Sunday, December 16, 2007

Sandwich anyone?!

Covering your cleavage is like wearing burqa!”

Now if you people think that I have finally flipped it, then you are wrong. I haven’t. I flipped it long time back. This is my unmedicated run before those NIMHANS guys catch up with me.

I was at this dinner yesterday to celebrate my pal and her BF's second "Seeing-each-other-across-a-crowded-room-and-eyes-meeting" anniversary. The BF picked me up first and then we proceeded to my friends place to pick her up. My friend lets call her SD was waiting at the doorstep in a slinky black outfit that showed a decent amount of her cleavage. Decent as in 'decent' and not "indecent" if you know what I mean. The BF looks at her in eye-balls popping out kinda horror, composes himself, forces a smile and tells her in mock unseriousness that her neck line was a trifle low. My friend, who mistook his mock unserious look and presumed that he was cool with it, replied rather flippantly that she liked to live dangerously. Yours truly in the meantime was forgotten by the 'much-in-love-but-now-teetering dangerously-on-the-verge-of-a-split-up' couple. I knew what was coming and I wished I was at home listening to Cecily aunty talk about her varicose veins.

Back to the scene of action. BF explained with mock affection that he didn’t want other men ogling at his GF's assets. GF countered with a stiff smile that if he had no problem with people looking at her face then why would he have problems with people looking at her cleavage?

BF looked like he would bust a blood vessel but managed to give an 'I-am-ok-with-it-but-I-am-just-making-an-observation' kinda look….though rather unsuccessfully. Back in the rear seat, I dreamt of going out for dinner with friends who are not that close to you and will hence refrain but picking up a fight till 'you' have been dropped home after the dinner. It is then the realization dawned upon me that I have far too many close friends and not too many not-so-close friends.

[Note to self: What happened to your last years resolutions of making not-so-close friends ???]

BF turned around to me for help and knowing from experience that none will be forthcoming, pleaded with me to keep my mouth shut. GF who was still standing outside the car of course didn’t hear his appeal. Neither did I.

GF slid in with a dangerous glint in her eyes. She was beginning to get a trifle suspicious that BF was a rabid moralist. Her guard was up and she was getting defensive. I groaned partially with hunger and partially due to the fact that I was very hungry.

A ‘friendly’ argument ensued which I tried to close as soon as possible due to my growing hunger for food and some peace and quite. But the spark of an argument was lit and there was no turning back.

She: I am glad I got to see a new aspect to your personality today.
He: It's not like that!!!
Me: I am hungry!
She (looking thoughtful) : Maybe I should have started showing a little cleavage in the beginning of our acquaintance itself. Would have saved me two years of trouble!
He: It' not like that sweety
She: Stop calling me sweety!
Me: I am hungry!
She (looking more thoughtful) : Maybe I should buy a burqa.
He: Now you are blowing this out of proportion!
She: Why don't you tint your car windows black?
Me: I am very hungry.
He: Ok…I am sorry. I shouldn’t have bought this issue up at all.
She: Shall I put some curtains over my boobs? Why should people see it jutting out!
Me: The upholstery looks rather yum!
He: Can we forget this please!!! Let’s go for dinner. Anju must be starving.
Me: Thank you *sob*
She: I think Anju and I will get down, just like that and have dinner at home.
He: Fine!! Do what you want.
She (sweetly) : Thank you. Anju lets go. You can make us an omelet.
Me: Sure! Making an omelet is so easy. First we will go buy a gas cylinder, then a gas stove, then some pans, eggs, pepper, salt...oh yes. I forgot! Ze most important ingredient of all. Matchbox!!!

I am back home folks, after a dinner of Fanoos rolls, Vodka and Orange Juice, Vodka and Peach Crush (ugh) , Vodka and Sprite and Vodka and Tomato Juice (when everything else ran out) accompanied by GF cursing BF and the both of us cursing global warming, George Bush, the price of Revlon Cosmetics, the Indian electorate, Bata shoes, traffic jams, Mondays, PMS and narrow minded men in general.

But the silver lining on this dark cloud is that “I am home for breakfast”. Yay!!

About my first statement….swolpa adjust maadi and forget about it. It was made under extreme hunger conditions.

44 comments:

Amey said...

You need to believe this, but my first question before continuing to read was, "What are you doing in the romantic anniversary dinner with them?"

The second one was, "What are your friends doing inviting you?"

Incidentally, what is the connection between global warming and slinky outfits? Did you mean what I am thinking?

silverine said...

Amey: Good question! I am wondering the same.

mathew said...

hey that was all a big conspiracy...did ya chk out them later..it was all part of the plan to get the BF buy a new wardrobe for her...paavam BF..;-P

but on a serious note i guess he likes her so much that he is getting so possesive about her which comes naturally to guys..

and btw u landed in the best place of all..hehehe..

the thing with girls is that the same person can be a pervert/casanova/stalker/romantiquedepending on the way they want..there is hardly any difference among the four..it is just the prespective thing..sigh why did english language do such a crime on us!! ;-P

Meesa said...

ROTFL!!

Ajith said...

I'm really wondering..Did the guy commit a mistake in saying that comment :) ?

shruti said...

he he ..that was really sprinkled with humor if I might use the terminology ....
Although not being judgemental there are certain things one should and shouldnt do depending on the society we chose ( because its our choice to live in a certain place and time) to live in and the way they view certain things .Why do things which can be misconstrued to mean something else ..Is it really so important ?

silverine said...

mathew: I always land in such places :p

"the same person can be a pervert/casanova/stalker/romantique" Sorry I don't buy that! No gal will! :p

Meesa: Nice name :)

Ajith: Yes I guess he did. You cannot tell a person how to dress and how not to.

shruti: lol!!! It will take a gal to understand this post and I am glad you got it :) Well about the rest, to each his/her own I say :)

Jim said...

Mmm... Fanoos roll! :) Now I'm hungry too...

These moralist guys are a funny lot. I suppose they find cleavage a "distraction". Heh.

zahid said...

silverine....I am too hungry to post a comment !!! So later !!!

philip said...

"You cannot tell a person how to dress and how not to"??

Coming from a girl, I find that hard to believe. Most of the girls I've known send these hints about dressing - from giggling to each other and pointing to the guy's shoes to asking him 'where did u get THAT blue T-shirt from'. I find it better to tell the person straight away and move on.

I would like to know what the GF's reaction would have been if the BF wanted to go to the dinner Salman style in a see-through vest. I'm sure she would have refused to go, even if he had a 6-pack.

And some people in our life do have the right and responsibility to tell us what to do. Parents, friends, wives,..

BTW, your posts are fun. keep going.

Anonymous said...

Forget publishing this comment...but i must say you are deviant and are going the wrong way.You successfully accomplish perverting everybody,and pretend you have an other serious side.MPD, anyone??? How hypocritical!
It's sad that you post links about Jesus and put on a holy front while u don't understand the serious implications behind some of your posts.How do u expect to be an example when u're wallowing together with pigs?
Only a dog can return to its vomit.And you do it repetitively after a session of serious contemplation on your "think pad" by coming back here with your obnoxious comments.
Here's an SYS...save your soul!

Amey said...

Aah, the wonders of romance never cease ;)

But which question are you wondering about really?

silverine said...

Jim: Whoa!! A non moralist guy at last ;) Merry Christmas dear :)

zahid: Bon apetit! :)

Philip: The days of guys having bad taste in clothes are passe. So are overbearing guys :) Guys with good tastes in clothes are in and so are girls like SD who know what is wrong and what is right with her :)
"BTW, your posts are fun. keep going You didn't have to put that in to take the sting out of your comment :) Thanks for dropping in and Merry Christmas!

Annie: Thanks babes!

Anon: Chill maadi Sir. You are giving far too much weight age to me and my humble blog. Have a nice day! :)

Amey: Absolutely! I was wondering why I get into such situations :p

Browser said...

Love is not blind???????

Alexis said...

Your post made my day. Was in a bad mood and sleepy. But this rollicking and hilarious post made me laugh so much that I am ready to face the day. Really top class stuff. Keep em coming. I know I have to do the tag. Will do it soon. Have a great week

Deepti said...

ROFL ... made my day ...blew the monday morning blues away .. ( sorry the sad limerick though :D)

Alameen said...

I don't think the guy was wrong. A little possessiveness is good for the relationship...

My 2 paisaa

AlAmeen

C said...

iowint:
i jus sent ur blogs link to one of ma frnd.. and aftr giving th link i jus pasted th same to chck if it was valid! N bingo!!!
my eyes widened on reading
"Covering your cleavage is like wearing burqa!” bt thn got a chill thro my spine! jus imagined wat th other frnd of mine gona think! hope she doesnt mind!

bt reading further i jus got carried away! :D
it could tak 3 secs to draft a blog.. bt does it realy take 3 secs to write it in a way that others would luv reading em!
hmm thn u shld b gifted ;)
keep scribbling..
-ioWint

starscream said...

Funneeee !!! Especially like the part about the upholstery looking yummy...

Wanderlust said...

Cleavage -Line along which rocks,crystals, etc split was one of the other definitions in Pocket Oxford Dict.
BF's being categorised as Rocks in your post...very painful Silverine ..Sniff Sniff.

Alameen said...

BTW, what were you doing there during their date :P

thinker said...

i guess there are no 3 persons here. It must be u and ur bf ;)

newayz hilarious post!!!

Anonymous said...

THis is perhaps why some plp refer to Blr girls and N.Indian girls as too fast and slutty..your friend wants other men to look at her cleavage eh!. Wow..and the excuse if they look at the face then why not let them look at the clevage and slurp..after all I have it and why not flaunt it..in that same breath..why not let her BF screw around other women to his hearts content..after all he has the capacity and after all its just some harmless activity right if mutually consentful..rest assured he is not giving the women any love(will remain with his faithful cleavage showing gf)...just his juice..or maybe not even that if done well . :) and hey why not...lets all have swingining parties and orgies.like the old roman times..lets live and enjoy...we are just giving our bodies to pleasure just our love is only to our gfs and wives..all men unite :) let start wearing superman and phantom cusotms so that our assets are also prominents..interestingly we have the power to make it prominent and not so prominent at will ..ahem..maybe not so much...hehe
My 0.02c :)
~displaced_mallu

silverine said...

Browser: good point :)

Alexis: I am glad! Thank you :)

deepti: Thank you dear :)

alameen: Let the people in a relationship decided what is good or bad for them :)

C: Thank you :) Well,posts are written in a word doc off line. To publish that in a blog take just a few online seconds.

starscream: Thanks buddy :)

alameen: It wasn't a date.

thinker: I am afraid that went completely over my head.

Anon: I am guessing you are King in your tiny little world :p

Anonymous said...

Far from it dear..if plp like your friend want that..(men ogling at her cleavage..despite her having a bf.) then what I am saying is not far down the road..with a little more help..we canmake india a completely free and liberal country..where 16 yr olds like Britney Spears' sister "take a decision to become a parent"
http://www.reuters.com/article/televisionNews/idUSN1853587420071219

and women after menopause go as sex tourists for 20 yr old gigollos in kenya.
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN2638979720071126

how wonderful is liberalised India .. in which all the women are earning and living for themselves and escaping torture from "chauvinistic and moralistic men" and showing off cleavage for men to ogle..put a lot more SDs then we can make it like the west with baby britney spears sisters and menopause past women who want gigolos.

and I hoped that you have haf some sense to see that I was drooling with sarcasm all the time- your comment that I was "in my own world" suggests the opposite!

~displaced_mallu

Amey said...

So I am assuming the "sandwitch" in the title also refers to your condition, and not just what you wanted in that condition.

I thought you were wondering about the connection.

@Anon: Although I don't subscribe to “Covering your cleavage is like wearing burqa!” line, I am pretty sure there is a difference between wearing sexy clothes and having orgies. And one does not really follow the other.

silverine said...

Anon: I was drooling with sarcasm too my dear. Now run along like a good boy and have a nice day.

Amey: Sandwich was my condition precisely!!! :p

Varkey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
moral police said...

Let me reveal the secret of your skyrocketing online popularity.You are actively converting your blog into a porn site.When someone realizes he's a loser deep down within, he resorts to cheap publicity gimmicks.No wonder you have loads of males hovering around here, taking up for you no matter how distasteful your blog gets.
What else can I say when you unabashedly discuss PMS, boobs,bras or curtains, rather!
(Posting this comment in all boldness will not ensure that you are exempt from what I said earlier.)

Sarah said...

I have a great deal of experiences with such situations mostly because I've had close friends go through the same. Thanks however for a fresh insight into the modern Indian female mind. Hilarious post!

Wanderlust said...

@moral police---What is with you people !!
Really I am amazed that you have all this time to come and comment on people's blog while you should actually be using this time to buy some phenyl and pour it down your crass mentality to rid it of the dirty thought process.
When you cannot make out the difference between humour and pornography then you seriously need some treatment, my friend.
Keep commenting..helps us bloggers be aware of how crass mentalities can be ...
Sorry for commenting on ur behalf Silverine ;-)

cOOL_aLIEN_fRM_mARS said...

if you go by what AB says in Guru ("Ppl will start talking against you only when you become something")....you ARE something :P

Great Post....cant stop ROTFL.
...something to smile about thru my bug-bitten journey in the kallada bus tonight :P

By the way as far as morality goes I have to accept that I a while back on the other side...till I saw (or was made to see... ;)) the light.

hope and love said...

"both of us cursing global warming, George Bush, the price of Revlon Cosmetics, the Indian electorate, Bata shoes, traffic jams, Mondays, PMS and narrow minded men in general."
loved it..
:))
typical girlie stuff..
i pity the 'anon' cos he was not able to realise what u meant by the post..

and i would like to tell 'anon' something.. the vulgarity so evident in your words and attitude is nauseating.. and it is hilarious that u r trying to find out vulgarity in siverine's post..

another intresting fact noted is that the police who has come to this site for moral preaching seems to be another invisible 'anon' only..
:))
and his accusation that silvie is using cheap tactics and pron to increase her readwrship is simply pathetic..
silvie u rock baby..!! just ignore such comments.. they r just not worth anything..

silverine said...

Varkey: Thank you :)

sarah: Somehow we gals do get entangled in our gal pals love lives. It's unavoidable I guess :)

moral police: What to do, we are like this wonly :p

wanderlust: ooops I missed to reply to your earlier comment.Apologies. And a big *HUG* for this one :)

cool alien: Thank you so much dear, that meant a lot and I hope you have a pleasant journey :)

hope and love: Absolute girly evening it was lol!! And you are absolutely right. The vulgarity in the Anon comments gave away their true intentions :) Thank you!

Jinguchakka said...

One of your best posts! I have been lurking for about an year. So I know.

:-)

Mind Curry said...

lol..very funny post..

one question though: was your title referring to the cleavage or your hunger? ROFL!

MC said...

i just read the comments..i knew it had to be some mallu psycho who wrote the first comment..and then the later comments just got worse. i hope indians can learn to differentiate these mallus from keralites..otherwise its becoming shameful to be born as a malayali with perverts like this..i am tired of writing about this.. just like the commies pretend to ruin the state by calling themselves "pro-poor", all the perverts in the state are using hollow terms such as "society" and being "conservative". pathetic. welcome to Dog's Own Country!

its sad to see this blog also getting such crappy comments which dont mean a thing! why dont all you anonymous thinkers just get a blog of your own and write what you want there, and spare us

Amey said...

A condition which is also called "kabab mein haddi" in Hindi ("bone in sandwich" would be a close translation), I guess ;)

silverine said...

jinguchakka: Thank you :)

MC: Amey has given a more graphic meaning of the term sandwich :p

MC: The saddest part of Anon comments is that the commenter doesn't get to delete it :p That must hurt ;)

Amey: That is exactly what I meant :) Though a haddi in a sandwich gives it that added dum :p

fundoome said...

ROFTL......me too hungry.....thankfully no couple frnds are breaking up :D

Mind Curry said...

ohhh..the silverine logo looks sooooooo sweet and nice..merry christmas to you dear.have an awesome time with family and friends!

hope and love said...

Merry Christmas..!!
your silverine logo is chhhhoooo chweet n adorable.. jus like u..!!
:))
btw. one good news..! we got a light cream and golden labrador. she is 3yrs old.

Syam said...

Lol hate to say that i agree with the anony guy / guys, but i do a bit. Am one of those conservative guys they mention.
But seriously hes a bittt(?) off his rocker...at least, im not a fanatic :D
makes me think if there indeed is something in what he says..
but then what he says is surly a lot more than you did.. korachu kadanna kai ayi poyi..
Mebbe that is the intention.

wow some people sure are jealous of popularity :D

this post athra kadutha kai onum ayi poyilla :) sahikkable
keep em coming ..

Babychen said...

Kids, all of you :P

You too, silverine!

(As I am much older than you, I refoos to explain why, though)

And yes, displaced_mallu saar, relax cheyyu. We mallus had women walking around topless just a couple 100 years back.

Enthoru kidilam culture aayirunnu, lets go back that much eh..

chumma randu peg adikku saar.