Sunday, February 22, 2009

Modern day Sindbads!

Jose my cousin brother was a distraught man. He looked haggard, his face drawn and white and unshaven. He had that hunted look on his face of people being chased by Bank Collectors. Well… I don’t know how such people look but I am guessing here. Don’t be so judgmental now! Jose dropped in home for the weekend and my mom gasped when she saw her favorite nephew looking a shadow of his former self. After she had tidied him up and fed him and fussed over him, we heard Jose’s dukh bhari kahani.

Jose lives in a one room apartment in Chennai. He was a direct placement from an Engineering college into one of the IT companies there. One fine day, he got a call from his long forgotten Kindergarten buddy. Buddy, lets call him Thomas, was trying desperately to get in touch with him.

Thomas: Are you Jose from St. Josephs School?
Jose: No!
Thomas: From St. Xavier’s?
Jose: No!
Thomas: St. Aloysius perhaps?
Jose: No, Rajagiri actually!
Thomas: Ah! Then you are the Jose I am looking for. I was your classmate in Kindergarten you know.
Jose: hmmm I don’t remember any Thomas in my class.
Thomas: A class in a Kerala school without a Thomas? LOL!!! Not possible!
Jose: What do you want?
Thomas: Well…my younger brother is coming to Chennai for his first job. He needs accommodation for a few days till he finds his own. It will be just a few days!
Jose: hmm I …
Thomas: It’s settled then. Tinto will be there in some time. Bye
Jose: But…
Thomas: *SLAM*

Next minute there as a knock on the door. When Jose opened the door a two hundred pounder of a guy walked in with his luggage and deposited the same on the floor with a thud, before collapsing on the sofa.

Tinto: Endhoru choodu! (It is very hot)
Jose: Hi!
Tinto: Please put on the fan!
Jose: err yes! Sure!
Tinto: *phew*

Late in the evening as Jose made dinner, Tinto woke up from his siesta and lumbered into the tiny kitchen,

Tinto: Cheta, what are you cooking?
Jose: Rice and Sambhar!
Tinto: Have you any beef in the house?
Jose: I think there is some in the fridge!
Tinto: Would you like some Beef Fry to go with that rice?
Jose (brightening up): Yes!! I would love some!!
Tinto: Great! Make it spicy okay? I love my Beef Fry spicy!

Later in the night when Jose was cleaning up after a dinner of Rice, Sambhar and Beef Fry, Tinto walked in.

Tinto: Cheta where do I sleep?
Jose: I have an extra mattress and…
Tinto: Great! Nice of you to sleep on the mattress.
Jose: But…
Tinto: Good Night!

Much later in the night as poor Jose tossed and turned on the mattress on the floor, Tinto got up and woke him up from his misery!

Tinto: Cheta are you feeling hot?
Jose: Not particularly!
Tinto: Then I guess you wouldn’t mind putting off the fan!
Jose: But…
Tinto: Thanks!

Jose tossed and turned and when it became unbearably hot, went to the verandah and lay down, where he slept, swatted mosquitoes covered himself with blanket and fanned himself with a newspaper (not necessarily in that order he says). Around 2 am Tinto woke him up again from the miserable routine.

Cheta I think I hear a burglar” he said in a fearful whisper. “That’s just the neighbor’s pet monkey” reassured Jose snuggling into the sheet. “No, I swear I saw him jumping to our roof” said Tinto whispering hoarsely. Jose sighed and went out groggily to tell Kannan to stop jumping on the roof and be a good boy when out of the blue a stick ran blows on his back. Not to be outdone Jose lunged at the attacker with the choicest Kung Fu and Karate moves he had seen on TV. A fierce battle ensured with neither the attacker nor Jose really sure what they were fighting for, as the attacker spoke Tamil and Jose is yet to learn Tamil. By the time the neighbors had separated the two, it was dawn and Jose and his landlord beheld each other in absolute disbelief.

By now the landlord was pretty sure that it was Jose who comes sneaking in the night to see his daughter and asked him to move out. Jose cannot imagine ANYONE leave alone himself, running after the landlord’s daughter who looks like an obese Hippopotamus with a cleft palate.

Tinto was then invited to take over as tenant and Jose found another place to live. Peace was restored in Jose’s life or so he thought when the phone rang. It was Tinto.

Jose is back to sleeping on the floor on the mattress while Tinto occupies the bed. There is no Kannan in this house. But the landlord’s has a son called Karthik and a cat called Kummi.

To cut a rather long story short, Tinto has been asked by the landlord to take over the house

And Jose is looking for another house.

( p.s a certain gentleman and his three children have been warned of dire consequences if they so much as smile at someone's nephews plight. For comic relief they use the garden. Which reminds me I need to go to the garden urgently now. Have a nice week folks!)


hitch writer said...

geee.. this is just like the movie Katha... farooq sheikh and naseeruddin...

Sumit Singla said...

Silverine, I just chanced upon your blog, and was sent into raptures of laughter by the hilarity of your posts.

You have a great knack for humour. :D

I look forward to reading more from you. :)

thomman said...

"Buddy, lets call him Thomas" ---- Why don't you call him John, Peter, Mathew, Appukuttan, Neelakandan, Pappanabhan Pillai etc etc??? This is all libel that is part of the propaganda intended to soil the reputation of those poor and pure souls with the beautiful/macho/sexy name "Thomas". I demand you issue a public apology and recant your blasphemous libel.


See Anjali, the effects of all you evil deeds is being cast upon your poor relatives. Hope he gets his house back. :P :)

Rockus said...

ROFL! Heard too many stories like this, but this one takes the cake maam!

rm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thoorika said...

Poor Jose!! I pity him !!!

Manoj said...

ROFL!! Hilarious! Happens all the time!

Dhanya said...

ROFL reminded me of a certain "ex-roomies friend's friends's friend" who used to come n stay with me for "short" durations now and then. Luckily I'm not yet thrown out of my house. Good to know there are many more in that species :P

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

lol@"Thomas: Are you Jose from St. Josephs School?
Jose: No!
Thomas: From St. Xavier’s?
Jose: No!
Thomas: St. Aloysius perhaps?
Jose: No, Rajagiri actually!
Thomas: Ah! Then you are the Jose I am looking for."
and ROFL@"obese Hippopotamus with a cleft palate." =))

sweelie said...

awesome...especially the desc of owners daughter :P
bechaara jose!!

Usha Pisharody said...

The Poor Sindbad :D!

And that brawl with the landlord was hilariously delivered :D!

As always, you take one's lid off, and let out the laughter :)

Thank you!

Shimmer said...

Loll.. that is so typical movie type comedy scene :P haahaha

ur poor cousin

mathew said...

LOL!! had a good laugh...
dear god..I could see shades of Tinto in many of my old roomates!!;-D

anyways I can very well empathise with Jose coz I have been staying like him in different houses battling different kinds of people...Jose innu ente ayyikadarthiyam nerunnu!!;-D

Bullshee said...

I did a Tinto once! Moved into my senior's place in Bangalore when I first arrived. Raised hell. Moved into the house below them a month later. They were never happy again.

Two of them migrated to the U.S. One of them is somewhere in North India. And the last one is holding the fort.

Left with no one to bother anymore, we moved as well! :-)

Tinto rocks! But Jose should've kicked his sorry ass out after day 1!!!

silverine said...

hitch writer: Haven't seen the movie yet but my pal who has says it is a love story!

Sumit: Thank you and welcome to my blog! :)

Thomas: I totally agree with you that it is a beautiful/macho/sexy name! Which is why I just cannot imagine how you got the name! :|

Rockus: hehe I must admit that by the time I wrote it down a lot got *cough* added in translation! :p

RM: Second option dude i.e "the ears perk up and I note it all down mentally with an evil glint lighting up my eyes!" :)

Thoorika: I wanna kick his a**se. But my mom wont let me!

Manoj: So it looks like now from all the comments here! :)

Dhanya: Jesus! You have them among the female folks too! :-O She sounds like a female Tinto! :)

Karthik: :)

Sweelie: Jose is a paavam indeed! :)

Usha: Poor Sindbad indeed! And he is too polite to kick the old man from his back! :))

Shimmer: Apparently there are lots of bakras like Jose out there! :)

Mathew: hehe so there are many Tinto's too out there! :p Clever fellows or merely thick skinned...dunno! And I guess they make mince out of people like Jose :)

Bullshee: LOL!! A self confessed Tinto at last!! :) Jose should have kicked him out or ran away like your victims! :))

Nitram said...

Hahaa..... Whatay guy, that Tinto fellow! I guess all of us would have had at least an encounter with his kind! When I was flying into Bangalore this year, my mom introduced me to one of her friend's son. Effectively making me the chaperon of a 22 year old!
To make things worse, this nuked my plans of getting good old Gelf scotch for my roomies!
P.S. My sympathies to Jose!

Iya said...

coming here after a while and and loved this piece as well... poor jose is all i can say

Pramod Abraham said...

Jai ho to Tinto ! It is these kinda ppl who make coffee room chat interesting at office.
Long live Tinto may the tribe increase.

Issac said...

I am not a sadist, or have ever ragged defenseless juniors. But I have observed that those reclusive, straight from mama’s lap guys get a better perspective once they go thorough some public humiliation at the college gate. Sad, that engineering grads find it hard to get their centre of gravity. But it’s true that there are lots of professional mallu tintos strolling outside kerala. For Tinto I remember a school teacher of ours who was so feared for his whipping skills. Every thing is over in a lightning and count of a handful of stars in the split of a second. Within that flash of light, the cane makes a boomerang maneuver, lifts the dhoti, kisses a previously determined spot somewhere on the hot cross buns, rolls and drools over the skin, gets out before the dhoti could retreat and leaves the undercover operation with a red trace and a hot spicy tasty exclamation from the recipient. Horror stuck onlookers never get to see what happens underneath as it is over in the flash of the flares. Worst the stick projects a glee as if it is enticing my cheeks too.

Lady, I must admit that it’s such a good relief to read your sense”

Amey said...

Now ain't that cracking up... sorry, cracking the dish in which you eat ;)

Nave said...

hehehe .. hilarious :D and scary situation to even dream about :P

you are a wizard of words and humor like always Silverine :D Good to read you after such a long time .. fresh and crisp as ever !!

hammy said...

I have to say I thoroughly disapprove of the garden antics of the certain three childrened family. To laugh at the plight of the homeless... unforgivable.

You think sleep deprived as he is, Jose wouldn't understand the constant rushes to the garden, particularly when said members return with grass all over their body, up to their disheveled hair?

Quite unacceptable.

The bathroom would be more discreet.

Browser said...

Yup can relate. Been there done that. Luckily I was better off with a bigger home when my Tinto walked in. He was thrown out of my home when a little birde told his mother that there's always a few bottles of liquor in my home.

Still thinking said...

You've some family! :D

And I don't even have a garden here at my office...sighhhh


Cynic in Wonderland said...

heheh lovely

-Poison- said...

entammoo...ith ollath thanne!! :-O :-D :-D :-D

rahul said...

nice one..I hope it's fiction :))

hitch writer said...

In katha there is a bit of a love story too but the story is of a really flashy faroukh sheikh coming to live with a friend who is so simple.. naseeruddin... he than uses his new shoes... even takes awy his job... eventually even the girl naseeruddin loves....

its a nice movie tooo btw... !

Mind Curry said...

lol..reminds me of mohanlal in some movie..funny. although i didnt understand the last bit when "Jose is back to sleeping on the floor on the mattress while Tinto occupies the bed. There is no Kannan in this house. But the landlord’s has a son called Karthik and a cat called Kummi." anyways, great stuff you come up with. you should get into video production soon.

silverine said...

Amey: I guess some people get away with it! :)

Nave: Thank you! :)

Hammy: What to do we are like this wonly! *snigger*

Browser; Unfortunately this Tinto is a mallu and alcohol would have made it practically impossible to get rid of him! lol!!

still thinking: So sad about the garden! :( But count your blessings gal that you dont have a family like mine! :p

Cynic: :)

Poison: Absolutely!! :)

Rahul: It is a true story and I said earlier a lot has been 'added' in translation! :p

hitch writer: I must see this film!

MC: Thank you doc! :)

Wanderlust said...

He..he..poor Old Jose ...

"A class in a Kerala school without a Thomas?"...Kickass line ...:-))

Ordinary Guy said...

Hey Silverine... I can relate to the incident as it usually happens with mallu guys... as they can be found all over India... :)
Great post... had me laughing all the way...

Australopithecus said...

funny. it is always funny when it happens to someone else. I wasn't so amused when a similar thing happened to me. :D

Sriram said...

WHich reminds me.. Kerala is so damn hot and humid now... we're surviving each day!

Anticipate a knock and a worn-out face any day at your door... asking for "accommodation for a few days till he finds his own. It will be just a few days!"

PS: Resumed blogging after God knows how long :)

Solilo said...

Ha..ha.. this is absolutely hilarious. There is a Thomas everywhere.

BTW the movie Katha mentioned by hitch writer is I think remake of Malayalam film 'Mukundetta Sumitra vilikkunnu' or is it the other way?

Adorable Pancreas said...

This must make for some awkward moments.

Silverine squirming in her seat at the dinner table. All members realise that she needs 'to go' very badly.
Silverine: I, uh, need to use the garden.

This guy reminds me of my Dad's nickname for me when I was a kid- Ottakam! (the one that kicked the Arab out of his tent)

Sashu... said...

hehehe..hilarious! i pity jose...! hehe!!

Naveen said...

Great reading.. But I dont believe it :)

Ted said...

good read! i have met several tintos in hostel.

silverine said...

Wanderlust: :p

Ordinary guy: So they are an epidemic! Thanks for dropping by! :)

Australopithecus: lol! Very true.

Sriram: You are most welcome dear since I don't have a landlord! :)

Solilo: Thank you! :)

AP: lol! And I am not alone in rushing to the garden! :p

Sashu: :)

Naveen: You dont have to believe it...really! :)

Ted: hehe so it seems now from the comments! :)

Rajlakshmi said...

hahaha hillarious :D ... poor nephew ...:D