Easter wisdom

Happy Easter everyone!!!! And to those who don’t celebrate, wishing you a rocking Sunday!!! I am in good old Gods Own Country Bar and Liquor Shop a.k.a Kerala for Easter. The weather is fine, the men are not err I mean most of them above the age of 18 are in various stages of recovery from alcohol abuse after the midnight Easter Mass. Before I go in and help the ladies toiling in the kitchen I thought I will sneak in and wish every one. If I am caught at the lappie, this might be my last Easter according to my amma :(

Anyways…onto my narration. I have been a very bad girl this Easter :( And feeling so happy about it too *GRIN* And why? You didn’t ask but I will tell you anyways. There were quite a few people who dropped in home yesterday for the usual pre Easter mingling. A teenage cousin called up from Mumbai to wish his grand mom and grandpa and upon being told that they were our place called up our house. My brother M picked up the phone. Let’s call this cousin brother Roshan Jacob (actual name).

Roshan: Hello?
M: Hello?
Roshan: Achchachan? (grandpa)
M: Yes!
Roshan: Happy Easter in advance achchacha!!!!
M: Happy Easter mone! God Bless you!
Roshan: Thank you achchacha. So what are plans for Easter?
M: The usual. We are meeting up here for lunch. Your ammachi (grandmother) is making the payasam (kheer). What are you all doing?
Roshan: Everyone is meeting here for lunch. Sanjay and Bobby are down from Dubai and Neils from Singapore. They leave for Kerala on Monday. So I am going party hopping with them tomorrow night.
M: Good! Good! Party safe mone.
Roshan: Awww achchacha. This is Mumbai. It’s quite safe. Besides we are going to our friends houses!
Me: Endhalayum....be careful. Remember the old adage. “Man who fishes in another woman's well, often catches crab.”
Roshan: What!!!
M: So be very careful mone.
Roshan: *gasp* Where did you hear that achchacha!!
M: hmmm I think Sebastian sent this to me by email.
Roshan: That is just a joke achchacha!
M: Joke? I haven’t heard anything wiser in my life!!!! Hmmpphh!
Roshan: But achchacha...
M: If I had got this 50 years ago…err never mind. So tell me, will there be girls at the party?
Roshan: Yes!
M: hmmm remember son, “Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone”
Roshan: OMG!
M: Hummph don’t tell me you lost it already!!!
Roshan: No achchacha! I haven’t…I mean...
M: Good!! Remember the old saying “Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.”
Roshan: Achchacha please don’t take everything Sebastian sends literally. He…
M: What nonsense! I haven’t read anything this wise in years!!
Roshan (quickly): Rohan (younger bro) wants to wish you achchacha.
M: Wait! I haven’t finished yet! A young man like you will face many temptations in life. When you are faced with temptations, remember to say this small prayer “ It takes many a nail to make a crib but one screw to fill it." Amen!
Roshan: *very embarrassed silence*
M (continuing mercilessly): And will you be drinking?
Roshan: No achchacha! I am not yet 18!
M: Ha!! I know you will drink!! Rascal!!
Roshan (hurt): I swear achchacha I won't.
M: Remember the old saying when Satan tempts you, “Do not drink and park, accidents cause people."
Roshan: *squirm* Achchacha please delete mails sent by Seb.
M: Why??? And please speak up mone. I left my hearing aid at home.
Roshan: I SAID, SEB'S MAILS ARE USUALLY DOCTORED.PLEASE TAKE WITH A PINCH OF SALT!
M: Do you have a girl friend?
Roshan: NO!!
M: Good! This is not your age to be having girl friends. There is an old saying "man who lay woman on ground, do not get peace on earth"
Roshan: NO ACHCHACHA, IT IS "MAN WHO LAY WOMAN ON GROUND, GET PIECE ON EARTH" SEB SENT THE MAIL TO ME TOO.
M: Ah! Then you go through it well mone. It is something that every young man must read. I have taken a printout and put it up in the living room.
Roshan: What?? Aiyyyo! Achchacha. Please take it down!!
M: Why? It will be nice to show everyone when they come here tomorrow evening.
Roshan: *groan* I AM GIVING THE PHONE TO MUMMY!

Sound of whispering in the background while M gives the cordless to the real grandfather.

Roshans mom: Hello achcha?
Grandpa: Hello!
Roshans mom: Roshan says that you have stuck some e mail forward in the living room!
Grandpa: Yes I have. Why?
Roshans mom: Well Roshan says it is a joke and not worthy of putting up in the living room.
Grandpa: But it is a nice pencil sketch of Mother Mary made by a Brazilian artist.
Roshan's mom to Roshan: Your grandfather says it is some religious stuff!
Roshan mom to grandpa: Oh! Ok we will call you tomorrow then achcha.
Grandpa: Bye.

I have a feeling that M f#%$ed up a teenagers Easter this year! But what the heck! It was worth a laugh in the house....amongst the group of cousins. The elders...ahem don't know about this or M will be the main course for today’s Easter lunch.

And if you are wondering where I fit into all this…well…I sort of promised Rohan, when he called me frantically that I would sprint across to his Grandfathers house and tear down that non existent paper stuck on the wall ….for a small fee ;) After all this is the season of hope and joy and one mustn’t be too cruel to ones own flesh and blood no?

Have a nice week folks.