Sunday, June 21, 2009

Snakes in the grass

Long time ago...like three days ago, four girls were sitting on the green grass of the lawns sipping their favorite poisons. It was not a Friday night or a Saturday night either. But they were childhood buddies who did not need a weekend to share a tipple.

It is pre monsoon season here in Bangalore and mozzy’s (mosquitoes) were feasting on the alcohol laden blood of the four girls. After the first sip most of them passed out into deep inebriated slumbers. The one’s that did not, dare not approach us for a second round. (Alcohol tolerance amongst mozzys is alarmingly low). Suddenly, one of the girls leans over and hits a newly arrived and hence un-drunk mozzy feasting delicately off an artery on her feet. ( Mozzy’s are gourmands. They don’t sup on lowly “veins”). Then she leans over to inspect the kill and lets out a shrill shriek.

“Snake!!” she screams. Four inebriated girls take off vertically into the air with the alacrity of sober people and land with resounding thuds a few feet away. Jumping up and down on one leg and gesticulating wildly at her ankles the afflicted girl struggles to give words to her horror.

Snake...bite...feet...big…no…small…leg...blood…mommy” she babbles. The ensuing pandemonium was err umm interesting.

Snake? Are you sure it was a snake?
Yes!!
Sure?
Yes!!!
Doubly sure??
Shut the eff up and do something!
What if it was a cockroach?
*thwack!!!!!*

Hearing the ruckus Dad and Mom are out in a jiffy before we could hide all the bottles and leave a respectable few to show how less we had drank or were drunk. Dad as usual decides to take charge of the situation.

How big was the snake?
Small.
How small.
This much (showing her pinky)
It must have been a baby snake then!
Will I die?
Mmm no!
*whew*
Or maybe...yes!
!!!!

The victim of the alleged snake (no snake is guilty until its victim dies) bite, lets call her AV is rushed to the nearest hospital after Mom and Dad have bandaged her foot above the wound. This operation was carried out in an amazing display of team work and coordination.

All this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t allow the girls to sit out so late!!
You are right! Even the snakes disapprove I see.
Hmmph!
Come to think of it they were sitting out on the day Mumbai was attacked too.
*frosty silence*
And when the US dropped a bomb on Hiroshima!
*SLAM!!*

On the way to the hospital the girls keep the AV’s spirits up by amusing her with interesting conversations.

If it was a Black Mamba you would be dead by now. It takes just 15 minutes for its venom to act.
A Cobra is faster! It takes only a few minutes!!
It could not have been a Black Mamba. They are not found in India. So it has to be a Cobra.
No re. A Cobra would have killed her by now. I am sure it was a Viper.
Why?
I dunno. We have already ruled out the other snakes that inhabit our area no!
*sob*

We arrive in good time at the hospital. The doctor, a family friend of a family friend’s cousin was waiting for us.

Doc: You still alive! That’s a good sign heh heh
AV: Does this mean the snake was not poisonous?
Doc: It means I still have time to administer the antidote heh heh
AV: *sniff*
Doc: How did the snake look like?
AV: Light brown!
Doc: Any markings?
AV: No, but its tail resembled a Rattle Snake’s!
Doc: Well Rattle Snakes are not found in India so it has to be Rat Snake.
AV: Is it poisonous?
Doc: No!
AV: *Whew*
Doc: But it was not a Rat Snake then it might be.
AV: *gulp*

The doctor turns her ankle and inspects the wound. Then he turns her ankle around again and then stands up and scratches her head. It was the Dad’s turn to be worried.

Anything wrong?
I cannot see any bite mark!
What’s that red mark?
That’s probably a bug bite or a skin inflammation.
Are you sure?
Yes!
It was a baby snake I am told.
Baby snakes can be poisonous too.
Oh!
Well…I will give the antidote just in case. But if you can find out what snake it was it would very helpful.

It is 2 am and four beleaguered girls and a parent stumble home all beat. The three friends decide that they would go out and take a look to see if they can find the baby snake. It had to be dead or in a deep state of inebriation. Either way it wouldn’t have gotten away very far. Perhaps they could save their friends life by taking it to the doctor for identification they thought!! So armed with good intentions and really bad torches the three brave girls went out in quest of the body and came back just as quickly. The corpse of the “snake” was there alright. But by some miraculous physical transformation it had become an Earthworm!!!

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that ensued. We looked at the silent house, at the corpse and at each other and solemnly agreed that what the people in the house did not know, wouldn’t hurt us too much.

Note to self: Next time, look before you leap!

37 comments:

Rex said...

What were u all drinking? :D
Must be good stuff.

/urgu said...

LOL!!

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Was that absinthe that u had for drinks? Enthokke kaanunnu ente karthaave!

Sreejith said...

Hope Madam Gandhi doesn't chance upon this post.. inebriating unsuspecting mosquitoes, small snakes and earthworms!!

Annemarie said...

ROFL...!!! I do not drink but had similar experiences.

Philip said...

That was some seriously good stuff you were drinking. You gotta tell us what it was :)

Jim said...

I think you forgot to include what you were smoking too... be naughty, Silverine, I won't tell ;-)

sandeep said...

u r sure u were just drinking????

phoenix said...

hehehehe happens! :-P

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Is this fiction or you guys actually went to a hospital for a worm bite? :)

I love this line: no snake is guilty until its victim dies :)

Me said...

ROFLLMAO!!!!
SUPERCOOL!! (wipes off tears)

what if the snake was bit in the inebriated state..what antidote would u administer the snake then? :P

Alyosha said...

"Armed with good intentions and really bad torches" this is the line that I liked the most. I myself have had participated in so many such voluntary drills. Such over-charged sincere plots. A dedicated search with David Duchovny's gaze with some lousy torch or most a wet matchbox. Outcome? Some immediately required truth. In most cases, it was either, mom's ear-ring clip, sister's lost single shoe, and a potential sweet heart's hair pin (ok. Between us, that was a close call; I still think my life could have been different otherwise). All now just my version of a pre-primary school, “Almost like Being in Love”. Btw, I still hold guilt to have killed an innocent snake on its way home, far outside the house; the very hour my sister screamed “snake” pointing at her own trouser lace in dim light. Needless to say that she brought the trouser, for its well woven lace. (I think, it was long enough for a male rat snake to make love and expect it to bear children too).

Now, three girls returned to the very snake spot at night? And they brought the earthworm to solve the case? Bit hard to believe unless the antivenom was aimed at your bottom, your loss of gravity left the skirt there that strangled the earthworm and you insisted on retrieving the evidence with some unwilling confidantes. PS. I enjoyed your blog.

Santhosh P said...

I’ve no idea what is with all you urban, educated, wining, accent- neutralized Indians when comes to snakes. Snakes are the most beautiful, neat looking, glossy-finished, smooth going, peace loving people in the world and you think they are at fault when they bite you because you got drunk and broken into their homes/work places. That’s exactly what is called capitalism, comrades.Luckily for you, we socialists(don’t confuse with socialites) hate earthworms too, so not highly condemning this incident.

silverine said...

Rex: We always drink good stuff! :p

Urgu: :p

Abhi: Absinthe? We try that next week! Thanks for the tip! :|

Sreejith: Thank god she is busy defending her son! :)

Annemarie: Dunno how many times we have made mountains out of molehills and gotten away with it! :)

Philip: We usually forget what we were drinking the next morning! :|

Jim: Next time we are adding some smoke to the evening fare! :|

Sandeep: :)

Phoenix: Next time we look when someone says 'snake' :p

Karthik: Every snake deserves a fair hearing!

Me: Black coffee! :|

Alyosha:"over-charged sincere plots" LOL!! That just describes a girls imagination neatly ! :p To lace add the ubiquitous belt too, I have been 'rattled' by the sight of a belt one too many times! :p And reg your last surmise, ahem 'no comments' :|

Santhosh: lol!! Didn't look at it that way! :p

S said...

mmrrfffhaha :D Splendid!!
im sure the snake (earthworm), the really small vampires (mosquitoes) and the custodians of Eden (grasshoppers) had a good laugh about this as well ;) ;)

mathew said...

Next time you should have a snake charmer for company when you have the drinks!!

P.S. Did your junta make anti-snake joke to earn the wrath of the snakes sister concerns?

Thoorika said...

Awesome! Finally at morning 2 o clock, you make a discovery! :D :D

Parikshith Kumar said...

Are you doubly sure that the snake wasn't Anaconda? :-P

blunt edges said...

lol...phunny like crazy :D:D:D

n did u knw only female mozzys sting? talk abt blood-suckin females ;)

Pramod Abraham said...

Do Earthworm really bite !@! You girlz must have been having a real wild night. Reminds me of Sherlock Holmes Detective stories :)

Amey said...

Drinks and grass, huh? Not good, not good.

Natasha said...

She is still alive...isn't she?

Bullshee said...

Did this actually happen??!!!No way!!!

When girls get drunk, they are supposed to act for "Girls Gone Wild" videos, not hallucinate earthworms into snakes!! Do the right thing!

Raghu Sharma said...

:) Strange! Nice. Good Show!

Shanu said...

Lol...poor litle snake :P

Safari Al said...

What were you drinking???

Arack???

ROTFL

DPhatsez said...

Anjali
"Kallu kudicha vayattil kidakkanam" (Ancient Mallu Tippler's Tale)
Mozzy's and Earthworms aside, sobriety must've been a bitch after such a rude awakening.(In fables the boy cried 'Wolf', here a sloshed B-word cried 'Snake')

Was the party continued? ;)
(glasses clinking)

Grayquill said...

Now that's some creative writing.
I love it.

Really so many nasty snakes in India?

Merill said...

"Alcohol tolerance amongst mozzys is alarmingly low"

LOL!!! Girls imagine snakes anywhere. Too good post!

Dreamcatcher said...

Dear Silverine

WOW! he..hhe..lol

That was one hell of drinking night. He..hhe..

True writer always gets inspiration either in the middle of crowd or when a bottle of vodka/beer is with him/her.. dat too in full moon friday nights

May you have more drunken nights so that so many blogs like dis will come up..he..hhe...

CHEERS!

Dream catcher

http://dreamcatcherrocking.blogspot.com/


P.S

Other day.. i was glancing through Bangalore mirror with my sleepy eyes.. i found your DINING In HEL blog published in it. I was so happy to see ma fellow pen friend's blog in dat column.

I want to congratulate on adding one more feather to your thinking cap.

Hee..hhe... it was a another verbal treat for me ...dat too early morning... with ma hot cuppa.

Beauty and the BEast said...

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

you have to be kidding!!

This REALLY happened??

LOL!!!

Damn! Maybe me and the girls dont get drunk enuff :P

Adorable Pancreas said...

Ah, reminds of something my Mom says when I tell people about how Mom and I cooked lunch.
"Njanjool 'sarpachettanum njanum kooded orale pedippichu' ennu parayunna pole undu!"

Sriram said...

Kudichu 'paambayi' eh Silvie?? :P

P.H.A.B said...

Note to self-get drunk only in places without foliage and not go outta your house after being drunk..otherwise,dogs will become chimeras and cats will become unicorns ..Now how am I supposed to get drunk in my house ehh?*sigh*

dsk said...

earthworm killer!!!!

silverine said...

S: lol! Don't rub it in! :p

mathew: Good questions! :p

Thoorika: lol yes!

Parikshith: You got a point there buddy! If it was then we had a miraculous escape brrr! :|

Shanu: :p

blunt edges: hehe heard that one one too many times! :p

Pramod:Not girls, but one girl and her imagination! :)

Amey: Good one!!!

Bullshee: LOL! I luv Russel Viper I mean Peters.

Nats: Surprisingly yes! :p

Raghu: Thanks!

Safari Al: How mean!! :) Watch your back buddy when you go to Markham Road! :|

Dphatsez: My mom uses that saying a lot. She has more of them in her kitty to be used when needed which is very often! :p

Grayquill: Yes we do have plenty, but all are not harmful and we humans have been encroaching on their habitats sadly.

Merill: Guilty of jumping and screaming when I see a belt or a rope! :p

Dreamcatcher: Thanks buddy! BM has published a lot of my posts since the last two years. Sweet of them. :)

BandB: This really happened! :)

AP: Didn't understand that! :(

Sriram: :) No not me but the AV.

PHAB: lol! Girl you learn quickly!

dsk: :( Thousand apologies. It was unintentional!
:p

Shimmer said...

Loll :D:D

that was funny :P
ive had similar experiances, but without drinks.. hehe :P