I have lost my identity! I mean I have lost my cooking identity!!! I realized this today morning as I was making breakfast. The realization woke me instantly and I was able to swiftly douse the flames in the kitchen with the help of the Fire Brigade. Weekend breakfasts in my home is made by the three of us siblings so that our mother can get a break from cooking and concentrate on cleaning the mess after we have finished. We are very caring kids you know! And while I was getting breakfast ready, I realized that I was automatically making stuff that the people in the house like.
Now most married women here would say - So what's new ??
To which I would say - Heloooo ladies, I am not married. I haven’t lost my individuality yet!!!! pffft
To which the ladies will say - Yenjoy while it lasts dear *snigger* and *loud unladylike laughter*
Back to the post. So I realized that I was cooking what everybody in the house likes and that I have been doing that for years now. Egads!!! The realization hit me like a thunderbolt!!! I was like a married old hag errr I mean wife now, who had no likes and dislikes of her own. Eeeeks!!!!!!
Emergency repair measures were needed I realized. I had to get back that carefree gal that burnt water when she was 6 years old!! Yes peoples, yours truly has the distinction of being the first wannabe cook kid to have burnt water. Don’t ask me how. But according to my ma I did it and she is damn proud of it. (And that makes it a grand total of "one" thing about me that she is proud of.)
Mom 1: My daughter burnt the toast today. She is learning to cook you know! So sweet.
Mom 2: Mine burnt the fried egg. But only partially. I am so proud of her!!!
My mom: Mine burnt the water.
Mom1 and 2: Leelamme, do you know you have just set a world record for moms!!!
My mom (fluttering eyelashes modestly): I know! *blush*
Anyway I decided that I really needed to reverse the trend and enjoy some years of individuality before I totally lose it on the sacrificial altar of marriage in a couple of years. After some frantic reading of self help sites on the Internet I sat down to de-psyche me of my present culinary enslavement. I had a deep and meaningful chat with my inner me after hunting for her for a good one hour! I finally found her with the help of two stiff shots of Vodka. The poor thing was totally disoriented and had to be coaxed out of her shell with some gentle regressive hypnosis techniques
Silverine (S): Dear girl, today I shall take you back to your childhood and strip the layers of influences that has smothered the real you and then I will bring you back as a spanking new individual with a distinctive character of her own!
Inner Me (in a zombie like voice): Yes Silverine!
S: Think of the day you first felt that stirring to cook!!
Inner me (IM): Ok!
S: What did you want to cook?
IM: The dog actually. But I couldn’t lift him up.
S: err...I mean when did you want to cook like your mom?
IM: hmmm lemme think….
S: It’s been two hours since you have been thinking dear….
IM: I forgot :(
IM: I remember!!!
IM: The first thing I wanted to make was Ice Cream when I was 8 years old.
S: Good!!! And what ice cream did you want to make?
IM: hmm Dad said I should make Chocolate flavor, chetan ( eldest bro) wanted Strawberry , the other brother wanted Pista and Mom wanted a Valium to drown the thought of me in her kitchen.
S: And what flavor did “you” want to make?
IM: I don’t remember :(
S: That’s all right dear! What is the five operations in the production of ganja cigarettes?
S: oooops forget I said that …just one of those self help sites I stumbled onto when I was looking for help for our session you know! Ahem…now tell me what was the next thing you wanted to make?
S: And what cake did you want to make?
IM: Dad wanted Coconut cake, chetan wanted sponge cake, M wanted Chocolate cake and Mom wanted me out of the kitchen!
S: *groan* and what did “you” want to make?
IM: I don’t remember :(
S: Sigh….Anju is there anything you remember about yourself?
IM (looking around): Anju? Who is that?
S: That’s your name for gods sakes!!!
IM: My folks call me Kookie!
S: OMG! Do you have a personality of yours at all!
S: (gritting her teeth):…and what was the next thing you wanted to make dear….
S (sarcastically): Lemme guess…your Dad wanted Mango milkshake, chetan wanted Strawberry, M wanted Chikoo and your mom wanted out, right?
IM: Spot on!!! But how did you guess that???
S: Never mind. Another Vodka?
IM: Make it a beer. I have been conditioned to drink Vodka you see as the people in the house like Vodka on a Sunday.
S: Bravo!!! I am so proud of you! We are finally making progress!!
IM: Thank you!! Anyways….by that time I fourteen I was standing on my own two feet as a fairly accomplished cook!
S: Wow!! And what is your favorite cuisine?
IM: Dad likes Chinese, chetan likes naadan, M likes…
S (cutting in hurriedly): Say...do you have anything stiffer than Vodka or Beer? Like a bullet to the temple or a Grenade I can pop in the mouth perhaps hmm?
Anyway the session was good and I firmly resolved that I would henceforth cook what I want. And after cooking what I wanted for Lunch today and throwing most of the Eggplant Moussaka, Vegetable Lasagna, Spinach and Broccoli Au Gratin and Coconut Mousse in the dustbin, I also resolved that from now on when I cook what I want, I will make it really small portions. *sigh*