Tuesday, September 11, 2007

If you pay more peanuts you get better monkeys!

Have you ever bargained for fruits from the cart vendor? I guess all of us have at some point or the other. No one in their right mind would go to the apple seller and buy the fruit at the quoted price. We all tend to bargain because the seller expects it and hence hikes the price and you the buyer knows that the price is hiked and hence you try to bring it down…besides you are a sucker if you buy the apples at the hiked up price. The vendor will probably stick his tongue out at you when you walk away with the apples at the quoted price. And you will be labeled a loser in the Apple Vendor circles.

Vendor 1: Look!! There comes Arjun. He bought a kilo of apples for Rs100/- from me yesterday.

Other vendors (laughing derisively) : HAHAHAHAHAAAH!!!

Arjun: *sob*


Bargaining is an art.

You: How much for the apples?

Vendor: 70 rupees a kg saar.

You: My god what prices!!!!! I will give you 35 rupees

Vendor: heh heh get me a kilo of apples for 35 rupees and I will give you this whole cart free.

You walk away…

Vendor: Ok Saar take it for 65 rupees

You: 40

Vendor: 60

You: 45

Vendor: 55 last price Saar

You: Make it 50 and we have a deal

Vendor: Make it 54 saar poor man saar...

You: 50 is my last price

Vendor: Deal!

Something similar happens when you tender your resignation. It has happened with me before when I put in my papers. The last time I was really serious. I had to quit. I knew all that was to be done in that job and had achieved as much as I could in that organization besides I was being given a higher post in the new job. I thought I would have a talk with my HR and then put in my papers.

HR: okay Miss if salary is the reason you are leaving then we can always do something about it.

Me: This is not about salary. I can do my current job with my eyes shut and need a fresh challenge or I will stagnate.

HR (looking at me straight in the eye) : How about 10 more peanuts than what you are getting now.

Me: Mr MM, please try and understand…

HR: 15 peanuts!!

Me: This really isn’t about money!

HR: *sigh* you drive a hard bargain…ok my last offer 30 peanuts plus a peanut toaster thrown in absolutely FREE. Think about it girl…take your time. This is very good offer and you know it!!!

This guy was unbelievable! I did not know how to make him understand that taking 30 peanuts and the free toaster would not give me the new exposure and challenges that I am looking for! He just couldn’t understand that I needed to expand my skill-set and knowledge base through a change in job title, wider responsibilities and greater role dimensions. It was getting very obvious that he was selfish and not bothered about my career at all. I had to look out for myself. There was no other choice. So I put my feet down firmly!

Me: Make it 40 peanuts, plus the peanuts toaster, plus a peanut container and a bottle of beer.

HR (without batting an eyelid) : Deal.


It is not easy to achieve 100% job satisfaction, but 40 % is achievable if you bargain well. Don’t you think so? ;)

( p.s Off late a lot of legitimate mails have ended up in my Spam box and were deleted. So if you didn't get a reply, then please accept my apologies and resend the mail)

29 comments:

Santoz said...

You know the timing could not have been better.... I just did this peanut bargaining 2 hours ago :-)

I Made it 40 peanuts, plus the peanuts toaster, plus a peanut container, a bottle of beer and a packet of salt... but there is a middleman who came out of now where and is trying take the beer bottle away from me...:-(

Hmmm... should i sign the deal?

Cheers~
Santozz.

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

I would say this was sure an eye-opener for a newbie in the corporate world like me. I've heard abt HRM's thrusting offsite assignments to ppl who threaten to quit their job and recently a senior said the corporate world is like " karayunna kuttike paal kittu ", u'd get what you want, provided you are ready to do all the rona-dhona.

Nice comparison with the Apple seller and HR talk. Good dialogues.

shruti said...

ha ha good one ..but what would u say about someone who tries his best to get you to stay back in the company once you put in your papes and even accuses you of using the company as a steeping stone to success !( what abt not even giving me peanuts and expecting me to work on staurdays as well not to mention lack of systems and information with a lot of resistance to work from other people thrown in !) and then resigns within 10 days of you havinhg left tht organisation ????? Makes me wonder who is genuine and who is fake ?

Adorable Pancreas said...

Peanuts? Like in the ad? No wonder you quit. I, of course, am supposed to be looking forward to the extra-small peanuts I'll earn after a couple of years. *sigh*

mathew said...

you luck fella.. ;-P

am thinkin of a different prospect altogether...


Me:I am going to put down my papers..

HR:really...how long have I been waiting to hear that..would you like a free cab drop home!!

reminds me of your old post about how you had left your last company..more peanuts comin your way..eh.. ;-P

Rockus said...

Great One! But a little too late for me :-(
Should have bargained for more peanuts today...

Annie said...

LOL!!!
I wish I was as career oriented as you are :-p

Fleiger said...

Reminded me of the "Friends" episode where Chandler resigns on being offered a promotion. His boss keeps quoting figures, till he has to get back. Then he goes back to a big office with a view and a secretary...

Luckily, nobody tries to stop monkeys who are going to be human (read: further education).

chacko cherian said...

:-)) Thanks for the tip. My turn cometh hehe

Bullshee said...

Maybe I should be bargaining for peanuts.....hm.....
Anyway, I'm going to write down whatever you came up with on job responsibilities and go deal it to my HR...
Let me study it by-heart

the rain tree said...

lol...peanut??

nice way of negotiating :P

Abhay said...

u really laid it on a thick there :)

Rejil Krishnan said...

well equated and weighed with humor...
met ur blog in cherian's list...
and lo!! As i type rings the calling bell...comes my roomie.... a firm decision in his pockets...yes to resign...:-)not for peanuts thou...

silverine said...

Santoz: I think it is appraisal time everywhere :) But don't let go of the beer bottle!!

abhi: Actually people do quit for the reasons I mentioned in the post, but they are retained by a better pay package and if the boss is smart then with a role reassignment.

shruti: That exact same thing happened with me in my first job. A long lecture by HR because I wanted to quit and then he quit exactly two weeks later :) What is "height of Attrition"? Your HR quitting the job :))

AP: You are lucky. I got only peanut crumbs in my first job :p

mathew: ROFL!! That was a good one!! Don't be so modest :p

rockus: What is annoying here is that you get a hike based on your bargaining skills and not performance!!!

annie: :p

fleiger: Hope you become 'human' with flying colors :)

chacko cherian: You are welcome. My charges are very nominal :p

bullshee: lol!! The more jargon you learn the better it is for you in the long run :)

rain tree : Thank you :)

Abhay: :)

Rejil: Thanks for dropping in and Congrats to your friend :)

Rockus said...

@silverine: Absolutely! What they said to me was "comparing with the package given to your team mates"...and not taking in to consideration my performance...not a word of it...

Fleiger said...

Oh well, I have become... and hoping they pay me chocolates rather than peanuts now ;)

Browser said...

Peanuts - what's that? They pay me something inedible in my job - looks a lot like money but it disappears too fast :-).

Sari said...

then wat was dat "I needed to expand my skill-set and knowledge base through a change in job title, wider responsibilities and greater role dimensions "
watever peanuts or chocs..i m puting dwn my papers :)

Parul said...

some more time to go before they consider me for the bargain ;P

ഫ്രാന്‍‍സിയര്‍ said...

We Indians are destined to live for the peanuts and we get easily satisfied...Life is not bargaining alone...

PK said...

Funny isnt it...?

Congrats for getting more peanuts!

Sanjay said...

Isnt it kinda scary... the amount of power the puny guys from HR seem to possess.

Jus the other day I ran into this ex classmate of mine... now in HR with an IT firm in Bangalore. Was jesting about how he "negotiated" for 40 peanuts when he had 75 in hand. He claims though that its not 'peanuts' that he deals in but "lives"

Stuff that RGV can make movies out of this

Forced_Ambitions said...

Yet another Hilarious post....

This was the nth post I read(n my 1st comment, coz am kinda lazy)and you never fail to make me laugh...

I could also relate to this corporate bargaining thing though I wasn't offered peanuts but they pretty much offered me all they could..
From diff projects/teams, sponsoring part time MBA n what not.Someone even joked that if he could my director would have offered her daughter's hand to make me stay..

Keep blogging Anjali, for me you are the Charlie Chaplin of blogosphere

indicaspecies said...

Interesting post here giving us a glimpse of the art of negotiations for more peanuts. :)

Binu "the mallu" Ninan said...

haha..
r u still in the same firm or did u gobble as many peanuts as u cud and jump when u got sick?? :)

Harish said...

You are supremely funny.

Yes, bargaining is indeed an art. An art which has been conspicuously absent in me.

Sreejith said...

100 is too much for a kilo of apples? waaaaa :((

Rish said...

this is sooo funny.......!!

Rish said...

,,,its sooo funny.....!!