Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Whisky please and fill 'er up

Read this really umm... interesting news today about fuel alcohol, which, according to indications will soon compliment or replace altogether, regular fossil fuels in cars. I am not sure I am ecstatic at the news. I mean I have read about the dangers of using bio fuels too.

As per this news the world is ready to use fuel alcohol and it got me wondering about the "cheap, clean and non polluting gas" (as claimed) that will soon be used around the world. And it created disturbing images in my mind. Very disturbing images indeed!

Imagine driving on the highway in the night and some dacoits hold you up. You stop the car and get out and watch in fear then, bewilderment and then absolute shock as the dacoits drink up all the alcohol in the gas tank and do stupid things like mooning passing cars, dancing in the nude on the highway and then passing out cold while you escape in the pitch dark night hoping to hit the nearest gas station before you freeze in the cold. Scary no?

No? Well then think of this scenario. You and your husband are driving down a lovely seaside road and the husband stops the car because he has heard some noise in the back. He gets back inside the car and this is the conversation you have with him.

You: Honey, what was wrong?
Hubby: Oh nothing, just a false peg err alarm.

After the 25th stop to check tyre pressure, boot decor, roadside grass evaluation and other cheesy excuses, this is the conversation you have with him.

You: Honey, what is wrong? We seem to be having a lot of problems.
Hubby: *hic* Noshing...the gash tank was giving some *hic* problemsh *hic*

Then the cops come and stop you and arrest your husband for waylaying cars on the highway and drinking all the fuel from their fuel tanks after he had drained your car and then sending them on their way singing "Chalte Chalte mere yeh geeth yaad rakhna...*hic*"

And that is when you throw him into the sea. Kidding. And that is when you throw him into the sea... after fastening him into the seat securely with a seat belt and locking all the car doors.

See how dangerous it is!

But seriously folks, who would send a guy on the way with a full tank of alcohol? He wouldn’t get past the front porch leave alone the gate! I rest my case.

Monday, November 15, 2010

My mom and other hazards

There are different kinds of job hazards in this world. Scientists in nuclear facilities get cancer and coal miners get lung diseases. Some are physical, some mental. There is a professional hazard to being a mom too. Especially being "my" mom. Being my mom has a lot of hidden hazards that God never warmed her about. She bought another baby into this world thinking she will be normal like her eldest son and almost-normal-later-turned-crazy second soon.

One such hazard is living and dealing with the innumerable dogs that dotted my life from the age of three. Now dealing with dogs is not easy as you think. Over a period of time, you lose touch with reality and the ability to make sensible decisions etc. I realized that my mom had unfortunately fallen prey to the professional hazard of being my mom when I overheard this conversation between her and my doggy Honey.

Mom to Honey: Come back here and finish your food.
Honey: *woof?*
Mom (arms akimbo): I said finish your food.
Honey: *Yawn*
Mom: Don’t you dare yawn at me!! Don’t you know there are so many dogs in this world that have no food! Now finish everything in your bowl.
Honey (disparagingly): *woof* **

**Crazy lady! (in dog language)

Monday, November 08, 2010


I get so many mails from people who are interested in getting a dog after reading my blogs. These are genuine souls with a lot of affection for animals who want a companion that they can love, and care for. I try to help them as much as I can with advice on selecting a good breed according to the person’s temperament, lifestyle, type of home etc. Of course I do this for free. Who would charge for this noble work that brings happiness to millions of people across the world!!

Here is one such happy pet owner I helped out recently.

Dear Silverine,

I have been reading your blog whenever you write about your dogs as that is the only readable matter here. After reading about your dogs and your experiences with dogs I have decided that I will take the plunge and get me a dog. I just love they way they mew, climb trees and purr! And I think I am going to go for a Persian cat breed. What do you suggest?


Wannabe Pet Owner.

Dear Wannabe Pet Owner,

That is a splendid idea indeed! Dogs make great companions and are great to have as pets. I suggest you read a book on dogs and familiarize yourself with the different breeds and decide what you are looking for in a pet before you decide to buy one. And err Persian cat is not a good breed of dog, though they are a very good breed of cats.



Dear Silverine,

Thank you for your reply. I think I will need your advice on choosing a breed. This is kinda urgent you see. I am a single guy who is about to die with no one to leave my millions to when I die which will be about 40 days from now according to my doctor. Do you think a African Parakeet breed of dog is good for a lonely old guy living in a 400 room mansion in downtown Bel Air to leave his inheritance to?


Wannabe Pet Owner.

Dear Wannabe pet owner,

Where do you live? I am a dog. And I think I am just the right breed for you.



Who says you cannot make money from blogging. I just did! It actually works! Yoohoo!

p.s. See you folks in 40 days. Till then have a nice life and Ta Ta err... Woof Woof from my side.