Monday, June 28, 2010


Heard this at a mall yesterday. A group of middle aged North Indians, who are perhaps on a South India tour, were sitting at the restaurant in the mall, discussing stuff.

Bunglore mein log English bolte hain! (People in Bangalore speak in English)

Haanji, yahaan sab log English mein baath karthe hain. (True, everybody speaks English here)

Kyon? (Why?)

Woh aisa hai, Bunglore ke log Anglo Indians hain naah, isliye. (Because people of Bangalore are Anglo Indians, that's why!)


I was too busy choking on the milk shake to hear the rest of the conversation. Hope they had a nice trip of 'Bunglore' though.

No offense meant to anyone please. And please excuse my Hindi. We Anglo Indians are not exactly proficient in Hindi. :)

Have a nice week folks!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Groomed to desperation

My cousin brother had just got admission in this Management Institute. On the first day of class, he was busy getting ready when his Grandfather, an ex army officer called from Kerala. Cuz brother ignored the call as he was getting very late. But gramps kept calling. Putting his phone in silent mode he went to class and during lunch break called his grandfather who had by now notched up about about 456 missed calls approximately.

Grandfather (yelling): I've been calling you since morning. Why didn’t you pick up the phone!!!
Cuz bro: I was getting late appachcha and then I was in class...
Grandpa (still yelling): That is no excuse!!!!!!!!! I wanted to tell you something important....
Cuz bro: *gulp* Sorry appachcha...
Grandpa (yelling more loudly): I don’t want to hear your bloody sorry!!!
Cuz bro (now panicking): What happened Appacha, is Ammachi fine? Something happened?
Grandpa (grouchily): Yes, yes, she is fine.
Cuz bro (panicking more): Then it must be mum or dad...
Grandpa: They are fine too.
Cuz bro (losing his cool): Then who is it!!!!!
Grandpa: Don’t shout!! I wanted to remind you to shave before going to class. Today is first day no! And to polish your shoes and make sure your shirt is ironed the way I taught you.
Cuz bro: Bl$#%y F@&!ing Sh#T!!!
Grandpa: What did you say!!
Cuz bro: Nothing appachcha. I gotta go….
Grandpa: Bye mone, and don’t forget to trim your nose hair....
Cuz bro: *SLAM!!*

His new friends sitting at the table were then treated to an amazing display of pyrotechnics when their docile looking classmate with an army hair cut, picked up a large text book and thumped the table again and again till it was reduced to pulp. He then walked off in a huff. They now keep a safe distance from him.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Training for beginners

How to convince the HR and your Boss that you actually read the training document on the Intranet.

Step one: Open training site.
Now open another tab and read some blogs.

Step two: Click first link of the training document.
Open another tab, Tweet

Step four: Click second link of the training document.
Watch Youtube.

Step three: Click third link of the training document.
Read news

Step four: Click fourth and final link of the training document.
GChat, Yahoo messenger, MSN etc.

Step five: Give very positive feedback about the quality of training material at the end of the document and submit feedback.

Wait for training completion mail to drop in Inbox and stick your head into Boss cabin and watch with great pleasure as he reads with growing disbelief the auto mail from HR about his employee's successful completion of training in two hours and twenty minutes covering all four topics.

Stick head out before he face palms and calls the HR #%&@*# morons!!

Pick up a coffee and bask in the satisfaction of a job well done.

Have a nice week folks!

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Sense and over sensibility

Mohapatra (not his real name), our Procurement Manager, was sitting in the cafeteria, trying to open a small bottle of Nimbooz. The bottle cap just wouldn't turn. The boss walked in and took a chair at Mohapatra’s table and said conversationally. “What Mohapatra, you cannot even open a small bottle!!”

Mohapatra stopped his struggle with the bottle, stared at the Boss from behind soda glasses and said, “You think I cannot open this bottle!! I can pick this table up with one hand!!”

“I am sure you can,” said the Boss trying to change the subject realizing that Mohapatra had not understood the friendly jibe. But it was too late.

“I was wrestling champion in school you know!” continued Mohapatra. “I won the trophy every year.”

“That’s great” said the Boss looking a little wary. He got up.

“Sit down.” said Mohaptra pulling him down to the chair.

“This cap is fused with the bottle” said Mohapotra holding up the bottle. “Otherwise I would have opened it just like that!!’

“I am sure you could have. I was joking Patra...” said the Boss getting up again.

“Sit…” said Mohaptra gesturing to the chair. The Boss sat down resignedly and looked around for help. But we were too busy snickering to be of any help.

“You think I am weak?” asked Mohaptra leaning forward and looking intently at the Boss.

“No Patra. I was just pulling your leg….” trailed the Boss helplessly.

“I challenge you to a match of wrestling!” said Mohaptra staring at the Boss without taking his eyes off his face.

“I am sure you will win heh heh” laughed the Boss nervously.

“I will win and show you!” said Mohapatra wagging his finger.

“Err no need of all that. I am sure you are a champ…” said the Boss edging slowly off his seat.

“Don’t ever doubt me again Boss.” said Mohapatra shaking his head shaking his head from side to side.

“I won’t” said the Boss relieved that the standoff was coming to an end.

“Yes, you shouldn’t!” said Mohapatra looking satisfied.

“See you then....” said the Boss getting up and walking way quickly.

“Boss!” called Mohapatra.

The Boss stopped, looked around warily and queried gingerly “Yes?”

“Can you open this bottle for me?” said Mohapotra thrusting the Nimbooz bottle at him.

We were too busy rolling on the floor laughing to see what happened next. But the group at the other table saw the Boss open the bottle, keep it on the table without a word and walk away.

Mohapatra picked up the bottle and drank nonchalantly like nothing had happened.