you for what...for gods sake!
Him: Then let’s have coffee together!
Her: Not now I am busy.
Him: Ok! See ya in the evening then?
Her: I have no idea frankly what I will be doing then. Bye!


Week Eight

Him: Hi!
Her: Now what?
Him: Who was that guy with you at the cafeteria yesterday?
Me: When?
Him :11:26 am
Her: That must be Syed!
Him: hmmm you seeing him?
Her (annoyed): What’s wrong with you! He is one of our Product Managers!!!
Him (hurriedly): Sorry! Just kidding!

She walks away in a huff!

Week eight (Second half)

Him: Hi!
Her: *ignoring him*
Him: Listen I know things are not going well between us.
Her (eyebrows arched) : “Us”?????
Him: It’s because we don’t spend time together!
Her: What!!!!
Him: We won’t be having these tiffs if we spent more time with each other…understand each other…
Her: Ente ammey! (OMG)
Him:…. get to know each other….and..
Her: Listen! I don’t want to know you or spend time with you…
Him: But why?
Her: What do you mean “but why”
Him: I am not going to restrict you in any way if you are concerned about that! I am a very modern guy who….
Her: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, *Jesus give me patience or I might clobber him* 6. 7. 8. 9. 10...

Week eight (last day)

Him (calling her extn): Hello!
She: Hi!
He: Listen, if you are worried that I may not let you work after marriage…
She (biting back expletives): Marriage? OMG! What’s going on here! Listen you may have seen me here for some time, but that was as a summer Intern. I am not…
Him (cutting in): That’s okay if you too young for marriage. I can wait.
Her: Wait? You are going to wait for me? Aaarrrghhhhh *slams the phone down*

He (calling her again): What happened? You kept the phone down?
She (thinking quickly): Hey I would like to chat, but my boyfriend is waiting for me at the reception.
He: Boyfriend????
She (sweetly): Yes!
He: But you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend!
She: But why should I tell you I have a boyfriend?
He: But you should have told me!
She: But why? I don’t think I have to tell a colleague whether I have a BF or not!!
He: I feel like such a fool…
She: Why would you feel like a fool for accompanying me to the vending machine???
Him: Is that all it was “accompanying me to the vending machine?”
Her: Yep!
Him (injured tone): Bye!
Her friend to her: What boyfriend? You don't have a BF!
She: Necessity is the mother of invention dearie! ;)

That btw was my 567th “break up”. Next time I think I will say I am joining the convent. Or may I will say that I …..err hmm well...suggestions welcome!

74 comments:

Adorable Pancreas said...

You should have gone ahead and clobbered him. I know I would have. At least verbally. :)

nickdigital said...

lol .. great post as usual .. 567th break up .. lol.. how many hearts have you broken silverine.. :P ..

Fresh Lime Soda said...

567th break up.... i am blown away... meanwhile when did u make up in this case to break up..;)

Sowmya said...

ROFL!!!

But such guys do exist!! I am surprised he didn't plan babies and their names :-p

nickdigital said...

@soymya .. i bet they exist .. have witnessed cases .. hehehe n yes some of them do plan of what not... including names of babies bla bla stuff .. i guess thats the beauty of silver's posts .. they are so close to reality ..

silverine said...

AP: First exp with this type :p Next time it wont reach this far :)

nickdigital: I have no clue :p Such 'relationships' exists in the head of some guys and so break ups also happens there for them :p

fresh lime soda: When there was no relationship then how do you break up and make up?

sowmya: Yep!! You said it! I guess I stopped it before that!! :))

nickdigital: A guy understood this post! That made my day!! Thanks :)

Iyer Education said...

poof... the story had to end there haan?

i wanted you guys to grow older and wiser... together :(

sad it didnt happen :(

mathew said...

Lol!!.i thought i was reading the highlights of a mega serial!!:-P

But here the tragedy befalls on the hero..hehehe..kyonki Silverine bhi kabhi break chahthi hein!!

Amey said...

When you talked about holding the hankies and tissues, I was going to ask about guys who lend you a shoulder to cry on...

Now I know ;)

Dhanya said...

ROFL 567th breakup? Silverine give them a break ;)

krish said...

lol! as usual very realistic post.
i can relate to such an incident in my life. and it so happened that in my case the guy even planned where settle after "marriage"!! I made up a boyfriend to avoid him, with highly believable stories (guy's in US bla bla....).

-Poison- said...

kashtam...!

Jim said...

I am still single and unavailable like most Indian girls.
Hahaha! I had a good laugh at that one!

Anyway, it took you eight weeks to fend this nutjob off? You're loosing your touch, silverine!

zahid said...

Err...Single and unavailable Silverine !!!

My sympathies with the girl without a boy friend who had to pretend having a boyfriend !!! Next time say you are turning into a nun !!! Or rather boast of 6543rd divorce you had had in the past few years !!! Or rather mention the existence of human immuno deficiency virus !!!

Hic Hic !!!

Nithin said...

Hey silverine.. Great post as usual, but something's been bugging me since I read this post.

If every such "break up" takes eight weeks and if this was actually your 567th break up, then you must be around 87 years old now. (D'oh! Am I being tactless here?) :D If the guy likes you despite the age difference, then maybe saying yes to coffee with him wouldn't be such a bad idea. :P

Wanderlust said...

You cant blame these specimens ...IT industry is in a recession ...They have to act fast !!!
Cool stuff as usual... sorry for not having been here for quite some time and read your lovely blogs...

Having reached back in India , I find my company has become smart enough to block blogspot...How demonic !!! And the net connection in the house where I have put up is what hellish dreams are made of!!
But hope to be back in this circuit soon.

Cyber said...

I have been on the "Him" side once. And the girl was single and unavailable. Talked to her once, and broadcasted my encounter among all friends. It eventually reached her, and she told a friend that was not ok with it.

I don't understand when it crosses the threshold, and I should stop trying. I gave up and never talked to her again.

ap said...

ROFL!!!!

btw nun story might backfire ..ppl may try to persuade you back to marriage ;)!!!!!

silverine said...

Iyer education: One respectful chamaat sirji! :)

mathew: Well...this was a 5 second serial except for the last day when it stretched to 5 minutes :p

amey: Ah! That wouldn't be refused ;)

dhanya: :p

krish: LOL!!! I so understand after this exp :p

poison: :)

Jim: I was wondering who would get that! :) About the nutjob (gud name btw) as you can see I was totally unaware of the drama unfolding around me :)

zahid: I am taking your suggestions with due seriousness Sir!!! :)

nithin: Well you didn't consider parallel love stories did you? :p

Wanderlust: Nice to see you back!! Hope to see you posting regularly now :)

Cyber: Well..she told you outright and you got the hint. I was not so lucky! :)

AP:You are right! Plan B abandoned :p

SR said...

Aiyooo, I would really like to know how many times this guy really tried to get a girl friend.. May be this was his 568th try..

neermathalam said...

I propose..you..

This is orkut style...i usually do this only when the scrap number is 299 ,2999 etc...

nammal thammil etrayokke adutha stitikku...kidanotte enthe vakayum..oru proposal...

had a hearty laugh thankzzzzz

:)

scorpiogenius said...

lol...a very Indian tale, I must say. :)

But perhaps a bit too early for a 'breakup'...in only 8 weeks? Give 'him' a proper chance Silverine...

You dont seem to consider the XY edition of your species, do you? :)

Karthik said...

When are you going to write a success story? I think the guys here would be really interested more in that rather than attempts that failed like this? ;-)

Nits Pandita said...

hey was just blog-hopping..
nice blog u have up here..
i just can't believe some guys can take something this far just by their thinking power!..lolz!

Deepti said...

ROFL!!! And there are guys who make future plans even if you laugh at their jokes tooo :)
Nice post...

scorpigle said...

awesome.. as usual!

Safari Al said...

I am still single and unavailable like most Indian girls.

ROTFL. Poor men, us!


Is that all it was “accompanying me to the vending machine?”

ROTFL.


If he is buying the coffee, then tag along. Never say no to free food and drink. Cardinal error.!!!

Iceman said...

ROTFL...

Mother of invention.... it sure is!

burf said...

flippin wankers ... damn, are those guys blind or what

Mallu said...

Hmmmn, Silverine, coffee at 12:34 ? :)

Anonymous said...

This is very comical. This is mostly the influence of love-story films of India which are highly unrealistic.These films sub-conciously lead boys to believe that some girl is very ready and chasing her will lead to result.

I'm interested in knowing why you can't tell him st. on the face that you are not interested and that you are unavailable(due to your preferred route of a parent-arranged marriage - presumably) instead of lying..here in the US, its quite ok if things don't work out in the first date and people dont lie..they tell it st. on the face or at least over the phone.
Lying is not a solution to anything..I don't think your colleague will throw acid on your face if you tell him you are not available.
This is a very bad habit(making up stories or lying) which will back fire at you at some point

~displaced_mallu

silverine said...

SR: That was a very sharp observation!!

Neermathalam: Thank you :)

Scorpiogenius: It’s not everyday that you meet thick skinned people like this. Or it would got over in Week One itself :)

Karthik: Somehow I find it hard to believe that “others” too want that ;)

Nits: These are people who regard girls as objects that you can pick and choose to adorn your life. :)

Deepti: The things we gals go through should be compiled in a book :p

Scorpigle: Thanks!

Safari Al: Everything is free here actually :)

Iceman: lol!! Sounds very familiar!

Burf: Yep!!

Mallu: Nooooo! I am not going down that path again. Once bitten twice shy!!! :p

Anon: I am narrating an incident as is. And about lying, sometimes that is the best way out as these kinds are harmless guys and immediately lose interest in you the moment you mention a guy and start chasing another dream. If it doesn't work then you can always take official measures. But a little tact and sometimes a lie can take care of a situation.

Safari Al said...

Ok, in that case. How about coffee?


*grin*

hammy said...

Tut tut tut. You wasted a perfectly good reason for clobbering such a guy? Frankly, I am disappointed.

But if you ARE so inclined to build excuses than punch an eyeball out, then here are some suggestions...

1. I have to fix the copier machine. No, I know it's not my job, but it's the least I can do. After all, it was I who jammed papers into it so that I can get an excuse to ditch you

2. I have karate practice tonight. Tonight's class is "How to punch the lights out of creepy colleagues by simple two point crotch attacks"

3. I have to go see a therapist today. I don't know why, but from time to time, I wake up covered in blood and with a couple of knives in hand. And coincidentally, I can't seem to find some of our old colleagues in office anymore.

4. Sorry. I have to brush my hair. Yeah, it will take a lot of time. Yes, months. You see, I prefer to brush it one strand at a time...

5. Do you ever get the strange sensation that you should strangle yourself with a sturdy tie and toss yourself in the river? Oh, then it must be just me then... No, I'm not suicidal.

innocent bystander said...

wow!!
is it really that bad?

(y am i not surprised though)

come to think of it, you're not even in IT...
does the fact that girls make up roughly 10% of the population (in IT at least) make it worse? or is it just not worth mentioning?

Ajith said...

Happens.. Especially when IT industry gender ratio is skewed againt guys :) ..
Btw, here in oracle we have a clear-cut harassment policy.. It states "You can ask out your colleague for a date 3 times.. Beyond 3rd time, it is considered harassment " :P

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

*sigh*
bleddy one sided story!!!
hmph! X(

break their hearts - break their hearts and have no mercy!
waaaaah.. mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

usha said...

that one was so real! i mean, i wonder why they never seem to get tired of that silly stupid line. 'hey, you look so troubled. tumhari manager bahut zyada kaam karvaati he, kya? c'mon c'mon.. come, let's go have a cup of coffee to cheer you up'

it's not just that they get on your nerves, but still have it in them to make it sound as though they are being kind enough to do you a favor!

Jiby said...

Wow...got to admire his tenacity though. i don't think he is all that innocent...the tactics stand out for their deviousness...ithokke nammal ethra kandekkunnu!

What if he returns on week 9 and wants to meet your BF? Will the next post be from the Bangalore Central Jail?

good one yo...

Padakkam said...

haha... maybe u can just say that u r a lesbian... its easier, there is no way for the guy to verify and u can hang around with ur girl friends without others assuming that u r single...

great post :)

hope and love said...

ha ha ha..!! pembiller ingane thudangiyal paiyyammar enthu cheyum..!!

silverine said...

Safari al: See my reply to Mallu :p

Hammy: Soooper!!! LOL!! Thanks for that lot!!

Innocent bystander: Well... this was just one of those one of a kind specimens :)

Ajith: Next time I will be more firm, I thought he would take the hint, guess some people don't :)

Toothless wonder: :p

Usha: This is a true story! :) And you are right about the rest!

Jiby: After your comment I am beginning to realize that you may be right. This was an extreme busy period or I would have noticed it I guess!
"Will the next post be from the Bangalore Central Jail?" LOL!!! I am prepared for him now and btw he is onto another girl now :p

Padakkam: Aiyyo!! That can have some bad repercussions on my future love life :p No way!! :))

HnL: Paiyyammar ingane thudangiyal pembiller inganne thanne cheyum..!! ;)

Safari Al said...

that is inconsistent. it should be 576 times bitten, 578th time shy!

Nishant Chandgotia said...

Poor guy,he must be heartbroken sheeshh..My sympathies to him..they sent him without (or rather an abudance) of brains..your hard luck you manage to meet them of and on..post brilliant as usual..real witty lines

Nirupama said...

Great post! Am completely familiar with that routine!

Safari Al said...

Soory,

It should have been 576th time bitten 577th time shy.


I am assuming that nth time bitten, then (n+1)th time shy. (for all integral n>0)


Shit! I am a nerdy geek!

Sneezy Melon said...

heh! what a freak!

Anonymous said...

Hi,
Iam a new reader to your blog. You have a way with words!. Liked ur recent posts and the one on Romeos.:-)

Hey,I have a doubt. Doesn't girls like(atleast make them happy a little bit) when are noticed or when they are admired. I think they do. Inspite of that they loose any appreciation (if any was there) for the guy. Doesn't that seems contradictory.
What is your point on that?

Mallu said...

Me: I commented and you replied...so does that mean ....err ...ahemmm...:)

I'll wait at last table of the cafeteria...You could wear a pink dress :)

ROTFL

burf said...

thought so...

Mind Curry said...

gawddd! i burst out laughing reading this He: Listen, if you are worried that I may not let you work after marriage…
She (biting back expletives): Marriage? OMG! What’s going on here!


so funny..sounds like govinda or someone.. i have a feeling that week 8 did not have the last day..hehe..

@ mallu - are you the "him" by any chance?? lot of similarities..ehehe..

Anonymous said...

A typical case of "ungli dikhao tho haath pakad letha hai.."...
"viral kaaanichal....."
aaagh.. ppl can translate it by themselves..
when will these people understand... Why do they fail to take the hints and expect us to take the hint..:P

Anand Chakrapani said...

silverine, great as usual. I know a guy who even said to one of my female friends (wanted to say girl friend, but that would have had other connotations :-) ), "Since you have to marry someone, why not me?" And, when the girl said, "I'm marrying xyz", this guy says,"What does xyz have that I do not?" and "In what way do you think this xyz is better? Tell me, so that I can also improve in those aspects. Then I'll ask you again.." lol.
Actually, most guys can't take a no. And especially from gals. I think that's the crux.

Keep posting girl.. er .. lady (or however you prefer to be addressed)!

Badri said...

I want to put forth my view.

This is bad........(though i want to put up arrogance instead of bad)

Just look at the guy.... he has tried so hard in spite of repeated insults ...bravo 567th victim........

He has tried every other trick in the book and on a more serious note no one knows what 'Pretty girls'( who can cause > 567 breakups)want.

Ma'am it is high time you saw the other side of the coin......(in the meantime,I suggest an apology to the guy )

nickdigital said...

@badri
i am not much educated in this make up break up love theory. i myself am 'happy and single' :P ... lol .. but with wat i have observed.. gurls prefer confident rascals, who talk straight and they prefer their men to be less insistent(subjective issue to moot about:P).. now this inconfident chap kept dogging her, wz making a more of a comedian of himself than a hero .. its just not going to work like in da south indian filmy style .. heheh and if you notice he has to atleast put across his feelings to expect something out of a relationship than just day dreaming .. :P .. i still empathise with the guy.. infact guys... while silverine continues to beat her past records.. :P what is the latest figure silverine ?

Sowmya said...

@nickdigital: I think Silverine has made it clear that such relationships and break ups are a figment of some guys imagination. You did well with your second comment, only to spoil it with this!

@badri: I hope that comment was tongue in cheek! Else you need to see a shrink!

Manoj said...

I can't believe people are actually debating the term "break up". Pity you Silverine :-P

nickdigital said...

@sowmya

lol ..

| Balu | said...

567 was too vague a number.... may be next time you can also send a GET WELL SOON CARD...
And meanwhile do you think guys are getting faster and faster these days?

silverine said...

Fozylet: If you do not understand the underlying theme of a post it is better to hold your comment and avoid foot in the mouth syndrome

Safari al: I am a wiser person now, so...no thanks :p

nishanth: Thank you :)

nirupama: Absolutely, all girls thru these! :)

sneezy melon: And when you sneeze do you splatter melon seeds? lol Kidding, you are right this guy is a freak!

Anon:Thank you for the kind words :) And I am afraid we are like this wonly. My suggestion would be, admire...but dont approach. We dont like guys approaching us. One of the biggest complaints from gals is that they cant ogle...because if the guy sees her ogling he immediately thinks she is interested and approaches her. Thats how it is.

mallu: lol! Like I told you before, I am a wise old gal now :p

burf: Yep!

MC: :)

Anon: You have described it quite well :)

Anand: lol!! That sounds so typical now :)) And feel free to call me 'girl' :)

Badri: lol!! I take it that you
are joking!

Manoj: *sigh*

Balu: No I don't think so..this was just some stupid guy. Majority of guys are not like this guy.

Crime Master said...

ROFL!! So true! I once told a guy that my Dad's in police to get him off my back.. I thought that was the lamest thing I've ever said, but I was a kid! :D

Of course, its even more difficult to deal with these things at work! :D

Parul said...

have you tried using obscenities in hindi?

they help.

Safari Al said...

What did i do now...?

I just gave you a nice equation.

Booohooo...!!!

How's Kevin, btw?

nickdigital said...

my apologies .. no hard feelings wid anybody.. i was just being casual n kidding.. take light !! :)

silverine said...

crime master: Absolutely...especially the polite and nice lot :)

Parul: If he was being obnoxious then yes, I could have, but he was extremely polite and nice :)

safari al: "How's Kevin, btw?"
LOL!! Good one! He is fine ;)

Nickdigital: Chill!! :)

Kits said...

Awesome :)

Anonymous said...

Dudette,If i were you..and i were a girl, i would have slammed him right at the second time with my Hidesign handbag.He's such a loser but he tried.He'll try again and again and again until he succeeds.

I've never tried.Never proposed a girl.Strange how a guy can be shamless enought o do this.

But my charming cousin is a pied piper.If you met him, i'm sure you won't break up - atleast this soon.
Anyways he's left bangalore.Now in USA.
- me again Thomas

PK said...

blog was as usual ROFL stuff...

I instantly wanted to comment a point, which reading thru the comments found padakkam has done the same.
Hilarious!!!

Alameen said...

you rock kiddo :-)
He indeed is a modern guy.. He remembered the time 11:26 am.. LOL

Cheers
Al

silverine said...

Kits: Thanks :)

Anon: I hope your pied pier cousin doesn't drown too many hearts in the US :)

PK: Thank you!

Alameen: lol!!You noticed!! Nice to see you! :)

sidkc said...

still single and unavailable like most Indian girls

Too good! :)

vogonosphere said...

It usually helps to say you are not straight. It freaks most people out and news spreads like H1N1. You would have to just say it once.

Downside is you would have to fight off the 'intelligenter' hers instead of hims.

Anonymous said...

you know the best thing about wat u wrte was the persistence the guy had...which is soo true..i fail to understand where they get thr determination from beocz its so hard to shoo them away really! and some how they are alwaz on sum other planet in which u saying anythng but no means a yes!

Kannan,India said...

seriously..are there guys like that..
In my Kochi office, people were way too smooth with girls.Girls wouldnt even notice that carpet is being pulled away from under their feet...that smooth.Dont understand guy's desperation in a Bangalore offices..there should be more prey in the kill zone..err office premises in a Metro right?
Must be psychopaths..