Monday, September 18, 2006

Chip tales

The first thing I ever learned to ‘cook’ was a cake. I don’t know how I meandered into cooking amidst my busy schedule of climbing trees, dollhouses and tea parties in those tiny ceramic tea sets. My mother firmly believed that a gals place is outside the kitchen and did her best to shoo me out even if I ventured in for a drink of water. But I guess one cannot resist ones calling and mine was to make cakes. Now, my Mom is not those expert bakers who whip up delicious, flaky and multilayered cakes with one hand and batches of cookies with the other. She made simple cakes. Her idea of baking a cake was, Cake batter plus Vanilla Essence = Vanilla Cake and Cake batter plus Strawberry Essence = Strawberry Cake and Cake batter with dog hair = “ugh how did the dog fall into the cake batter!?”

And this was because we kids hated cakes. We didn’t like any form of cake, whether it was from the small bakery down the street or the fancy cake outlets like Melting Moments or Sweet Chariot. We were just not into cakes. Our birthday cakes was strictly-number-of-invitees-size-cakes and this was to avoid hiring a tempo to distribute the left overs in the neighborhood. Our birthday snaps shows parents with severely strained smiles, trying to shove the first slice down our tightly closed mouths.

We were salty potato wafer (chips) addicts. We could have potato chips as a pre breakfast snack, breakfast, after breakfast snack, pre lunch snack, lunch, after lunch snack, tea time, pre dinner snack, dinner, after dinner snack, homework snack, grounding snack etc. (We would even convert an occasion for eating it, like for an instance...a funeral snack!!)

In kindergarten while other kids bought fancy pastries we took a big bag of potato wafers. Our parents knew that the line between survival and starvation for their kids was wafer thin. At the rate at which we ate potato wafers, my Dad was sure he could save up enough money that would normally be spent on food and retire by the time he was thirty. (And then Lays entered India and he is still working)

One day the kindergarten teacher took a piece of cake from another child’s tiffin and put it into mine. She felt sorry for the poor kid whose parents could not afford to buy her anything but potato wafers. This was desecration of the worst kind and I screamed till I was blue in the face. A harried teacher explained to my Dad between tears that she was feeling bad to see me eat potato chips day in and day out like a poor tramp. My Dad nodded sympathetically and said he understood perfectly and that he and his wife were also very sad that their kids ate like tramps but there was nothing he could do till there was a potato famine or all chip makers contracted some horrible disease and died. (he lived a lot on hope those days).

When we left for family outings, we kids made sure that the we had enough potato chips for the journey, other things like parents, were secondary or not necessary at all. God forbid if in the middle of nowhere we were to run out of chips!!! The very thought sent our pediatric blood pressures shooting up. And at the rate at which we worried about the depletion of our Potato Chips stocks, we were surefire candidates for pediatric heart problems. And that is how the legend of too much salt leads to BP and heart disease originated. There is no truth to the story. Look!!! I am still alive and I have been on a salt overdose since I could pick up the crumbs from the floor (my brother was a very messy eater you see).

One week many years ago I got so much crumbs from the floor that I didn’t eat regular food for one whole week. My Dad thought I was a wonder baby and was planning to call up the Guinness Book of World Records when my Aunt got us a dog…a #$%@^@& dog that loved potato chips crumbs and zapped it up at the speed of a vacuum cleaner on a caffeine overdose, leaving poor me way down in the food chain among the creepy crawlies in the house. (Those were days of hunger, starvation and deprivation that still haunts me *sniff*)

Despite a staple diet of chips, chips and more chips we remained alive and did quite ok.

Mr. M: What do you give your children…they seem so energetic?
Dad (thinking furiously): err..hmmm they eat lots of carbohydrates (remembers that potato is carbohydrate) and err….minerals (remembers that salt is a mineral) and lots of Vitamin E (remembering that Oil has Vitamin E).

Anyway, all good things have to come an end. And so did our old eating habits and most of our parents troubles.

Today...we are a changed lot. We eat our chips with our mouths closed. We also eat most of it instead of throwing it at each other.

(While most gals munch on chocolates to get over their blues, I prefer a slice of bread spread with potato chips, smothered in mayonnaise with another slice of bread on top to chase away the darkest of my blues. The bread and the mayo is strictly optional)

62 comments:

Immigrant in Canada said...

thinking about cakes.. especially sweet chariot cakes.. ah!... I miss Bangalore.. I miss their pineapple cake..
I want to go home!

akshay said...

I know, I know m'lady ;-)

Asterix said...

You tell these stories like you still have a chip left. On your shoulder that is. Just kidding ;-)
Nice stuff as usual.

Sanjay said...

Our dog (his family as he used to refer to us) used to sit and drool all over the place irrespective of whether we had cakes or chips.
If by chance (never by design, his eyes had too much appeal; he should have been in sales) we bypassed him we inevitably ended up slipping on his saliva. He then promptly proceeded to clean our faces for us to exhibit his remorse on our fall.

Keep munching!!!

Err... your dad might not like me saying this, but Pringles is an improvement on Lays

Dr. Pissed said...

OMG OMG OMG
Your kidding me right?
I am the biggest baddest potato chip junkie there is. I used to spend a considerable amount of my income on Pringles and the likes. Good lord, you bring back good times.

Here in australia, its easy. Chips cost 80 cents. Haha.
I am becoming fat by the minute.

But then again, i can eat mixture with plain rice and pickle and also eat chips for every occasion you mentioned.

But i love honey cake too. So thats my flaw. Help!

Asmyaham said...

hey,

nice one. Uncle Chips tried had to fight Lay's but were unsuccessful..

by the way, do they allow blogging in ur new company.

And i dunno if you noticed but the clue in ur prev. post on ur prev. company's name was a dead give away :)

iyer education said...

u liked chips... BENANA chips you are telling no...

i likes them also... esp when served with the famous kozhikode HALUWA

Fleiger said...

A story of Chip and Dale... So, chips were the reason you write in so chiper a fashion. I wonder why your parents didn't call you "Chip-per (by the) dozen". But too many chips make you hit a chip shot.. (Sorry, had to get all chipping puns out of my system)

I love cakes. Almost any kind... And chips too. Chips was my staple food for every weekend for almost 2 years of my life. Though I would be the last person to choose between cakes and chips. (Have both is my sound advice)

rune said...

heya - that was good fun to read. i too am a fan of the chip, but sadly enough - i seem to be fighting a losing battle against gravity(aka cellulite) - must.. resist... chip...

silverine said...

Sarah: They still make yummy cakes judging by the crowd :)

akshay: ;)

asterix: Thank you :)

Sanjay: Now that is one heck of a smart dog :) and i still prefer good ol Lays!!

dr pissed: OMG not another one!!!!
:))

asmyaham: Ever heard of red herrings? :)

iyer education: LOL eggxactly!!!!

fleiger: Chips were our staple too, but cake? *UGH*

rune: Thanks dear, Me no having problem with cellulite....yet :p

Fleiger said...

Well, cake is not too chip, sorry cheap food choice.
And I thought (from my research) the necessary ingredient for girls to get over breakups is icecream... But if chips make you chipper, well to each his own I say...

(ok, I am not yet out of chip puns on chips... oops, there goes another one)

Alexis Leon said...

I salute your dad and mom for their patience and will power :-)

You could have made a Chips Cake.

dog that loved potato chips crumbs and zapped it up at the speed of a vacuum cleaner on a caffeine overdose, leaving poor me way down in the food chain among the creepy crawlies in the house. ROFL. What happened to the dog?

Funeral snack!!! - Absolutely hilarious. Never thought about it before.

So where does beer stand in the food hierarchy--above or below chips?

My problem these days is that when others dive into their Lays packets while eating or watching TV, I watch and count the potato wafers coming out of the packet and going into each mouth. It is pure and intense torture :-(

Thanu said...

I'm huge potato chips lover. According to me any day potato chips beats chocolate hands down. I eat chips quiet rarely these days, but when ever I get a sandwich I get a bag of chips to put between my bread and meat.

U R rite, we will get along so well.

b v n said...

LOL...this one is a blockbuster :))
it was a laugh riot throughout...man i'm rereading it for the fifth time now !!...why dont you make a movie *you've got peanuts? - otherwise we'll raise a fund*...autobiography will do,i'm already taking the overseas rights :)btw, mayo n lays is an ulti combo

silverine said...

fleiger: LOL kep 'em chip puns comin :))

Alexis: Thank you so much!! That dog died long time back, and I lived rather precariously while it was alive :p And Chips is way above beer in my scheme of things! :)

thanu: we have got taste gal!!! :)

b v n: Thanks a ton buddy! :) A movie it is if you so wish, hope some Chips manufacturer will sponsor it and then we are on a roll :))
"btw, mayo n lays is an ulti combo" I will sell my soul for it :p

bvn said...

btw make sure you include that dog scene from your last post in the script :))

Dreamer said...

hehe! No one can eat just one!

Lalit Singh said...

i like cakes!!!
chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, black forest, walnut, simplem not so simple
All kinds

And if u r talking about the banana chips fried in coconuit oil(that my ex 'bouse' used to get everytime from malluland) then we are poles apart

Lalit
PS:some issues with ur comment posting. Sab beta blogger walo ke saath ho raha hain. i think some issue with posting pics as well.
Plz carry out a warning post on ur blog warning people not to switch.

Jiby said...

the potato chips became an integral part of my lunch and dinner when i was living on my own...coz i used to think it made a wonderful substitute for pappadam!

there were these kids of my family friends i used to babysit...and they were just like u...they eat only potato chips...and i'd get so tempted and when i ask they give me very little, so i'd forcibly dig my hands into their packet and gobble away, the dudes wud start crying and when the chechi came to see the commotion i wud sit so innocently, she wud never believe i had stolen from her kids!

monu said...

LOL

am a Pringles fan :D....

dont know why am addicted to that :D

Fleiger said...

Did this dog atone for his sins by giving you present when you changed the jobs? Which one was he?

BTW, just realised... first nuts, now chips. Some people are getting hungry out there ;)

silverine said...

b v n: Sure, the dog scene will be included :)

dreamer: Very very true :)

lalit: I have mentioned that it is potato chips and why don't you switch to beta like everybody else? :)

Jiby: LOL It's irresistible isn't it? :)

monu: Addiction would be right word here :)

flieger: I was a creepy crawley, so that was two decades ago. The dog must be manure in some potato farm by now :))

Ganja Turtle said...

Ah!! fellow Lays lover!If you can tell me that your fav flavour is Cream & Onion, then the world is as perfect as it gets! ;-)

"wafer thin"- nice touch,that.

Dogs always fall into batter, jackfruits always lose half the fruit while peeling happens and the person who soaks the raisins and the tutti frutti before Xmas always gets rollicking drunk...professional hazards-you should know by now!

Z said...

Silverine - Have been following your blog recently - great posts - keep writing.

I am a pretty big fan of both cakes and chips. I have a stronger craving for cake, but I am done after a piece.

With chips, I gotta eat the whole bag!!

Maya Cassis said...

hahahhahaha silverine wow!this was too cool.This post totally left my mind in leaps and bounds of laughter.
keep at it girl!loved the post.awesome :))

Fleiger said...

Oh, so he is now a pack of chips? And his descendent was the one atoning for his sins?

silverine said...

GT: Professional hazards indeed! And Cream & Onion is a fav flavor too :)

Z: Thank you dear, and as the ad says, no one can eat just one :)

maya cassis: Thank you so much dear!!! Now that was an inspiring comment if I may say so :)

fleiger; Thank god, his descendents don't live in my house, my present doggies are not much into chips. *whew* :p

Krishnan said...

Today...we are a changed lot. We eat our chips with our mouths closed. We also eat most of it instead of throwing it at each other.

Thats really sad!
May god give u the strength to deal with such a tragedy!

I mean.. u dont throw @ each other? Thats the worst thing to happen!

And eating with mouth closed? Again very sad!

May God help ya! LOLz

IdeaSmith said...

LOL...this piece was howlarious! I've always been partial to anything with chocolate (including chocolate cake and pastries) but I hated those yuckky colourful things they had for kids birthday parties too!

Anonymous said...

I have tried and tried but am unable to post any comment ..shruti ( this is a last dicth attempt)

aqua said...

Ek baar kaoge tho kathee raha jaoge.. No one can eat just one!!

Tomato, Onion flavors are too awesome!

silverine said...

krishnan: Thanks for the prayers :p

ideasmith: Thank you! I hate chocolates too, but love Indian sweets :)

Shruthi: Use the 'Other' option dear. Put your name on the top column and your URL in the bottom column. But thanks for making the effort *HUGS* :)

acqua: I like em too, tho nothing to beat cream and onion :)

Fleiger said...

Aah, so I guess you are now back to your original place in creepy crawlies... sorry, food chain.

Kurur said...

I have been a chip of the old block in my addiction to chips of any kind. Have been carrying the legacy forward from my mother who is as addicted if not more.

shruti said...

oks ,..got it now ..but I like to post as myslef only .neways .cant fight technology ...last two posts ..both were very nice and hilarious ...
hmm i always used to love salty over sweet too..infact in bengal people serve a plate of swweets instead of snacks with tea and man have I amde my frds rush to get me a samosa when I could digest the plateful of sweets ,,,,keep posting as fast as possible

G said...

I HATE food talk. I am on a SeeFood Diet, by which I mean, I eat what I see.

My girth is an object of everyone's mirth.

Can we please, never, ever talk food? Because then I might start too. Heh Heh, I wouldn't know when to stop.

silverine said...

Fleiger: I am no longer a creepy crawly so I have moved up the chip chain :p

kurur: Welcome to the club and may our tribe increase :)

shruti: Thank you!!! I have the same problem, must eat something khara for tea :)

G: This post must have been pure torture for youl :p

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

hey !

have u recovered from M's surprise now ???????

I love baking cakes too ... esp Choco cakes .. but I dont really eat them .. I bake them and leave them there .. my dad and sis do the eating bit !

Tanushree said...

oh wao!!!
i love potato chips..espacially Lays Classic...
its yummy....
but i do like cakes and chocolates also...

Lazith Aziz said...

chips ?

i was telling my friend today when we were sitting for lunch that one thing which I cant give up in life will be potatoes in any form (havent tried it raw)..thats what my mom also said I like potatoes when I was a kid and still...
my friend nodded saying "its something which goes well with anything"..I added yes! be it fish , meat anything ..right folks?

and guess why I did say that ?..last week I was down with gastric problems and I was asked to cut down eating anything which can help "G-A-S" formation.

So Silverine , I am sure apart from Vitamin-E , carbohydrates and minerals...you too have this prob!...or if you dont have you should be doing something to get rid of it..please advice.. :-)
Chill!

Fleiger said...

That's good... at least for chippy crawlies and dogs in your place, who can eat chip crumbs in peace, not worrying about a human throwing temper tantrum ;)

silverine said...

Tanushree: Lays Classic is a classic choice :)

Lazith: I am not such a potato addict. I stick to potato chips :)

Fleiger: LOL "chippy crawly" was the ultimate chip pun :p

hope and love said...

"my Aunt got us a dog…a #$%@^@& dog that loved potato chips crumbs and zapped it up at the speed of a vacuum cleaner on a caffeine overdose, leaving poor me way down in the food chain among the creepy crawlies in the house. (Those were days of hunger, starvation and deprivation that still haunts me *sniff*)"
silvie i laughed and laughed reading it..
:))

Kusum Rohra said...

Our birthday snaps shows parents with severely strained smiles, trying to shove the first slice down our tightly closed mouths.

LOL!!

a funeral snack!!)

Jesus christ!!!

(And then Lays entered India and he is still working)

Tch tch tch. * Deep sigh *

Our parents knew that the line between survival and starvation for their kids was wafer thin.

Brilliant. Your parents I mean ( ok ok you too are brilliant), for having understood their babies' eccetric potato chip requirements :)

And damn that dog who stole your nice chance of entering into the Guinness Book !!

Well tell you what? You keep posting such brilliant stuff and you sure will enter the Guiness book as a wonder blogger.

Fleiger said...

Is that another way of saying, enough with puns already? Ok, I will stop, I am almost out of chip (and cheap too) puns as it is ;)
So, you got over the shock yet? Or should we send another carton of Lays over?

Binoy, The One and Only said...

I really like fried stuff. Potato, banana, fish, meat anything, if it is fried and edible I can have truckloads of it.

No wonder I am on a growth spurt, with-wise.

Hiren said...

Potato chips happens to be my favorite snack too. chips with dip is the best snack with drinks. I am so fond of it that my wife does not prepare any other snack when she makes that because of my tendency of overeating.

Some things do not change with age. Fondness of chips is one.

Lazith Aziz said...

Potatoes!....makes it all..

what dyu have for people who come to work on a saturday ? chey! I thought you would have something today also...

Hiren said...

This came as an afterthought. In a lighter vein,

I am elated from head to hip
Or should I say toe to tip
When alongwith the drink that I sip
I have potato chip with dip
I am licking both my tounge and lip

lash said...

brilliant story! publish it.

its amazing how u gave an endless speach on chips!!.. (900 words technically)

u made it look so easy. maybe u are a true addict, i should say.. :))

good work! :)

silverine said...

HnL: lol you had two creepy crawlies too didn’t you doc? :)

Kusum: Thank you gurl. The Guiness book? After you :))

Fleiger: No, I am enjoying the chip pun run :))

Benoy: Have a glass glass of lemon tea after each fried food binge, it will halt
the charge of the girth brigade!

Hiren: You said it, some things do not change with age!! :)

Lazith: I post once a week :)

Hiren: Wah Janab!!!! Lol that was a chipper of a dedication to chips!

Lash: Thank you dear, I am truly a chip fan :p

Kusum Rohra said...

La la la la you aretagged :D

Fleiger said...

Nope, well and truly out of puns now... can I interest you in some chip jokes?

flaashgordon said...

Hi

Commenting after a long time on this subject close to my heart- well stomach too :-)

One of my cousins, who is in the college cricket team has arrived upon a surefire way of dealing with loss of form using chips.It works like this..Everytime he goes out to bat, he opens a pack of Lays and keeps a few of them on the ground !! And then he bats so good that he doesnt come back unless he has scored atleast a 50 .....

He says he plays well when the chips are down :-)))))))))

i had been on a diet with some difficulty, but the day i read ur post,i went over to Foodworld, picked up a Lays cream n onion, finished the entire packet right there and gave the empty packet to the bemused cash counter guy!!

Kindly dont write on any high cal food again

cheers
flaash

silverine said...

Kusum: The *sadistic pleasurewala song* :P

fleiger: Sounds good!!! :)

Flaash; Welcome buddy, missed your presence here !!!!

"He says he plays well when the chips are down" LOL that was a good one :)))

You won't believe it but my friends say that after this post, they were on a chips overdose for three days!!! :) Nice to see you here!!

Phoenix said...

update!!

silverine said...

Phoenix: Update only next week, am travelling :)

Silent Warrior said...

My gawd, I dont know who you are, but you just crack me up!
Mindblowing stuff!

Gaurav said...

woowo!! hmmm nice defines it, does it....nah! u fathead, funny does it....dumbrick!! cant u say hilarious and witty and uniquely(i gotr the spelling right, did i?) observant.......so tht settles it, this gal is as described above......im gonna read her regularly now...

sp said...

you are awesome ! The Plum would be pleased !

silverine said...

silent warrior, Gaurav and SP: Thanks a ton guys, nice to see you here :)

The Smiling Girl said...

Hahahaa.... Funny again!!
Somehow I was never a huge fan of chips as a kid.. but now I somehow manage to empty the wallet of my husband to buy the Lays on the flights.. :)