Sandwich anyone?!

“Covering your cleavage is like wearing burqa!”

Now if you people think that I have finally flipped it, then you are wrong. I haven’t. I flipped it long time back. This is my unmedicated run before those NIMHANS guys catch up with me.

I was at this dinner yesterday to celebrate my pal and her BF's second "Seeing-each-other-across-a-crowded-room-and-eyes-meeting" anniversary. The BF picked me up first and then we proceeded to my friends place to pick her up. My friend lets call her SD was waiting at the doorstep in a slinky black outfit that showed a decent amount of her cleavage. Decent as in 'decent' and not "indecent" if you know what I mean. The BF looks at her in eye-balls popping out kinda horror, composes himself, forces a smile and tells her in mock unseriousness that her neck line was a trifle low. My friend, who mistook his mock unserious look and presumed that he was cool with it, replied rather flippantly that she liked to live dangerously. Yours truly in the meantime was forgotten by the 'much-in-love-but-now-teetering dangerously-on-the-verge-of-a-split-up' couple. I knew what was coming and I wished I was at home listening to Cecily aunty talk about her varicose veins.

Back to the scene of action. BF explained with mock affection that he didn’t want other men ogling at his GF's assets. GF countered with a stiff smile that if he had no problem with people looking at her face then why would he have problems with people looking at her cleavage?

BF looked like he would bust a blood vessel but managed to give an 'I-am-ok-with-it-but-I-am-just-making-an-observation' kinda look….though rather unsuccessfully. Back in the rear seat, I dreamt of going out for dinner with friends who are not that close to you and will hence refrain but picking up a fight till 'you' have been dropped home after the dinner. It is then the realization dawned upon me that I have far too many close friends and not too many not-so-close friends.

[Note to self: What happened to your last years resolutions of making not-so-close friends ???]

BF turned around to me for help and knowing from experience that none will be forthcoming, pleaded with me to keep my mouth shut. GF who was still standing outside the car of course didn’t hear his appeal. Neither did I.

GF slid in with a dangerous glint in her eyes. She was beginning to get a trifle suspicious that BF was a rabid moralist. Her guard was up and she was getting defensive. I groaned partially with hunger and partially due to the fact that I was very hungry.

A ‘friendly’ argument ensued which I tried to close as soon as possible due to my growing hunger for food and some peace and quite. But the spark of an argument was lit and there was no turning back.

She: I am glad I got to see a new aspect to your personality today.
He: It's not like that!!!
Me: I am hungry!
She (looking thoughtful) : Maybe I should have started showing a little cleavage in the beginning of our acquaintance itself. Would have saved me two years of trouble!
He: It' not like that sweety
She: Stop calling me sweety!
Me: I am hungry!
She (looking more thoughtful) : Maybe I should buy a burqa.
He: Now you are blowing this out of proportion!
She: Why don't you tint your car windows black?
Me: I am very hungry.
He: Ok…I am sorry. I shouldn’t have bought this issue up at all.
She: Shall I put some curtains over my boobs? Why should people see it jutting out!
Me: The upholstery looks rather yum!
He: Can we forget this please!!! Let’s go for dinner. Anju must be starving.
Me: Thank you *sob*
She: I think Anju and I will get down, just like that and have dinner at home.
He: Fine!! Do what you want.
She (sweetly) : Thank you. Anju lets go. You can make us an omelet.
Me: Sure! Making an omelet is so easy. First we will go buy a gas cylinder, then a gas stove, then some pans, eggs, pepper, salt...oh yes. I forgot! Ze most important ingredient of all. Matchbox!!!

I am back home folks, after a dinner of Fanoos rolls, Vodka and Orange Juice, Vodka and Peach Crush (ugh) , Vodka and Sprite and Vodka and Tomato Juice (when everything else ran out) accompanied by GF cursing BF and the both of us cursing global warming, George Bush, the price of Revlon Cosmetics, the Indian electorate, Bata shoes, traffic jams, Mondays, PMS and narrow minded men in general.

But the silver lining on this dark cloud is that “I am home for breakfast”. Yay!!

About my first statement….swolpa adjust maadi and forget about it. It was made under extreme hunger conditions.