Sunday, February 08, 2009

Stupid cupid!

“Anjali, I need to talk to you” said Shobha in a woebegone tone. “It’s about Arun” she said her eyes misting. “I think he is cheating on me!”

Alarm bells started ringing stridently in my head. Previous outcomes of interceding in colleague’s love-lives and its disastrous consequences flashed before my eyes for some time in a rather long flash presentation.

“I am sorry I cannot help you” I said abruptly, walking away from her. Every time I advised some gal, I ended up becoming the villain of the piece after BF and GF kissed and made up.

BF: I cannot believe that you called me a double crosser Anita *sniff*
GF: But…
BF: I was only giving that girl a lift home you know!
GF (looking ashamed): I am sorry!
BF: And her kissing me goodnight was umm her way of saying good night in her err Rajput tradition!!
GF: Really?
BF: Yes!! And sliding her hands inside my shirt is a sign of respect amongst Bengalis you know!!
GF: But…
BF (quickly): Her mom is Bengali you see!
GF: Oh!!
BF: Yet you suspected me! *sob*
GF (defensively): It was Anjali who said that you were lying!

*TWAAAANNNNNG*

Here the jarring note folks? That’s yours truly! I am ashamed to admit that I have been a jarring note in many a people’s love life due to my [quote] suspicious and distrustful nature laced with jealousy due to my single status [unquote]!! Sigh!

So some time back, I took a firm resolution dear friends that I would stop putting two and two together and coming up with 22 or worse… 222!! Full of good intentions I went to give the good news to my best buddy in office, Srividya.

Me: Sri! From now on I will not jump to conclusions and create problems in people’s lives!
Sri: Yeah sure!
Me: Really!!! Please believe me!
Sri: Let’s see.
Me: See, the other day I saw Arun and that Sowmya from HP in his car and I knew there was a prefect explanation to that!
Sri: Really?
Me: Yes! I am sure he saw her on the road and decided to give her a lift!!
Sri: Good girl!
Me: And you know what? When I saw her sitting on his lap, I knew that there was a perfectly normal explanation to that too!!!
Sri: What!
Me: He had a sudden attack of amnesia and forgot driving and she had to take over the steering!!! Simple!
Sri: err
Me: And you know what! The poor guy was so demoralized by the episode and that she had to whisper words of encouragement into his ears!!
Sri: Aiyyo!
Me: And her running her hand through his hair...that must be to rejuvenate his memory I am sure!
Sri: WTF!!! How long has this been going on?
Me: Around six months. I guess this must a severe case of Amnesia.
Sri: *gasp*
Me: And guess what? I saw them coming out of the Registrars office the other day! I am sure they had gone to give witness to someone’s marriage!
Sri: Katavule!
Me: Yes! And you know what! I am sure there is a perfect explanation to Sowmya’s growing tummy too!
Sri: Oh my f***g gawd!!! When did that happen!!!
Me: Oh a month back! I am sure she must be suffering from flatulence!
Sri: Jesus Christ!!!
Me: Aren’t you proud of me!
Sri: *choicest Tamil epithets*
Me (breathlessly): And guess what! Arun proposed to Shobha and she accepted!!! I am so happy!
Sri: *swoon* *thud*

Sri wouldn't talk to me for sometime after that. But I am sure there was a perfect explanation for that too folks...temporary paralysis of the vocal chords!

Have a nice week folks and Happy Valentines Day on the 14th!!!

29 comments:

dsk said...

that was seriously funny.......... think i shud give me some of the medicine you use... i am in urgent need of it... GF of the BF who gave the Bengali exp has loads of brains i have to admit....


one doubt..... how do u end up getting all these info, which no one else does.... stalker cum paparazzi

Anup said...

Hehehe, that was funny!!

Binny V A said...

I encourage this new resolution of yours. Don't let reality get in your way of implementing your resolution.

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Here's an alternate explanation these BFs might offer for kissing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z42ydpokdPE

RukmaniRam said...

what a louly valentine's day story

ursjina said...

aaah..i so know this...:)
btw why such an early wish?

mathew said...

""BF: Yes!! And sliding her hands inside my shirt is a sign of respect amongst Bengalis you know!!" LOL!!

I knew..I knew there was this famous cupid doctor somewhere in Blore...aah swaminiji..i salute you!!...

nice analysis, you will make a good shrink!!;-D

and yeah happy valentine's day to you...

-Poison- said...

:-D what a lovely start to my day!

silverine said...

dsk: I guess it is my superior analytical powers that give me such vast insights! :p

Anup: Thank you! :)

Binny VA: You are absolutely right. Me following the advice :p

Karthik: ewwwww :)

Rukmini: Thank you dear. It is indeed a new age Valentine fable! ;)

Jina: I knew some gals will relate to this. And wishing you all now as V Day will fall this week.

Mathew: Thank you, thank you... though guru dakshina would have been more appreciated! :|
:p

Poison: Thanks buddy! Nice to see you around! :)

Philip said...

Serves her right for doubting your wisdom and intentions ;)

--xh-- said...

ROTFL - can i get you as my personal advisor? i so so love all the perfect explanations:)
I will pay you with snickers and toblerone...

sandeep said...

Boy!!! I thought u wud just write humour ... and that too from ur personal experiences... but this is way too good! And look at the climax :)

U shud seriously think of writing a book ...

vagabond dreamer said...

for some reason i feel like sniggering a lot right now. it would look wierd wont it ...

Nitram said...

Me: He had a sudden attack of amnesia and forgot driving and she had to take over the steering!!! Simple!
With friends like you, who would need enemies?
:D
But seriously, i have had this eggjact feeling, wherein the world could not accept that there were genuine intentions(good, of course) behind my actions!
Happy valentines to you too...

Pramod Abraham said...

Seems you had a 'Ulta Perk' before writing this post!
True being Agony Aunt is bit of a double edged sword but you seem to give it another angle to it making a toxic issue exotic. Hope to hear more stories after V-day.

Hope you have a happy V-day....

sweelie said...

oh jeez!! this is so funny!! ROTFL... keep writing :)

Bullshee said...

You have effectively sowed the seed of discontent in every couple's mind that reads your blog, hence creating chaos for Valentine's Day.

Soon the Sri Ram Sene should be approaching you for cruel and easy ways to split up couples on V day!!

Bad bad Anjali!

Still thinking said...

Lol!

Gawd! you're dangerous :D

hitch writer said...

he he he .... roftl...

really funny @

thomman said...

Absolutely, since sometime back I too stopped giving people advices when they're in fight with others. After a while both parties become macha macha company and you end up as the villain/wolf/machiavellian/schemer etc etc. I learned my lesson. When will you?? (No no, you still disguised ur advice to Sri, so you haven't reformed yet) :P

Dreamcatcher said...

Dear Silverine,

Wow, this is awesome post!

ha..ha.. i was trying hard to stop my laughter

I think ,last time ,i thought you were doing soul searching for kick starting your gossip factory.

I am glad that you were able to connect and kick start your inborn factory.


on a lighter note...You have ..infact thrown light on dark secrets of relations & trade practices ....which is stil mysterious and shouldn't do sting operation to expose the culprits

Hee..heee

So keep up the good work of being cupid and so that ...you can add more spice & masala to your writing.

ha..ha

Happy Valentine day to you also

Mind Curry said...

reminds me of that song by shaggy.."it wasnt me" :)

now i know where to turn to when i need excuses.

p.s. ofcourse, i have never needed an excuse or explanation so far..ever!!

Iyer Education said...

can you give me the perfect explanation to use arun as the bakra (if I may call a guy with one wife and one girlfriend) in your story ?

you want to defame the already defamed-and-deranged dean of our university?

:)

Thoorika said...

ha ha .. experience i see.. even i run the opposite direction if my friends come up to me to grumble about their lovers! But "sigh" there is no escape for me!!!! I end up listening to them and sometimes becoming the villain at the end of the fight!

The Common Man | പ്രാരാബ്ധം said...

Good one!!

silverine said...

Philip: Absolutley!!! :p

--xh--: So sweet! Instead of chocolates make it gulab jamoon and Jilebis and I am hired! :)

Sandeep: Thank you buddy for that awesome complement! :)

vagabond dreamer: Not it wont!! :)

Nitram: Of course I don't doubt for a moment the 'good intentions' some guys have behind their actions! ;)

Pramod: Double edged sword it is! Well described!

Sweelie: Thank you dear! :)

Bullshee: Mission accomplished! ;)

Still thinking: You bet I am! ;)

hitch writer: Thank you! :)

thomman: Oh yes I have learnt my lessons believe me. Now my pals are desperately trying to revive the dormant 'suspicion' gene in me! :p

Dreamcatcher: Thank you dear! :)

Mind Curry: Of course you dont doc! Only wimps need excuses! :)

Iyer Education: You are the second Arun questioning me on the same! :p That said no one in their right mind would cast aspersion on our esteemed Sirji! Not even me! :)

Thoorika: You are right, after a point of time there is no escape! :(

The common man: Thank you! :)

confucius said...

Hehehe...tat was really funny....

Reading your blog after a long time...unexpected twists and turns in life...;)

Jeseem said...

poor sri..
and a nice post again

Moonlight n Magnolias said...

He he... that was brilliant! :)